<p>I am never going to be able to give a major development gift, but I've always dutifully sent a few bucks to my alma mater every year since I graduated 25 years ago. I loved my time in college and I've always been grateful for the education. This year, however, I'm feeling resentful when I see that envelope from the development office. Why? I've come to the conclusion that I can't realistically afford to send my own child to the college I attended, despite having a good job and a comfortable household income. So why should I send them my money, especially when I need to save it for a more affordable place? Why should I subsidize the education of someone else when my own child is shut out financially? I wonder if anyone else feels this way, and if so, whether alumni giving offices at private colleges are aware of this resentment? </p>
<p>Please note that this is not sour grapes about academic rejection; it's resentment at the ridiculous increases in tuition and fees since the late '80s (currently 52K at my alma mater for 2009-10, with need-based aid only).</p>
<p>I could not. And my alma mater would consider us able to do so, ie, they would not give any of kids financial aid. We don’t donate anymore. I suggest that you write them a note telling them what your situation is. I did that. </p>
<p>However, the development section of a college is usually separate from admissions and fin aid. For good reason, since there should be no conflict in interest, though it does occur when you are talking about applications from kids with high development potential and, to a lesser degree, but still significant, legacy admissions. </p>
<p>Friends of ours are both BC alums. When they went to a reunion, one of the things they learned was that it would be highly unlikely that their kids would be admitted to BC, and that they couldn’t afford it if their kids did get in there. No more alumni dollars to BC.</p>
<p>Private schools and colleges have always walked that line where they try to keep alums happy and yet not give them too big of an advantage in admissions. Development’s role is to get any money they can. Many times, development is run under the auspices of an outside fund raising organization. So, of course, as alums, you will get requests for money regardless of how the admissions department has treated your kids and how the school treated you, for that matter. It’s nothing personal. Just business. Yes, the alumni and development folds are aware of this resentment and it pains them, but in order for the school to have as fair of an admissions process as possible, you cannot have those issues have a large impact on who a school admits. That there is an impact at all, sometimes quite significant, is because it does affect alumni giving.</p>
<p>I would need my child to get an impressive merit scholarship if he wanted to go to my alma mater. I agree it is frustrating to send money elsewhere when saving for your own kids. I guess we need to look at it as something we are doing for ourselves as a reflection of our experience at that school, rather than thinking our kids will go there.</p>
<p>NJSUe, I hear you. I was in mourning for just a bit a few years ago when I realized that the LAC I attended in the mid 70’s for $3500-4000 a year was now $35,000-$40,000 for tuition. I about died. We had saved, but not for $50,000 a year for tuition/room/board/books for 4 years for 2 kids. And our EFC was not going to help except maybe for the two years that overlapped. And merit aid was just not going to happen for both. </p>
<p>So then I picked myself up, and went on. D’s are both at flagship state U’s, will graduate with no loans, and hopefully will finish up grad/professional school with little or no loans.</p>
<p>Now that I have two in college, I have put on hold my donations to my alma mater. I have been giving to D1’s foundation (D2 will start college in the fall.) </p>
<p>And life goes on. But for a year, I bemoaned the cost of my dear LAC. I still look back fondly on my time there.</p>
<p>My alma mater is relatively affordable for a private school, much more affordable than the school D attends. Sadly, neither one of mine is interested.</p>
<p>We could afford to send them to mine, but we wouldn’t want to, nor would the kids have wanted to go there.</p>
<p>We could afford 1 of DH’s colleges which is a public, but not the other 2 which are private. We do still give to 1 of the 2 privates because we believe in the education they provide.</p>
<p>We do give generously to the kids’ university as we are very pleased with the education they received. We have also met some wonderful people there.</p>
<p>Not only could we not afford to send D to our alma mater - but she didn’t even get accepted with 6 legacies and almost identical stats as mine (GPA, SATs and EC). Things have gotten way too competitive. </p>
<p>But I am pleased that she is attending my #2 choice back when I was applying. Now I get to see what I missed and explore another city!</p>
<p>I could afford one of the two. (The public yes, the private no). It is irksome that because some students’ parents have been less successful, my alma mater will collect money from me, fund their kids but raise the tuition price for mine, pricing us out.</p>
<p>Thanks for the responses. I know there are many great schools out there, and in the overall scheme of things, my kid will be just fine even if she can’t go where I went. But it sticks in my craw to read in the annual letter how devoted my college is to remaining “affordable.” It reads like a bad joke to me. My parents sacrificed a lot to send me there, partly, I think, because they thought it would pay off socially and economically over the long run. When discussing this with my father recently, he said that if he had to to it all over again, he would have encouraged his children to go to state schools from the get-go. The long-term ROI of attending very expensive privates does not justify the increasingly absurd cost (if you are a full-freight family).</p>
<p>I don’t think this is a reason for not continuing to donate to your college. I donate because I’m grateful for the education I received. D2 wasn’t accepted to said college and I still donate. </p>
<p>My undergrad alma mater was cheap then and is a REAL bargain nowadays. Unfortunately, couldn’t get the kids interested in attending…</p>
<p>I’ve expressed my gratitude with several years of annual donations. But I don’t feel any obligation to take money away from my child’s education fund to give to my alma mater. The sales pitch is always, “help others get the education you got.” Well, I’ve got a more pressing ethical and financial obligation to fund my own child first. Charity begins at home.</p>
<p>I have stopped most monetary donations for these years that my kids are in college. We just can’t afford them. Once they are out of college, we’ll reappraise all contenders for our meager offerings and decide who gets a piece.</p>
<p>Cpt, I’ve had to do the same thing. With the economic downturn hurting my business, just as D is coming into the college years, I’ve had to (sadly) suspend almost all of my charitable giving. Not that it was a huge amount, but I was usually able to make somewhat significant contributions each year to a handful of charities that I believe in.</p>
<p>Those days are over for awhile, though I hope not for too long.</p>
<p>My private college cost less than 10% of my family’s single-earner income back in the day. Wouldn’t that be nice.</p>
<p>It is now in the low 50’s, like so many other schools…</p>
<p>S applied there and received sufficient merit aid that it would have been possible with some loans. Without the merit aid, we’d have been looking at $70-80K in loans, best case, and maybe more. I would not have let him borrow that much, and would not take on that debt for myself.</p>
<p>I no longer donate to my alma mater either.</p>
<p>My alma mater, the Univ. of North Dakota, is trying so hard to get students. They are offering instate tuition ($6,726) to all children of graduates, including those of us who have moved out of state. Unfortunately, none of my kids have been interested.</p>
<p>I was on full aid at my alma mater. The switch is that I can afford to send my kids.</p>
<p>Parents often resent alma maters. For many it’s that their kids can’t get in. This is a new twist.</p>
<p>The bottom line is it’s not just your school that experienced tremendous cost inflation. The reality is that many upper middle class kids are priced out of private colleges. I agree that it should not impact how you treat your college. Perhaps you take a break from giving during the years you’re putting your kids through college, but hopefully you go back to giving for the reason most of us give-we love the place!</p>
<p>We could afford to send ours to either of the schools we graduated from. Luckily they chose mine.</p>
<p>I’ve heard from a lot of people who went to pricy private schools that they can’t afford to send their kids to those schools. I’m not seeing the benefit that they received from that school then. All my siblings and I went to public universities. We can all afford to send our kids to those same schools, and most of us to private ones.</p>
<p>If a private school has experienced tremendous price inflation, why does it deserve the support of its alumni? Has it used its resources in a responsible manner? Has it behaved as a true non-profit, or has it priced itself for prestige and marketing reasons? A lot of colleges have broken the 50K mark because they believe they won’t be perceived as premium otherwise. It this really the way a reputable not-for-profit foundation behaves?</p>