Did you ever suggest your kids should seek degrees that would offer better paying jobs?

Ditto

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That’s exactly how I (a neuroscientist) feel about Neuroscience majors. They are useful prep for grad school or med school. Otherwise a more general science major is better. I’d argue that a more general major is better even if the person is planning on grad school or med school.

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I’m not sure how much influence we parents or the schools have. The role the environment plays is probably rather limited. There’s a natural diversity of interests and talents, and going against the nature is likely counterproductive.

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:joy:

So true. Report cards came out yesterday, and because of the discussion here, I decided to ask my oldest if she’d like reconsider a STEM major given the strength of her math & science grades. She looked at me like I had two heads.

On the other hand, she is barely 18 and unlike @soozievt, she is not at all the kind of kid that has always known for certain what she has wanted to do. I would be surprised if she suddenly swung entirely towards STEM given her current interests, but lots of students develop new interests in college particularly after taking classes that they did not get a chance to try in high school.

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My other daughter did not know for sure what she wanted to go into as she liked many things and was good at many subjects. I’m a firm believer in that many subjects can’t be explored until college as they are not taught in most K-12 schools. That daughter thought she might be interested in architecture, but was not ready to commit to it upon entering college. There was no coursework in it at our high school. She did a research paper for a History class on an architect, and did a year-long independent study on architecture for credit, and interned for part of one summer in an architect’s office before 12th grade, but that was it. So, while I do have one kid who has known since preschool what she wanted to do (LOL…even her preschool narrative evaluation mentions her being on Broadway some day, though that has yet to happen), and the other decided in college, and even switched specializations in her field in the middle of her first grad school. I don’t feel one path is better than another ,but I often bring up this example to my students of it is OK to not know for sure what you want to go into and explore more in college and for some, they have known practically forever, but that is not “better.”

This about sums up this thread, in my opinion. Kids will like what they like. Ideally, parents will support their kids’ interests, no matter what they like.

And that’s how I came to be the owner of a ball python, drove 3 hours each way in a (purchased off eBay) homemade cotton tunic to watch some people battle each other in medieval garb, and took off work and drove 5 hours each way so my kid could watch his favorite barcelona soccer player practice (we couldn’t afford game tickets). :rofl:

But everything my parents were into I hated growing up. I didn’t want anything to do with what they were into.

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Well, some parents and kids can pick from various schools. In our area, there are STEM magnets, an arts school, privates, boarding, public and vocational high schools. Depending on where a kid lands would have a big although not definitive impact on them. I agree going against a kids’ nature is very counterproductive and IMO can undermine the parental relationship

I know a person at my gym who has three kids, the oldest of which just graduated a college in NY as an arts major. And is now a professional dancer in NYC.

I spoke to him today and asked him if he needs to financially support her. He said yes. I asked him if he would support her unconditionally. He said yes. He’s in for the long haul.

Although his youngest, a 6’8” HS sophomore is getting looks from all the major colleges and may eventually support them all with his NBA salary.

An anecdote of one. :slightly_smiling_face:

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It’s been fascinating to read everyone’s responses.

So personally, are we guiding our kids towards lucrative majors (assuming we even know what those are)?

In my opinion, not really. But we don’t live in a bubble here. I feel like through osmosis the kids kinda know who can do well enough to support a family in a HCOL area (and yes, they know about rent stabilized apartments and housing lotteries and faculty housing and trust funds and testing into magnet schools and private school tuition and cheap vs expensive camps). We don’t speak much about it at home but always honest if asked (and non judgy!)

I hope the lesson they take from all of this is that you can major in anything and do phenomenally well financially and you can take what is perceived as a safer route and do fine too. There are no guarantees, but they know they have our unconditional support (to a point otherwise infantilizing IMO). They are not careless with our money. For example, they know that I would prefer they walk themselves to the supermarket and make themselves lunch instead of hitting the seamless app. Ubers are for ambiguous situations and not every day commuting!

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Perhaps her family didn’t inculcate in her a taste of high living. My city bred mice know they want to be able to afford at least a studio with onsite laundry, elevator and maybe doorman.

I believe my D18 took some of those similar type classes at Michigan. And still got a good paying job in HCOL area, as her 1st job after graduation this past Spring. People aren’t drones.

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Long live the anecdotes! Where would this forum be without them?

CC’s third law: for every anecdote there is an equal and opposite anti-anecdote.

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Absolutely! Plenty of parents here would “cut off” their children, if they chose an arts/humantities major and profession and couldn’t support themselves. :smile:

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Similar approach here. I can help them see the types of options many, many majors can lead to (even today, not just 30 years ago). I’ve also been through enough economic downturns, industry cycles, corporate reorganizations, company mergers and acquisitions, market exits, and everything else to know there is no guaranteed security. The further one gets in one’s career, the more specialized one usually becomes. Keeping up transferable skills is a necessity.

Understanding what it takes to support themselves is another important lesson, because in my case they are on their own after undergrad, and need to factor that into their decision making. This reminds me of an episode of The Cosby Show where the dad tries to teach the kid how a budget works. He gives the kid a fistful of Monopoly money and one by one takes chunks of it out for taxes, rent, food, etc. It’s pretty funny and I’m sure it can be found on YouTube.

Practically speaking, many landlords here want new grads to have their parents co-sign even if the kids can afford rent based on salaries.

I have heard of that where the new grad didn’t have any rental or credit history. It may be the norm in some places. I’d have to approach that on a case by case basis.

But more precisely, I was referring to ongoing income support, such as the dancer @sushiritto mentioned above, or these “failure to launch” stories of kids continuing to live in the basement without contributing. It’s just not within our family means to support two households, and I don’t think I’d do it even if I could.

Of course, if something catastrophic or truly beyond their control happened, I wouldn’t just leave my kids to sleep on the street. There are always exceptions and gray areas.

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Wouldn’t that mean that if one’s parents have bad credit history, getting “launched” would be more difficult if in a situation where parental cosigning is needed for renting housing, getting a credit card, etc.?

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For sure! My DD’19 needed an apartment for summer internship and beyond. She has a rental history as she had an apartment for 2 years at college. Her credit score shown on her Discover statement is 800+. But the little piddle jobs she and her roommate worked during the school year were no where close to what their paystubs needed to show for her new apartment (3x rent). So I co-signed.

A case for future income could probably have been made with their summer offer letters, but I was so nervous they would lose the apartment if they had to spend time on that. Very very little availability in their price range and for 6 months.

FWIW, D18 and her 2 roommates, who also just graduated college, leased an apartment in a large metropolitan city w/o any co-signers.

Interesting about the co-signing. My D’s college apartment didn’t require us to co-sign.