<p>Have you (or your kids) rejected a college simply because it's too close to home? My DD is taking a serious look at WUSTL and it's a great school....but is it any better than Emory University...which is right down the street from us? Is the experience of leaving home (though she would be in the dorms at Emory) worth the cost of travel & possibly less financial aid? </p>
<p>P.s. She hasn't gotten into either one yet...but we're the kind of family that worries before things happen. :)</p>
<p>If college is more than just the education you get in the classroom, but the whole experience of trying something new, travelling to somewhere where you have no ties, not being able to just drop in on Mom & Dad with your laundry, etc., then yes, it’s worth it.</p>
<p>I’ve written before, jokingly, that we have a two state rule in our family - that is, the kids will attend a school at least two states away. My daughter wholeheartedly accepted that challenge and is looking primarily at schools more than 1000 miles away. There’s an advantage to that as well, as there is sometimes the geographic diversity bump one can get from going to colleges that are small and relatively unknown in your region, despite their national or regional prestige.</p>
<p>I’ve also written that I think college can be a time to do something you will likely never do again in your life. Let’s face it, most of us live in cities or suburbs, and our kids will too once they graduate and start their careers. So why not go live in some small town in some part of the country you’re not from? Some people can’t fathom that, they want exactly what they have, and nothing more, but some like to experience the new, reinvent themselves, make new contacts, and then return to the world they came from. Or strike out to something they discovered along the way.</p>
<p>If I’m spending $50k+ a year on school, the cost of 3-4 round trip tickets per year is pretty minor. And once you’re beyond a four hour car ride, you might as well be on a plane. Get everything you can out of those four years, because you’ll never get a chance to experience anything like it again.</p>
<p>College is a good time to explore living in another region relatively risk-free. You can always go home after graduation if you want to.</p>
<p>Close proximity of a campus to my parents’ home would have been a big downside for me at 18 even if the place had been the equal of Princeton and such. I wanted to get away from high school, family, etc. and reinvent myself.</p>
<p>These are really valid points & I have to say that i agree. thank you!</p>
<p>I subscribe to the philosophy of worrying in advance. In fact, it seems that lots of CC users do as well. :)</p>
<p>I told my girls if they went to a local college I didn’t want to see them more than once a month. They needed to be on their own. When I went off to school if I hadn’t received some kind of scholarship I would have probably lived at home and commuted to the local CC. The majority of students do NOT go off to college.</p>
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<p>Not all families and students can afford to rule out nearby or in-state public universities and community colleges.</p>
<p>Also, “two states away” from DE or RI is not that big a distance compared to “two states away” from AK or HI (or even CA).</p>
<p>I realize that not everybody can afford it, or even wants to go away, but I more often get the question, “Why so far away?”. And for the majority of people who do wind up staying close to home after graduation, staying close really does work out, as often there is an alumni network, although I question the value of mine, as in it seems non-existent, even though the college is only two hours away.</p>
<p>Two states is plenty far in the Midwest - but yes, in the Northeast, you need to go considerably further statewise to have the same effect. (And in California, you’d wind up in Utah, which is not really a good option compared to the home state.) It’s funny that when we were visiting Northeastern schools, so many parents told us that they wanted their kids to stay close to home, but the kids wanted to go far away - to the Midwest.</p>
<p>Part of the reason that I didn’t go to Berkeley was because my mom mentioned the possibility of living at home =D I wasn’t a fan, not because they were overbearing or I wanted more independence, but just because it didn’t feel right. Looking back on it, it probably wouldn’t have mattered either way, but being away from my parents has done wonders for our relationship. There were other reasons, of course, that I didn’t really like Berkeley, and I would be concerned if the only reason your daughter wanted to go to a school was because it was far away.</p>
<p>If the school is still a good fit for her and you can swing the cost (or she’s willing to contribute the difference in any way she can), then I’d let her go. She could very well have just as good of an experience at a nearby school, as a school that’s far away, but there’s something to be said for not having your parents nearby to rescue you if you need it or being forced to come up with something else to do when you can’t get home easily for a long weekend.</p>
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<p>Oh yes. D won’t even consider the terrific top 50 LAC in our town. She’s not particularly into any schools in our state, though a state school may be the best financial choice in the end, and she is OK with that…it’s still 2.5 hours away :)</p>
<p>We had the opposite situation. Although we live in a region with an abundance of wonderful colleges and universities within a two-hour drive, we encouraged our son to consider schools all over the country. We even bought a huge map of the United States and used pushpins to identify the locations of the various schools that we thought were a good fit for him and represented a range of reaches, matches and safeties. </p>
<p>As it turns out, given what he was looking for, the top choices are both within an hour’s drive. Now that might not matter in the end, if he isn’t admitted or we can’t swing the final price tag (in which case he’ll take the merit money and go further away). But after visiting a wide range of schools–both public and private, large university and small LAC–I think where the school is located is less important than the student body itself in terms of feeling like you’re “escaping home.”</p>
<p>When I arrived at the University of Pennsylvania as a freshman ~30 years ago, it was an incredible culture shock to me, even though the school was just a 25-minute train ride from where I’d grown up. It was as different as night and day, and I welcomed the newness. It was also tremendously advantageous to be able to get home quickly when my mother took ill my freshmen year, and I had to help care for her. Having a sibling four hours away at college was no help whatsoever!</p>
<p>I’ve also been surprised at how many parents who’ve already sent a kid away to college are adamant they don’t want the next one to go far away. Too much stress and money spent getting back and forth. If your kid (or you) have serious health issues, those factors can make a school on the other side of the country far from ideal.</p>
<p>I live in a college town home to a a large public research university. About 25% of my son’s hs class attend the school right out of hs (quite a few more attend years later after going to the cc). Most live in the res halls frosh year and then get apartments near campus. Almost all say that the town they knew as kids is vastly different than the town they discover as college students. Basically, they didn’t realize how much more the town had to offer and only discovered those things as college students. You can grow, reinvent yourself, whatever… anywhere…2 miles from home or a 1000 miles from home.</p>
<p>SouthernHope, I think the answer to your question depends on how much independence the child desires, and how much independence the family can or is willing to finance. There is no question that there are substantial additional costs associated with attending a school far away from home. For some families that extra expense is not an issue, and perhaps they are happy to pay those additional costs in exchange for what they might view as a growth opportunity for their child. Others simply do not have that luxury, and the choice is made for them because of financial constraints. You probably know best what choices are comfortable for your family.</p>
<p>Personally, if I were a student and had a university the caliber of Emory “down the street”, it would have to be a pretty spectacular school to entice me to look elsewhere. But then with the benefit of hindsight, I am a person who thinks that dorm living after the first 2 years is highly overrated. Cramped quarters, lack of privacy and cafeteria food just got old for me by my junior year. I would have loved to have had my home to retreat to when I felt the need. A few of my friends did move off campus, so their apartments had to suffice for me when I needed a break from the dorms. But that was my experience and YMMV.</p>
<p>I actually added a college to my list just because it is very close (~20 minutes away) from my house. This would be in case some family situation (ie health problems) came up that would necessitate my being close by. Also saves money on transportation to and from college and would allow me to commute if needed.</p>
<p>My son applied to most of the UC’s and a variety of colleges up and down the West Coast. One UC in particular had everything he was looking for: an ideal department for his major, internship opportunities, the campus and town vibe that he knew would help him flourish. The one drawback: it was located half an hour from our house. He was an independent and adventurous kid who had extensively and independently travelled for several summers. So he wanted to spread his wings further and fly far away. He nearly chose a distant college less suited to his academic goals but at the last minute chose our local UC. He lived on campus and we were lucky to see him at Thanksgiving and Christmas. He was unbelievably busy and happy and life on campus was a culture and world away from the life where he grew up. It was the perfect school for him, he developed a wonderful network of close friends from all over the country. And now he’s in grad school where he credits his success there largely to having made the right undergrad choice despite its proximity to home.</p>
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Quick side note, the typical Emory upperclassman does not live in the dorms. Most third and fourth year Emory students live in a frat house, a nearby apartment, or a resort like complex called Clairmont (only a few students commute). Really it’s only the RAs who live in the dorms (which are ridiculously luxurious) in their last two years.</p>
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^^^This. S1’s only real beef with the school he ended up attending was the fact that it was H’s and my alma mater, 50 miles away in the same town where his grandparents and uncle live. But he settled right in and has done well for himself. I think it helped that the majority of kids from his HS class went to our state flagship and he didn’t have a built-in support group.</p>
<p>At our HS, I’d say 90% or more of the graduates who go to college go to a state school - either the one in our town or one of the biggies about 2 hrs away. I think for my daughter, she’d like to get away to a place where she knows no one and can see how she fares independently. She loves her HS friends (and boyfriend!) but she really wants to break out on her own.</p>
<p>She has, however, applied to one state school…just in case she changes her mind!</p>
<p>My S had a similar experience to osasmom just on the other end of the country! After looking up and down the east coast, my S ended up at a college that was 20 minutes from us and he had a fantastic experience. We sat down and as a family we decided to act as if he was 2 hours or so away from school – as parents we never just popped by and we never expected him to stop home for minor events. He only came home when the dorms were closed (Thanksgiving, Christmas etc.). Still, at times the proximity was helpful (ex. when his laptop died, I drove down with an old one we had for him to use until his was repaired). His college life was very different from his home life as he moved from the suburbs into a major city. We found no downside to his experience. It is important to find a school that is a good fit but IMO it is a mistake to just assume that further away is better. And my S went halfway across the country for grad school.</p>
<p>I lived about 20 minutes from my college and commuted for my first three semesters. When I moved into my sorority house, my pretty much acted as if I still lived at home. My dad would drive by there every single day unless he was traveling and if my car wasn’t there and should have been, or was there and shouldn’t have been, I heard about it. My off-campus job was in my parents’ neighborhood and I often stopped by after work. I was able to come and go as I pleased without reporting in, though and that made all the difference.</p>
<p>ETA: We never show up at S1’s unannounced but we do invite him if we’re going to see Grandma (whom he worships), etc. If he’s free he joins us, if not, it’s no big deal.</p>