Current sophomore about to go into my 4th out of hopefully 7 semesters, but I have a problem. I’ve never particularly liked my parents, but my plan was to at least have them help out as much as they’re willing to with my tuition before considering leaving them. Without going into the particulars, over the past year I’ve just developed such bad anxiety around them I can’t hold food down or sleep and when it gets bad I lose a lot of weight really quick and fall so deep into despair I just can’t take it. Over the summer I had a good paying job but didn’t make nearly as much as I wanted because I had to call in sick all the time. The beginning of last semester was rough because I was throwing up before all my classes and couldn’t stop. After being in the dorms a few weeks I settled down and my mental health improved, but my grades suffered because I couldn’t make it to a couple labs and there are absolutely no make ups.
At the end of the semester I came back for winter break and just started throwing up my first day back (a few days ago). It’s impossible for me to perform well at school or work with them in my life. Everything has just gotten worse and worse around them and I think I want to disown them, but I have a few questions.
Could my parents take any legal action against me for “manipulating” them into paying for college? (My guess is no as we have never signed any sort of contract I guess, but as soon as the University has the money it’s paid and out of their hands right?)
What would finding a loan be like with no parents and no credit score? Should I try to get a little credit this semester and then do it?
I got minimal financial aid when I was their dependent but if I did my FAFSA again with the new info I would get significantly more right?
I also know my school has an emergency fund for students in unexpected financial circumstances at risk of dropping out, could I possibly be unlikely to receive this money as I am the one disowning them therefore it’s not exactly unexpected?
I’ve also considered transferring to a community college but none in my state offer chemistry majors
I suggest you see a counselor.
To answer your questions:
No, your parents can not take any action against you for past actions, but they will likely cease all current and future support;
Your loan limit is very low, around $5500;
And 4. Your financial aid will not increase nor will you receive emergency aid, as colleges still consider you a dependent until age 24 unless you are a veteran, married, or former foster child or similar.
The likelihood of what you want to do resulting in increased aid is very slim. You would need to get a dependency override for financial aid purposes, which is probably unlikely … but because I don’t know the particulars of your situation, I hesitate to say “impossible.” I second the idea of visiting your school counseling center. If they feel it’s justified, they may be able to advocate for you to get a dependency override. Two cautions: 1) You very well may not get a dependency override, and 2) if you do get a dependency override, you might not get any more aid as a result (although it’s possible you might get to borrow another $4-5,000 in federal loans annually).
No matter the outcome on your aid, I believe you need to get counseling as soon as possible. I wish you the best.
It takes time and an involved process to emancipate yourself. (Have you looked into this?) And there needs to be appropriate proof, not just what you say. (Often including from other adults.) That’s more than throwing up.
It’s curious that going back to school also tiggers this. What you’re describing is acute anxiety and treating that comes first.
How will you live, much less pay college fees? Have you sought medical attention for the life threatening aspects?
The emergency fund applies to kids forced into unusual circumstances, not a willing decision. If you have no record of seeking help, your case is tougher. In college terms, the dependency override IS the process to shift the usual age to lower than 24.
And the tricky part: you are already free to leave, at 18. Why haven’t you?
But from what limited you’ve said, we can’t know if the parents are the cause here- or your overwhelming anxiety is what’s hampering living a successful life.
It’s very likey that legal emancipation isn’t an issue/possibility for OP, since OP is a college sophomore and in the great majority of states the prospect of emancipation, which involves a petition from a legal minor, ends at age 18 when the person reaches legal adulthood.
I’m assuming that in using the term “disowning,” OP is referring to getting a dependency override, which is strictly a financial aid matter.
There is nothing in what you wrote that leads me to believe that you will get a dependency override.
You need to get some counseling. I agree…your issues are too complicated to be solved in an online forum.
If you are that anxious…get counseling…or maybe consider a leave of absence from college…although you would need a place to live and a job.
Your plan has flaws on many levels. You can try for a dependency override, but chances are you won’t be successful. Contact your college and find out what you need.
BUT keep this in mind…unless your college meets full need for all accepted students, all a dependency override will get you is maybe a $0 EFC. The only aid guarantees with this are whatever portion of the Pell Grant you get ($6000 or so max) and a $12500 federally funded loan (larger amount because you would be independent). Does your college have a total cost to attend of $19,000 a year…or less?
Agree with @roycroftmom. Even if you were classified as an independent student because of marriage, both your income and your partner’s income would also be used to evaluate financial need.
You come back to school and develop symptoms so the anxiety producing appears to be when you return to school, not while you are at home. Begin your counseling sessions because it sounds like you will be needing support at school.
Sorry this is happening to you. There is so much your not telling us but that’s ok. You leave your parents and start school and you have physical symptoms. Not sure why this is connected to your parents but…
Either right now or tomorrow(depending if they are open) March yourself down to mental health center for your school. There is something larger at play here. Your symptoms are not normal even for anxiety. You are admitting to strangers that there is a problem. Not you have to admit that to yourself. Your issues are much more then leaving your parents.
Get the help you need. It’s most likely part of your health plan at school. I tell my kids in college to use all the free services like music tickets, tutors, and mental health counselors. They have this section of campus for a reason and it’s not just for you. If your feeling dire go to the campus hospital.
@svlab112. Reread the thread. It happens at school and at home. But sorry, I should of known better about winter break with one back from college and getting the other one tomorrow ??.
She needs to get medical attention then while she is home. Maybe she can get this under control. I really do hope so. Again, there is something bigger at play here.
