<p>"I am frankly appalled that people even have to ask about basic business practices, and manners and courtesy and doing a very simple thing</p>
<p>Did your parents teach you nothing?"</p>
<p>That sounded like it was directed to the OP to me (sorry I dont know how to do the little shaded box)</p>
<p>It's nice to inform schools that you will not be attending there. If you don't inform them, I don't think it makes the student uncouth, parent-less, etc. I think we can offer advice and suggestions to each other, and esp. to our youth without putting them down. Because, then, where are **our **manners?</p>
<p>One of the schools S was accepted to has been horrible to deal with. Never returned any of my emails, never able to get through via phone ("all agents are currently busy...."), etc. I am very tempted not to reply with a "no thanks, S is not coming" note. But answering bad behavior with another bad behavior is just stooping to their level ;)</p>
<p>It does make the student selfish to not bother with completing the process.</p>
<p>I don't understand why not do the right thing? Is it that complicated? It took me three minutes to find an email for the entire UC and Cal State system.</p>
<p>The LEAST an accepted applicant can do (after someone put together a nice packet, went over their application, teachers sent in forms, the created all kinds of files, have people tracking students, getting ready for the incoming class, closing out files, cleaning up, etc) the LEAST they can do after the school has invited them to join their instiution is send a polite email declining the invitation of admittance:</p>
<p>Dear XYZ School:</p>
<p>Thank you for you letter of admittance to your school. However, I have decided to go to ABC. </p>
<p>(They gave me more money, their math program was more in line, I wanted to go out of state...your office was mean to me)</p>
<p>Sincerly,</p>
<p>Student"</p>
<p>If you can't find the card, or a link on a website, send the email to the admissions people, saying, please forward to the appropriate party, as i was unable to find a better address to send this to.</p>
<p>This way, they can fix their system if it is difficult to navigate, for the next kids coming down the pike.</p>
<p>And if a school was horrible to deal with, say that...</p>
<p>"Dear Admissions Chair,</p>
<p>I will not be attending yourschool. and thank you for accepting me.</p>
<p>At this juncture, I would like to say that I did have some serious issues with your Admissions office. Emails were not returned, the phone was very difficult to get through on etc. This did(not) affect my decision, and I thought you should know about some of the problems, as I may not have been the only one dealing with you office having issues...</p>
<p>Again, thank you for my acceptance.</p>
<p>Sincerelyt</p>
<p>blha</p>
<p>This is very good practice for job interviews, applying to grad schools, etc.</p>
<p>Starting NOW in learning the ettiquette of business, (and schools are buinesses after all) goes a long way.</p>
<p>My D is applying for volunteer work at various instiutions. One has told her, no not this year, but thanks...she sent back a note saying thank you so much for the consideration, and that she is still interested...</p>
<p>If something happens to the kid that beat her for getting the post, my D will have a very good reputation and will be seen for following through, even with a rejection</p>
<p>You never know down the line who will be important in your life, and learning now to follow through in ALL aspects of a process is a good lesson to have</p>
<p>I am not disagreeing that kids need to learn proper business and personal ettiquette. I still have to nag my kids to write thank you notes, but I do it and every once in a while they do it without the nagging!. I would just hate to have my son come on a parents board and ask a question and get called selfish and lazy.</p>
<p>
[quote]
One of the colleges my daughter declined (with a nice note included) responded back and said that not only would her acceptance remain valid for two years, but so would her merit scholarship. Sometimes it pays to show good manners.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I think this is an excellent reason as to why it pays to close the loop in the proces. You never know how the first year is going to play out and you may have to revist one of the schools tomorrow that you are turning down today. </p>
<p>If nothing else, Don't burn any bridges that you may have to walk back across. Just goes to show a little kindness can go a long way.</p>
<p>ffs, the same thing happened to my son. He wrote a note to Allegheny declining their admission offer. A week or so later he received a nice letter congratulating him and extending their admissions and scholarship offers for a year.</p>
<p>Its always best to be polite and courteous.</p>
<p>Absolutely. My D received multiple offers. They all had postcards or forms for her to fill out - yes or no. If she received substantial merit money from them, she included a note of thanks as well. With one of the schools she wrote an extremely high ranking official to offer thanks for all of the assistance/ support that was provided. She received a reply back today via email. While as an official he is disappointed that she is not going to attend said school, he wished her well at the school of choice.</p>
<p>It is very important never to burn bridges. Taking 5 minutes to send a note of thanks but no thanks is always worth it in the end.</p>
<p>Guess I shouldn't have jumped at someone for asking a simple question. i apologize for that. But, seeing kids go off to college with questions like this, and they are ALL over CC, the same question, with kids going, blow it off, who cares, what difference does it make, it doesn't help you so why bother, I was addressing my responses to those kids, and should not have gone after the OP.</p>
<p>I guess when an 18 year old has to ask if they need to RSVP no, for something as special as an admission to a college, with so many kids on this thread worried, struggling, appealing decisions, wondering about being on a waitlist, I think about them.</p>
<p>And anything anyone can do to expedite the admissions process for those in limbo is a good thing. And if no wait list, then to aid the staff at the college that recognized what a good student and person you were, so admitted you, to show the courtesy of acknowledging that. These are people, after alll</p>
<p>I do not want to play Miss Manners here but along with sending the required postcard , a Thank You note saved my daughter a second chance at her scholarships and a college to go in January when she did not like her first choice that she enrolled in the fall. When she declined her first choice with a thank you note to the admissions officer - esp. for the scholarships - that admission offocer remembered her in Oct. when my D wanted to transfer there in January & KEPT all the scholarships intact !</p>
<p>I can't believe I agree so wholeheartedly with CGM, whose politically-oriented postings I generally skip.</p>
<p>To paraphrase Forrest Gump, "Manners is as manners does!"</p>
<p>CGM, with all due respect, not all colleges make it easy. The UC system doesn't seem to want notice -- they have very specific instructions about submitting the SIR- but they don't provide any way to decline the offer. As far as I can tell, they don't really view the acceptance as final until they get the SIR, and of course there is a deadline for submitting that. My understanding is that Berkeley did not send out rejection letters this year, either -- only admitted students got mail. "Courtesy" is not exactly a hallmark of the system; it is largely impersonal and computerized. </p>
<p>So I honestly don't think that the overworked clerical staff in the UC admissions offices want more mail, electronic or otherwise, on their desks. The process they set up doesn't require it. If they don't get the SIR, they will assume the kid isn't coming.</p>
<p>My daughter sent post cards or replies back to all the private colleges that included them in their acceptance packages. One yes, along with my credit card number; and 3 no's, using the form or card provided by the college, answering all the questions they asked. (Generally they ask what other college the student plans to attend). I know from experience that most will mail us a followup survey, and we will gladly complete their surveys.</p>
<p>There is another private college that didn't send a reply form - there was nothing on paper, they wanted everything done on line. We have no clue as to how to log on to the site --the college offered merit aid & has sent several pieces of welcoming mail as well as the letter offering admissions, but the admission-tracking site still doesn't even have a decision noted, and certainly no way to respond to the offer. So basically, its their problem, not ours - they've chosen to make it hard to communicate. One faulty assumption that colleges make is that students know how to utilize their web portals, but the instructions on how to do that are often sent in cryptic fashion, buried in small print at the foot of some form letter received and discarded months earlier. </p>
<p>My daughter had accepted spots on two waitlists earlier, and she did email the respective colleges and ask to be removed from the waitlists. </p>
<p>I would also note that the only college that included a business-reply response card is the one that my daughter is attending. The others all expected us to provide our own stamps to reply to decline -- that might be good manners, but I've been in business long enough to know that if you want people to mail you stuff, you get a significantly better response rate if you pay their postage. For a $60 application fee, you'd think they could spare 30 cents. </p>
<p>So basically I don't think this is an Emily Post etiquette moment. I think that it a busy time for everyone -- and as a matter of courtesy students should fill out and return response forms when colleges provide them. If the colleges don't provide, that's a strong indication that they don't really care.</p>
<p>Calmom, great post!!</p>
<p>UC / Cal state systems don't have waitlists btw.</p>
<p>D tried to call UCSD and speak with someone as to why she was declining her admission. The response she got was " Oh, o.k., bye" and the person hung up on her. I agree, good manners should always be the rule, and admissions in large universities should take note. ( By the way, the reason she declined admission was the cold, impersonal feeling she got when she visited.)</p>
<p>well i don't have to worry about any waitlists...I only need to reply to UC's and CSU's</p>
<p>Son declined admissions offer from UCSD by e-mailing the provost of the college he was accepted to (they have six) to thank her for considering him, but he was looking to go a little farther from home, etc. etc., and that he will always be proud of his acceptance to San Diego. She sent back a lovely e-mail THANKING HIM FOR TAKING THE TIME TO WRITE, and wishing him well in the future.</p>
<p>Brandeis Director of Admissions also sent a very nice reply.</p>
<p>The kindness and consideration shown to others takes so little effort and can reap big rewards. Like the satisfaction of just knowing you've done the right thing...never to young to learn these lessons.</p>
<p>BTW, UC Santa Barbara allows you to decline on-line. His other schools received an e-mail directed to the liaison in the admissions office who covered our territory, or whatever was the most appropriate link.</p>
<p>We felt it was only appropriate to contact the schools in view of the ridiculous wait listing situation everywhere this year, in the hopes that somebody else will get a spot that we have relinquished. One can only hope...</p>
<p>So if its not easy, or not "expected" don't bother...if these kids can fill out applications, have people read them, they can send at least an email.</p>
<p>And why not make it an Emily Post moment? When is the right time>? When it affects a person personally only?</p>
<p>I stand by my opinion, and if I can find some email addresses, being an over 40 mom, then a HS Senior certainly can.</p>
<p>If the school was cold and unwelcoming, tell them so. If they were gracious and kind, tell them so.</p>
<p>When on my Boston trip, we lost something, and the people that helped us were very kind. They didn't find what we lost, but I called their bosses, told them how wonderful their employees had been, and how helpful. I didn't need to do that. They didn't find the missing item. They did their job. But, by going a little be extra, I hoped I could spread a little kindness. It didn't benefit me to make that long distance call. But it was the right thing to do..</p>
<p>Saying, gee we are all sooo busy is a copout. its an excuse. These kids have time. Heck, cut and paste the same note on email, to each school...what are we talking, at most 10 emails? </p>
<p>A lack of courtesy is prevelant in society. And why not go that extra step, spend that extra time.</p>
<p>Why not tell the school that it is difficult to tell them No Thank You...sometimes taking the extra step of letting institutions know that their sites and paperwork are confusing can benefit the instition and the students coming down the pike. After all, you cared enough about them to want to go there in the first place.</p>
<p>We tried to have an Emily Post moment by sending a detailed letter to PSU explaining why son was declining admission to Schreyer. PSU refunded the dorm deposit. But they continued to send mail, bills, etc. Son phoned them and personally explained the situation again. Still, we got mail. Maybe it's just because PSU is so big and the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing, but YIKES. I was very concerned (and still am) that they think he just decided to not show up!</p>
<p>I always had to nag S to call or send thank-you notes for gifts. This was no different. Had to encourage him to let interviewer-where he was accepted but declined- know his final choice. Sending back postcards was easy compared to schools where there was personal contact</p>