@roethlisburger There are no budget limitations. And he knows that.
@Undercrackers Well, that is good to know (that internship support would be helpful). I know that internships are key nowadays, but my two older ones didnât do any at all. I have no clue if the engineering students can have their pick of the litter or if they have to beg for non paying options in Fargo (sorry for the ND residents here). But it made his eyebrow raise, for sure.
If he decides against Chem E (even though that might mean admitting the parents were right!) would he stray far from STEM? My daughter picked a STEM school but we knew that if she changed majors it would be to another STEM subject like math or chemistry. No way would she wander over to the history department or theater or something that required a lot of reading of -gasp - novels. If tOSU doesnât have a strong Chinese department, would it matter? It might at a small LAC, but most flagships have a critical mass to offer just about everything.
I think you need to work out with S20 whatever your restrictions may be BEFORE his application process begins. Anything else would be cruel, no matter how good your intentions. It isnât ideal that he has been permitted to cast such a wide net when it would âKILLâ you to pay full price; it sounds like heâs worked hard to come up with a Top 3 list. It would have been better if he had known how strongly you feel about the state flagship before getting emotionally. invested in other schools.
That said, FWIW, my opinion is that if he is the kind of kid you describe, and if he earns his way into an Ivy League or other dream school through his own hard work and dedication, and if heâs never asked for a thing in his life from you but asks for this, and if there are truly no budget limitations, I say support him with it. I mean, really. And all the best to him in his bright future.
But admissions are so tough these days. Itâs possible, despite his hard work and great record, that he will gain admission to neither of the two more prestigious options, and must attend the state flagship without your attempts to convince him to do so. I think your choice is whether to keep quiet and hope he gets rejected (!) and then let the chips fall as they may, or to tell him now that you will only support him attending the state flagship. Itâs also possible that he will decide, on his own, in the face of multiple acceptances, that the much cheaper option is the one for him.
Or, you could simply change your mindset about college choice, recognizing that itâs about so much more than a major and job prospects, and just support the accomplishments and scholastic dreams of this particularly wonderful, financially responsible kid who has never asked for anything before. Iâd vote for that.
Why donât you set some budget limits? Or if the money doesnât matter, why are you trying to convince him to take a cheaper option?
I applaud you think that he may change majors and that he should be prepared for that possibility. However, I think you are way underselling tOSU in the other subjects. What subject is is likely to switch to that tOSU isnât âsolidâ in? Fashion Design? Even if he went to a more engineering focused big school (Texas A&M, Purdue), I wouldnât be worried if he switch majors. One of the advantages of going to a school like tOSU is that no matter what major you actually graduate with, you will be OK.
Please do your best to avoid this fiasco:
Summer between 11th and 12th grade, parent says that âMoney is not a factor in the decisionâ: http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-search-selection/1789885-best-schools-for-math-comp-sci-with-undergrad-research.html
Spring in 12th grade, student gets into expensive college that is his first choice, parent wants to force him to attend a less expensive college: http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1866912-need-advice-on-college-choice-etc.html
If you can afford to pay for any school he wants and would happily do so, why are you trying to bribe him to choose a less expensive option?
@austinmshauri like the OP said, just because you can, doesnât mean you want to. We are in a similar place. If my DS picks the school that he will likely get a full ride, I will save $200k over what I am willing to pay. I can use that money for a lot of other things. One of the things I can do with that money is make his choice difficult.
If you donât want to pay $50k-70k/year for college why even give them the option?
@ucbalumnus â thank you for posting links to those two threads. What an eye-opener. OP, definitely donât be that parent.
@CardinalBobcat Yup, you pretty much summed it up. He has researched these schools to death. But he is still 17, and thinks we are idiots, like every other 17 year old. We know nothing.
We have definitely voiced our preferences on things like distance (not thrilled with California). But thatâs about all weâve said. He is more than aware of the roll of the dice any school but our flagship is. He plays hockey and he lived the agony of a couple of high stats kids on his team last year as they shared their constant unhappy news in the locker room all through March. But he has not found a single âmatchâ that fits his criteria for his major. And he has checked out every single program in the country. ALL of them. Only a handful beat or match OSU (and one could argue none of them do). As we mentioned school after school, he would say âwhy would I go there over OSU?â And heâs right.
The only ones which he can make an argument that are âbetter thanâ tOSU happen to all be lottery schools. Will I be secretly happy when he gets rejected from Cornell? MaybeâŠnot sure.
I should have been more precise with my statement. We are able to spend $300k, we are willing to spend $200k, I would like to spend less. Therefore, my DS can look at schools that have a reasonable chance of having a net price <= 200k (no H,P,Y,âŠ). The schools are breaking down into 3 price points. For the schools that end out around 200k, my DS would be required to contribute 10k/year from loans/work/savings. For the 100k range (state Flagship) my DS would come out with no loans. For the very low COA schools (U of Alabama) I am will to fund some additional activities (e.g. unpaid internship). He isnât allowed to apply to schools that are in the 300k range. This includes schools that have some merit but it is extremely competitive (Duke, Vandy, etc).
@Eeyore123 Yup, mine will likely pay only $3k a year in tuition. A COA of less than $20k sounds dirt cheap, doesnât it? You bet I can think of lots of great things to do with $200k. And my s20 can, too. But he is in play for a top school, so, heâs going to gamble with house money, because he has OSU in the bag and he very well may decide to go to OSU either way. We know several kids who chose OSU over a t20 school. Come yearâs end, maybe his head will be in that magical place, too.
@cypresspat our flagship is also tOSU. My DS has said to me many times why should he apply anyplace else. I have to keep pushing him to at least look so that he has some choices at the end. Who knows, he could get a big scholarship at some school that it is more likely to be in the 200k range(e.g. USC). I am also making him look at Alabama because for him (likely NMSF) it would even be cheaper than tOSU.
@Eeyore123 His older brother is an alum of tOSU and has a bunch of frat brothers who were engineering majors. Theyâve been pretty instrumental in shaping his choice of major and assuring him that the rigor of the program will kick his $$s plenty. He went to a local presentation by the southern school you mentioned. Cost, for him, would be next to nothing. The dean of the college he would be applying to happened to be there. My son asked for more details on subspecialties of faculty in his major. The dean told him he shouldnât be worrying about such things at this point. Wrong answer. Next.
For me, the cost differential between $0 and $10k a year is irrelevant. There are several places where he could go for free. Not a good enough reason to choose a school for him. Or me. His time is valuable, too.
He just has a VERY narrow margin of what he is looking for. Just darn lucky that our flagship has it. Maybe 20 other schools do, too. And I also want him to have choices. We are lucky in that the $ doesnât have to limit his choice. But it should influence his choice. If school costs next to nothing, that leaves a lot of $ for other things which might enhance his four years. I want him to be PSYCHED to go to the college he chooses. Note that he is extremely aware of how absurdly lucky he is. Half of his friends would lose an arm to go to OSU and many more have no way of paying for OSU. Which is one of the reasons he has been oh, so careful about this decision. He already won, because he gets to go to college and walk out debt feee. Not many kids are in that position and he thanks his lucky stars every day.
His father, on the other hand, is ALL emotion while visiting these schools. He had to work his way through a small SUNY and after we visit any big fancy school, he is convinced that our son MUST GO THERE. He is a total sucker for all of the bells and whistles. My practical son then brings dad right down to earth listing all of the issues with that choice which relate to the actual academic part of the experience. Son remembers the equipment in the chem labs. Dad loves the climbing wall, and the ceiling in the library. This is my life lately.
My oldest wanted OSU since he was 10. He was particularly excited the year he started because OSU had such a great football recruiting year. My second child picked her college because she liked the trees. So we know how the genes got passed down around here.
You are sending mixed messages. Either you are willing to pay more than $25k or not. It makes no sense to tell your kid that there is no upper limit on what you will pay, and then try to convince him to choose the lower cost option.
You are the parent and it is your money and your decision how to allocate it toward college. What you can actually afford isnât really relevant.
You can pay, but are you willing to? Thatâs the question you and your spouse need to agree on before apps go out.
If youâre already trying to bribe him to take the lower cost option then you arenât really comfortable being full pay at a $70k/year school and itâs unfair to your son to allow him to believe that you are. âMy parents will pay for anywhere I wantâ sounds great at the school lunch table in October. If it doesnât play out that way in April itâs devastating for the student and difficult for their friends because thereâs nothing they can do.
It sounds like you want to be the parents who can say âprice is no objectâ while finding a way to control the price. You can play that game if you want â allowing him to apply to expensive schools while secretly hoping he gets rejected â but you really need to have a plan for what youâll do if heâs accepted to a $70k/year school and wants to go. Weâve seen that scenario more than once over the years and it never ends well. Students will post to say they feel betrayed because their parents assured them they could go wherever they wanted but by April were insisting on the state school. Parents will post that they told their kid theyâd pay for wherever they wanted but they changed their minds or they assumed the dream school would do the dirty work and say no so they wouldnât have to. These situations can create resentment that takes years to get over and should be avoided.
You mention lots of research. Has he met with Chem Eng professors at all 3 schools? The major is one of the most broad and at the same time challenging. Does he like the teaching style, lab facilities, research areas, collaboration with other departments (med school, physics dept , nano labs depending on concentration) Region of country where preferred industry is located, companies or grad school where graduates land.
If he is truly an engineer, he would most likely switch to another eng major, if not as interested in the critical thinking component, chemistry. Both of our engineering students knew what their majors would be including the interdisciplinary minors and/or research. We did give them an unlimited budget for different reasons. Oldest did not have an in state option with equivalent research options, she is now applying for fully funded PHD. Did offer #2 a car and the one semester to finish masters to take the $150k scholarship at a great engineering school. He declined and has grown so much more socially and emotionally than his HS peers.
It has worked out. They are using every available opportunity at school, live at home for free in summer with paid internships that fund their food, books and all other living expenses during the year. It is stressful for HS senior to make a decision. We required our children to meet with the departments and then compare the schoolsâ pros and cons. Once they decided on the meets full need, no merit school, I made sure they understood what they need to contribute annually plus anything over 4 years. Yes, paying that much tuition is a long haul and lots can happen in that timeframe, if you are wavering already you may want to say no before applying.
Just tell him to go to OSU and if he doesnât like it then he can figure college out on his own. That is if you really donât want to spend the money.
At some point in life kids have to figure out they donât always get what they want. If he is really determined he might come up with a plan on his own that works. He might apply to national scholarship program and hit a big one.
I will say this though at non-elite universities there are kids that go on to do amazing stuff or go on to elite grad schools. I was in a open-house at a solid university(not elite) and one girl was graduating and she turned down Harvard to go to UCB for grad school. Those were solid options.