CSS Noncustodial Parent Agreement: Yes or No?

Paying for College
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<p>In the Information About Noncustodial Parent (NP) section of the CSS profile, it asks the question:</p>

<p>Is there an agreement specifying this contribution for the student's education?</p>

<p>In the 2006 Paying for College without Going Broke (Princeton Review) book, it says you should answer "no" because it will help increase your chance of receiving aid, etc.</p>

<p>My divorced parents do have some kind of agreement to my understanding, but I know that my noncustodial parent (father), despite all the flowery words of support expressed to me, is reluctant to pay a penny and will probably attempt finding a way to get out of it...or just refusing. Weird family situation aside, is it better to say "yes" or "no"? I feel awkward asking about this, as I don't know if saying "no" is really ethical (?!), but it's straight from the Princeton Review book...</p>

<p>Any help would be much appreciated.</p>

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My divorced parents do have some kind of agreement to my understanding, but I know that my noncustodial parent (father), despite all the flowery words of support expressed to me, is reluctant to pay a penny and will probably attempt finding a way to get out of it...or just refusing. Weird family situation aside, is it better to say "yes" or "no"? I feel awkward asking about this, as I don't know if saying "no" is really ethical (?!), but it's straight from the Princeton Review book...

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<p>This is where the Princeton review box is woefully wrong. There is an expectation for both parents to contribute to financing the college education of their kids. If it were as eay as checking the box every divorced family in the country would be checking the box. In fact it is quite the opposite. </p>

<p>The college bases your EFC based on the income and assets of both your parents (in some cases your stepparents). They do not take into consideration side agreements, court orders that stiplulate that the non-custodial parents only have to pay X amount of dollars or your parents refusal to pay.</p>

<p>MY suggestion to you would be to sit down and talk with both your parents, run your numbers through financial aid calculator (they can do t separately because there will get their EFCs separately if divorced) and find out how my much they are willing to pay/borrow toward your education.</p>

<p>You should also look at a wide array of schools including a financial safety that your mom will be able to afford if your father states he will not pay.</p>

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<p>This is absolutely true. And it is the number one reason why folks who are divorcing should have better language than a specific dollar amount. For example...I know a family with three youngsters. The divorce decree says the mother will be responsible for the WHOLE cost of college for the oldest child and the father (who earns the BIG BUCKS) will solely pay for the other two. The colleges didn't care at all about that. Both parents had to send their tax returns, and complete the Profile (child applied to Profile schools, which IMHO was a huge mistake for financial aid purposes). Now the family is back in court to try to reconcile their differences about this. I guess I do not understand why divorce lawyers wouldn't be more knowledgable about this...</p>

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<p>There is no law that says married parents have to pay for their kids college, and many don't, so why should it be written in a divorce decree what divorced parents have to pay? Circumstances change over time. Kids change over time. It's possible the kid doesn't deserve to go to college, or at least a high priced one. It's possible that one or the other parent got layed off, got a better job, etc. It fascinates me that people think that just because you're divorced you are automatically obligated to pay for the college education of another adult. Paying for a college education is a gift that you are not obligated to give, married or not.</p>

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<p>This is true too. But at the same time, if a student is applying for finaid using the PROFILE, being divorced does not allow a parent to abdicate their financial obligations to at least disclose their income and assets on these forms, and too provide the supporting documentation if necessary. Perhaps THAT is what should be written into divorce decrees "both parents agree that they will complete all necessary applications and supply all necessary documentation of income and assets in the financial aid process". That is required of folks whether they are married or not. Re: payment, sadly some kids get caught in the divorce finances. It's unfortunate when that happens, but it does.</p>

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<p>Bandit, </p>

<p>You are absolutely right that no parent, married, divorced, or anything in between has a legal obligation to pay for college for their "adult" child. However, colleges do look at it as a moral and a social obligation and it does not negate the fact that the college has an expectation that both of the students parents are going to pay for college.</p>

<p>If Op is going into this knowing that his NCP is not going to pay for college then s/he needs to look for schools where he stands a good chance of getting merit money that is not dependent on income or look at schools that only require info from the custodial parent.</p>

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<p>I already know my mother and stepparent are willing to pay whatever they can, but I will be responsible and look at a wide variety of schools and scholarships as sybbie wisely suggested. I will also try to talk to my noncustodial parent, and see if/how much he might be willing to help out with. </p>

<p>...So it doesn't matter if I put "yes" because it's not a big deal to the school's EFC calculation?</p>

<p>bandit, I understand that it is not his legal obligation, but I'd like to think that after my hard work in high school, I have worked towards the college education I want, and I would appreciate his assistance in this. I'm not saying that I'm entitled or deserve an expensive college. He has always said to me that he would help and that he'd like to support my higher education...it's just that as the time draws closer to where he might actually have to do something about it, he's suddenly becoming leery of involvement. I know divorce stories are a dime a dozen, and I'm not saying that I have a special sob story or anything. I'd just like him to put his money where his mouth is. And if he refuses, then I'll move on and deal with it. :)</p>

<p>Thank you for all of your responses.</p>

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<p>gladlybeyond, I would suggest that you only answer "yes" if the agreement your parents has is in writing or is part of the divorce decree. An oral agreement simply is not legally enforceable, and especially in areas such as divorce and child custody, is meaningless. Also, there is always room for misunderstanding with oral statements or even with vague written ones -- so I also think that you should say "yes" only if the agreement is specific, such as Dad will contribute $x amoung, or x %, or Dad will pay for specific types of expenses.</p>

<p>Otherwise, from a legal standpoint, there is no agreement, even if your parents think there is. I mean, you can't enforce a vague promise to "help out" -- nor even put a finger on exactly what that means. So I think your first step is to ask your mom to fill you in on the specifics.</p>

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<p>My 2nd daughter had applied at a college that used the profile - her father refused to fill out the form. (Not that he was planning on contributing anything anyway - he just wanted to be a pr*ck and not fill out the form). So, my daughter lost out at that school.</p>

<p>The first thing I check with my youngest is if the school requires the profile - if it does, then she's pretty much out of luck.</p>

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<p>I fully understand the hurt that goes with a parent that doesn't show any support. My daughter lives with that now. In our case, her mother (and custodial parent) decided to no longer support her as soon as high school and child support ended. Nothing in a divorce decree would have changed that. I also know married parents that believe that children should pay their own way through college. I keep my fingers crossed every spring that we will get the profile information one more time.</p>

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<p>I have found it helpful to let my daughter deal directly with her Dad. He always says he will do the NCC statement, then "forgets". I also try to get the college financial aid people to deal with him directly -- I give them his phone number and address. I just figure that its best to remove me - the ex-wife - and any emotions related to me from the picture as much as possible -- so he doesn't look at his purposeful delay as being a way of punishing me. He loves our daughter (I hope!) - so its going to be harder for him to act like a jerk if she is the one calling. </p>

<p>This might not work with a parent who is adamant about protecting their own "privacy" and refusing to fill out financial forms. But if its just a matter of delay or lack of willing cooperation, this approach might work better than anything that requires the parent to communicate directly with his or her ex spouse.</p>

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<p>So how do FA folks deal with a parent who has been absent and unaccounted for since the student was two years old? The student's mother has been attempting to get child support ($100/mo.) since then and has been totally unsuccessful. We know he is still alive (she has attempted to find out for SS survivor benefits for said student), but he has not filed a tax return in 12 years. Whatever money he makes seems to be cash only and off the books, and at last report, he was living 6000 miles away.</p>

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<p>I think that students can submit a statement from an outside party , like a pastor for example, stating that there has been no contact and no support
I would also submit a statement with a timeline of contact attempts and the results-
But wait till acceptance and contact the aid office for how they want the info.</p>

<p>They do make accomodations for students in that situation, but how easy they are to work with, will give you a hint how they will be to work with in the future</p>

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<p>Each school has its own process for granting non-custodial waivers. Your best bet would be to contact the financial aid office at the schools that you are interested in as some schools have different processes.</p>

<p>Like EK states, som will take a letter from a pastor, many accept a letter from a GC some still require even further documentation.</p>

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<p>Countingdown, in that case the mom probably has been working with a lawyer or through the courts or a related agency to track down the ex, and there probably is good documentation (such as court records, or the records of whoever she has been working with over the years). If she can document that there is no real contact, it won't be a problem.</p>