I can tell you, that other people are happy because of how homogenous they are to the school’s environment. Northerners, wealthy individuals, white, etc. I am very unhappy with where I am at.
Kinda unrelated, and not to hijack the thread, but if any queer/POC high school students are reading this, you should be VERY careful when you hear that everyone at a certain college is happy there. I honestly think the words “tight-knit sense of community” are a dogwhistle translating to “here’s a country club-esque environment where your kid can socialize with similarly wealthy, white students.” It’s not a coincidence that most (not all, but most) of the colleges described as “tight-knit” with “a great sense of community” tend to be incredibly white and wealthy as well as homogenous in terms of interests (i.e. Dartmouth, Princeton, Colgate, Bucknell, etc.).
You see what you wish to see, just like you choose whether to be happy or not. Princeton isn’t even majority white, much less wealthy white, and homogeneous doesn’t describe it. The OP is incredibly privileged compared to 98% of the American public, in having a safe place to live, apparently no financial issues, access to health care, no dependants to care for, and access to some of the best education in the world. A bit of perspective. He has far more in common with his classmates, whether he realizes it or not, than with most other people
“And by my junior year everyone felt comfortable about it and I felt really included.”
So it took 2+ years for people to feel comfortable and for him to feel included. Glad he was willing to persevere, but I’m sure being a star basketball player helped.
I do think the point another poster made about the term “tight-knit” community can be true and false depending on the person. Just as the general media portrayal of college being the best 4 years of your life can be true and false depending on the person.
So it took 2+ years for people to feel comfortable and and for him to feel included. Glad he was willing to persevere, but I’m sure being a star basketball player helped.
Exactly! Convenient of the previous poster to just gloss over that fact. I often say that these “tight-knit” schools often have a lot of gaslighting ingrained into the school culture.
You might want to read the article, @ssnicker638. Kena waited until after his freshman year to discuss details of his life with the other members of the team, so the transition to full acceptance was relatively brief.
And yet you did. As interesting as this is, the conversation has now become a tangent unrelated to the original poster, and one that us better discussed in a separate tgead. In *this" thread, please focus on the OP.
I do not doubt that OP has challenges. He may very well find those challenges to be equal or even greater in his next location, wherever that may be. One can do little to control other’s actions, but one can control one’s own reaction to them. Doing so is essential for happiness. There will always be greedy rich kids, boorish classmates, unhinged colleagues etc etc. Some may become your manager, landlord, or even client. Do not give them power over your own happiness.
Most people do not have the time or money to take care of their mental health. OP appears to have both.
“Gilmour came out to his team after his freshman season, during which he was the second-leading scorer on the team.”
Again, he was a valuable player and he made sure he was before any subsequent discussions. I’m not debating how long it took for him to feel integrated and accepted, I’m simply pointing out he didn’t discuss being gay before he established his status on the team (and he may have been recruited as well) and that helped smooth his path. He wasn’t comfortable enough to share with his teammates right at the start of his college career. The OP’s experience might give some insight as to why.
It is really quite unlikely that the student body at an elite NE LAC is either homophobic or racist, and it is beyond belief that the LGBTQ club there is. While I acknowledge not everyone will become friends, it is also possible OP shares the responsibility for his lack of social connections in his current college. Counseling could help with that too.
If you read in earlier posts, the club there iced me out for being associated with a friend who has helped me with my mental health and has similar interests as me. I can acknowledge that not everyone there is racist but the few that there are, considering we are a very small campus, makes a difference. If you didn’t read my initial post, I literally mention that I go to therapy.
There’s also an issue that people in the LGBTQ+ club are non-POC and affluent students who live in very privileged areas and do not resonate with my experiences of discrimination as a low-income and POC student who had to go through financial strain to afford medical treatment for not simply mental healthcare but gender conforming treatments. There’s also a hefty price to pay for legal fees in regards to name and gender marker changes.
I tried my best to make friends. I even tried to put myself out there during a job camping trip but clearly, no one is interested.
The OP is simultaneously a member of multiple outgroups, so the experience with discrimination and social alienation may be significantly worse than for those who are members of one outgroup. Those who are members of one outgroup may not necessarily be accepting of those who members of an outgroup on a different dimension.
While LGB may be relatively well accepted these days among many younger people (including college students), acceptance of T and perhaps other categories represented by letters that may be part of LGBTQ… probably considerably lags that of LGB.
I agree with you, @ucbalumnus, I just question whether there are really substantial numbers of trans POC on any college campus, as it is relatively uncommon statistically. Presumably densely populated urban areas would have the most, regardless of any college affiliation, due to population size. Of course there are downsides to that too.
At some small rural LACs, some experience a feeling of being trapped as well as of non-acceptance.
Larger campus with more students in an urban or heavily populated area tends to provide a very different type of atmosphere. One doesn’t have to fit in with the dominant campus culture as may be the case at a small rural LAC.
I believe every word & thought that the OP has shared.
LACs are primarily about fit–especially if in a rural location. This LAC is not a good match for the OP.
@pineapplenarwhal : Will your LAC permit you to take more than one semester abroad ?
Can you do a senior year abroad in addition to your semester in London during your junior year ?
Or maybe just another semester abroad or in Wash DC or at another school during your senior year ?
Typically, schools require just 4 semesters in residence in order to qualify for a degree from that school. Most even count a school sponsored semester abroad or in Wash DC as being “in residence”.
P.S. You are eligible for a semester in Wash DC or in New York City. New York City may offer a film internship.
Unless you are a trans POC, you don’t understand what one other trans POC can do for you. I’d rather have one than none and the chances of meeting one trans POC are much higher at an urban school than at a small one in the middle of nowhere.
Did you miss the low-income aspect? I sacrificed a lot, financially and emotionally, to take care of myself. What makes you think I had the disposable time and money to? I rely on free therapy the school gives me and neglect it immediately when I get home because I simply can’t afford it long term. My schoolwork consumes me and I literally end up forced to go to therapy when things get to the point of pure desperation. You keep implying that I am acting selfish for wanting to escape this lifestyle and for wanting to see other alternatives to be happy. Maybe USC is not the answer and I can look at that logistically but you act like I am selfish for even imagining happiness. If you really have nothing to say that’s constructive besides lecturing me on what would you think would make me happy, just stop.
Unfortunately, I am locked at junior year study abroad as I have specific theses/senior projects that require my presence at my college full year. Film centered programs are locked in the fall semester and I wouldn’t be able to go anyways considering I have a few courses that are mandatory and on campus fall 2021
I am concerned that the environment at your current school is truly destructive for you. We can debate whether or not your perceptions are supported by reality (I trust you actually) but it is your perceptions and feelings that count.
You seem to have a lot of support at the school. However, I am not sure you can overcome the unhappiness you are feeling and I am concerned for your well-being. Antidepressants can be really helpful and make therapy more effective, but you do not want to take them. (Often you have to try a few before finding one that works and doesn’t cause side effects.)
There are other options besides USC. Many schools will let you take classes as an unmatriculated student and there are continuing ed programs at most universities. Perhaps you should consider moving home to a more urban (and warmer!) environment and taking classes while you apply to other schools. Granted, they would have to be affordable and you have substantial aid where you are.
I just don’t want you to feel trapped. Knowing that you CAN leave and the world won’t end, might even help you stay. Please please know that your well-being and safety are the most important priority no matter what.