<p>I think that is a good question Weskid.
She is on meds for migraines for one reason but I also get the impression she isn't interested in hanging with a drunk crowd....but would rather be having fun with a crowd not drinking. I do hope that she is tolerant of people who make different choices while staying true to what she wants for her self without giving in to pressure to go along with the crowd. I wish it was not too late for substance free housing but she can keep that as a possibility for next semester if that becomes an issue.</p>
<p>I do appreciate most of the sincere suggestions here. I think you all speak from the heart....and don't mind if someone isn't drinking so long as they aren't a party pooper....as much as she can tolerate. She did ask for limited visitation thinking that less partiers would be in those dorms but not a no visitation dorm....Her friends are just a bunch of straight laced kids....so we will see where it all falls out in a few months. ;^)</p>
<p>Like your daughter, I too avoid alchohol b/c of migraines. I found that some people do judge you for not drinking. I ask myself though - "do I want to be friends with people who only like me because I drink?". I am a girl and find that most of the pressure to drink comes from guys ... I'd personally feel really gross drinking and then getting on the dancefloor with some guy who is really drunk. Having someone feel you as if you were an object and not a person --- disgusting.
Anyways- tell your daughter she will find friends if she stays positive. She should get involved on campus. As long as she is outgoing and willing to work will different types of people... she'll have no problem finding friends!</p>
<p>My friend from Berkeley had the same exact problem as this and he said it was hard making friends for a while. People saw him as being a "goody goody" or the "baby" and people kind of treated him differently since he refused to drink. At college, it will be very hard for her to find people w/ her values but they are out there. Religious organizations are a great place to find people who do not drink.</p>
<p>I have friends who don't drink. Unfortunately, if they're hanging out with people that do drink, they often wind up in the less-than-fun position of taking care of individuals who have had too much to drink, or acting as a designaed driver. It's definitely more difficult to find people who don't drink than it is to go out with friends who drink and stay sober. </p>
<p>But I think it also depends on a college's location. Is your daughter going to school in a more rural area? Often (this is based purely on anecdotal information, so take it with a grain of salt), the less there is to do, the more likely students are to drink/party for lack of an alternative. I go to school in Boston, and know many people who don't or rarely drink simply because there is so much else going on, and don't feel left out.</p>
<p>I don't drink and I'm not a hermit. Besides I find it pretty dumb too when people glamorize about their wasted weekend :( ! Besides that there's a lot of people that don't drink she should just be herself, and she'll find friends with the same interest as her. It's not that big of a deal she'll be ok when she gets to college ;) .</p>
<p>No one will FORCE her to drink. I have friends who go to frat parties/bars/clubs/etc all the time and never drink or feel pressured to. Real friends won't give a second thought to her abstaining from drinking, and they might even like having a sober person there to keep a look out, or hold their purses :P</p>
<p>I don't think it's that big of a deal. You can still party without drinking. Just because you don't drink doesn't mean you have to be a complete outcast. You might catch some **** from people, but the majority of people will respect your decision. Plus, then you can be the DD and make sure your drinking friends make it back home safely. I like being able to take care of my friends, but maybe I'm crazy. It's been suggested.</p>
<p>Personally, I don't drink because I like to keep a clear head. It doesn't taste good and it doesn't make me feel good. I'm a confident girl and I don't need alcohol to boost my confidence or make me forget my limitations. I have plenty of fun and I AM plenty of fun without the alcohol. Plus, I like to remember the fun I had when I wake up the next morning.</p>
<p>I don't drink and I'm not planning on drinking even when I'm 21. I just don't find drinking to be a big deal. I haven't been tempted to drink and I still have plenty of friends here. I guess your D could grab a bunch of girls on the floor and watch a movie together and paint each other's nails and that kinda thing. That's what my friends did. There's a whole bunch of things to do on campus on the weekends that do not involve drinking and is sponsored by the Residence Halls Association.</p>
<p>Even if you're in substance free housing some girls still come in wasted at 3am, so it doesn't make much of a difference. It's their business, I just hate having to hear the loud conversations of who had drunken sex with who last night. I don't want to hear it.</p>
<p>I think it's very possible to either not drink or to have a drink max all weekend (maybe a few sips before leaving a cup on a table or throwing it away) and still have fun and be social. I'd want to say that the majority of people respect the personal convictions of other students and wouldn't care if one friend doesn't want to drink. It's also very possible to meet people with similar interests and mind sets-- just tell her to hang around the dorm's common room and talk to lots of people and see the types of evening activities they choose the first weeks of school. </p>
<p>For all the people who said that every group of friends who likes drinking needs a DD or someone to take care of them when they're drunk, while that's true, it's not fair to have it always be one person, even if that person doesn't drink. It really takes advantage of people...</p>
<p>Like bluestar7 said, I think that it's important for her to keep an open mind. In college she's going to meet all sorts of people - jumping to pre-mature conclusions probably isn't the best idea. </p>
<p>If your daughter is interested in a thriving social scene, no fears - she can definitely have fun at parties without drinking. Most likely, no one will pressure her to, and she'll be able to have a fun time with everyone else. </p>
<p>If she wants to stay away from the alcohol scene all-together, things might be a little harder. One option is to join a club that plans weekend outings and events. Most campuses have something to that extent.</p>
<p>Also, to the OP, I don't know how you feel about drinking, but you could always try talking to her about alcohol in the context of personal limitations and responsibility. Drinking lightly in moderation wouldn't have any ill affects on her education, and would allow her more social options (even the most intellectual students probably enjoy an occasional drink). </p>
<p>But again, that depends on her reasons for wanting to stay sober and your personal beliefs on the topic.</p>
<p>i think most, or most smart people, would be happy to have someone who isn't drunk with them to be the person who can handle something if it were to come up, or DD</p>
<p>Although MANY people on campus drink, there are still quite a few that are against it and dont drink. There are various clubs on campus that host events weekly, and your D can easily go to those (most are free events) and meet people who would rather go to a play/hang out/whatever than drink. Most people dont drink during the weekdays anyway (excluding like thirsty thrusdays, or whatever, although not as many people go to these), and so your D shouldn't have any problems having fun w/o drinking then. Here at PITT, we have something called friday night improvs, where (a LOT) of people go and see comedy shows, and the audience participates as well. There is so much to do in friday and saturday nights (and afternoons) without having alcohol.</p>
<p>O.K. well as a high school student who does not drink but hangs out with a group that does, it's not that hard to stick to what you believe in. I'm able to hang out with them even when theyre drunk. some of them didnt even know i didnt drink for a while...just stick to your guns, and you really can do anything you want</p>
<p>One suggestion is to try and meet and get to know those students attending on academic scholarships. Often they are less inclined to drink.</p>
<p>Also, there are substance free floors at many schools. While there is a lot of discussion on CC that many students apply for rooms on those floors only because they often are better accomodations, or the student's parents are forcing them to, there are going to be some like-minded students in those accomodations.</p>
<p>While it doesn't always work out, try to get involved in groups that meet socially with the professor after class. For some reason, foreign language classes seem to do this. At least in my experience and talking to some recent college students, these group get-togethers tend not to have drinking as a focus because of the professor's presence. </p>
<p>Remember that until the students are 21 there aren't any public places they can legally drink. Suggesting social outings to restaurants can keep the drinking issue down because not every restaurant owner is willing to turn a blind eye or wink at fake ids.</p>
<p>Aside from a religious org that I belong to on campus (where alcohol is never a part of meetings) I don't belong to any other on-campus groups. I'm a member of a lot of stuff off campus though, many of which are held at my church. I'm in church choir, church ensemble, bell choir at my church, a concert band that meets weekly to practice, and a Mac users group. None of these events ever have alcohol at their meetings (though some of the users group guys do go out for beer after a meeting, not all will go and nobody gets drunk--the guys usually have one beer each and just sit around and talk).</p>
<p>I'd say to take this approach--avoid college events that have alcohol and in particular, steer clear of big parties/social events. I've never been to a party in my two years of college and I am by no means a hermit. I've skipped the formal dances and I never plan on going to one of them--there are much better things off campus. Plus, it gives you a chance to interact with real human beings who aren't brainwashed by the whole college deal. I don't get along with 90% of college kids because they are so brainwashed by the media into thinking they have to party/drink, have to congregate in loud noisy groups, have to act ~20-21 even if they could be more mature, etc. It's true that many of my friends are over 30 and I am close with many in their 70s-80s, but it's all about who you feel the most comfortable around. If drunk college kids aren't your cup of tea either, just find a nice alternative like I did.</p>