Congratulations....But Wait, There's More (2023)

College Majors Musical Theater Major
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Wow…that was FUN !!!..a whirlwind of emotions…but it is not over…this is some advice for the current class of 2023.

When the whole process started in the summer and early fall of last year, most people thought, this is really hard, you know, the whole application, prescreens, scheduling auditions, etc…

You then realized, that was not so hard, because, now it was audition season, and that was much harder…

You then realized, that was not so hard, because, now is decision time, visiting colleges, missing more school, getting off waitlists and realizing, heck, we can’t visit because we don’t have the time or money…

You then realized, it is over, my child has chosen a school. Yeah…Break out the Wine !!!

Even though some kids had more offers than others, some only a few, some only one, some, maybe none at all…Everyone fell into a different pile…

You then realized, that was hard…it really was…it was emotional and physical, there were times parents and kids wanted to strangle each other…it WAS hard…but it might not be over…

Not so fast…

Here is my advice from a parent that went through this process the year before…it is only starting…I say this because very soon your son or daughter is going to go off to their “place”…for some, their dream school, for some, their “wow”, I got in to , for some, well, I didn’t have many choices, and for some the decision to maybe take a gap year, reevaluate, refocus, try it again, or not…

Your kid will be making new friends, having new experiences, learning new things, maybe even learning how to wake up without someone waking them up…

However, just like taking that new job, or buying that new car, or getting that new girlfriend of boyfriend, what appears to be great from the outside looking in, may not the same as from the inside looking inside.

That is what happened to my daughter. She was accepted into some very good schools, not the “elite” schools people talk about, because quite frankly, for most of them, the finances were not there and we understood that going in. So, she chose a very respected school, one with a great program, beautiful campus, wonderful faculty, great students. She even became close to members of her upcoming class via social media.

Then, reality hit. She describes it not as the school was not a good fit, for it was, she describes it as “I was not a good fit for the school”. I did not understand her thinking at the time, but over time I have started to figure it out.

And from that point forth, the inner searching of what should she do began.

As I sit her typing this up, she is getting ready to get on stage for the last weekend of the final show. She is happy, she has made many friends, she has been in student directed scenes, student directed plays, helped with sound for a show, auditioned over six times for shows this semester and for next fall, been cast as a major character as a sophomore in the first show, a musical. She is an acting major but taking voice and MT classes…She survived…

But, not at the school she started in the Fall…She was a Transfer…one of those kids who struggled out of the gate, had issues with fitting in, issues with purpose, you know, life as an 18 year old girl.

What I want to convey to everyone is this, it might not be over, it might still be very hard. As a a parent, grandparent, or guardian, be there for your kid, help them understand that they are not a failure, they are something special.

When my daughter committed to school #1, she did not want to say “no” to school #2. Both were very different, but school #2 had developed a relationship with her and kept the door open if things did not work out. For that, we are very grateful. She did not have to go through the entire audition process again, she just needed to look in the mirror and decide what she should do. It would have been easy if school #1 was not a great school, with wonderful facilities, wonderful professors, great food, you get my drift.

Some people reading this will find themselves, and their kids in this same boat soon after beginning the fall semester, some faster than others. I understand. Please reach out to me if you have questions or comments.

If anyone from either school #1 or school #2 are reading this, or parents of these schools are reading that, Thank You for being you and understanding. I have told my daughter many times…

This is not a sprint, it is a marathon…

**** It is my hope and prayer that this does not offend anyone or cause anyone to second guess themselves. I just wanted to be authentic with this process and pay forward what has been learned over the past few years.

God Bless.

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Thank you @StewNChelle for sharing your story. I’m glad your D found what worked for her!

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@StewNChelle It’s so great that your daughter found her place even if there was a small detour on the way there. I agree that everyone should hear from people who have had an experience where the school they chose wasn’t quite the right fit. Thanks for sharing! Freshman and Sophomore year have been a roller coaster of emotions for our daughter and although she has never questioned that her choice of schools was right for her, she has occasionally questioned whether this is the right path. It’s NEVER easy, she has been in school shows, she had a theatre performance internship last summer, she has gotten accolades from the department professors and chair. BUT, I think there will always be a nagging suspicion in her head that she isn’t “good enough” to make it in the real world. There are many students who decide after freshman year (or into Sophomore year) that it’s just too much of an emotional journey for them and that’s alright! Good luck to your daughter as she continues her path and good luck to all the kids (and parents supporting them) out there following their dream!

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Thank you for sharing your story. I feel like you don’t see these very often as people don’t want want to share “mistakes” or maybe I’ll call them “learning experiences” as often as they share successes. My daughter had a difficult journey. She committed to a “top” tier program, decided it wasn’t a good fit for her before even starting, asked her current program to reconsider taking her back after declining the offer, found after the first few weeks that it also wasn’t a good fit and decided to begin the transfer process. I know that some people will say that it’s growing pains and that just a few short weeks isn’t enough time to tell if she would be happy at her school, but she had that gut feeling and a number of red flags that made her decision. Part of it was that she hadn’t fully researched every single aspect of her school before committing, but really, there will always be surprises. In the end, after applying to 12 schools the previous year she decided to fully research the schools she had originally planned on applying to and decided that if she didn’t get into one of the three she could really see herself at, she would reassess her goals. We did talk about a gap year, but my daughter knows herself and knew that she wouldn’t be happy just doing coaching on the side and working a job. She needed intellectual stimulation and really wanted to go to college. At first she felt like she was “settling” but after making good friends, good connections and working with some awesome professors that she truly connected with, she said in the end that if she wasn’t accepted to one of the three schools, she would work to supplement the work she felt she wouldn’t get at her current school. It was a year of great maturity, where she found her true passions, realized what really mattered to her in a college experience and program and figuring that out really lit her fire. She did her three auditions at three schools, three days in a row over her winter break and was accepted to her dream school–the only one she cried about not getting into the previous year. She knew from the start where she was meant to be, and even though she didn’t get there the first time around, she persevered. I will admit that it was a costly experience but I also truly believe she needed to go off to college to figure some of these things out. I will also say that it took me much longer than it did her to get over the loss of the “top program” she had been admitted to. I don’t know how many times I asked her, “Are you sure you wouldn’t have been happier at X University?” I had to keep reminding myself that I needed to trust her and that she knew she wouldn’t have been happy there. In the end, the only thing she worried about was how her friends and professors would react to her announcing that she would be transferring. When she told her favorite professor, he said, “Oh yeah, I totally see you there. Perfect fit. You’ll get great training.”

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I’m very happy it has all worked out… For now. Always “for now” because, yes, things change.

Most kids do well, loving the school they end up attending. But, not all. Some do manage to transfer out. But not all. College not always the panacea we hope it will be. I have one who dropped out Second semester junior year. All sorts of things can happen that are not as planned and put us on a rockier road. So we try to enjoy the “for now” when the going is good, and hope for things to improve when it’s not. Sometimes big problems knock the smaller ones down as well as knock our perspectives into place.

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Not only is this process and the decision-making hard, but it comes at a time in the kids’ lives when they may be developing into something they can’t even fathom yet. Even if they get into a “perfect fit” school, they may evolve into young adults with significantly different ideas and goals, who then outgrow that “fit”. As they come to know themselves, the “fit” becomes a moving target.

My S got into a terrific conservatory-style BFA MT program at a state university and had his lazor-focused sights set on being the best triple threat performer he could be. But by the middle of sophomore year, he began to realize that he didn’t particularly care for training to be the puppet on the end of someone else’s string in someone else’s show. He wanted to be at the other end of the creative process - a creator of new musical theater works. In another program, he may not have been allowed to step into another pair of shoes, but fortunately, the environment of his “perfect fit” was adaptable and even encouraging - mostly, there may have been some unpleasant hiccups - as he made it clear he wanted to put his efforts into writing and directing. In his last two years of college, S was self-aware enough and mentally strong enough to know what he was truly meant to be doing and managed to research, write/compose, and produce a concert reading of an original full-length musical, while still fulfilling his BFA MT requirements. It wasn’t easy. At times, the “fit” may have chafed a bit. Now he’s on to the next hard thing - rewriting his musical and drafting ideas for the next one, submitting to contests/workshops, and working in a restaurant to support his living in New York. He wouldn’t have it any other way.

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@mom4bwayboy Thank you for sharing! I think it’s helpful to hear other success stories!

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@mom4bwayboy nice to hear about your son & what he’s up to! I know we spoke numerous times when my daughter was auditioning 2 yrs ago & your advice was very helpful then. Best to him !

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@mom4bwayboy Thanks for sharing. My D is extremely passionate about performing and loves everything about it, but also is resistant to becoming a cookie cutter performer. Also deeply ingrained in her is the love of creating new work - workshopping,writing, editing, devising and choreographing something unique. I was amazed at the number of people and schools that suggested that meant she wasn’t committed as a performer and should look into a BA or perhaps a directing program. Thankfully for her she stuck to her guns and found a place that is going to help her maximize her abilities as a performer and allow her to engage in the artistic development process.

I worry that others with her mindset end up in a more restrictive “name” program because of the name and give up on what they were truly looking for. Others happily are able to realize it a little later and move to the right path. There is no one road to fulfilling these kids’ dreams, each has to find their own.

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Well said, @afterp89

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One benefit of creating your own work is that you can perform in it!

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^^^my BU freshman came home over the weekend and all she could talk about was creating and performing new works!

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@artskids Was she exposed to this as part of the BFA in Acting, BFA in Theatre Arts - Performance, BFA in Theatre Arts - Design and Production, or some other track?

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@Twelfthman - @artskids D is a BFA Acting rising Sophomore. :slight_smile:

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The BU kids get exposed across the board as freshmen. She worked on some seniors’ projects (original works) and really loved it. She is in the BFA Acting track but could have chosen the BFA Theatre Arts - Performance track. She was conflicted. The non-D&P students have an option at the end of freshman year to select the Acting or Theatre Arts track. She ultimately decided she wanted the deep Acting training but will try to take as many of the Theatre Arts courses as she can fit into her schedule.