Cpw - a parent's nightmare! Please help

Colleges and Universities A-Z Massachusetts Institute of Technology
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<p>Hello to any current MIT students, parents of students, or staff. Before you jump down my throat and tell me "well, maybe this is not the place for your kid!" please "hear me out" and offer only genuinely helpful advice.</p>

<p>Ok, so son who has NEVER been to the campus before (and only to Boston once) received the CPW schedule. He will be arriving by train in the late evening (so likely dark) - has to "somehow" find a subway (oh, we live in a somewhat rural area, so he has NEVER been on a subway alone and only a few times with others), and then he has to make his way across a large, strange campus by himself (assuming he arrives safely). Thanks for your help so far MIT - NOT! (Would it REALLY be too much to ask that "helper" students and staff at least be waiting with welcoming signs to these students and assist them in walking to/finding the check in area?!) I was told that this is not done. :-(( </p>

<p>Yeah, I know, I know, this is MIT - where everyone is independent. And that's fine. I get it. I really do. BUT, THESE ARE NOT YET STUDENTS - THEY ARE ESSENTIALLY VISITORS TO A FOREIGN CAMPUS/CITY - AND ALONE - THEY HAVE NOT YET MADE FRIENDS, DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO FOR HELP, AND OH, YEAH, MANY LIKE MY SON ARE TRAVELING ACROSS THE US AND WILL ARRIVE TIRED, HUNGRY, AND YES, MAYBE A BIT NERVOUS AND SCARED. But that's ok - don't bother helping them. After all - this is MIT right? Sink or swim? </p>

<p>Ok, so let's assume my son somehow makes it to the check-in. (After all, he WAS bright enough to get into MIT). But there is no welcoming dinner -- he has to "somehow figure out how to get to a random fraternity across the city" - or rather, across a long bridge into ANOTHER city" in hopes of finding a house for which he knows NOTHING about its residents, let alone it's location. Oh, yes, "welcome to MIT" - I know, I get it. But still - as a parent, viewing the schedule - it's MOST disconcerting. And I'm not talking about the events that take place from midnight to 6 am. I am talking about the seeming "lack of any sort of structure or regard" for the fact that these are 17 year old young men and young women, some on their own for the first time, and some who may or may not have a great sense of direction, and BOOM - they are expected to not only arrive to campus but to "fend for themselves" (as unlike a recent preview weekend elsewhere that had VERY precise breakfast, lunches, and special dinners planned for the prospective students, MIT expects the students to just "find the events that offer food") - my son doesn't even know WHO is cooking the so called "steak dinner" at xyz frat -- is it other students who may have no clue of food safety or preparation, or may not have even bought enough food for all, or are these professional cooks? If it "depends" on the venue, how can the students know where is best to go? (And not starve and/or risk getting food poisoned). </p>

<p>Then the kids get to sleep on a floor of "either a dorm, frat, sorority, or independent living house" - seriously? Why not a dorm with an adult advisor? What if they feel "unsafe" in a fraternity in which "hazing" by members may be accepted practice and if that's a place where a student CHOOSES to be part of - fine - but MIT doesn't give the prospective student the "option" of where to stay, do they? :-( I had ASSUMED, as I will bet the vast majority of parents do, that the students would at least be staying "On Campus" - not OFF!! Do I sound extreme? How do I know what the heck goes on inside an "off campus" frat? Hopefully, NOTHING "bad" goes on - but as a parent, how can I possibly know that? I mean, if the administration is this "hands off", even with prospective students, how do I know that every "brother" in every frat is doing "right" by my son? For example, how do I know they won't encourage drinking, or worse? Heck, they ARE frats, right? Yes, I realize not EVERY brother drinks nor every frat is made up of huge partiers, but again, the prospective students may end up at ANY frat and are not given any options. MIT Administration: maybe my son wants to stay in Random Hall - or in Sigma Alpha Mu Frat (just choosing a name at random) -- why don't you at least give students the option so they (and their parents) can feel more comfortable? </p>

<p>And before you guys ask me: "how will you be assured of what goes on once he's AT college"? - my response to that is I trust my son's good sense, and I know he will select a living arrangement and friends that are in his best interest, but again, since he has no control or say in this during CPW, as a parent, I would HOPE that administration would be more "hands on" for their preview. </p>

<p>Again, please don't berate me. I just see a zillion page schedule with random events on and off the campus. I am tempted to advise my son to do his best to stay strictly ON the campus so he can feel more at ease "getting around" and not be at the mercy of anyone to give him rides or walk across a foreign bridge with him. Is this good advice? Seriously, how do most of the kids manage at CPW? Even though they ALL were accepted, surely not all are "suited" for MIT's unique environment. And yeah, I GET it - maybe that's precisely WHY MIT "plans" its preview as it does -- but seriously, couldn't you provide a LITTLE more assistance to the students and a bit more "reassurance" to parents like me who are entrusting you with our children for 4 days... and possibly 4 years -- just not YET.</p>

<p>Advice - "no attacks", please. I am being sincere in my concern. Any parents who feel similarly, I hope you will speak up. If any parents of prospective MIT'ers are reading this, and haven't yet read over the entire CPW schedule, I would advise you to do so.</p>

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<p>Okay, whoa. There are a lot of worries in here, and I can try to unpack some of them, but ultimately the number one rule is don’t panic. Your son will find campus, will not go hungry, and will be able to enjoy himself without being forced to do anything he doesn’t want to do. </p>

<p>

When I came to visit MIT after being accepted (not during CPW, just a visit), I was in a similar situation – I flew to Boston alone and had to get to campus, never having traveled alone in a city before. I chose to take a cab, which is a more expensive option, but useful if you’re concerned. When I went back to the airport the following day, I ventured on to the subway, and didn’t have any problems making it to the airport. So I know what this feels like, and while it can be nerve-wracking, it’s not dangerous, and it’s not impossible.</p>

<p>

There are definitely plenty of signs all over campus. And although might not be anyone specifically assigned to direct students, I will personally guarantee that your son can ask anybody how to get to the student center, and that student will happily direct him, or maybe even walk with him. MIT students are aware that there are lots of visitors around during CPW, and they’re happy to help.</p>

<p>

There is a welcoming ceremony, just not a dinner.</p>

<p>

Well, let’s wait for the housing assignment before worrying about the location – your son might, of course, be assigned to a host who lives in a dorm. Regardless, your son will be given the contact information of his host prior to arriving, so it’s no problem to arrange to meet the host somewhere on campus, or make other plans for his arrival. </p>

<p>

I know this isn’t the central issue, but generally the fraternities have professional cooks.</p>

<p>

No one starves, and no one gets food poisoning. At the very least, prefrosh are given money (I think ~$30) on a plastic card, and they can buy food at the student center or dining halls.</p>

<p>

There isn’t a dorm on campus that is available to house all of the prospective students, and generally prefrosh are happy for the opportunity to experience what life is really like at MIT. For what it’s worth, the fraternities/sororities/ILGs do have MIT-affiliated resident advisors, so there’s about as much adult supervision in the FSILGs as there is in the dorms.</p>

<p>

CPW is strictly dry – nobody will offer a drink to a prefrosh. This rule is taken very seriously by students, because violating it will get you and your organization into very serious trouble very quickly.</p>

<p>

There are also MIT-run shuttles (Saferide) that go from campus to the fraternities, so there are absolutely options other than walking or getting a ride from someone. There’s also a public bus.</p>

<p>Overall, CPW is a big, busy, fun event, and most people who go have a great time. In four years at MIT actually being involved with CPW, and seven years on CC talking about it, I can’t say I’ve ever encountered someone who was so worried and outraged by the free-form nature of the weekend. I can’t really answer the “why is it this way” questions, other to say that it’s mostly student-planned and student-run, and students (current and prefrosh alike) think it works well.</p>

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<p>Frus13:
Other than a parent being overly worried, do you really believe there is any nightmare here?
It sounds like your son is in for a fun adventurous trip.</p>

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<p>

</p>

<p>… all of these options have adult advisors living in the building.</p>

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<p>I think all your worries are legitimate, but having been to CPW last year and a current MIT student now, I definitely think that MIT takes good care of its prefrosh and they’re definitely not left stranded on the street alone.</p>

<p>Contrary to what you might think of it, the campus is incredibly safe, safer than any other campus you’ll ever visit probably. The subway is very easy to navigate and you can always ask people for help if you’re worried about getting lost.</p>

<p>I think you have the wrong impression of CPW and what it means. CPW is meant to be a very brief, very fun festival taking place at MIT. It is NOT representative, under any way shape or form, of the day-to-day life here. During CPW campus goes nuts, we still have school, but there’s activities everywhere, people barbecue and it’s probably the most exciting time for us students during the year.</p>

<p>In short, your son will find that CPW is a great experience if he shows up with an open mind!</p>

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<p>Molly,</p>

<p>Are there just too many kids coming to CPW to have greeters at the airport? </p>

<p>OP,</p>

<p>My son didn’t go to CPW last year. He was at Princeton’s preview which conflicted with CPW. Princeton did have people greet my son at the train station but I don’t think they greeted him at the airport. They gave us specific directions of how to get from airport to the train and then on from there.</p>

<p>I am guessing MIT will give very clear directions for your son on how to get from airport to campus. And, I’m betting there will be other kids arriving at the same time that he can meet.</p>

<p>Also, maybe your son can “meet” some kids on a facebook page or even here on CC. That might help him if he has a buddy.</p>

<p>My son was flown out there for another program during the fall of his senior year. I honestly can’t remember any of the details-can’t remember if they met him at the airport or how he got to campus. I think they asked the kids for preferences about hosts and he got placed with someone based on that. Have they given your son a questionnaire? I know my son’s roommate is hosting someone.</p>

<p>I do think MIT is more hands off than some schools but it seems to work out ok.</p>

<p>Oh, and I’m a pretty conservative Christian, so I don’t tend to take things lightly.</p>

<p>Not everyone will like CPW (parents or kids) but I hope your son does!</p>

<p>PS. Feel free to PM me if you have questions. I’ve been to campus once to drop my son off last August and I had a wonderful time.</p>

<p>PSS. One difference may be that my son tends to be adventurous (though that wasn’t always the case but he <em>loves</em> to travel), so the idea of getting around a campus by himself wasn’t that big of deal.</p>

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<p>[How</a> to Get Here | MIT Campus Preview Weekend 2013](<a href=“http://mitcpw.org/travel/how-get-here]How”>Experience - MIT Admitted)</p>

<p>Frus13 – not sure if you saw this, but above is some info about travel during CPW. Also, my S was housed in fraternity last year during CPW and they were wonderful to him (I was also worried about this). I’m sure your S will have a wonderful time. Everyone is there to help (and so many parents around too), so please try not to worry too much.</p>

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<p>Nightmare? Really?</p>

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<p>

There are greeters at the airport – at least, MIT runs a shuttle from the airport to campus, so clearly there are people assigned to drive it. IIRC, they have a list of when people are arriving, so they are looking out for specific people at the airport, but I’m not 100% positive.</p>

<p>But OP’s son is coming from the train (South Station, I assume), and there’s not a shuttle from there. (It is directly on the Red Line, though, so a very easy T trip to campus.)</p>

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<p>First, and foremost, THANK YOU to everyone that posted extremely helpful information and support. I am not a “bad person” - just a worried mom, and frankly, I was a bit apprehensive to log on now to view any replies to my question, thinking all I would see were people upset at me for posing my questions or for how I posed them, so it was a “relief” to read all of your kind replies. :-)) </p>

<p>Thank you especially molliebatmit for answering virtually all of my concerns. And yes, you assumed correctly - my son will be coming from South Station, and while I (reluctantly?) accept that you can’t have faculty or upperclass students simply “stationed in the station” :slight_smile: all day, I still wish you had a few people (maybe they could just do an hour shift each?) standing “just outside the station at Kendall Square” who could maybe grab a suitcase or sleeping bag from the students and walk with them to the Student Center. I mean, even if you only had someone do this every 15 minutes or so, I’d rather have my son have to wait and then have someone help him, then trudge his stuff 10 minutes across campus (if he doesn’t get lost!) and maybe triple that time if he goes the wrong way or something. I mean, I have been to MIT and it IS a very large campus and town. Just a suggestion for the administration. Other than that, I didn’t know about the card that allows the students to buy a bit of food if they can’t find an “eating event” so that is very good to know. So again, thanks to all!!</p>

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<p>I guess the one point I didn’t address before this that CPW isn’t set up the way it is in order to force prefrosh to “sink or swim”, or to make students who aren’t suited to the environment feel uncomfortable. It’s set up the way it is to provide an introduction to the way MIT life really is – people will say that CPW isn’t like a real weekend at MIT, but in a lot of ways, it actually is. And it’s valuable for a prefrosh to know what life is really like at MIT, not just what the administration would like to present. </p>

<p>After all, if the administration set up a bunch of scheduled dinners, prefrosh wouldn’t have the opportunity to see and experience the variety of food options real students use on a day-to-day basis: dining halls, cooking for themselves, ordering in, scrounging free food from an event, eating at their FSILGs. And those choices are important for prefrosh to see – if someone really dislikes the freeform nature of the dining system, it’s useful to know that now, rather than after enrollment.</p>

<p>Anyway, I’d encourage you to have your son ask his host to meet him at Kendall when he arrives on campus. This is a pretty normal thing for a prefrosh to ask – my freshman year prefrosh arrived by bus to South Station early in the morning on Thursday, and I met her in Kendall and we had breakfast before I took her to the check-in and then back to my dorm.</p>

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<p>@Frus13 – When my daughter attended CPW several years ago, her dad flew out with her and helped her arrive at the check-in spot on the MIT campus, so I do understand your concerns. I’m not sure how I would have felt about her arriving by herself. However, I can tell you that Campus Preview Week at MIT is really, really different than similar events at any other campuses, in that it is virtually entirely student-run. There will be welcoming students everywhere, and your son will never feel alone. If he’s anything like my daughter or her friends, your greatest problem will be that he won’t want to come back home. </p>

<p>The only thing I’d recommend is to think about whether your son has ever used any form of public transit by himself. Ever ridden a subway? Ever navigated a bus route across town, or from one town to another? If so, he won’t have any problems, because Boston’s subway system is extremely easy to figure out. If not, maybe you could set up a practice scenario – if he thinks that would be useful.</p>

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<p>Go with him and stay in a hotel in the area. Just make sure he gets to where he needs to go.</p>

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<p>^ If that were a viable option, I don’t think we’d have had such an anguished post from the OP. Just my two cents.</p>

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<p>Frus13, People have been over the top understanding here. It may be worthwhile to consider how best to generate the information you need from MIT and other sources. Typically posting rants on this site won’t generate the best help. As those of us with multiple kids who have already moved through these milestones know, public rants, particularly on cc may be embarrassing but also may yield inaccurate information. Lucky that Mollie replied. But even if you do post a rant, it may be worthwhile to identify the specific concerns, prioritize them and seek answers to the most pressing ones and let the others go. That process can help clarify where the concern lies, whether there are ways to minimize the concern and how much one concern should be weighted in comparison to others. Some logistics may be accomplished by simply getting necessary information-train schedules, types of transportation, etc. Most reasonably competent adolescents can make their way from one form of transportation to another to their destination, given a schedule, some $$ and a cell phone. Next, food. Its Boston! The kid will find some. The frat food has probably not been through a sanitizer but neither has hospital food. Tell the kid that if it arrives blood red, to send it back to the kitchen to be scorched some more. Don’t you trust that your kid is now equipped with enough common sense to make it safely through a weekend event-one that has been run successfully in the past with no significant instances of mortality (except those kid who…only kidding). Are you thinking this same kid will be ready to be on his own in a few months? Suggestion-let your kid do all the planning. Look over it. Give a nod and be done with it.</p>

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<p>Two additional points:</p>

<ul>
<li><p>MIT is one of the easiest campuses in existence to navigate because it is long and skinny, and runs East/West along the Charles River, which loops around to the south of campus. Make sure your son takes a look at a map of MIT/Cambridge now to orient himself. Most frats are either on campus or right across the river on either side of the Harvard bridge. If you can see the river, you are on or near the campus. If you want to walk from Kendall (on the East side) towards the West Campus side (where the student center is), head towards the building that looks like Dr. Seuss designed it (:D) and keep the river to your left. MIT also never sleeps. At 3:47 am year-round, you will find a student or faculty member (probably a grad student checking in at a lab, but during CPW could be many people) to ask directions. MIT people really like to be helpful. They also tend to be very nice.</p></li>
<li><p>Successful MIT students need initiative, self-advocacy, fearlessness (at times), perseverance, and problem solving skills in the face of ambiguity. Students are supported, but they are not coddled and must seek out the type of help they need. </p></li>
</ul>

<p>Employers respect the graduates because they have developed these skills to a high level. A student who is uncomfortable in CPW, which is extremely supportive and relatively unintimidating, may not be the best fit. Your son may rise to the challenge and gain the confidence to attend or may decide that he is not quite ready for or comfortable in a less structured type of environment. </p>

<p>You are worried like any loving parent, but now it is time to trust in your son’s problem solving abilities. I’m also sending my DS unaccompanied across country (first time on his own to travel), and I don’t do stupid things. :slight_smile: </p>

<p>Give him the city smarts lecture (no hitchhiking) and work with him to make sure he develops his step by step directions of where and how he needs to go to get to campus. Once on campus, he’ll have lots and lots of support and advice. The trains and T (subway) are very easy to manage in Boston, BTW, and anyone in the train station can show him how to buy a ticket if it isn’t already obvious to him.</p>

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<p>If your son has a smart phone there are a number of free apps for transportation in many cities, including Boston. If he enters his current location and a destination, there are apps that will give step by step info on how to get there: " go down the stairs 100’ your right to subway, take #___ to … Etc". They give very detailed info on how to get wherever you are going. Very useful-my D uses them whenever she is traveling somewhere new.</p>

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<p>Thanks takeitallin; I keep forgetting about how people navigate these days. </p>

<p>I confess I am still old school. I still use paper maps and landmarks!<br>
How embarrassing. :o </p>

<p>At least I do not use sliderules, although I know how to use one. :smiley:
My roommate used an abacus rather than her newfangled calculator. Come to think of it, wouldn’t that be a great IAP class? Using both will soon become a lost art here in the US. But I’m off topic. Sorry.</p>

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<p>A few random ideas that might help you;</p>

<ol>
<li><p>The subway system has a web site [MBTA.com</a> > Official Website for Greater Boston’s Public Transportation System](<a href=“http://www.mbta.com%5DMBTA.com”>http://www.mbta.com) that gives route maps and street maps with the stations highlighted. Have him go there and familiarize himself with the route from the train station to school. It will make both of you more at eaze.</p></li>
<li><p>MIT fraternities are not the scary type (for parents at least) that you read and hear about. Not to say they are perfect but if you want to remain in school at MIT you need to pay serious attention to your classwork. I was in a fraternity (many moons ago, but I visit occasionally and it really hasn’t changed in it’s attitude that much) and we would look out for each other. That means if someone was getting out of control (socially or academically) we go out and reign them back in. That way, no one got too out of control.</p></li>
<li><p>My fraternity was one of the ones that did their own cooking. Not everyone cooked, only those that choose to (and had the skill to) and you were paid (not much) to do so. We paid strict attention to food safety and I can’t recall any of the 35 or so members ever getting food poisoning in 4 years. We would even have local alumni that were recent grads stop by frequently for lunch and/or dinner. Except for the fact that only one dish was prepared for a given meal, I thought we ate better than the dorms. We put the money into buying good food and saved money on the labor.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>You worry because you’re a concerned mom. As my wife says; “that’s my job to worry”. It is good to ask the questions and then get the answers, prep your son for what’s to come, and then let him go. He’ll learn to fly just fine.</p>

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<p>@ molliebatmit – where you wrote “Anyway, I’d encourage you to have your son ask his host to meet him at Kendall when he arrives on campus. This is a pretty normal thing for a prefrosh to ask – my freshman year prefrosh arrived by bus to South Station early in the morning on Thursday, and I met her in Kendall and we had breakfast before I took her to the check-in and then back to my dorm.”</p>

<p>This makes a LOT of sense to me. :slight_smile: Just hope whoever my son’s host is might be willing to meet him upon arrival. Btw, just when/how do the students learn who their host is and receive their contact information?</p>