<p>Is there something already on this site or elsewhere that someone can point to that gives a realistic explanation of how Greek Life "works", what it's really like, and what the pros and cons are? </p>
<p>Every time I say something like I don't think it will appeal to my S, people tell me that I may be surprised, that frats can be very varied and there's something for everyone. But this is a kid who has avoided every dance/prom/etc. in 4 years of HS and doesn't "party" except for attending cast parties after his drama club plays. Very unlikely to do anything he doesn't want to do (including get dressed up) just to be "accepted" by some group. Likes to hang out with a small group of friends and play D&D, video games, watch Star Trek or Dr. Who, etc. Doesn't fit <em>my</em> idea of a frat boy, but I went to a school without Greek life, so I really don't know.</p>
<p>Fraternities come in all shapes and sizes. Some certainly do have their share of parties but the primary focus is that they are a social group. At many schools, they are also living groups in that the brothers live together in their house. A lot depends on the college and the rules they have for their fraternities.</p>
<p>I would start by looking at the school web site and search around for the interfraternity council or something like that. You can probably then look at the individual fraternity web sites.</p>
<p>I went to a very nerdly engineering school and the fraternities mirrored the school to a great extent. I was not a party person. We had our share of parties but were more into sports than parties. We did our own cooking, cleaning, etc. We were totally self sufficient. I learned many leadership skills as I was steward for two terms, cooked for many more and was VP of the house for a term.</p>
<p>I made many lifelong friends that I still keep in touch with 35 years later. I believe that joining that fraternity did as much for developing my adult personality and skill set as the college did. I consider joining it the best decision I ever made.</p>
<p>My son went to a college where there were several active fraternities. I encouraged him to look at them. He did and decided it wasnāt for him. I believe he made the best choice for him.</p>
<p>I would encourage your son to go and visit the fraternities and make his own decision.</p>
<p>HPuck said it very well. It will really depend on the school. S should take a look at the details of recruitment then check it out if he is even slightly interested. He will have the chance to meet some people on campus from fellow freshman recruits to upperclassmen in the various organizations.</p>
<p>Although most organizations are national, each chapter has its own unique personality. If he finds a group that āfitsā and the fraternity agrees, then he may really like it. If it doesnāt work out, he will still have met a few people and gone to some fun events.</p>
<p>It completely depends on the campus culture, although even at the most ātraditionalā Greek campuses there are usually non traditional fraternities. Some parents on the Alabama forum have mentioned how their sons have joined fraternities at Bama when they never thought they would - their sons just found a group of guys that they likedā¦</p>
<p>If your son is interested, he should go through rush and visit the houses. Maybe he will meet some guys he likes, maybe not. Either way, he will have met some new people and will have a good time at college regardless of whether he goes Greek or notā¦</p>
<p>Oh, heavens, no. Thatās a website that attracts over-the-top Greeks and is extremely skewed to heavy Greek campuses and Southern style Greek life and taking it all waaaay too seriously. Checking the OPās threads, she appears to be asking about Cornell.</p>
<p>Back in the ā70ās, I was in a fraternity on a Big Ten campus. Did a world of good for me socially, even if it was a little skewed towards indulgence. Times have changed, though, at least overtly. GOOD fraternities & sororities focus on grades, philanthropy & social stuff in that order. The othersā priorities may be different. You need to check them out to see whatās what. Rush may not tell you the whole story.</p>
<p>FWIW, D1 joined a high-achieving sorority, graduated & is friends with many of them to this dayāgreat move for her. D2, who is presently at a different school, saw right away that āconformingā (and there is definitely a certain amount of that) was not for her, did not go Greek & is doing fine as well. Different strokes, yāunderstandā¦</p>
<p>If the OPās son is going to Cornell, then fraternity rush is in January, hence giving him the whole first semester to meet a range of people and decide if he even wants to rush. Downsides to this are listening to a whole semesterās worth of nonsense about ātiersā and reputations, although I admit that in general boys are much better about finding a group they like regardless of ātiersāā¦and there are 39 IFC fraternities at Cornell!</p>
<p>This is <yet> another decision you can leave up to your son. MeāIām not a big fan. Neither of my brothers joined a fraternity, nor did many of my male friends in college. DS#1 decided to join one. Iām curious what DS#2 decides to do this fall. But, really, their decision.</yet></p>
<p>Of course itās up to him, Iād just be interested to understand how it works etc. Even in a general way and knowing that things vary from school to school (and yes, for now I am asking about Cornell, though I have 2 more younger sons as well).</p>
<p>Cornell has ~40 housed fraternities. Yes, there will be at least one fraternity, likely more, filled with D&D/Star Trek types. (I find that this sort make excellent boyfriends.)</p>
<p>One thing you may not knowā¦expense. Fraternities (and sororities) can be very expensive. At UT, for example, freshman pledges can expect to add another $5-10K onto their university bill per year. (Dues + expenses vary from frat to frat.) Our D pledged a sorority in January (OOS ā not at UT), and they were pretty up front about the $, so there werenāt any big surprises ($1,500/semester for first semester). There are ALWAYS additional activities, tees, etc. so when youāre budgeting, aim high. </p>
<p>Cornell has a fairly large Greek population so I would presume, like others have said, there might be a fraternity or two that āfitsā your son. Bear in mind, though, recruitment is a two-sided process and can be fiercely competitive at some schools; he may want to join a particular fraternity or two but may not receive a bid from them. Good luck with his choice!</p>
<p>I donāt think UTās fraternity dues are the norm. Sās dues and dues of his friends at other schools (all SEC schools) are nowhere near that.</p>
<p>My son attends a southern school with an active greek life. He just finished his freshman year and pledged a fraternity during the spring. Although the pledge period was exhausting and grueling, it turned out to be very good for my son. It was during this time that 2 of the brothers spotted signs of depression in my son and urged him to seek help. </p>
<p>I canāt bear to think where my son might have ended up had those brothers not intervened. But, thanks to them, son entered counseling, ultimately pulled (most of) his grades out of a tailspin, and learned some lifelong lessons in compassion and brotherhood. I, as a mother, will always be grateful to those boys. </p>
<p>Most fraternities, including Sonās, have drunks and rowdies. But, thatās not all theyāre about. Look into them with an open mind.</p>