<p>I didn't really spend too much time on this, focusing more on the main essay. Still, I want to make sure it's good enough. Thanks in advance!...</p>
<p>"I slip on my uniform, tie my laces tight, and pick up my racket to head out to the courts. The smells of rubber and sweat intermingle, and my fingers clutch the grip in anticipation of a match. For the last five years of my life, tennis has been my sport of choice and over the past two years it has consumed my spring afternoons. Obviously, like with any sport, being on the team has helped to maintain my fitness and given me a sense of unity with the other players; it's taught me to play for others and not just for myself. More than that, though, is the alertness of the mind that it promotes like a puzzle, a player must chart how and where to hit the ball, which path would best win the game. To me, this is the most challenging, but enjoyable, aspect of the game. Admittedly, much of my life has been filled by more art-related pursuits, leaving sports as a secondary aim. Nevertheless, I have found tennis to be something of both a physical and mental necessity to my personal health."</p>
<p>Because the changes reflect my own opinion, you may or may not like it :)</p>
<p>"I slip on my uniform, tie my laces tight, pick up my racket and head out to the courts. The smells of rubber and sweat intermingle, and my fingers clutch the grip in anticipation of a match. For the past five years, tennis has been my sport of choice; for two years it has consumed my spring afternoons. Being on the team has helped to maintain my fitness and has given me a sense of unity with the other players; it has taught me to play for others and not just for myself. More than that, though, is the alertness of the mind that it promotes – like a puzzle, a player must chart how and where to hit the ball, so as to map the path that would best win the game. To me, this is at once the most challenging and enjoyable aspect of the game. </p>
<p>Ok, it is fine up to here, but then the last two sentences you contradict yourself. If I were an admissions officer, I would be like: “Ok, this student has a passion for tennis. Hmm, ok, he is very dedicated having spent the last five years playing, etc…BUT, he suddenly states that sports were a secondary aim?”</p>
<p>If you really were pursuing arts that much, why don’t you write about art? Just a thought.</p>
<p>“Admittedly, much of my life has been filled by more art-related pursuits, leaving sports as a secondary aim. Nevertheless, I have found tennis to be something of both a physical and mental necessity to my personal health.” </p>
<p>Hm, I see what you mean. As per your advice, I’ll probably go ahead and change the last couple sentences to something that doesn’t stray into mentioning another subject so much. As for why I talked about tennis in the first place, my main essay had a pretty heavy art focus, so I guess I wanted to show a different aspect of myself. Thanks a lot!</p>