Crushed Dreams: Reality of Financial Aid

Paying for College
21

<p>My financial age adventure is quite interesting, very important lesson behind it as well:</p>

<p>at 14 I became responsible for funding my college education (family reasons). I worked a few jobs, founded a business, became a stock magician and saved up quite a bit of money out of the necessity. I was accepted to a top 5 need blind U and received an estimate of 25k parent contribution, which was more than I expected, but certainly doable. I then filed my own taxes and my family’s contribution shot up over 35k. This was still fine because I had around 17k in scholarships for year one, with a 10k renewable one. I then found out that all scholarships took away from their scholarship, so basically I had to get 15k in scholarships before I realized a penny. I was extremely frustrated. I met with the aid office, explained my dilemma, and they were EXTREMELY accommodating.</p>

<p>Moral of the story: If you get into a top university, I have found that the aid offices want you there. Make sure to meet with them (I recommend in person) and they will create a reasonable package. They’re not miracle workers, just a kind group of people that don’t want cost to be the factor keeping them from their U.</p>

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<p>Smart kids go to lower ranked schools all the time due to finances. Not a big deal.</p>

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<p>I am sorry that you think that you do not have the financial ability to go to your dream school. However, maybe you need to reevaluate your situation. When I was accepted to a top school (a very long time ago), my parents could not meet the expected contribution (yes, in their opinion.) I do not blame them now, and I did not then, that they did not want to mortgage their home. In fact my mother told me that she had spent her savings for my older brother ( let’s leave the psychologists bills for that for another time.) Anyway, long story short, I took out loans of more than the recommended amount, had work study jobs during the school year, and in the summer, and I graduated. I went to law school and got an MBA also on less financial assistance than I thought was comfortable. I worked during grad school as well. In fact my mom told me in advance not to expect any money from her for grad school (although my father was more understanding, and paid for my car expenses and insurance. It was a car that you wouldn’t give to your worst enemy.) Anyway, my dad died after my first year of law school, and my uncle told me to drop out to save on the expense. (NO loan from the rich uncle.) I did finish, with plenty of debt. I got a starter job, then my dream job at a top M&A firm, and then went on to in house counsel. I left law years ago for other interests. I regret none of it. I am proud that I worked my way through school. I paid back every penny with interest. Was it hard? Yes. Could I have succeeded at lesser expensive schools? ABSOLUTELLY!!! People at the big law firm came from many law schools and undergraduate schools. Of course it is easier to get a job from Harvard or NYU law, but this is not essential. You need to figure out what you really want, what you really need, and then go for it. My mom always said that where there’s a will there’s a way, and she was right.</p>

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<p>I just saw Bucknell’s cost of attendance. It is about $44,668. That is about $5K a year for your parents. That is ridiculously cheap.</p>

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<p>I’m guessing he had to pay $40,000 a year.</p>

<p>I noticed several people mentioned having to put fathers’ financial information for Profile schools when the fathers do not provide support. Most universities have a non-custodial parent information waiver application that requires a third party letter to confirm lack of contact/support.</p>

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<p>lirokotree:</p>

<p>If it is one thing that enrages me on this board, it is kids who know nothing about other peoples’ financial situations telling other kids about how they should be mad at parents for not coming up with more money. You should just shut up and mind your own business.</p>

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<p>I’m in a similar situation. I will not be able to go to Duke because they expect my family to pay $45,000. Its way too much, and besides, I plan on attending medical school, and I also have two younger brothers who will go to college and some sort of graduate school. Even though Duke has been my dream school for the longest time, I have decided that attending my state university is my best option. After all, an experience is only what you make out of it. Indeed, afterwards, I will attend the med school of my dreams.</p>

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<p>I emphasize, definitely. But I’ve bitten the bullet + am attending my dream school regardless of financial aid decisions. My parents definitely aren’t rich, but I’m lucky enough that they recognize how much I’ve worked and have decided that no matter what they’ll send me, even if it means living frugally while I’m at school. I’ve also applied to a bunch of outside scholarships, so it’s just in God’s hands now.</p>

<p>Good luck with everything.</p>

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<p>Similar situation- got into my three dream schools, can’t afford to go to any of them, even with the top academic and music scholarships for one of them. College costs have become ridiculous. I recently had a talk with my parents, and they told me that unless I wanted to go into a crazy amount of debt after graduation (making grad school difficult), I couldn’t go to my dream schools. My college list was cut from 9 schools to the four that were financially possible. These four were originally at the bottom of my list.</p>

<p>I appreciate the encouragement on this thread. I know many amazingly bright students who are attending state schools, and I’m sure they are doing well. What’s helped me cope with reality is simply ignoring the fact that I was accepted to the dream schools. Considering my four options without comparing them to said dream schools makes them much more appealing to me.</p>

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<p>I am currently a freshman at my state school. I applied to transfer at a couple of schools and I found out that I am accepted to what has always been my dream school. However, I am slowly realizing just how infeasible it is. With the prospect of med school in three years, I just don’t think I can ask my parents to shell out 50k a year for my undergraduate education. I am very unhappy where I am now and it absolutely kills me knowing that I would fit in so much better at the others schools I’ve applied to. It’s so hard knowing that I could be happy somewhere else, but I’m stuck. SO, I’m trying to make the best of it. I plan on studying abroad with all the extra money I’ll be saving and doing research within the honors program. This way, with my scholarships, I won’t have to work during school and when med school comes, I won’t feel guilty asking my parents for a little help. It’s a terrible feeling, knowing what could be, but I guess life never works out the way you plan.</p>

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<p>I emphasize. Perhaps I should have been working/trying to raise funds for the past 4 years, but I was a little bit preoccupied, what with trying to GET into college, being a teenager, trying to get through puberty, trying to get through prep school for god’s sake. </p>

<p>Now, of course, my hard work pays off <em>sort of</em>, I worked as hard as I possibly could, while going through the crap that I did, and got into my two dream schools, NYU and Sarah Lawrence College. My parents are upper-middle class and I’ve always lived comfortably, so it never even OCCURRED to me that finances would be an issue. Of course, my parents broke the news that I couldn’t afford my dream schools, this fall, when I had absolutely no time to start saving up money, and the scholarships I applied for wouldn’t let me know if I’d won them until AFTER May 1. Awesome. I applied to my dream schools anyway (along with some affordable ones, all of which are in Canada.)</p>

<p>Did I mention I went to prep school? Thank you mom and dad for blowing my college money on elementary school… Oh, right. Well, the only schools which I was considering going to that I could AFFORD, were UC Berkley and McGill. The first rejected me and the latter wait-listed me. And so now, here I am. Accepted to NYU, Sarah Lawrence, Emerson Honors Program, and Hampshire. God, I even have a scholarship to Hampshire. But nope, I don’t qualify for financial aid, and nope, my parents can’t afford the ridiculous private school tuitions. </p>

<p>And the worst part of all of this is that I don’t blame my parents… I blame myself for not realizing that financing would be an issue, and for not understanding that I would have to take care of this myself. And now, because of my short-sightedness, and egotistical nature, I have screwed myself over. And I’m trying reallyreallyreally hard not to sink into this horrible self-loathing/guilt/self-pitying cycle, but it’s tough. WHY DIDN’T I PLAN AHEAD? Why isn’t working hard enough???</p>

<p>AKA, I’m a seventeen year old, hitting her fists against the wall, wailing about how the world isn’t fa-air! Mommy, fix it. Only she can’t. And for once in my life I can’t get what I want. And I need to deal with that.</p>

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<p>Thank you for your words of wisdom.</p>

<p>First of all, we did not get into anybody’s business. This became everybody’s business when the OP decided to post his situation. Just because you did not like what we said, does not mean we have to shut up. I never said “get angry at your parents.” What I said is that at least you should not blame the system. A lot of people need a reality check. Let me tell you, an income of 80K (twice the national average) is not middle class. An if it did, it would classify as upper middle class. I don’t understand how someone with such income can not save a good amount of money (at least for a public education). Another issue is that many CC posters feel entitled to a 50K/year education just because they worked hard. Well, a lot of people work even harder and they only get enough money to survive. Finally, some people like to live extravagantly and make the wrong decisions.</p>

<p>May I quote the OP:</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Crixx,</p>

<p>Why exactly are you not happy at your current U?</p>

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<p>Doube Post.</p>

34

<p>Congratulations on all of your success. I am sure you are unhappy with your parents financial decisions (building a house, etc.). Nevertheless, you can still go on to have a great college experience at more than one school. Perhaps you can work out something with one of your dream schools to go to a community college for 2 years and then ask for guaranteed transfer pending excellent grades. This will save a lot of money. Perhaps your parents can work with you to help you pay the bills with this type of compromise.</p>

35

<p>lrnprcll, I feel for you but as a parent I must say I agree with jjcddg. We were in the same situation a few years ago. My son worked his butt off and got into his dream school, which was really a perfect fit for him. However, they offered us almost no financial aid. Son was crushed and we were even more devastated! I understand how you feel having worked so hard only to have money hold you back. And believe me when I say that I am quite sure I felt even worse than he did because I had failed him, even though we saved as much as we could and stayed with the little house and old cars. </p>

<p>But it may make you feel better to know that things worked out very well for him afterall. He went to a state school that we could afford, made some nice friends, got 4.0, participated in research and an internship, etc. Would he have been happier in the dream school? Maybe…maybe not. But you can’t think of it that way because it holds you back. Try to move forward and make the very best of whatever situation you find yourself in. Now, our son can possibly go to his dream school for grad work, or anywhere else he wants to go. I know it seems to you that life begins and ends with this decision, but it truly does not. Try to stay optimistic and hopefully your situation will turn out as well as ours did.</p>

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<p>I echo IKF. This is not the be-all and end-all of life. You have the intellectual and work ethic foundations for success in life. Many people would gladly trade places with you. What do you think about the college dreams of a bright kid in Rwanda or Bangladesh? Or a young soldier in Iraq? Life does not always reward the deserving, at least not in the short term. Even if you can’t find a way to your dream school (ROTC? How badly do you really want it?)you can still make the most of it and have a great life. Trust me, I know. Life is too short to waste any of it on bitterness or recriminations. And in the real world, where you went to undergrad doesn’t make a whole lot of difference.</p>

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<p>I think I am in EMM1’s camp here. How the OP’s parents decided to spend THEIR money was certainly up to them, not to him. And, they are under no obligation to fund his college dream - ever. Maybe it is “nice” to do so, maybe it puts your child on the Road To Success - but the obligation just isn’t there. If parents are unwilling to fund XYZ U out of their retirement fund, well Junior is, unfortunately, out of luck. </p>

<p>As parents, we all want what is best for our children, to see them live out their dreams, soar with the eagles, etc. Sometimes what is actually BEST for our children is that they work work work for the things that they want. It makes them appreciate everything they have, and it makes them better equipped citizens in the long run. </p>

<p>My good friend has four children, all about the ages of my own. She and her DH gave up their dream of building a new house (nothing exactly WRONG with the old one, but it was old and very run-down) to fund their eldest child’s swanky college education. This young man did graduate and landed a job, but he also drank most weekends and lived the proverbial life of Reilly while his dad worked two jobs, his mother full-time, and everyone scrimped so he could live HIS dream. This selfish kid actually had the nerve to ask his parents for a downpayment on a car! The other kids all have plans to go to local branches of state colleges. </p>

<p>Harsh reality? Sure. Don’t like it - fund your own education at community college.</p>

38

<p>First of all, your FA package sounds beyond great so I am confused as to what you are complaining about… But that aside, I am sick and tired of the sense of entitlement that many students have… just because you worked hard and did well on a few standardized test does not entitle you to a $50,000/year education being handed to you on a silver platter. My husband and I work hard and have sacrificed to pay for our children’s education without any financial assistance. We buy Hondas instead of Mercedes and we are actually considering downsizing our home to afford tuition. We will also feel the impact of our sacrifices well in to our retirement. Because of our sacrifices our children will have the freedom to choose where they want to go to college but if something unforeseen happens and our financial situation changes, they will most likely have to change their path and consider a state university or one of the many fine colleges that would offer them merit $'s. That is life! </p>

<p>Just like my husband and I cannot walk in to a Mercedes dealership and say, we’ve worked hard and deserve a Mercedes but we can only afford to pay $10,000 for the car because we have to pay college tuition… another family cannot walk in to an elite college/university and say we’ve worked hard and our s/d is an awesome student but we can only afford to pay $10,000/year because we have spent our money on luxury cars, a huge new home and all the furnishings, etc. It’s all about priorities. I know there are many hard working families who truly cannot save enough for the astronomical tuition at many schools but I believe the FA system is designed to recognize true need and is fair and more than generous.</p>

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<p>I agree with FencersMother and all the other posters who said something similar. Unfortunately there are many kids who feel that they’ve worked hard and that their parents’ dreams (a nice house, retirement with enough money to afford a vacation once in a while, being able to help other children with college costs too) have less value than the kids’ desire for a particular school. OK, everyone has dreams and it stinks when you don’t get what you want. How you deal with the stinky situation and the loss of a dream, whether it’s not getting to go to your first choice college, not getting a job you want/feel you’re entitled to, not having a fancy car or having the person of your dreams break up with you, will show what kind of person you are. </p>

<p>One of my kids has a room-mate who has spent the entire freshman year whining about how this school was his last choice and how he got into Cornell but his parents wouldn’t pay for it. It’s obviously a total turn off and the kid is a jerk to all of the other students who were happy with their selection of this school, and who are making the most of their college experience. You had your opportunity to grieve and be angry at the “unfairness” by posting, but move on and suck it up. Make the most of whatever opportunities you have, and don’t be that kid.</p>

40

<p>As a student, I take offense to this a great deal. To Kaleigh: buying a car, which is a luxury item, is a lot different than getting a solid education. I agree with the OP to a great extent, as most parents really do not grasp how inflated college tuition has become. I applied and got into Tulane U, and I was floored. I loved everything about it and dreamed of going there. I was somehow “overlooked” for merit aid, even though I qualified for it. That was a half ride to a 50K school right there taken from me. Then I was told it would be made up in financial aid.. however, to my surprise.. it wasn’t, because I only received about 5K from the school, the rest left in loans. My dad only makes about 70K, and they expected him to pay 45K for school alone. The FAFSA is outdated beyond belief in many ways. It uses a flawed “cost of living” standard and does not take into account mortgages or anything of the sort. Luckily, I also filed the CSS report through collegeboard, which helped a little.</p>

<p>To say we have a sense of “entitlement” is wrong. It is not our fault that the demand of a college degree has led to obscene prices for schools. Any entitlement we may actually have is well justified. Many, many students work hard, and if anything it is unfair that many universities gouge the price of tuition as they do. Ivies like Brown have noticed the issue and have made it virtually free for students to attend if their families make under 60K a year. I think it is ridiculous for the bulk of aid to come through need, which leaves an economic gap the size of America’s middle class. Students shouldn’t be denied the right to their dreams because of what their parents make.. it should be by how they perform in their life.</p>