<p>It's one of the best songs Lenny ever wrote, and it is now the theme of a thread devoted to parental stress. What have those of you who've been through it all done to keep yourselves cool while your child was singing her heart out behind that campus door?</p>
<p>"Stay cool, boy, REEEEEEEEEEAL cool." I must admit when I saw the title to this thread, all I could think about was West Side Story but thought, nah, there is not going to be a thread where "cool" meant THAT "Cool" but voila, it IS that "Cool"! :D</p>
<p>Good topic. I have a few thoughts on a couple aspects here. First, I THINK you were asking what parents have done to ease the stress when their child is actually DOING the college audition, right? For that, I guess I can think of two things. First, I don't get that nervous for my child and she does not act that nervous herself so it does not emanate from her to me or anything. I figure at this point, she can just do her best and whatever happens, happens. Of course, I want the outcome to be positive for her. But I don't worry about things like, "will she mess up?" or some such. I figure she went in prepared and she is what she is. My main hope is that she will come out of the audition and say, "I think that went well." If that can happen, it's about the most or best a parent can hope for because then the kid comes away feeling they did their best, it went positively, and they have a good feeling about it. After that it is out of their hands. The mindset really helps here. </p>
<p>Another part of the mindset is to be realistic of the situation and know that a kid could have what it takes in terms of talent but still not be admitted to a specific school given the very difficult odds. If the student is truly in the ballpark of the talent needed to be admitted to a BFA program, it is reasonable, therefore, to go into it thinking, "she'll get in SOMEWHERE, but we just do not know where yet and can't control THAT outcome." So, going into auditions, I think it is important to self assess if you are an appropriate candidate with an appropriate college list within reason so that you should conceivably have at least one admissions offer out of it (though anything can happen, of course), you can ease the stress a little if you also realize that a rejection is not a commentary on your talent, but simply with the low admit rate, there may not be a slot for you at a particular school. So be aware of your own talent amongst the pool of candidates realistically AND also be aware of the difficult odds in a realistic way and how not every qualified person is going to get into each school because of the nature of this game and how they might simply not fit a slot in the needs of that class at that school. There is an element of "fickle" or "chance" when you look at how some kids got into X school but not Y and then another kid got into Y but not X (lots of examples I could give here) or a student got into a more selective program but not one that was considered not as competitive. So, go into the situation with a very realistic understanding of it. It helps. So, first answer....is mindset. Again, if your child comes out of the audition feeling good, then the audition feels like a success. </p>
<p>The second part here is what can the parent do during the audition to kind of take their mind off the situation. I did not feel nervous during the audition....more just wondering how it was going and looking forward to hearing my kid tell me about it afterward. But what helped to take my mind off it was that at almost every audition, I was chatting with other parents. In some cases, I was meeting up with CC parents! It was enjoyable to talk with others going through the process and also with people I had met on the forum. At some auditions, my D (and I) were meeting up with her theater camp friends from other states whom we never get to see so it was an added treat to be seeing them as part of the trip. These two scenarios happened for most of our college auditions. Also, if my child knew a current student, we often rendezvoused with them as well. Besides this, I found that parents in a "waiting room" tended to socialize and I found it interesting to meet people from all over and of different backgrounds and we passed the time talking and so it was not like I was sitting still wondering, how is this going??? At two schools, however, NYU/Tisch and BOCO, the set up at the auditions was a little unusual in that the "waiting area" was outside the door of the audition, and particularly with singing, anyone (including myself) could hear the singing where we were sitting, so that was a weird feeling and if anything, more nervewracking. Everywhere else, we were not waiting anywhere near where she was actually having her audition. </p>
<p>While your question, I THINK, asked about keeping one's cool while your child is IN or AT the actual audition, I am just going to touch on one or two other things. I may have not been too nervous AT the auditions, but the entire process is certainly one that is hard on the nerves of a parent. The thing is, this is one of the first times in your child's life where you truly cannot control anything, particularly the outcome. It is out of your hands. Some other people will control where she goes to school (or where she is offered a choice). It is hard to not know, it is hard to be unsure. It is hard to think of someone else judging them and what they get to do next in their lives. So, the process is wrought with that nervewracking feeling and the unknown outcome. So, yes, I felt THAT lots. You just have to keep telling yourself that your child is going to go some place, so it is just the place that is unknown (if the list is as realistic as possible). And ya know, in almost every case I know, each kid is getting to go SOME place, maybe not their first or second choice, maybe they did not have too many choices at all, but they are about to leave on the big adventure (mine leaves TOMORROW). We actually got to THIS point! Hard to believe. If you keep in mind that the nerve wracking part really has an ending and usually a happy one (if you do not pine away for one favorite school but keep an open mind and truly like several schools) and your kid will be going some place come fall......hard to remember that in the midst of it all but it really does happen! We lived to tell the tale, lol. </p>
<p>Lastly, be aware that the entire process can feel overwhelming for both parents and kids and to help ease that some, is to be organized, plan ahead, do not put things off to the last minute but have a well thought out time line of what needs to be done, and you will be in better shape. If you don't do that, then you are bringing on even more stress to an already stressful situation. </p>
<p>So, that's my story. Not real nervous at auditions but did find the entire process senior year to be nervewracking and added stress and time (hard to fit it all into one's life). But the happy ending does come!</p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>Thanks for the great response, Susan. Although my prompt was about auditions, I intended this thread to address all the issues you raised, including how to deal with the stress of the process itself. I think you put your finger on it, "It is hard to think of someone else judging them and what they get to do next in their lives." Your suggestions are excellent. What have the rest of you done to keep cool?</p>
<p>doctorjohn,</p>
<p>Over the course of the audition process we tried to blend into the woodwork as much as possible rather than be a doting stage parent. There is a natural independence that is nutured in our children who are lovers of stage/performing. IMHO, I believe they need to exhuberate that independence and confidence as much as possible during auditions...they can't do that if their parents are propping them up.</p>
<p>During auditions we walked the campuses and curled up to cups of Starbucks waiting for Ss to call us on their cell phone announcing they were done. Once we were reunited we had the thrill of listening to their audition experiences....even though I am glad this part is over, I do have to admit to loving listening to our guys describe in such detail what they had just experienced. Reminded me of the story times we had when they were little when we sat around and told tall tales....not that the audition experience is a tall tale...hmmm, but then, on the other hand. ;) LOL-Just kidding</p>
<p>Quite truthfully it wasn't the process of auditioning that made us nervous as much as the waiting for the results to come in. We had two to contend with at one time so that probably compounded the anxiety.</p>
<p>In retrospect I would have to offer this advice to be "COOL": Allow your Ss & Ds to show they are professional, confident, & genuine all on their own. Go somewhere quiet during the audition and reflect on all the wonderful times you have had with your kids...they grow up way too fast....and oh yeah, don't forget that cup of Starbucks!! Cheers!!</p>
<p>SUE aka 5pants</p>
<p>I have to agree with SoozieVT and 5 pants. With regard to auditioning, it is out of your hands; as long as your child comes prepared, there's nothing more you can do but hope for the best. I would recommend to others, however, to make sure your son/daughter picks songs that are within their own range. My d almost picked a song that belted to a D, even though that is a stretch for her. She changed it to one that belted to a C, which was much more in her range. One bad note, and she might not have been accepted. Why take the chance? Like 5Pants, I was more nervous waiting for the results, esp. since the soprano song my d chose was supposed to go up to a high D, but she didn't even get to sing it because she was cut off. And the part she DID sing didn't show any range at all! We both thought for sure she didn't get in after that! And you're right, SoozieVT, it was nervewracking to listen to her audition in the next room; if I had known I could hear her, I would have waited outside the building! (That was our only audition, so I have no other basis for comparison)</p>
<p>RossJi....one thing you did NOT have to do that many of us families did, was wait until April to get all the results. It is a long wait and you have to take your mind OFF of it! </p>
<p>The other auditions were not set up like at Tisch and so you could not hear those auditioning (except at BOCO). At Tisch, when my D started singing, a horde of girls started to rush the outside of the door to listen (she belts/projects) and I was not sitting near the door at all (as far as I could) and could hear it, but everyone was situated right outside this audition room with no place else to go, sitting on the floor, etc. It was weird to see kids listening and all. Just different. Several schools had waiting areas and refreshments for parents and so the set up was quite different. So, while I was not nervous at the auditions (I don't get nervous when my kid performs in shows either), it was a bit nervewracking to actually hear the audition (or the singing anyway).</p>
<p>Anyway, the long wait for the decision letters is way harder to me than the actual auditions. In my child's case, she was opening several of the acceptances in a hospital bed, if you can possibly imagine!
Susan</p>
<p>We agree with starting early and as much as we agree that it's D's life and experience, there is a lot of intense considerations in the air both educational and financial, which we would love to have solved prior to Unifieds, if at all possible. She has Elon next week, Fla. in Oct, and OCU in November all the while preparing for the staging of "Cats" as a collaboration of her perf arts HS (NOCCA) and the local performing arts society, set to run end of January. They are already in rehearsal and d is double cast with another senior as Grisabella (please, no more "Memory" around the house) Add in another run at the ACT, regular high school classes, fortunately only 2 and it is clearly one heck of an exciting time. </p>
<p>Wife is using yoga and I am using food but with all of your support, positive energy, and sharing of life experience we think we can make it. Did I mention a 15 yo son who studies Tech Theater at NOCCA and sports a mohawk, loves heavy metal, and is stressing about missing his sister when she goes away to college. However, we would not have it any other way and it truly represents a culmination of lots of hard work and a bright future of learning and personal growth wherever she attends college. We are very proud to have arrived at this place and I can only say that without CC I am not sure we would be in any shape to survive this challenge. Thanks to you all and Doctorjohn for being a friend we can turn to for support! Be Cool!</p>
<p>I'll just throw my two cents in with regard to staying "cool" during the audition process, too; it's so much easier now that that day is almost two years behind my daughter. Notice that I didn't say "us". The way my husband and I have managed to stay cool through her auditions for college, and through the many more auditions to come in our D's life, is to make sure she knows we are there for her. We never entered into the territory of what music she should use, what monologue she might choose for her audition, etc. We left that to her and her vocal teacher and drama teacher, as our daughter has always been relatively independent. From time to time she talks to us about why she chose a certain piece, but we always wait until she wants to begin the discussion. It has always been important to her to have the true ownership in this journey she has embarked upon in her short life to this point. </p>
<p>Additionally, I don't feel we have anything to do with her God-given natural talents for both singing and acting. He gave those to her, and they are hers alone. She has done all the hard work to hone those talents and make it to the point where she is at present. We have, however, made sure that she knows we are here for her in many different ways, these can, and have, included the following: First, and foremost, we are here for her from an emotional perspective. We are her greatest cheerleaders, we have complete faith that this is the career path for her because she has been pursuing it for so many years, actually since the age of 6. We were more than happy to double check her college application packets and to arrange for Fed Ex pick-up. She did the initial work and then asked for assistance in checking for any errors, or omissions in her packets. We are now more than happy (although often times awed by the large amount) to pay her tuition at NYU and help her in any manner financially that we can as she pursues this dream.</p>
<p>With all of the above being said, it doesn't mean that I don't say a prayer everytime she has an impending audition, or the times I have to bite my tongue when I think she could use some advice regarding her career and its path. I have to remind myself that although I feel it's out of love, it is important that the ownership of this endeavor belongs solely to my daughter, and if she asks for opinions I give them, and she has; however, I still try very hard to wait for her request. Also, I hate to tell all of you now beginning the audition process, but there is the fact that the auditions will keep on coming. Now I worry, without sharing it with her, about her getting into any production at NYU. She hasn't auditioned yet, but will begin doing so this year. After she leaves NYU and goes out into the real world (is it truly a "real" world?) of acting, I'm sure I will worry about those auditions, too. However, when those feelings start to come over me I close my eyes and see her up on stage in any of the many productions she has been involved in over her almost 20 years of life and realize that there is nothing to worry about, she will find her way down this path all by herself and then reap the rewards of all her hard work.</p>
<p>Theatredivasmom(Kristin)</p>
<p>NICE...........I enjoyed your post so much. I think you took the words right out of my mouth, but I couldn't have said it as sweetly and from deep in your heart as you did. </p>
<p>So, ditto all that Kristin just wrote, and:</p>
<p>I had the high honor of being my D's accompanist all throughout her beginning vocal endeavours, up until this past fall. I accompanied her at MOST of her auditions in school, but at ALL of her college auditions. It was incredible being in the audition room with her, hearing her, and trying so hard to be just the accompanist. I've had plenty of practice doing so, and I will say I did a good job! Same as Susan, I was never nervous at any of the auditions. It all came when the waiting period started and continued on until April 1. I, too, turned to food for solice, Noccadad! Must be the Greek in me.</p>
<p>To all of you fine students and parents embarking on this next year of excitement, I wish you all the best. Try to enjoy it, because it'll all be over sooner than you think.</p>
<p>gkoukla - I'm happy that it worked out for you, but I would advise against parents accompanying their children at college auditions. In fact, some schools will not permit it. It might be perceived as an unfair advantage when others use the staff accompanist with no or little preparation/rehearsal time. In some cases, the accompanist is a vital portion of the program, and they want to see how the student interacts with them. Even if you may be the most accomplished accompanist your daughter ever had or will have, I would not want to run the risk of alienating the auditors.</p>
<p>Like gkoukla, I too accompany my daughter frequently at auditions - alot of times not intentionally, but if the regular accompanist is uncomfortable with the material, my daughter will usually offer (to their great relief) for me to step in and play. Ever since she was little, I purposely played poorly frequently during my daughter's practice (with some arias or Sondheim material, I don't even have to try, lol) just so she learned to continue to sing on key and in the correct rhythm no matter what the accompanist was doing. I honestly never even thought about it putting others at a disadvantage - it's just something that we always did.</p>
<p>As an accompanist, I travel with many, many students to their college auditions. It's interesting that you said that some colleges don't even permit another accompanist, that they have to use the staff accompanist, because I have found the exact opposite in every audition, be it instrumental or vocal.</p>
<p>I know that to be true in instrumental and vocal - but as is often the case, MT is a totally different animal :) I know of schools that will not allow it, and I know of others that will not forbid it, but will regard it in a negative light.</p>
<p>CCM's webpage had a warning about it on the site a few years ago, but I just checked and it is no longer there, so they may have revised their opinion.</p>
<p>Gkoukla, I am also kind of wondering that it might be different with Musical Theater auditions than with vocal or instrumental auditions when it come to accompaniment. For instance, when my kids have auditioned for state scholarships in voice or instrumental things, they bring their accompaniest. I have not seen anyone bring a pianist to a musical theater audition for college or anywhere else. I know your D applied for a BM in voice and so I would imagine for that or for a music student on an instrument, that you can bring your pianist along. Have you seen private pianists at the BFA in musical theater auditions as well? I did not on any of our college trips (attended 8 BFA in MT college auditions) but that does not mean it did not happen. It is very common in other music auditions, however. </p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>For what it is worth, I am a piano teacher by profession. I have accompanied my D at lessons, at a couple of H.S. vocal competitions, and a grand total of two local community theatre auditions. One audition was for a director and music director my D had worked for before. Since I knew them well, and knew that the music director is not a pianist, I felt comfortable volunteering my services as accompanist for my D's audition. The music director was happy for me to play. The other community theatre audition was for West Side Story. My D's voice teacher suggested that she use Sondheim's "Green Finch and Linnett Bird". I gingerly volunteered to play for my D's audition since the accompaniment is difficult. The auditors were surprised by my offer, but did not seem offended. In the area where I live, it's pretty much unheard for for people to bring their own accompanists to auditions. I assumed that it was a big no-no for college auditions.</p>
<p>My D's teachers always told her that part of what the auditors are evaluating is the ability to adjust. They unanimously agreed that she would be expected to use the accompanists provided by the schools. Some of you may remember that at one school my D auditioned for, the accompanist made hash of her music. He was lost! She soldiered on. She kept a steady beat and did her best to "perform" the song. Despite a far less than optimum performance, she was offered admission. However, she received a smaller talent scholarship than we thought she might have received had her vocal audition gone smoother. After much thought, and on the advice of her vocal coach, my D requested a 2nd audition. The director of the program spoke to me about scheduling while my D was at school. On the advice of D's vocal coach I suggested accompanying my child. Let's just say that the suggestion was not received at all well!! Though I was very careful not to say anything critical of the audition accompanist, the fact that I suggested playing for my D was taken as criticism. I was told that bringing one's own accompanist to auditions at his school was simply not done. </p>
<p>I did not offer to play for any of my D's other college auditions. My D's vocal coach (CCM's former music director) knows that I am a pianist. He never suggested that I play for my D even though he knew that I played for her frequently in practice sessions. I know that at CCM students are expected to use the accompanist provided by the school. I did not see or hear of anyone using their own accompanist at any school my D auditioned for. I would really be interested in hearing from others about this issue.</p>
<p>Gkoukla, I am glad to hear the other side of the coin. I'm just surprised by your information. I have accompanied violinists, cellists, and clarinetists at college auditions. My impression has been that those students usually perform a cappella or they bring their own pianist. I have simply never heard of colleges allowing private accompanists for MT auditions. It would be nice if the schools had a statement on their websites regarding the acceptability or unacceptability of such.</p>
<p>It would be beneficial if the MT sites addressed the issue of bringing your own accompanist to auditions. I can tell you only of my experiences.</p>
<p>I have accompanied more than a few students (including my own D) at MT auditions in MI and in other states. ( Soozievt: my D did a double audition, one for MT, one for VP) Never once were we given anything than positive remarks from anyone, and everyone to a person was accepted to their colleges, including UM. The only time we questioned my accompanying my D was at the Juilliard audition. In the end, people I highly respect, and in the business, encouraged me to play. If there were feathers ruffled, so to speak, neither I or the student ever knew it.</p>