@MYOS1634 I guess a summer 2018 internship in Charlotte/Raleigh/Durham would make the most sense if that’s where I plan on living at the end of my undergrad career. My parents actually speak Yoruba at home, but I BARELY know how to speak it - it’s a long story. I’ve hit more places in Wilmington, and I’ll look into those specific places tomorrow after church. Also wouldn’t tell my sister to look OOS unless I knew there was a chance for her to find a better fit than at our mediocre NJ schools - she already says she refuses to attend Rutgers, which is fine with me.
@twoinanddone I have a work study job on campus, but that’s obviously only during the school year. I like the idea of constantly working this summer, in any way.
EDIT: now my dad is calling my inquiry from earlier today an “arrangement”…lol welp
Wilmington really isn’t far from NJ. Point out to parents the high cost of living in NJ. We have one of the highest property taxes in the country. DE has one of the lowest and no sales tax. The cost of living is just so much less there.
Oh boy. At some point the fantasy fairy is going to leave the premises. If your sister has the stats for Rutgers, why on earth would you discourage her from attending your state’s flagship?
@baxter no, I don’t have a job there yet. I will be applying to a lot more places today. Absolutely, I am trying to avoid the high COL and taxes in NJ, among other things. And btw, we’re referring to Wilmington, NC.
@blossom I can’t discourage her if she already doesn’t want to attend! She has more than the stats required to get in, but she feels she deserves better, and she is unlike her older brother in that respect (it’s a good school, but I genuinely believed that I personally deserved better than to stay in-state, and she also deserves better as well).
Absolutely not. I’ve told both my kids I would be very disappointed if they came back to the rural area I live. There is nothing here for young adults. Career choices are slim and none, state and town jobs for the most part. Not that there is anything wrong with that but not what I want for my children. Its at least 90 minutes to the closest city/airport and not much to do around here, although every kid that stays has their own barstool.
My S lives in the MD/DC area and has a very good job with a government contractor. He said he misses home but realizes that any job he would get here would pay less than half of what he is earning there and honestly the COL here isn’t that much cheaper.
My D won’t go too far but I expect she’ll look in the Boston/Providence area for a first career position. That might change when she meets her forever guy but I still think she’d prefer to be closer to her extended family.
I started telling my kids when they were in middle school that my expectations were that they move away and use this area as their vacation place
It doesn’t matter where you plan on living after graduation.
You need to get an internship next year relevant to your major.
You will be in school fall semester, then studying abroad (does that cost less than a regular semester, or do you qualify for extra aid to cover the extra expense?) in the spring.
You need to find out how students find these internships at your school. That needs to be set up well ahead of time. Especially since you are abroad in the spring.
Then after the summer internship you will only have two semesters until graduation so you will have to apply for jobs soon after starting fall semester senior year.
Wherever you go after graduation will depend on where you can get your first job. You need to launch and go from there.
And your sister will have to go where your parents can afford to send her. Either a school instate where she can get federal and state aid, or OOS with merit.
There is another sibling as well, right? The college fund will only go so far.
And have your parents run a net price calculator for Rutgers and other instate schools (Rowan has a good bio program and nice campus, and is smaller).
I know direct costs listed are about $28k, which seems similar to OOS costs of UNCW, but that’s not what they would pay if you qualify for Pell and NJ Tag.
If course if your sister has high stats she might get full tuition plus at Howard, and possibly some other schools.
TCNJ is a good choice for a high-stats NJ kids, but not biology because they have special requirements for that major that make it super competitive. Rowan Honors is another possibility and it’s 30mn to Philadelphia.
Your sister needs to be covered - I get not liking Rutgers, but TCNJ is a good alternative.
Take her to visit affordable campuses. In NJ, in NYS, in PA.
So, not NYU, not Penn State. But run the NPC on Temple, LaSalle, Stevens, Ithaca, Cornell, Bryn Mawr…
Once she’s found instate safeties, she can look OOS and “hunt merit”. She should start as soon as she has her May SAT scores (is she taking SAT Subjects? If not, she can still late-register for June - two subjects she took this year, especially if she already took the AP exam in them, two birds one stone.)
Don’t ever say out aloud “I can’t go back to NJ” or similar. Say it inside but not out aloud. No matter how justified it is, it can’t be “heard” by your parents because they are in NJ and they can’t but take it personally.
When you help your sister, don’t discourage her about her instage options, offer to take her visit, and to help her find “better fits”. Don’t force her though if she doesn’t want your help. Offer it, making it clear you’re okay with exploring in state options as well as OOS options. Offer to run the NPC’s for all colleges she finds and do it seriously.
“I deserve better” sounds entitled.
Make that “I can find better fits that are affordable”. Practice, so that you model it to your sister and never slip in front of your parents.
If your sister seriously plans on becoming an MD than she “deserves” to go where she can get solid prep in the scientific disciplines required for med school applicants (which doesn’t mean majoring in bio) without emptying the bank account so she can afford med school without having to borrow every single cent required for living expenses AND tuition. If that means a solid state flagship like Rutgers since she is instate for NJ, then it would be responsible of you as the older and more experienced sibling to point out that it’s short- sighted to take it off the table.
We all “deserve” to fly first class and stay at the Ritz Carlton when we travel. But most of us fly coach on a heavily discounted ticket, and find a way to love the Holiday Inn, Motel 6, or whatever affordable deal we get on Priceline. And whinging that you deserve better is a sure fire way to ruin whatever pleasure you would otherwise get out of your travels.
Should she look at out of state options? Of course. Should she take the state flagship off the table? That’s crazy.
And if jobs in Wilmington were as abundant as you claim, you’d have one by now. So consider THAT before you discount getting in on the ground floor of a family business.
@LBad96 Please stop with your claims that all NJ schools are “mediocre.” It’s simply not true. I can’t help but wonder if this attitude has rubbed off on your sister and prejudiced her against in-state options.
Your sister could get a great education at reasonable cost at Rutgers, TCNJ, or Rowan. Especially if she’s interested in pre-med, keeping costs low for undergraduate education should be top priority and that might best be achieved by staying in-state.
That said, depending on her stats, she also could have opportunities OOS. If that is her goal, encourage her to start her own thread with her basic information, what she wants in a school, and what her budget is. It may be that she will have options that come in at lower cost. I’m sure that people here will be happy to help her find options that are affordable and within her grasp.
As for your job situation, I agree with other posters - get a job, any job, preferably full time, so you can save funds for your junior year. The more hours you work, the less it will matter if you are in NJ or NC. Good luck finding that job!
@mommdc actually, Rutgers direct costs altogether are about $32k. Just doesn’t make sense to me.
@MYOS1634 she’ll be taking the SAT and ACT both in June. She’s done well on practice tests and the PSAT. And she’ll actually be a psych major, not a bio major. I do agree with helping her find affordable options for sure.
@blossom If it’s not a good fit for her, then I don’t think she should be obligated to look at Rutgers just because it’s the in-state flagship. What was with the last paragraph?? I never said participating in my family business was bad. I always feel like you’re one of the posters who always manages to misread what I say…
@mamaedefamilia not all, but most, especially any public school outside of that top 3 of Rutgers, TCNJ and Rowan. I just hope there are full-time jobs available.
Lbad- if I were your dad, I think the correct response to my offer to bring you in to the family business would be, “gosh dad, that’s an incredibly generous thing for you to do. When I get further along in my studies, we should talk about how you see me contributing to the business and what kind of role you envision”. From your comments here it seems as though your strategy is to deflect or ignore or to communicate “anything but that”. It’s perfectly legitimate for you to have designs on a job in global banking or international marketing, based in DC or Charlotte or Raleigh or wherever (i.e. outside of NJ). But if I were your dad, I’d be mystified that my kid with no job is hankering to get back to Wilmington (also with no job) and not jumping up and down at the prospect of learning the ropes with me.
What exactly did I misread here? And yes- a kid with financial limitations IS obligated to do a cursory tour of Rutgers (or wherever the state flagship happens to be) because in some cases, that turns into the most cost-effective plus academically challenging opportunity. To trade down to a third tier private college out of a sense of “I deserve better” is really shortchanging yourself intellectually. And yes- they charge money to go to the beach in NJ.
@blossom I actually was the one who offered my help to him. No, I’m not going back to Wilmington this summer without a job. I thought that was already established.
I was referring to the social fit more than anything, really. My sister is very introverted, so I’m not sure such a big school like Rutgers wouldn’t intimidate her. I’m also sure she can get into better privates than “third-tier” with her stats. (Side note: Rutgers is also a really ugly name for a public U, idk why they just couldn’t call it SUNJ or something like that).
Yeah, they charge to go to the beach up here. The beaches here aren’t even as good as the ones in NC, so it makes no sense that they charge at all. Wrightsville Beach destroys most Jersey beaches any day of the week.
TCNJ is a great choice for a NJ top student who doesn’t want to go to a big flagship. It’s perfectly fine not to like Rutgers and to focus on TCNJ and Rowan.
TCNJ psychology is excellent. I don’t know for Rowan. I’d only consider Rowan if she were in the honors college, but she should find affordable safeties first so if that’s Rowan, great. She can apply mid July (NOT the expedited/preferred option, the full option) along with honors college.
Once she’s found her instate programs, she can move on to oos. I listed a few possibilities of oos colleges with merit.
Unc Wilmington should nor be dismissed outright since you could help her around. Depending on her stats, other unc colleges may be considered (App has the Wilson program for instance, and if she has top stats why not look at other ‘meet need’ North Carolina colleges such as Davidson and unc CH ?)
She needs to start her own thread though.
The point is that you should model good behavior to help your sister and keep your parents ’ trust. You will help her and you will show them that you’re not hellbent on pushing your sister to a far away college but rather show you’re responsibly helping her consider all her options, using your experience (IE., quinipiac wasn’t worth it, run the npc, etc.)
As much as I would like to have my son with me always (and am especially missing him today), I never expected him to come home either after boarding school or college. We wanted him to experience a wider world and a risk (goal?) of that exposure is wider opportunities. Our expectation is that he will follow his heart and passion and that, most certainly, will not lead him back here. So be it.
