Could someone critique my Common App essay?

<p>I'm writing for #1: "Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you."</p>

<p>Someone's who's not applying this year, please?</p>

<p>I am a sophomore, so idk if you want me to, but I would be glad to give you some basic feedback.</p>