<p>my essay is about having to take care of my Grandfather while he was stricken with Alzheimer's disease and how that impacted me for the better. Please read and critique. It is about 700 words long. PM me if you would like to help me out! Thanks in advance!</p>
<p>"for the better. "</p>
<p>From the start, I think that sounds too cheesy.</p>
<p>It's not a positive experience -- seeing a relative stricken by a disease -- but it had an impact on your person. I hope you're not sounding too didactic there.</p>
<p>PM me, I'd like to see it, but here are some general comments without seeing it: narrative and dialogue form is very useful for this -- it makes the essay more "intense" without sounding cliched. Demonstrate, not tell, how the experience shaped you.</p>
<p>I'd like to read it if you would read mine. PM me!</p>