<p>My s has just pledged a fraternity, and he is playing on a club team, so we have the double whammy in terms of cost.</p>
<p>My s has always been a good student, he has been concientious about his grades, all while playing a year round club sport and playing 2 varsity sports in high school. I, personally, have considered this “his job.” So, we have covered his costs and continue to do so. If he keeps up the good work, we will continue to cover his expenses. </p>
<p>This is the way my parents were with me when I was in college and somehow I turned out ok.</p>
<p>My parents pay mine because they encourage me to explore whats out there and never let anything stand in my way… so I moved from california in the bay area to the university of illinois in the cornfields, got my pilots license, and joined a fraternity. I’m lovin life.</p>
<p>What I said in a nutshell–and if you go back and read my posts you’ll see this is what I said.</p>
<p>1) If your parents can afford to pay for your frat, they should.
2) If your parents can afford to pay for it and don’t, that sucks and you’ll just have to eat the cost yourself.
3) If your parents couldn’t afford the extra cost of being in a fraternity because the relatively small amount of money would put undue stress on them, maybe you should reevaluate how you spend your money–a fraternity may not be the place to blow X dollars. Of course this is coming from MY perspective that a fraternity was an entirely excess expense–living in the house/paying dues/frat meal plan were all more expensive than the university options. Obviously if its cheaper to belong then its a no brainer and what I’ve said doesn’t apply.</p>
<p>jags, the problem with the post is #1. There’s the sense of entitlement: “You should pay because you can, and I deserve it.” It’s presumptuous to spend someone else’s money - and yes, your parents’ money is “someone else’s”. You have no claim to it. If they’re already supporting you through college, that’s not enough?</p>
<p>How about, “It’s something that’s important to me, so I’ll pay for it”?</p>
<p>As I’ve told my d, if something’s not worth it to you to spend your money, why should I spend mine?</p>
<p>Jags - assuming we should pay for a frat just because we can makes no sense at all to me. Should we also pay for a Corvette and trips to Cancun just because we can afford it? Don’t think so. But we are helping with study abroad trips. And we do pay all of his college costs. He’s got his own money - largely because we’ve covered his costs for so many years and he was able to save lots of cash from jobs and gifts. He’s a lucky guy as far as I’m concerned. And it’s time for him to figure out how to spend HIS money. Cancun or frat dues? Hmmm…</p>
<p>Our son is not “entitled”, and we pay the fraternity dues for him. Fact is, he works part time three days a week while at college and it’s EASIER, since the finance company that collects the dues sends the bill to us, for us to write the check for dues. He, in turn, deposits his paycheck and takes care of his own groceries and utilities (he lives in a house). Where does that leave us? Doing the expedient thing. I see no difference between doing this and having him use his paycheck to pay for dues, while we give him money for food and utilities. Or travel, or summer classes, or whatever. It’s all a wash. As long as he is doing well academically, and contributing somehow (no matter what bucket it goes into), it’s all OK.</p>
<p>doubleplay, I never said you shouldn’t pay the dues. And if my d decides to join a sorority, I very well may pay them too. Or I may not. I was simply responding to jag’s comment that parents “should” pay the dues. Why?</p>
<p>If it’s my choice (or yours), that’s great. But there’s no entitlement, and no “should” about it.</p>
<p>And D.Ranger, there are no sorority houses at my d’s school.</p>
<p>My parents currently pay for my sorority dues (I’ve offered, though), and I pay my social bill (fines, t-shirts, function costs, etc.). I can’t live in, so I still have a dorm room/meal plan, which my parents pay, though I opted for a cheaper meal plan this year to help try to “make up” the cost of dues. I think it’s a nice thing for them to do, though not a requirement by any means, and I appreciate it a lot, though my situation may be slightly different because most of my college expenses are currently being covered by large merit scholarships, which I’ll hopefully be able to renew in coming years. If they couldn’t/wouldn’t pay, I’d be willing to pay from my savings, which would mine less money available for grad/professional school. I love my soritory so far and have found it to be a great academic, social, and school/community involvement resource. Being Greek is so much than the stereotypical “frat party” stereotype.</p>
<p>My son pays his own dues of $900/year. He doesn’t live in the frat house so we pay for his rent, his food and his tuition. Can’t imagine why anyone would pay $900 to belong to a frat but that is another thread. We also pay his car insurance, which is considerable in MA. He uses his summer earnings to pay for his frat dues and general spending money. He insisted on moving off campus into a house for his junior year even though it was going to be much more expensive and not something we wanted him to do. We told him he would have to take a part-time job to pay for the utilities, which he has done, and we pay the rent which is approximately equal to the dorm. This drives me a bit nuts since I am not paying full tuition so that he can spend his time working to pay for utilities and other house expenses but I have decided to start introducing some reality, plus I have son #2 starting next year. Ethically, we do not believe that frats or sororities have any place on a college campus and were very unhappy to see him join a frat so we take a political stand on that issue with our funding. He pays. Unfortunately, with us paying tuition, rent, meals, books, insurance, and with his summer earnings, which were pretty good, he doesn’t really feel the pinch that would make him really think twice about that decision.</p>
<p>In high school, if I joined a club, I never expected my mother to pay the dues or fees. I didn’t have to join them. It was a bonus, it was something I wanted to do, therefore I felt I was responsible for the costs. I feel like joining a Sorority or Fraternity isn’t necessary to be happy, but some people want or feel the need to join one, and that’s fine. I just don’t think they should expect someone to pick up the bill for it. I won’t go clubbing and call my mother asking her to pay my fee. It’s very similar to me. </p>
<p>If parents care enough about you to pay your tuition, wonderful. If they pay R&B, even better. If your parents cover all the things that you absolutely need, then just be glad and don’t put everything else on them. I think it’s kind of bratty to want all your dues and extras paid for. That’s something I feel the student should take care of.</p>
<p>it’s like asking who should be responsible for tuition. of course your not obligated to help but if you like him enough you would probably consider paying. afterall he’s your son, right?</p>
<p>So now we’re comparing paying for frat dues to paying tuition? I don’t think so. Yes, he’s our son and has his own money. The frat is totally optional and he can pay for it. He will graduate with no loans and scholarship money that we have saved for him (not to be touched until after graduation). Part of his education should include making choices about money…and not having everything he wants funded by his parents.</p>
<p>Sense of entitlement? I don’t know about that.</p>
<p>Is it wrong for something important to your child to also be important to you?</p>
<p>My own mother (non-greek) became so enamored with my fraternity chapter during my four years there that she practically forced my little brother to join. It was almost a stipulation of him following me to my alma mater.</p>
<p>I’m not saying that everyone is going to have a similar scenario, but I don’t think it’s outlandish for a child to think (after years of living at home when many things important to them became important to the family) that “this is something I want, Mom and Dad probably will support me because they know it means a lot to me.”</p>
<p>Interesting discussion. Many things that are important to my son conflict with what is important to me even though I still love him. Part of becoming an adult is accepting responsibility for the choices that YOU make and for your own beliefs. If being in a fraternity means enough to you then you will find a way to pay for it, I guess. Certainly nobody needs to belong to a fraternity in college. </p>
<p>I don’t think I should have to pay for something I don’t believe in simply because my son wants it or it’s important to him. If getting high is important to him should I pay for his pot or heroin? I don’t think so. Paying for college is tough enough for most of us parents. If you knew that your parents were paying for your fraternity dues in lieu of funding their retirement plan, would you feel dfferently? I sure hope so. Many parents are making tough choices that have nothing to do with how much they love their children or want to help them out. To me, your comments come from a sense of entitlement.</p>
<p>Bigredmed, thinking that your parents will support you, and thinking that they will pay for it are two different things. And coming in and saying that they MUST pay for it, or they SHOULD pay for it - again, different things than saying, “This is what I want to do. What do you think?”</p>
<p>There have been lots of things over the years that may have been important to the boys but not important to us. An IPOD and Wi come immediately to mind. They paid for them out of their summer earnings. Gifts usually need to be things BOTH the parents and the boys feel good about. For example, the older one wants a ski pass for his birthday this year. That’s fine with us; a video game is not. </p>
<p>We are not supportive of him joining a fraternity so of course would not pay for it. On the other hand, if we came from different backgrounds than we do and thought joining a fraternity would be a good thing, we would presumably throw the dues into the same 90%/10% bucket of all of his other “preapproved” school expenses (we would pay 90% and he would pay 10%). We have made this division of expenses, which is far from easy or convenient, as a teaching tool. It gives S a financial stake in every decision he makes (public versus private school, used books verus new, etc.), gives us an opportunity to track college expenses precisely, and gives us an opportunity talk finances (both expenses and investments) with him on a routine basis as we update the Excel spreadsheet and settle accounts. </p>
<p>This is a pretty anal approach and may not work for most families, but we all seem to enjoy the process.</p>