<p>My son has narrowed down his choices to two boarding schools. There are many things to consider: academic rigor, general atmosphere, different teaching styles, locations, sports offered, etc, etc. We are doing our research (including spending a lot of time on CC reading old and new threads), talking to people who have connections to both schools, and will go to both revisit days. Ideally, everything will be crystal clear after revisit days.</p>
<p>Suppose things are still not clear then. One thing I have not seen being thoroughly debated here on CC is the pros and cons of day vs. boarding, just that aspect. In our case, he will be a day student at one of them. We have taken into consideration all the practical benefits of having his parents still being around. I know you can't separate the boarding vs day aspect from all other considerations. But suppose you can, all else being equal, would you prefer boarding or day at a boarding school? </p>
<p>I guess I am trying to get a sense of what people really get by being boarding, aside from schooling.</p>
<p>What is the percentage of day students at the school you are considering to enroll as a day student? If it is a LOW percentage, I would be wary of it, based on the conversations I’ve had w DS about how day students are socially marginalized. </p>
<p>Have you talked to any of the day students/parents at the school? It would be good to get their feedback about the social dynamics at that school between the day students and the boarding community.</p>
<p>My son is a day student at Exeter and in my mind there clearly are advantages of being so. He will be the first to admit however that there are disadvantages as well. This is how he sees it:</p>
<p>Advantages: Gets home cooked meals whenever he wants, sleeps in his own room in his own bed, gets tons of support from family daily, peace and quiet for doing homework, more structure, he can get his license and drive, doesn’t feel like he is trapped on campus all the time, can get away and go more places than boarders can, doesn’t have to deal with the homesickness he has seen from boarders.</p>
<p>Disadvantages: Misses out on the intense bonding with peers, has mostly day student friends, too much support from family (he calls it a double edged sword), too much structure, misses out on events at times because he cannot go back to school at a drop of a hat, has to rely on parents to drive him back and forth.</p>
<p>So really there is good and bad to both. Is one better than the other? Not sure anyone can really answer that unless they have done both. I suppose you and your son have to weigh everything and determine what may be right for you. Personally, I am glad to have my son home right now and I think he is too. Again that is what is right for him.</p>
<p>I’ve chosen to board at a school with around 30%, which I don’t think is too little, but we’ll see For me, I feel ready to leave. I have two, very intensely academic years left so boarding seems the obvious choice, but it really depends on the person.</p>
<p>The school has about 30% day population and day kids generally mix with boarders at the school. We live in the area and know a lot of families with kids at the school. My son has older friends who go there and will have many friends going there in the fall with him as freshmen.</p>
<p>There is something to be said for knowing people at a new school, again an advantage but could be a disavantage too.</p>
<p>I believe Exeter is about 20% day students. There is somewhat of a disconnect between boarders and day students. As my son puts it, he is considered almost the lowest rung of the totem pole. He is a 9th grader, day student. The only thing lower is students of faculty members. Still he wouldn’t change it even if he was given a choice. He likes the advantages of being at home and for him they outweigh the disadvantages.</p>
<p>I think day/boarder relations vary by school. I know my boarders have good friends who are day students. </p>
<p>Heading into revisits, I can think of some questions off the top of my head. </p>
<p>When are day students expected to be on campus? When are they welcome on campus? When must they leave campus? Can they spend a night on campus in a friend’s room, with permission from parents and dorm heads?</p>
<p>Different schools have different policies. Some want day students to leave before study hall, some allow day students to stay through study hall. </p>
<p>Do day students spend time on campus on weekends, after their academic and athletic obligations are complete?</p>
<p>Now, some of these questions will have different answers, depending on whom you ask. Ask other day student parents, and day students.</p>
<p>I think it’s up to your son whether he wants a boarding school experience , to live in a dorm, surrounded by friends, etc. But in your situation, a day student sounds good.</p>
<p>At this school the day students can stay with the boarders until lights out. A close friend of my son’s stays there until 11pm on Saturdays too.</p>
<p>I think that as long as a student doesn’t feel left out, being a day studnet is a great advantage for the student and the parents. </p>
<p>Considering the con of a day student felling left out, I agree with Periwinkle that each school may be a bit different about how well the day students are integrated into the community. Also agree that this is something to definitely check out during re-vist days, and spend time asking parents of other day students. </p>
<p>My child goes to Lawrenceville, and I have the impression that day students are integrated well.
– During the admission process they had parents in the admissions waiting room. The mother that I met had a son who was a Day Student at the school. Her enthusiasm was overwhelming. She loved the school and so did her son. I asked her about him being a day student, and she said that he didn’t feel there was any big difference. He was assigned a house, participated in the Saturday night activities and night “feeds”, had many friends, spent a lot of time there, and often didn’t even know who was a day student vs. a boarding student.
– L’Ville has a Dean of Residential Life who looks at time spent outside of the classroom and that goes for day and boarding students
– They have a significant number or day students so no one feels “different.”</p>
<p>How far away from home is the school at which he would be boarding? For our family, a school beyond driving distance would be a significant negative. We want to be able to bring our child home for a few days if C has the flu, etc. It’s also nice to be able to hop on over to watch a game or performance on a Saturday at your kid’s school.</p>
<p>Some boarding schools actually have beds available for days students to stay overnight whenever they want. These are not fully furnished rooms, but adequate sleeping areas for a kid who wants to experience the boarding scene on Friday or Saturday night. For us, that was an important plus in applying as a day student.</p>
<p>BTW, my child is dealing with the exact same choice right now!</p>
<p>As has been said, this will vary by school. At my kids’ school (about 50/50) there’s no real distinction between day students and boarders. My kids are day students and the majority of their closest friends have been boarders. A good way for day students to bond further with boarders is to hang out at school after classes and eat dinner with them (at least for the first few weeks). Beyond that, staying overnight in a friend’s room also helps.</p>
<p>Another question you can ask is whether there’s a special place for day students during the day. Some schools have a day student lounge and some schools assign day students to dorms. My kids’ school doesn’t do either, but closes the boarding houses during the school day, so that all students are on campus together.</p>
<p>If they want to board, that is key. Feeling ready to take that step, WANTING that step are key. If your child is hesitant and seems to lean toward being a day student…then go with that for now.</p>
<p>The pros and cons are best addressed by kids. I do remember that when I was a boarder years ago day students seemed to feel that they missed out on a lot. But, I am sure there were plenty less vocal students who were glad to be able to go home every night!</p>
<p>We visited a few schools as a potential day student. All of the schools said similar things, how they strive to integrate day and boarding, and day students are invited on weekend activities. One variation seemed to be found on the overnight policy. For instance, schools might charge for day students to stay over, with differing prices. One was no charge to stay over and was very liberal in how many days. One school, I think, offered 7 free stays per month. Some have common day rooms, with at least 24-hours advance reservation, subject to availability. Our favorite day situation was a school where day students are assigned a bed they can make their own in a room with 3 boarders for the whole year. (Can you tell D wanted to put a toe into boarding life, lol?)</p>
<p>My daughter is a boarder and is close friends with several day students, and she says the day students are completely integrated into everything. I’ve always thought that being a day student at a boarding school would give you the best of both worlds. You get the remarkable academic experience, but you still have your support system at home. When boarders are feeling sick or stressed or overwhelmed, phone conversations can help only so much. There have been times when my kid really needed a hug, and I couldn’t give her one. Also, dorm life comes with many distractions and responsibilities that can interfere with a kid’s studying. I don’t know if it holds true for everyone, but I think that my daughter’s GPA would be higher if she were living at home. I’ve always heard that day students overall tend to have higher grades. I have no idea if it’s true or not, but it sort makes sense. I do think that day students miss out on one of the best parts, which is the bonding that goes on in a dorm. The kids in the dorm become family to each other, and though it’s not like your real family, it’s still wonderful.</p>
<p>Actually I want to ask the day students and their parents the same question: other than the obvious (emotional and practical benefits of being close), why did you choose day over boarding?</p>
<p>As a boarding parent–I am a firm believer in the psychological advantages for those kids who are emotionally prepared to board in terms of strengthening, paradoxically, the parent-child bond. I have seen this both in my own case and with those other children I have seen/counseled. Of course, it takes parents who don’t have a “bye, see you at Thanksgiving” attitude. But the ability to have a separate space …a second home…allows for easy individualization and the necessary separation from parental figures which is part of the adolescent’s psychological work.</p>
<p>The best of all worlds is a boarding student who is close friends with a day student and whose parents are happy to provide a away from campus refuge when needed. We have done that for college friends of our children and at boarding school they have had that from others.</p>
<p>I think the obvious (emotional and practical benefits) are big reasons we did not choose to let our son board. He actually really had no desire to board either, so in our case it worked out. We have a distinct advantage that we live very close to some excellent BS, so this also played into our decision. (We live within the lines to be day students at E, A, and Gov’s)</p>
<p>I also think even though our son is very mature for his age, he is better off right now with more structure in his life and let’s face it, there is clearly more structure living at home if parents are supportive.</p>
<p>We have “adopted” a few boarders over the past year and we try to give them emotional support as well as some home cooking and time away from campus as much as possible. Still, they admit themselves that it is hard to be away. I think my son feels thankful that he is able to come home.</p>
<p>As an addendum to what I wrote above. It is tough for the parents to have a day student. It seems like out whole life revolves around Exeter. Not that it’s bad, just different. </p>
<p>What time does he start class, what time does he get out of class, what time does he need to be picked up, does he have to go back for a special meeting, what about the weekend, will we even see him? He has kind of turned into a boarder in our house. He spends the vast majority of his time at school. Comes home at curfew, does homework in his room, and goes to sleep.</p>
<p>It has definitely be a challenge, especially because I am juggling 2 other children. There have been some points of contention when I need him home and he doesn’t want to be here.</p>
<p>So, it is not all smooth sailing as a day student either, but for our family I wouldn’t change it.</p>
For me, I feel ready to leave. I have two, very intensely academic years left so boarding seems the obvious choice, but it really depends on the person.</p>