<p>So D asked me last night, how can I stay away from the drinking at college and still have a social life? She says she fears she will just have to be a hermit but really does not want to get into that social scene. SO my fellow bloggers....students.....what advice do you have for her? What kind of groups should she look for.....how do you meet people who don't drink at college that she will be able to hang out with ?</p>
<p>I think it'll be hard to find people who don't drink at college. However, as a student who doesn't drink, I think the best she can do is hang out with people who do drink, but respect her decision not to and go to social gatherings and stick to soda pop or water. I'd also tell her it takes will power to stay true to yourself and not succumb to the whole drinking scene.</p>
<p>Definitely agree that just because she goes to a party doesn't mean she has to drink. There were several kids in my fraternity that never drank (at least not until they turned 21), and the ones who went to parties were friends with everyone, while those who didn't became socially isolated. If she's worried about walking around without a cup or whatever, tell her to bring her soda or something...in a bottle or one of those gas station cups - she can tell the drunk people that's her drink.</p>
<p>It's tough, man. I don't drink (quit 3.5 years ago after some serious alcohol abuse) and I belong to several campus clubs which seem to do most socializing at "pub nights." More often than not I opt out, because I know I'd be dangerously tempted. Thus, I miss out on a lot socially. Not much I can do about it. </p>
<p>On the bright side, I made straight A's this year.</p>
<p>I think the key is finding the right school. Most of my friends who swore up and down that they wouldn't drink and went to UGA ended up huge alcoholics (and I mean alcoholics in the most serious sense of the word- it's scary).</p>
<p>I went to a school known for it's "lame" party scene. There are definitely parties but it's not something you have to do or you're a hermit like most schools. The thing is, parties suck if you're the only one not drunk. And people DO NOT respect your decision not to drink. So really, find a school where Greek life isn't the rule on campus.</p>
<p>I go to a school with a pretty good party scene. Our ski/snowboard club meetings were held in a bar where we got free food and 1/2 price drinks....sadly the bar is now closed :( anyway, back on topic, there ARE people who choose to not drink and people who respect. A good start would be seeing if your D can live in an alcohol-free dorm. There will still be people who drink, but there will be a lot more people who choose not to drink. I lived in a sub-free dorm and drank occasionally, my neighbor never drank, and my roommate got smashed every Friday and Saturday. To each his own. Not every will respect a decision to not drink (obviously), but there will be some who are cool with it.</p>
<p>I don't know how big your D's college is, but mine is 24K+ undergrads and a student club organizes games or activities for every Friday and Saturday night in the Student Union...some nights are movie showings in a lecture hall, BINGO or Twister (these two draw at least 2000 students each time), and other activities to meet people who would rather stay in than get drunk.</p>
<p>And SilverClover, thanks for reminding everyone of how stupid Greek life stereotypes are. I guess you've never heard of schools where Greek houses patrol themselves, have security at the door, and give police a heads up regarding their estimated attendance in case they get noise complaints, and checks IDs before serving alcohol. Or the ones who place themselves on alcohol suspension for a semester or a year if things get out of hand. Or houses that are DRY and strictly enforce that policy.</p>
<p>If people will not be your friend b/c you don't drink, then would you really want to be friends with those folks anyway? I wouldn't worry about it, it may be a slight issue at first, but won't matter in the end.</p>
<p>I don't drink. I'm am a hermit, however.</p>
<p>People are terrible and you don't know what you're dealing with out there. Just hang out with people you know.</p>
<p>i actually am hoping to become a hermit LOL.</p>
<p>There's always a need for a designated driver or someone to make sure your group gets home safely...</p>
<p>I'm betting D has never drank before.</p>
<p>I don't drink, and it's really not that big of a deal. At parties I'll just ask for some soda or juice. It's just me being me. It is annoying when my friends or hallmates talk about wild stories that happened while people were wasted, because I don't really find them THAT hilariously amusing, but eh.. whatever.</p>
<p>Real classy, goat.</p>
<p>It's called bottled water. It's simple you just hold it your hand and sip slowly. When someone offers something to drink..reply "no thanks, I've got mine." It's funny how vodka and water look alike. Maybe the guys will be impressed by her ability to hold down the V. </p>
<p>It's only a big deal if you make it one. Most kids don't care if somebody doesn't drink.. more beer for them.</p>
<p>It's more a state of mind than anything else. While I do drink, I never drink on weeknights. So I've gone to a number of Thursday night parties and remained completely sober. Ironically, it's those nights that I get asked most often "hey, how much did you have?" I guess what I'm saying is that it's not about staying away from parties or frats; it's about being in the moment and having a good time. That can easily be done without ever taking a sip of beer. The other thing is since she's a girl, her friends (at least the good ones) will be more concerned about whether your daughter has had too much than whether she's drinking at all.</p>
<p>Yeah, I would not worry so much about it if I were you, OP. Though largely dependent on where she's going, you will meet every type of person in college, and it's not just gunner-premeds that choose not to drink. There will be plenty of "normal" people that will not choose to drink/smoke. Your daughter may have to try a bit harder to find those kind of people, but I'd say it's worth the trouble (for her, at least).</p>
<p>If your daughter has a reason for not drinking, such as religious convictions, she can join a religious group on campus. Most of the religious organizations I've seen do not drink, or if they do, it's moderately and not "to get wasted". (I know religious people who drink, but most often they are the DD's). I can't offer much more than that, because I am a person who drinks, and most of my friends are people who drink as well. The person above who said "Don't go to a college with a big greek scene if you don't want to drink" is very right. Often, pretty much all there is to do on campuses with huge Greek scenes is go to Frat parties and get hammered.</p>
<p>Cards4Life, I guess you've never been to the South where frat parties go out onto the streets and that's ALL that there is to do on the weekends. While some frats might check IDs, there are 5 more for each one that does who give alcohol to anyone who wants some. If the majority of the campus is involved in fraternity or sorority (say upwards of 75-80%), chances are drinking is a very important part of the culture of the school. My school has less than 5% of the students active in frats or sororities (and it is not recognized by the school) and so drinking is not a prevalent activity.</p>
<p>I don't drink because drunk people are embarrassing and immature- regardless of whether they're in college or an adult- and since the average person in college doesn't stop at just one drink, it's hard to avoid drunk people. Having friends from many campuses across the country and having been to many campuses, you can DEFINITELY see the difference based on the drinking culture of the school. I was very uncomfortable at UGA, Auburn, Ole Miss, and Alabama because people drank like fishes and I could see drunk people no matter what time of day or night. My friends who go to these schools and their friends and acquaintances often don't know the meaning of a social drink and drink to get plastered on a regular basis. While this can be found at any school, there's a much higher incidence at schools where Greek life is the main social outlet because MOST frats (though not all) do have a great number of parties where alcohol is plentiful. MOST (though not all) people join these groups with at least some thought toward the party possibilities- if they just wanted friends and brotherhood, they'd join the band, a political organization, a religious group, or another club. This isn't an anti-frat deal (though true I don't have much respect for the people I know who are in frats or sororities), but a simple truth is that in most places, frats and sororities DO have parties and the more people on campus involved in one of the who DO drink. </p>
<p>/soapbox</p>
<p>I can’t speak for experiences at other colleges, but I know that at my school the whole drinking/not drinking thing is not much of an issue at all. My first two terms (my college is on a trimester schedule) I didn’t drink at all, although almost all of my close friends did. We would go to parties about every other week, and we would usually be offered alcohol soon after we walked in. I would just say “no thank you” and that would be the end of it. The prevailing attitude was that only an absolute jerk would try to pressure someone to do something they weren’t comfortable with. There are also lots of sub-free events each weekend, like movies, plays, special events, etc. If your daughter avoids giant “party schools” and those with a reputation for having a social scene that revolves around alcohol, she should b just fine.
PS: One of my college search criteria was that I would not attend a college with greek life. Having never experienced the alternative, I can’t say how the fact that my school has no frats/srats affects the campus attitude toward alcohol, but I would imagine that it has a positive effect.</p>
<p>Atlmom: Does your daughter want to avoid drinking herself, or avoid events where people are drinking at all/avoid having friends who drink? Because the first is far easier, IMO. It's not that hard to find a group of friends who will respect your choice not to drink (it might be more difficult at big party schools, I don't know, but I imagine its still possible), and it's definitly possible to still have fun sober when your friends/people around you are drunk, at least in my experiance. OTOH, if she wants to be in an eviorment where people don't drink much at all, that might be harder. </p>
<p>I think she should definitly look into substance free housing...she's likley to find other people who don't drink to do things with there!</p>