Pretty please critique my common app essay?

<p>Would anyone be interested in reading and providing feedback on my main essay for the common app? I'm not sure exactly what topic it fits in but most likely either:</p>

<p>"Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you."</p>

<p>or just "topic of your choice."</p>

<p>Anyway, I'd really appreciate having some people read it. And you can critique it harshly, be ruthless! (but not too ruthless :) Thanks!</p>

<p>PM me, I’m have a pretty good eye for grammar and other issues. And being ruthless is easy, sugarcoating is whats hard.</p>