<p>When I tell D she’s beautiful, she says I have to say that because I’m her mom. So that only goes so far. (And no, we don’t obsess over looks in our house.) D has a friend that is magazine cover gorgeous and is always degrading herself or asking for reassurance. It’s tough for these girls with the physical ideals our culture seems to put on a pedestal and some put more pressure on themselves. This pressure can be the result of a real issue, as in weight gain, a lack of self-confidence in comparison to peers, or an over-the-top need for affirmation or anywhere along the spectrum. </p>
<p>What answer are we really looking for when we ask, “Does this make me look fat?”
Maybe some students (or moms) can weigh in on that. Do we truly want to know how we look or rather if we can be loved and accepted the way we are? Or a little of both? </p>
<p>I don’t think MLDWoody was suggesting to walk up to people, even loved ones, uninvited and comment on their attributes. The OP’s D asked for advice/help over break. At that point mom offers what she can, starting with the truth (yes you have gained weight). And the fact that her D is now an adult doesn’t mean she has to or should be left to do this on her own. I’m the parent of college-age kids and I still ask my mom for advice at times.</p>