<p>Yes, sonybd, a deferral might be a great idea, and I agree with you, throw in the DMV and then force the parents to live there forever, with no reprieve. Maybe that would be the right consequence.</p>
<p>^^No college will grand her a financial parental waiver because she lived with her father just weeks ago and he is the custodian parent, especially living in NYS that has a statute for parental responsibility until the child is 21.</p>
<p>I would think, as suggested by others, the best would be to find a knowledgeable and strong advocate and have a meeting with her father and discuss what it can be done. The father is an attorney, so he must know he is obligated to pay 17% of his income for the daughter until she is 21yrs old, and if he does not, then he can have his license to practice in NYC suspended. Probably someone from the NYS OTDA will be able to help the daughter and connect her with an advocate to come and discuss with the father and come to an agreement. Of course the father might litigate on other legal areas like corporate or tax law and did not think that these laws apply to him, since he was the CP and the mother had died, or that his child would bother to find out her rights.</p>
<p>I’m still scratching my head wondering how people with that income could say (with a straight face) that they can’t afford to help with college costs…at all! I could see if the dad had lost his job, or some other tragedy had occurred, but to give lame excuses about new roofs and such is just ridiculous. </p>
<p>It’s one thing to say that you don’t want to spend $60k per year on NYU or something, but to say that you won’t even pay $20k per year for a SUNY is nuts. All he’d had to do is chase one more ambulance each year and there you go.</p>
<p>OP: Is your dad’s refusal to pay for college a new development, or has this been his stance all along?</p>
<p>@mom2collegekids - I can kind of see how selfish people get to that point of thinking. If the father “paid his own way”, or thinks he did, then it’s not unreasonable to assume he, if he’s particularly selfish, wouldn’t save or plan for the daughter’s college. Especially if he had a large amount of his own still unpaid student loans when the OP was young. </p>
<p>Suddenly it’s her senior year, and she’s presenting him with a large expense he didn’t plan for, and if there’s been large amounts of tension in the house, as the OP stated she had with her step-mother, he’s not particularly inclined to pay for. So he defaults on the excuse he had before, that he paid his own way through. And now since paying for her school would represent a change in his lifestyle, he doesn’t want to hear any more about the situation or listen to why it might be different than it was when he was in school 30 years ago (hence even refusing to sign the FAFSA or be involved at all). </p>
<p>It takes a certain type of disregard for the relationship with his daughter, an intense narcissism, and a strong capability for rationalization, but I can easily see how someone’s parents may be capable of this (partly as I have parents much worse than the OP’s, and can relate).</p>
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<p>Survivors benefits are actually administered by the Social Security administration. There is no means testing. The only requirement is that the minor be the child of someone who would have been eligible for social security benefits (i.e. was employed for 40 quarters during their lifetime). The child is eligible from the date of application through their 18th birthday (unless they are still in high school – then it is extended until graduation).</p>
<p>My daughter gets a similar benefit because my husband is fully disabled. The amount is based on what the parent’s SS benefits are or would have been, but if the parent was at or near the maximum SS benefit the payment can be around $1000 a month. </p>
<p>If the OP’s mom passed away when OP was young, the dad could have been saving that money for him/her and it would have been a pretty nice nest egg. We make a fraction of what OP’s dad makes, and we’ve been able to save it all for our daughter. </p>
<p>I look at it that since our family does fine on my one income, then morally this money is hers. (Of course in situations where the family needs the money to put food on the table, then it should be used for the child’s day to day needs.) </p>
<p>Of course it is possible that the OP’s father never applied for the benefits.</p>
<p>The OP lost her mother. It would be shameful if SS funds were not put away for her with that income. </p>
<p>Deferral may be a good idea. But finding out about SS benefits should be relatively easy and if she has to apply the sooner the better. </p>
<p>I wonder what his law partners would think of this situation.</p>
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<p>Thanks, megmno. I know that, of course! Something seemed wrong when I shared my original (mis)information.</p>
<p>If Dad never applied for SS benefits could the OP get paid for what was never claimed, and if not, could Dad be liable for failing to obtain them for the minor child? Also, it is possible Mom never worked or earned a low income. They were never married and it was 18 years ago…could have been when she was quite young. For that matter maybe Dad was very young too. He could be as young as late 30’s, meaning he probably did not earn 500k for that many years…</p>
<p>I’m sure the family dynamic with the stepmom and siblings has a lot to do with this. It’s sad for the OP. I wonder if stepmom just wants all the $ for herself. I wonder if OP behaves as IF she thinks this is the problem, when maybe it isn’t, but the concept creates ill will…</p>
<p>Good luck to you. Maybe you could contact dad and meet alone with him and discuss why it will be so hard to do it yourself. Do it without animosity or entitlement. Offer reasonable priced schools and lay out what you CAN do to pay for it. Maybe he just wants to see that YOU are willing to do some of it. (this assuming he thought you weren’t contributing.) </p>
<p>Did OP apply to expensive schools? Was there a reasonably priced state school? Perhaps if OP applied to all expensive schools it ****ed Dad off and started the conflict.</p>
<p>Dad never applied for SS benefits could the OP get paid for what was never claimed, and if not, could Dad be liable for failing to obtain them for the minor child? Also, it is possible Mom never worked or earned a low income</p>
<p>I was wondering if she could get back-SS benefits. I’m thinking that there may be a limit to that.</p>
<p>No, the dad wouldn’t be “liable” for not accepting SS. No one is “liable” for not accepting a benefit. You’re not “liable” if you don’t go and collect an insurance benefit or food stamps or whatever. </p>
<p>I’m guessing that since he’s an atty, if there were any benefits to be had, he knew about them, and he got them.</p>
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You didn’t miss anything. Be careful, though – suggesting that the OP evaluate their own behavior might get you the label of questioning character, also. If one doesn’t fall hook. line and sinker for the sob story, one is criticized by some here. Regardless, OP has left the building, and has their plan to hunt down some money…personally, I think they will be unsuccessful.</p>
<p>CTTC - What is it with you saying that young posters have “left the building” when they don’t spend their whole day responding to posts on CC? OP posted yesterday morning around 8am. He or she is a HS student - people like that go to school during the day. Maybe she’s sleeping or following up on some of the advice.</p>
<p>CTTC</p>
<p>Blended families don’t always blend well. Many times it is the step monster. My cousins had one of the most horrible stepmothers that walked the earth. Got every penny she could squeeze out the insurance money for the death of their mother and then divorced their father. She put 6 kids into foster care. Two of which were only 3 years old when their father married her. There are true monsters out there and I seen that more often with steps than I have with bio parents.</p>
<p>Are there any relatives, aunts, uncles, grand parents that the OP could
reach out to, that could help?</p>
<p>Else, the OP will need to try to find a job and enroll in a community college.</p>
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<p>Gee, nice. … Grown up much?</p>
<p>From the Terms of Service:</p>
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<p>Perhaps there was a post of CTTC’s that has been removed? Or edited? I see nothing discourteous in anything CTTC has written. Plus, I was under the assumption that moderators were on hand to make such judgments. Again, without wishing to start a fight, I again ask what I am missing. </p>
<p>In any case, even if one believes the OP’s statement that her father and stepmother are “terrible people” (they probably are; terrible people do exist), it is not discourteous or unhelpful to ask whether there is more to the story. That “more” might help us calibrate our responses a bit. Depending on where the OP’s father and stepmother fall on the “terrible person” continuum, measures such as having a conversation with the father (with or without the stepmother) before calling in the authorities or consulting a lawyer might be more productive and would almost certainly be more expeditious. Now, if the father and stepmother have been abusive or neglectful, that is another story, and I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend getting the authorities involved forthwith in those circumstances.</p>
<p>If I were in the OP’s shoes I would do everything I could to resolve the situation without calling in the authorities. I would do that whether or not I wished to continue a relationship with my father. Believe me when I say I speak from the perspective of someone who had what any reasonable person would consider “terrible” parents.</p>
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<p>In my neck of the woods? This is not courteous.</p>
<p>Okay, poetgrl, fair enough. But I’ve seen much worse on this site, much, much worse. And, as far as believing the story goes, it matters whether the father and stepmother are monsters, beleaguered parents of a teenager who are doing their best or something in between. Depending on how “terrible” the dad and stepmother are, the appropriate remedies might be something less extreme than a lawsuit.</p>
<p>Absweetmarie,</p>
<p>we should thank another poster for suggesting a lawsuit in this and another thread. I mean if OP has certain rights, than going through proper authorities to assert those rights is better than starting a law-suit?</p>
<p>We don’t know if the parents are terrible. It is quite possible that both sides are at fault regarding the relationship status (I am not talking here regarding OP’s father decision not to pay for College). Since the GC at school got involved the situation at home probably deteriorated too much. </p>
<p>What I don’t understand is why other adults (GC and parents of the friend) helped OP to leave and did not involve social services (if abuse or some improper conduct is involved). If involving social services or other authorities was not warranted, then why would adults not help OP repair the situation with the parents (instead of damaging it even further)?</p>
<p>The OP should assert his or her rights. No question. But there are enough head-scratching details, including some of the questions you raise, to make one wonder what is really going on. The OP, let us not forget, left home voluntarily. We don’t know why. I’m not a lawyer or social worker, but using the “reasonable person” standard, I assume the “why” would matter when it came to claiming rights (i.e., if the OP was not obeying the father’s reasonable household rules I would imagine the case would not be so strong as it would be if the father had been abusive or neglectful).</p>