Critique my Letter of Appeal please!

<p>Dear admissions personnel,</p>

<p>In November, I applied to Penn State University Park with a second choice of Altoona campus for Division of Undergraduate Studies. Last week, I received an offer of admission to Altoona. I was aware that my GPA was low for admission to University Park, therefore I was not surprised. However, in January of 2013 I was officially diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, the documentation of which I have enclosed with this letter. I believe that my high school grades thus far are not an accurate representation of my abilities or intelligence.</p>

<p>Throughout high school I always felt a great inability to concentrate, which only worsened with the years. Now that I have received a diagnosis, I am beginning to learn coping mechanisms and will be on medication, which I believe will lead to a significant improvement in my academic abilities. </p>

<p>I understand that appeals are rarely successful, and I respect your decision to deny me admission, but I hope that you will reevaluate my application for Summer/Fall 2013 at University Park with this new information in mind. I apologize for this inconvenience this may cause. I just needed to know that I have done all I could to achieve my dream of attending Penn State.</p>

<h2>Sincerely,</h2>

<p>I would make it personal by trying to find the admission officer name.
otherwise looks good</p>

<p>Did it work?</p>