Depression in high school and its impact on college admission

Applying to College
1

Hi I am a parent. My daughters is a sophomore and has been diagnosed with depression by two doctors. Her school is aware of it too and are in touch with her doctor. She is on medication. Her grades are fallen badly as a result.

I have seen a huge improvement in her. She is definitely getting better with meds and therapy , however now she’s better enough to ‘start caring’ about her grades and that’s stressing her out and I’m worried it will become a vicious cycle.

My question is : how does this affect her college admissions ? As we have a medical reason for her bad grades , can we disclose the reason in the additional info box ? Is writing about her struggle and overcoming it , something she can work around in her essay ? Do colleges discriminate or are leery of accepting students who’ve have this struggle in the past?

There is a definite reason for her bad grades which has been diagnosed by professionals and the school is also aware of it. What are the steps I can take to make sure her future does not suffer as a result ?

Please help me. Thanks !

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Conventional wisdom says that she is more than just her depression and should not write about it for her college essay. Have a meeting with her cousnelor, because this is who you will want addressing her medical issues on her college application. It’s more credible, and it’s proof that there was a genuine issue.

Colleges are indeed leery of students with anxiety, depression, etc… These students are more of a liability. College is a very unsettling and stressful experieince for many freshman. I might add in the additional info box that her depression is under control with therapy and medication, and state how long it has been under control, if her depression went on for an extended period of time. If you are talking of maybe several months as opposed to a full year of school, then maybe not. Her counselor should have some ideas.

Her essay absolutely should not focus on it. It’s going to be an unavoidable element of her application, so she should use it to show something about herself that an admissions committee can’t find in the rest of her application.

Going forward, if she is still prone to depression, you might want to take that into consideration while compiling a list of colleges. She might be a great stduent,but aiming for super selective colleges may not be a smart move. If she is still fragile, look for colleges that have a non-competitive atmosphere, and maybe not too far from home. And remember that colleges these days tend to have pretty good sounseloThe centers that are free, because they want students to be supported and succeed.

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She’s a sophomore right now so to the extent that you can, really keep everything focused on the Here and Now. As she is feeling better now and the treatment is working, her grades will probably improve. Thinking about the grades only in the context of what they mean for college applications is indeed stressful. I would advise all students to avoid this mindset!

If when you get to the point of applying for colleges you need to explain the sophomore year it is far easier to do so if it really looks like an anomaly. It sounds like one of the things that your daughter is going to have to really work on is figuring out how to manage her mental health. Keep that the priority. If she is less stressed by taking 1 or 2 fewer honors clssses, dropping an EC, or taking a class or 2 over the summer, do that. She should focus on getting the best grades she can while making her health her priority.

I understand how the grades compound the stress, but she needs to make her well being the priority.

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Thank you Lindagaf and gardenstategal

I am in regular touch with her counselor who unfortunately is leaving at the end of this school year. We are focusing on here and now and baby steps. I have left it totally to her which courses she wants to take. ATM she is doing AP World which is very stressful. Next year she plans to take up AP’s which she likes.

I just want her to feel well and am doing absolutely everything to make sure of that. We are not thinking of any highly selective universities for later, rather those which are more friendly. Unfortunately we dont live in a place which has good colleges. She will need to go far from home and if this isn’t under control, ill be going with her. Its that simple.

We are working with her, not to think of the grades, future etc but to take each day at a time and do what she can do to the best of her ability.

All this is helping, However, I personally cannot ignore the fear of what happens in the future. how will this affect her?

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I’d let the counselor reveal that a medical issue affected her grades during this period, and not address it otherwise. But I’d also be realistic in picking colleges. Academic reaches or colleges far from home are higher risks. Don’t get caught up in the glamour of chasing prestige. Fit and safety for her are going to be key.

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A lot of us have kids with mental health struggles - all three of mine do, ranging from relatively mild (anxiety) to very serious (schizophrenia). I’ve been on a six-year journey. I can tell you that my main advice is DON’T PUSH - it’s not a race. Her mental health is more important than which college she graduates from. I will give you the same blunt advice that someone gave me - “You want to keep the ball in play,” meaning, you want to keep her alive long enough that her brain can fully develop and she can get better. I know this sounds harsh, but I lost my 20-year-old nephew, a great kid, to suicide in 2015 and it was even more horrible than you can imagine for my entire family.

Remember that a gap year might be a good possibility. My middle child took 2 1/2 gap years, ha, and now he is studying English and education at the American University of Beirut! He improved so much that, with his doctor’s permission, he stopped taking meds and is doing great. The time off gave him the opportunity to discover his passion, helping people in the Middle East.

Having said all this, it sounds like you’re doing everything you can for her, and that’s huge. From talking to professionals, parents who help their kids like that are rare.

I realize we pushed our older son too much, because we were shocked and in denial that such a high-achieving young man could really be so debilitated. In hindsight, we would have pulled him out of college sooner than we did. :frowning:

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@MaineLonghorn Im sorry for the problems you’ve faced, but at the same time, thankful that your kids have you as a parent! Very sorry to hear about your nephew…

ive talked to her about taking a gap year. Even spoke to the couselor but she is not willing to do that. She wants to push through high school and then see. Ive frankly even told her college is not important. If she doesnt want to go. She needs to just first look after herself and set goals for her future as she wants. This so that she knows she has a future. This is not the end as so many times kids under depression feel.

I am with her 24/7 once she is back from school… not sitting on her head but around if she needs me. Im actively now taking charge of her schedules to make sure she hasnt forgotten something or isnt piling up things till the last minute which will cause her more stress. Not pushing at all… I’ve stopped talking about the future, ACT blah blah, pulled her out of her extra classes which she didn’t want to do. Just taking baby steps for the next day. we prioritize her work schedule to whats most important , then next and so on and take it from there depending on how she is.If there are tests coming up we give time for her to study so she doesn’t have excessive stress last minute. Like i had said, she is better, she’s opened up to me, talks about everything … but it breaks me to see her suffer like this…

She is being extremely strong and resilient and is pushing herself forward though she says, she doesn’t feel any motivation or suffers from a total lack of concentration. I guess our home support is helping her…

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Sounds like you’re doing great!

If you get a chance, check out NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). They offer a free, 12-week Family to Family course that’s wonderful. You learn all about mental illness, but also communication strategies and self-care. The adjective that most people use to describe this class is “lifesaving.” It’s offered in many towns all over the country. I’ve just received training to teach it myself - I will start this fall.

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Oh I’ don’t stay in the US. That’s another long term problem cause it’s a 12 hour flight from where we live but that’s where she will be going to college. Anyway will cross That bridge when we come to it. She’ll definitely not go or go alone if she doesn’t feel upto it. X

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What I told my kid who struggled with depression but ran in a pack of very academically competitive kids was this: If you all ran cross-country together, the goal would be to improve your time, and perhaps even to have the best time of the bunch. But if you broke your leg at some point, no one would expect you to have the best time or even to be setting personal bests every week – the normal expectation would only be to get better and get back on track. You wouldn’t judge your first run out of the cast against the kids who have been running, uninjured, all along. This is no different.

Your daughter’s had a setback and she needs to view progress through the lens of recovery, not through the lens of “but everyone else is…” First priority: Be healthy. Second priority: Focus on school once she’s able. Ideally she’ll be able to demonstrate a solid upward trend and still have plenty of college choices. If she’s not where she wants to be (or thinks she should be) by mid-senior year, she may have to settle for a lesser school, at first, and transfer. Or maybe she’ll realize that a “top” school simply isn’t for her. (My kiddo is happily ensconced in the Honors program at a “lesser” school, as even after recovery was achieved, we all came to the realization that excessive pressure is a huge trigger to be avoided. This turned out to be a great balance.)

This is a marathon, not a sprint. This is about her health and wellness. When she gets frustrated about day-to-day minutiae and/or grades, remind her that last year at this time she couldn’t get out of bed, and look how far she’s come. And please let her know that when she does get to college, she is going to be MUCH better prepared than her fellow students who never suffered anything worse than a hangnail – she’s doing hard work that will put her in good stead to weather whatever comes next. :slight_smile:

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^ @yankeeinGA (ha, the opposite of my situation - southerner living in New England), I love your last paragraph. My college freshman daughter has told me the same thing - now her HS friends are falling apart, but she’s thriving, thanks to the counseling and meds she gets. She is telling all of her new friends they should take advantage of the school’s counseling services, which don’t cost extra. She thinks that ALL high school kids should go through therapy!

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That is awesome advice!!! I got tears in my eyes right now… it’s just a beautiful way of explaining it. Thank you …

You know when you spoke of how far she had come from not being able to get out of bed… for her it was as close as a month back. I literally had to carry her out of bed to go brush her teeth for the night. Even now she has a tough time getting up in the mornings Inspite of all how she must be feeling , she is dealing with AP courses , tests, summativs, quizzes, homework, therapists appointments, three medications with their diff side effects , … and all I can do is hold her up and try and steer her through it all. Feel so helpless. But She’s a fighter … she still smiles through it all.

I’m going to tell her this way of looking at things right now ! X

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One of mine fell apart as a soph, was doing well in school, but not otherwise. In our case, suggesting she lessen the pressure was an issue, as it held her together. She was diagnosed with something I didn’t see, am still not convinced of, exactly. But meds and the right counseling helped. I can’t over emphasize how much the right counselor is needed. A right match she trusts. Ours was a psychiatrist who specializes with college age and teens, knows both their issues and their challenges in expressing the pain.

High school, the academic challenges, the changing social pressures, the growing self awareness, even hormones, can all contribute. In our case, being busy with activities she enjoyed was helpful. She could see her own successes, come to trust herself. For her, these were group activities (music groups, a summer camp job, how she volunteered, a sport she was lousy at, but enjoyed the “team” aspects.)

As ML shows us, this is often one small step at a time. Sometimes, we try something and it works, other times, not. We parents walk this learning journey with them, not knowing.

Let her feel your love and support. Let her see your trust. And, your own strength, comfort with your own challenges. They need someone to lean on/look to, even when they think not.

Best wishes. Hugs.

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@Jadette08 Sounds like she’s still in active recovery, then, and really just needs to get grade worries off the table entirely. You are doing a great job of supporting her! I know how hard this is and how worried you must be. Keep the faith. <3

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@lookingforward thankyou for your kind words… I hope your daughter is feeling better now. You have no idea how glad I am to have reached out . Thankyou

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@yankeeinGA I feel she is … I hope so…I pray so… thank you so so much ! God Bless

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I know a professor at a very good small university who told me that he thinks that most of his smartest and most thoughtful students have suffered from depression at some point. Certainly at least US suburban high schools in many or most cases put much too much pressure on our high school kids and this is one of the results. It is not all that unusual.

I am aware of a a few cases of kids suffering from depression, having to either take time off or getting some bad grades, getting better, getting much improved grades, and subsequently getting into very good universities. This might preclude Harvard for undergrad, but frankly Harvard is probably not a good choice anyway.

"how does this affect her college admissions "? From what I have seen, not as much as I would have expected.

Focus on doing a tiny bit better today than yesterday, and better tomorrow than today.

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@DadTwoGirls Yes youre right… she is in the AP system here and boy ! high school is amped up suddenly ! But what I want to know is… arnt then colleges aware of this? why should it be hidden in the application process? Why would colleges be leery of accepting a child who has suffered from depression. We live in the 21 st century when frankly 80 % of adults have suffered from depression at some point or the other, diagnosed or not. Would they actually discriminate a student who has suffered something like this and fought through it and survived to emerge stronger? Doesnt it say a lot about the character of strength then? What are the steps taken to ensure the protection of kids like mine?

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First of all, I’m touched by how understanding all the parents in this thread are - if only my parents had the same when I was diagnosed with depression in high school.

In any case, I’d recommend doing the same thing that was told to me. Making sure not to focus on the fact the depression exists. Your daughter will not be the only person in the applicant pool who suffered with depression. It’s the way one pushes through it that makes a difference. I don’t know your daughter obviously, but for some people pushing through depression comes through volunteer work, or sports. For example, in my essays I didn’t focus on the fact I had depression, but rather how it pushed me to grow as a person. I discussed making the decision to move out of my parent’s house at 18 and go into the workforce.

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I feel all your pain! We went through something similar with our daughter. 9th and 10th grade were hell and her grades suffered, by 11th grade she was making straight As and looking at colleges. She’s now a senior and will be going to a wonderful small liberal arts school. It took lots of therapy and lots of work for the whole family. It was like being on rollercoaster that we thought would never slow down and stop. We actually thought maybe she wouldn’t even go to college. Now she’s done with therapy, off medication, and is living a very meaningful fulfilling life of a 17 year old. She still can drive me crazy, I can give you list…but she is, I can now say, basically as typical as any teenager.

If you asked her she would say therapy, particularly the year we had her in a DBT therapy program, was most useful.

Keep doing what your’e doing. Your’e on the right path.

Mental health is genetics and environment; there’s nothing we can do about genetics, the good news, there’s a lot we can do about environment.

My daughter now is 180 degrees from where she was in 9th grade. Interestingly, she wrote 2 essays, the first about her mental health struggles, the second in a creative writing class, had nothing to do with that. She chose her second essay and it was excellent. Our kids are so much more than their past or their diagnoses.

I’ll just share what I wish someone would have told me 3 years ago:

1-don’t spend any of your energy worrying about college, not worth the effort - it’s a race to nowhere. I know it’s hard not to, but trust me please, focus on her health right now. When she’s healthy again, the academics will follow.

2-find a way to help her find her purpose - my daughter started volunteering with special needs kids. This was a transformative experience for her. She continues it to this day and actually has an excellent paid job at our local community center. I firmly believe that every teenager (and adult) needs to have a purpose in life, they need to feel needed and useful - otherwise they spend way too much time inside their own head :slight_smile: We as parents have an automatic purpose - taking care of our children - but teenagers truly need something to ground them and give their life meaning and a total feeling of belonging. (something beyond school) Guide her in her search for this, it will increase her maturity, independence, self esteem, and ultimately move her into adulthood. That’s the real goal after all, isn’t it?

3-read this Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain by Daniel Siegel

4-Help her form healthy habits. If you can, get her to spend time outside, hiking, yoga, any physical activity. This is so essential. Teens (and adults) need time to decompress. Teens especially, they are always “connected” with their phones or computers, it’s 24/7 and they don’t get the time to just disconnect and decompress. They always need to be “on” and the result is what we are seeing now, huge increases in anxiety and mental health issues everywhere particularly teen depression. My daughter really got into the whole mindfulness thing, even got involved in forming a mindfulness club (and this was a kid who hated being involved in school)

5-keep being her cheerleader! provide healthy boundaries and unconditional love.

Best of luck to you and your daughter!