My grade 11 academically bright child got into anxiety depression in the junior year. She was always been within top 5% of a competitive high school. Her SAT, PSAT score is in 99+% percentile ranges, her past GPA is also good for any Ivy school. However, due to depression she stopped studying hard, failing to submit some homework, her grade dropped drastically at the junior year. She is under medication & therapy now.
I have the following questions; appreciate if anyone can answer
• Should she mention about the depression at the college application/essay
• What are mental health friendly colleges? What to look for?
• Should she even try for competitive schools, rather settle for easy schools
• Any other advises who have gone through these issues?
Thanks
The most important question you ask is about the kind of school where she’d do best. Often, anxiety and depression are related to stress. So with the help of her doctor, you may want to start with environment. How competitive? How far from home? Are there activities she likes? Good mental health services? From there, you can work out what you want to disclose and when. The priority should be making college a success.
I would say colleges that are in the top 50 in the nation are very intense academically, and if school is the center of her anxiety/depression and a primary reason for it, I would say to not insist that she should apply to those schools. Also, a school can still be academically reputable and somewhat difficult to get into without exuding that kind of stress. I would suggest a school with Co-op semesters like Northeastern or Drexel perhaps because the real-life work experience offers breaks between learning. As for the essay, I would not mention depression. Unfortunately, the absurd, negative stigma placed on mental disorders throughout the admissions’ boards may hurt her chances.
Your daughter has lived a glorious of privilege and has been the luxury of having parents that are so invested in her education that they take the time to go on boards and research college information. She has no reason to be depressed, she should check her privilege.
Although this member has been banned for posting a different thread where he misrepresented himself, I am leaving his posts here on the thread. Unfortunately, there are a number of people that believe you can “will yourself” out of clinical depression just by choosing to be happier. They have no clue as to the difference of a bad mood versus real depression. - FC
I agree about not mentioning the depression/anxiety in the application essays.
What does the therapist suggest about school environment? Don’t count on any school to have really effective mental health treatment that is adequately staffed without long wait times for appointments. One thing to keep in mind is that your kid will soon turn 18 and be a legal adult entitled to choose or decline treatment, and under no legal obligation to tell you about his or her grades or progress in college.
We have a younger D with similar issues. She will be starting grade 10 so we have a little more time, but right now my inclination is to have her closer to home, at one of our state universities. For one thing, it will be easier to check in with her if we can see her in person more often. But also, we don’t qualify for FA so we are reluctant to send her away to a very expensive private school where she might sink into depression and stop going to class without our even knowing. Also I’d like her to have the option of taking a lower class load (and paying by the unit).
for the OP, I would suggest that you and your daughter look for community mental health resources both on campus and in the local college town. For me that would be a critical resource for her in attending any school, either a competitive pressure cooker or a laid back “easier” school. One thing I know from being in the business is that any college is a challenge-- professors don’t typically give you a break because they are working for directional state rather than for the ivy league
I would limit her geographically so that you can visit and check in without having to get on a plane. I agree that you should carefully choose her enviorment. Maybe look into some of the colleges that change lives. You may want to think about social issues as well. Does she have social anxiety, is a Greek system going to benefit or hurt her?
Some schools have a reputation for cut throat competition, some for cooperation, people helping each others, studying in groups. While I like the idea of a school with co ops (Hampshire maybe?) you also have to make sure people are not killing each other to get internships.
Do not mention the depression, anxiety or any other mental issue. I would not write an essay about OCD even. However if a particular event triggered it, such as the loss of a family member or divorce, the GC can mention the loss in her evaluation.
Is her year over? Can you or she speak to the teachers about making up the work so that her GPA stays ok?
Your post shows complete ignorance of mental health issues and depression in particular. In a great many people it has nothing to do with their circumstances in life, but is a chemical imbalance that is inherent in their body, in that sense no different than if they had been born with a heart defect. Fortunately it can usually be treated by drugs that fix the imbalance, or at least bring it more in line with what is considered normal.
I suggest you do a great deal of reading on this issue. The attitude you display is exactly what many recent movements that highlight mental health issues is trying to eradicate.
All good advice so far -two things I would add is to look for schools without competitive environments and to really focus on fit over all else.
I do think that it’s probably best to try and stay within the Top 50/75 schools if possible plus the Top LAC’s. LAC’s may actually be the best way to find good communities without the academic pressures.
Talk to her and the therapist and identifying things that make her depression better/worse is a must. Was there any specific cause in high school that led to this?
@fallenchemist
Ok, I’ll bite. Wouldn’t you think it’s pretty telling that we only hear about the depressed kids in suburban America with middle class or higher parents instead of the depressed people in the Third World. You know why we don’t hear about a kid in Kenya having depression? Because he has real problems to worry about, like poverty, and doesn’t have an inculcated sense of privilege that manifests itself in depression. I find it saddening that science, like that chemical imbalance you reference, is being used nowadays to justify problems we ourselves create.
Although this member has been banned for posting a different thread where he misrepresented himself, I am leaving his posts here on the thread. Unfortunately, there are a number of people that believe you can “will yourself” out of clinical depression just by choosing to be happier. They have no clue as to the difference of a bad mood versus real depression. - FC
Do you get enjoyment out of telling someone who is on medication and therapy that their problems don’t matter? Do you realize many people with depression have suicidal thoughts? Do you think your self-centered rudeness would help those or make them worse?
First off, mental illness has existed for quite some time. The only change now is that we can properly diagnose and understand it. People everywhere struggle with mental health, including in the “third world”.
Secondly, just because others have it worse does not mean that a person’s problems are not real or valid. Telling someone that or using it as justification to ignore a problem entirely is very flawed.
You do realize that often depressed people are actually incredibly selfless, right? They can think they are harming too many people and that a world without them would be better because they are a burden on others. Please, look into people with depression and don’t just stereotype and judge the world without even knowing it.
I think it’s best to ignore the ignorant comments from a poster who is clearly bored and in need of attention.
@PengsPhils
Thanks for enlightening me. I didn’t know about these nuances. My own experiencew ith depression was different, so I guess I was mistaken.
@bodangles
I understand I was mistaken, but I still believe people need to step out of their bubble and be reminded of their probelms in the context of the world at large.
That is such a ridiculous argument that it just shows you are a very poorly informed child. Who is going to psychiatrically diagnose the kid in Kenya? You are taking two completing different issues and acting like they have some relation to each other. They don’t, but you choose to live in ignorance so have fun with that. No one will respond further to your posts, I am sure, because they are so obviously childish and not just ill-informed, but totally non-informed. But then of course you know better than thousands of Drs. and researchers who can actually observe these chemical issues on brain scans and by other means. If this were not true and you were right, then why did this student get better when treated with medication? In dozens of blind experiments, people without depression were not suddenly made ecstatic by taking these pills, but people with pathological depression were observed to become normal. You have an opinion based on nothing but your own concoction of “buck up”.
I think she needs to get a good perspective on life before worrying about what is clearly extremely stressful for her, the college merry-go-round. What about a year off and a job, to re-prioritize? Sounds like it might be a good idea. Are there any stressors in her life other than college, like parents divorcing or deaths in the family? Time to focus on that instead. (not asking- just saying that these things can affect what is going on.)
Her life is more important than her college choices right now. Let her chill for awhile. Sounds like a kid who might not be doing well under the pressure of expectations.
Back to your question…
What’s most important is that her mental health is in the right place before you even consider college applications. You say she in treatment now but treatment takes time and given summer is right around the corner, you won’t really know how she’s doing until school starts again in the fall. And treatment can take many months to get right, even the best treatment.
@fallenchemist thank you so much for your posts regarding depression. I have a child who suffers from bipolar 2 depression. It took a number of years to properly diagnose it. They are on a number of medications which has made all the difference in the world. It is to my understanding caused by a lack of serotonin in the brain at least in part. It is frustrating because it takes weeks before you even know whether some of the drugs work. As an additive cognitive behaviorial therapy helps. My child had to take a medical leave from college because of the illness.
The suicide rate for untreated bipolar depression is around 20 per cent. It is a very scary disease but many people if properly treated can be helped greatly to lead very productive lives.
@Andy786 I went through this when I was in my first year of school. Being diagnosed with bipolar disorder derailed my “4-year plan” but put me on the path I was supposed to be and I hope this long comment can provide some insight:
With respect, I hope your daughter is seeking help because she wants to, and not because you want her to keep up her grades. My own experience began with my parents forcing me and I wouldn’t recommend it. But if she is pursuing this because she wants to, I think that will be the most productive and healing.
I think for the essay, I wouldn’t mention it unless it’s framed around something like, “I am living my best life and am an example of why we need to end the stigma.” If she is not at the point to honestly and passionately write about it, then probably not.
For mental health-friendly colleges, look for a school with a robust health/counseling center or a well-laid plan for emergencies and referrals.
The super competitive schools can drive the toughest students into the ground. However, I don’t think she should sacrifice her future and possibilities because of something that she will overcome soon. Transferring schools can seem scary, a headache, etc. but finding a place that suits her academic interests and rigor once she feels she can move on is also a possibility (I transferred three times).
There are many bumps along the way. Figuring out the right combination of medicines and therapists is hard and sometimes makes things worse, but worth it. Make sure she knows that she has a support system that will do anything for her. It isn’t the end of the world if she doesn’t go to college right out of high school. Taking a year off to heal is more important than losing herself and/or her health just for the grades.
Good luck!