@tallgrass I can feel that. My parents immigrated here from Nigeria.
@liska21 I always felt that the summer after freshman year at an OOS school should probably be spent returning home, but afterwards you could probably be fine. My concern is that this is probably the last chance I have to spend a summer here in Wilmington and really get to know it better - my plans were to probably spend next summer at home after study abroad so I can watch the World Cup with my dad, and then the summer afterwards I would’ve already graduated.
Your parents views are likely influenced by how old they were when they moved away from their parents (if they did). If in your extended family, it has been common for kids to go into the family business then that will affect their views on that too. So what your friends’ parents think and expect of them might be totally different than what your parents expect.
Every family is different and has different hopes and aspirations for their children. My expectation is that after the kids graduate from college they go on to happy and successful lives wherever their careers take them. I just hope that wherever that may be, it is easy to get to or a desirable location to have a second home especially if they have kids of their own.
If they had a job elsewhere, then they should go to that job. Otherwise I would expect them home.
I would not pay for them to live elsewhere.
As a parent I would kind of hope they would get a job not so far from home, but that is up to the child and the industry.
Also, now, when you graduate you are an adult and are not financially dependent upon them so you can do whatever you want. If you feel your parents are toxic I would act like you are moving home and get everything you want of yours out of your house before you move. Also make sure they don’t have access to your finances…maybe a good idea to switch banks.
Get your birth certificate. passport and SSN card if you can. Act like you need them for your job ( you do , for the I9 form that shows that you are allowed to work in the USA)
My DD went out of state ,but only one state over. And she is living in that state, which she said she wanted to do.
If you haven’t graduated yet, make sure the fall of your senior year to go to the career placement office and interview!
@bopper I wouldn’t say my parents are toxic at all, as I love them too dearly; it’s more like my memories and history here is toxic and has ruined any and all comfort I ever would’ve had living up here.
D1 stayed close to home for college and professional school. (It helped that the local med school’s tuition is among the least expensive in the country.) She left for residency but had planned to come back and live not too far from dear old mom. However, she got married and her plans changed. She’s emigrating to another country with her new hubby after residency. (To be fair, both she & her hubby have invited me to emigrate with them. They’ve even asked me if I want to live with them there–but that’s a bit too chummy for me.)
D2 went far afield for undergrad, lived OOS for 2 years, but came back for med school despite having multiple options to attend elsewhere. (See comment above about tuition) She may or may not stay local for residency. (Both her specialty dept chair and her mom are recommending she go OOS for training.) Whether she will come back after residency is a huge question mark. I can see her ending being a public health policy wonk within her specialty and in a major power center like Atlanta or the DC area. But I can also see her working for IHS on the Navajo reservation.
I understand where you are coming from. I also lived in NJ and moved to NC and never looked back. While there are many nice areas in NJ and many positive things, the cost of living there is just not worth it for me.
As a parent this is how I read your post. NJ is bad and no fun. NC is fun and life in NC is great. That nice but unless you are self supporting, most parents want to see a summer spent doing something that is financially or educationally rewarding. You are not a kid anymore but a young adult so the days of carefree summers are coming to an end.
You dad probably feels that he worked hard to establish a business that could offer you a secure future. It sounds like he assumed that you would take over the family business. This is not uncommon but you need to be the adult and honestly explain your career plan with your dad. This will allow him to come up with a different plan for the business.
When our oldest started school, we met the “experienced” parents of the freshman roommate. They had sent their 1st kid to school in California, across the country from where everyone lived and from where our kid and their 2nd child was attending college. The Roommate’s mom told me, “We’re never sending another so far away. The oldest has no intention of returning East.” Fast forward 4 years, their 2nd kid got a great job out in California and relocated there, despite the degree from the Northeast region school. Time may well take care of your concern!
@noname87 well, I spent last summer taking a summer class (first session), and definitely plan on getting a job for this summer. The question is the location of the summer job; NJ or Wilmington?
@LBad96 yes, will try to visit UNCW if we make it out there. Do u have an apartment in Wilmington already? If not what would be your plan for housing if you intend to get a job there?
We live in CA and our S attends college on the east coast. My hope is that he stays there after graduation, thus giving me the excuse I need to justify our moving back there! I was thrilled he wanted to attend college on the other side of the country, because I had ulterior motives!
@LBad96 wow that’s a great deal! Maybe you can work out a plan for this summer where you can visit with your family for a month and the last two months spend it working in Wilmington.
If that’s the city you intend to settle down in maybe you can convince your parents that this is a good thing.
It took H some time to wrap his head around the idea that both of our kids were not going to live at home and commute to college. First one left, then the other, and he gradually got used to a quieter house.
Now, the oldest is graduating and has a plan to move 12 hours away. It’s not easy for him to see her so excited to leave the area, and leave us.
Sometimes, he gives me the side eye, as if I’m encouraging the kids to go away as far as possible. It’s not that. I just don’t want to put hurdles up. He’ll come around, but it will take time. Once he sees them happy, he will be happy.
I do understand where your parents are coming from. Both of my kids lived at home for the first 2 summers when in college. The reasons being 1) they didn’t find “better jobs” at other places, 2) they were able to save more money by living at home, 3) we knew sophomore summer was probably going to be the last time they lived at home. If my kids had very high paying/promising jobs at another location I would have been very supportive of them not coming home for the summer.
I would also like to put it out there…I think your dad probably would be very happy for you to work at his company for the summer. For all they have done for you, I think it would be a nice thing to do. Junior summer internship is the one that matters.
@CALSmom hmm, maybe!! But there’s the matter of another suggestion I’ve just received…
@oldfort I actually just brought that up to him…he said everything will start up in a bit, but we’ll both go looking for jobs. I guess that probably restricts my job search to NJ now, though!
No. We live in the Northeast. Our daughter went to undergraduate and law schools in North Carolina and is working there now. Son went to university out West and has a job waiting after graduation in Boston.
