<p>We want our damn books back. We know your school is craptastic, and you only have 1600 students and one dining hall, but seriously:</p>
<p>it’s been almost two hundred years. Maybe you’re touchy because you were ranked second (behind us) in US News &World Report this year, but…</p>
<p>we’re gonna need those books you stole.</p>
<p>Your long lost Friend,</p>
<p>Williams</p>
<p>Dear MooCow School,</p>
<p>How's Northeast Mass? Been doing a lot of hiking, I trust. Well, I guess you'd have to, considering hiking trails are the only means of entertainment within a 50 mile radius. </p>
<p>About those books...yeah, we're just gonna go ahead an keep them. We'd give them back, but we've been putting them to better use for 200 some odd years and we know you only like them for the pictures anyway. I know some of the pictures are realllly pretty, but books like these should be kept out of the reach of children. Maybe when you're older, we'll let you in the library so you can look at them.</p>
<p>Your pal,
Amherst</p>
<p>P.S. Have you seen our National Championship Basketball trophy? We were on our way out there to show it to your basketball team because they asked if they could see what it looked like, and we might have accidentally left it on a mountain when we got out of the car to examine the map more closely. Y'know, all those farms up there look the same. It's really confusing!</p>
<p>haha rivalryyy gotta love it.</p>
<p>*Northwest Mass</p>
<p>Williams has US News number 1 - thats it - thats all they have - which is why tey will never let us forget ir - but we are better, and they know it, according to about.com WE ARE MORE PRESTIGIOUS - they are jealous - we are far superior - they are like Princeton to our Harvard</p>
<p>"Dear MooCow School,</p>
<p>How's Northeast Mass? Been doing a lot of hiking, I trust. Well, I guess you'd have to, considering hiking trails are the only means of entertainment within a 50 mile radius. </p>
<p>About those books...yeah, we're just gonna go ahead an keep them. We'd give them back, but we've been putting them to better use for 200 some odd years and we know you only like them for the pictures anyway. I know some of the pictures are realllly pretty, but books like these should be kept out of the reach of children. Maybe when you're older, we'll let you in the library so you can look at them.</p>
<p>Your pal,
Amherst</p>
<h2>P.S. Have you seen our National Championship Basketball trophy? We were on our way out there to show it to your basketball team because they asked if they could see what it looked like, and we might have accidentally left it on a mountain when we got out of the car to examine the map more closely. Y'know, all those farms up there look the same. It's really confusing!"</h2>
<p>Dear Flower-Child School,</p>
<p>How's Amherst? Been spending a lot of time in your dorm? you must be, since you need the shabby town of Amherst to subsidize your school's total lack of a social life. But I guess that's what flower-children do best. Speaking of such, what's it like to be a school with no distribution requrements? how's that crack your academic advisors are smoking? They must've been smoking something when they designed your curriculum. Or Lack thereof. You must be hungry, what with one dining hall and such. How do you cram 1,600 students into one tiny building? Perhaps we'll do you a favor and invite you to Paresky/Dodd/Mission/Greylock (your pick) one day soon.</p>
<p>About those books...yeah, you can go ahead and keep them. Since we've got a $1.4 Billion endowment , we can afford more. Besides, those books would be better utilized by our less fortunate bastard-siblings in Amherst anyway.</p>
<p>Last time I checked, we're...actually 28 years older than you. Silly child, you really should learn how to count before you try to learn how to read.</p>
<p>Your Pal,
Williams [EphTastic]</p>
<p>P.S. tsk,tsk. Always losing those trophies. You know what, we'll give you one of ours - we've got quite an expansive collection. Yeah, coming to the Great Outdoors after being cramped in mom-and-pop-shop-ridden AmHerst for 186 years can get a bit...testy. You could really use a Wal-Mart.</p>
<p>haha! this is f ing awesome!</p>
<p>Dear Eeeeephraim & Co.,</p>
<p>How considerate you are to allow us to keep the books! We really appreciate it. Although I doubt very much you could buy many more books than we could, what with our endowment being a <em>paltry</em> 1.3 billion dollars. Hmm...Considering our schools is less than 75% as large as yours, it sure is interesting that our endowment is 93% as large...and growing much faster (an increase of 200 million dollars in the last fiscal year to your 100 million).</p>
<p>Anywho, we really are enjoying our lack of a curriculum. It's great never having some old fogie who's never been out of Williamstown, Mass., telling you what to do! Especially with that town's limited scope. Gee, speaking of WalMart, where is your closest location? 20 minutes away? How unfortunate. There's one just down the street here. </p>
<p>As for the Val...it's plethora of nutritious offerings easily trumps your less-lovingly named eating establishments. With over 40 options at every meal, who could complain? Not to mention it's about thrice the size of your largest dining hall. And if that weren't enough, we can always mosey on into town to soak up the cultures of the world at dozens of great restaurants. It must be such a downer not having many restaurants...or people....or buildings...anywhere near your campus! Well, that IS why we moved away in the first place.</p>
<p>Your better,
Amherst</p>
<p>P.S. Still can't find the trophy. If you find it, we'd appreciate you FedExing it back over here. It's big and shiny, and it says "NCAA DIII National Basketball Champions" on it. Can't miss it. Ciao!</p>
<p>"Williams is currently engaged in one of the largest capital campaigns ever undertaken by a liberal arts college, with a goal of raising $400 million by September, 2008. The college has raised approximately $385 million towards this goal as of the end of April, 2007. As of June 2005, Williams endowments were valued at approximately $1.5 billion"</p>
<p>-Wikipedia (5/27/07)</p>
<p>"Unlike many institutions that have seen investments fall significantly over the past few years," Moody's reported, "Amherst's endowment is currently only 10 percent below its peak value" in 2000.</p>
<p>-AmHerst's own website (5/27/07). tsk, tsk, tsk.</p>
<p>Instead of throwing out irrelevant numbers and implied statistics (the amherst.edu quote), why don't we compare something that actually matters - the endowment per student. Remember that at a certain point in a school's development, the sheer size of the endowment no longer matters as all the infrastructure is in place. Also note that a drop in total endowment isnt necessarily a bad thing, especially since Amherst has undertaken numerous construction projects since 2000 (renovation of almost all the dorms, and construction of a new one).</p>
<p><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_US_colleges_and_universities_by_endowment#_note-15%5B/url%5D">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_US_colleges_and_universities_by_endowment#_note-15</a>
2005 2006
10. Amherst College $698,469 $820,846 [25]
11. Williams College $666,193 $783,000[42]</p>
<p>As you can see, Amherst experienced a net gain of about 22k endowment per student from 2005-2006, while Williams only added a paltry sum of 17k.</p>
<p>Basically, Amherst underwent massive construction projects, and still outperformed Williams. It's ok, not everybody loves their alma mater as much as Amherst grads do.</p>
<p>Amherst probably did not tap its endowment for the construction projects. College dorms tend to be financed with tax-exempt bonds, and non-dorm buildings are usually financed with earmarked contributions. And if construction were financed out of the endowment, I'm pretty sure that Williams has had several major construction projects in the past few years too.</p>
<p>""Unlike many institutions that have seen investments fall significantly over the past few years," Moody's reported, "Amherst's endowment is currently only 10 percent below its peak value" in 2000.</p>
<p>-AmHerst's own website (5/27/07). tsk, tsk, tsk."</p>
<p>This is a good thing. This excerpt is saying that WHILE many OTHER institutions have seen invsetments fall significantly, Amherst has managed to stay ahead of the game, at only 10% below it's peak value. This means that other institutions had dropped significantly more than Amherst. </p>
<p>So thanks for bringing up a fact supporting Amherst (we always appreciate when you silly Ephs acknowledge your betters).</p>
<p>Ciao!</p>
<p>what with CTD, then on to Paresky, and now the North and South Academic Buildings, Sawyer to give way....</p>
<p>Actually, I think I may have destroyed aforementioned books. It was an accident. I blame... Buddha?</p>
<p>Hahahaahhaha this is great!!! Now i want to go to Amherst even more (you guys have a great sense of humour). I've already began to believe that Amherst is superior and I haven't even visited yet :) It must be that damn core curriculum that provides intellectual freedom. It really is a pity Ephs can't appreciate it - i guess they just don't have the same hunger for knowledge or independence the Lord Jeffs possess. :( hmmm... what a shaaaame. Btw what book are you all talking about?</p>
<p>The Prez of Williams was disenchanted with the direction the shcool was taking, so he took the library books, headed toward Amherst and started the college with those same books. The running joke is that the library fines to date equal roughly the equivalent of the college's endowment. LOL.</p>
<p>Here's a joke to lighten the mood:
What do williams students and Amherst students have in common?
...
They all got into Amherst.</p>
<p>Rite, and since both schools share what is probably the greatest number of applicants that any two schools share, and since Amherst's admissions rate is lower than Williams's your joke is even funnier</p>
<p>HAHAHAHAHAHAH that is great!!! Lol i bet the late fee WOULD be equal to the endowment! I think all the Amherst students should start making cupcakes for the Williams librarians :)</p>
<p>I love the fact that Amherst is a mom and pop shop town with no Wal Mart. It's a lovely, beautiful town. Though the towns surrounding Williams looked like rural slums (Williamstown itself was lovely...if you like having sex with cows).</p>
<p>Remember that US News has to mix up the rankings every few years so that tools like you will buy the magazine!</p>