<p>My family shares a beach house with the families of my two senior year fraternity roommates. The one roommate and I both have graduating seniors and it has been a blast watching our kids grow up together while slowly letting out a few details of the fun we had in college. The other roommate married a girl that was in my dorm freshman year. The two of them had triplet boys at 42 but that’s another story!</p>
<p>I also have been hiking the Appalachian Trail with my best friend from high school. We’re halfway done and it has been no small feat since he lives 6.5 hours away. I also keep in touch with one of the guys from my ChemE study group and usually get together once a year to talk about careers and family. And our spring break trip to Canada. Brrrrr!</p>
<p>One lesson that I have imparted to both of my kids is to put forth the effort to maintain relationships with good friends.</p>
<p>I absolutely did. I married my college sweetheart, and am still great friends with many of my sorority sisters. There are a group of 6 of us that have stayed together through thick and thin and through the ups and downs of life. One is, sadly, dying of cancer and we are all rallying around her. On a broader basis, I attended my 25th year reunion and keep up on a more distant basis (e.g., through Facebook) with maybe 50 or so other people from my college years. I keep up only barely with 1 - 2 people from high school, as perspective.</p>
<p>It’s interesting to see how many people say they did make lifelong friends. I didn’t and it makes me think about why not. I think one reason is that I have changed so much since college. The people and things that interested me then, no longer interest me. I was an entirely different person at that time - and not one that I’m sad to have left behind either. I had so much growing up still to do after college.</p>
<p>I guess that means that those people who are still connected to old college friends remember their college years with fondness, still have at least some of the same interests and still share something besides nostalgia with those old friends. Perhaps you were all more mature in college or knew yourselves better and were therefore able to make choices that are still meaningful today? </p>
<p>I’m a bit jealous - and a bit relieved - to have lost/escaped my past. Needless to say, I won’t be attending any reunions.</p>
<p>M’s mom, I am with you. I attended a flagship school. Lost touch a few years later as people were on opposite coast. Still keep in touch with childhood friends and several people from my internship. The latter I value most of all.</p>
<p>Son went to a small college, where he lived in a House all thru. I know he has friends who visit and I suspect he has the start of a lifetime network.</p>
<p>Good question, M’s mom. I think Vandygrad is right, too. The big milestones (first year away, then for me, first year of med school, internship) when you are all going through some kind of big life change, is one reason people bond. They’re going through a great or rough time together. In college was the first time I felt like I was finding out who I was; I don’t think I was overly mature, but we had the big discussions about life, God, etc, and those are some of the people I discussed those things with. I feel like high school friends are partly a function of an accident of place (where you live is where you go to hs), though I don’t love those friend any less. </p>
<p>College is where the big questions and big thoughts come into play. And the big fun-- now, there might be the real answer, lol. And then my friends from med school and residency-- our roots there stem from feeling like we went through trench warfare together. </p>
<p>I do realize, reading this thread, that I have huge hopes for my daughter to have the same experiences that I had, and I probably need to temper those a little. My H has great friends from college, but his best friends are still his hs friends. So it doesn’t have to be like my experience. Though I know that statistically speaking, meeting one’s future spouse at college is a distinct possibility. It sure looks like that happened to many on this thread!! :D</p>
<p>I’m glad I made the friends I did, but everyone’s different and makes friends in different ways. It’s nice to have college friends, but it’s nice to have friends from other parts of your life, too - work, hobbies, etc. One thing I really <em>can’t</em> say I’ve done well at is making friends through other parents whose children my children hung around with. I didn’t really find a lot in common, but I also (consciously) didn’t invest a lot of time and effort into that, preferring to focus on work and family instead of community-based friendships.</p>
<p>I did, roommate and others from the dorm. Try to attend weddings, even if across the country. Keep in touch with current contact info, especially when there are relocations. Facebook makes it easier these days to stay in touch than in the past.</p>
<p>I think I am similar to M’s mom. I had very deep and rewarding friendships in high school that lasted into early college, but I have grown into a completely different person three or four times over since then and no longer can really hold a conversation with any of those people. We have absolutely nothing in common anymore and I think we all lost interest in each other. I had some good friends while I was in community college, but same thing, my interests and even my personality are completely different now than then, that’s been happening with me every two years or so for a long time now. I even have one friend that I’ve been friends with since pre school, and even we are now starting to drift very far apart to the point that we’re not getting along so well. I don’t know that that’s necessarily a bad thing… I enjoyed all the experiences thoroughly while I had them and continue to make new friends. Life is just moving forward. </p>
<p>I think it’s more likely that I’ll make real “life long” friends when I’m a little older and can share more longterm experiences with someone… I can’t imagine maintaining common ground with someone forever that I only spent a few semesters with, which for me was all I had with anybody I met in college. Maybe M’s Mom is right that it’s a maturity thing… I’ve always been “mature for my age” but even if I was mentally 20 at 18, there was still a big difference for me between 18 and 20, and even bigger between 20 and 23-- perhaps even a bigger difference than is typical. I have a friend I only see once a year and he’s barely recognized me the last couple times.</p>
<p>Well, my idea of lifelong friends at 51 is quite different from the idea of lifelong friends at 23! Your experience is exactly what it should be-- life changes a lot at your age. My now “lifelong” friends were shimmering in and out of my life at your age, as we did different things, like go to grad school, med school, worked, married, had kids. Then the bonds strengthen again or don’t. S’all good.</p>
<p>I have just a couple of life-long friends from college. But my husband has remained very close with many of his college friends, mostly from his fraternity. We get together often as groups or in small gatherings for dinner, etc. Our kids are now graduating from high school and many of them plan to go to DH’s alma mater next fall. It’s a very close knit group and is a direct benefit of his fraternity experience. I was not in a sorority, but had lots of friends in college, although I kept in contact only with a few. DH is much more social than I am and has only added to his friendships through the years. I joke that if I die, the service will be in the chapel, while we will have to use the sanctuary and provide for overflow if he goes first.</p>
<p>I did not have a typical college experience at all. Never lived in a dorm and mostly stayed in colleges that were close to home. I always made friends with some of the people in my classes every time that i went back to school for another round. I would stop and then start again, actually lost track of how many times that i did that.</p>
<p>Anyway, my first stint in college was when i was right out of high school. i made friends then that i kept. We all took a lot of classes together and had a lot of the same interests. That was why we were in those same classes. It seems that when you have to go through tough times together that you can bond easier.</p>
<p>I made friends in the same way when i was older and those were close friends too. The course of study was different but it was similar in the fact that we all had a bunch of classes together for a year or so. We could commiserate over teachers and the workload, do homework together. You definitely don’t need to have the “classic” college experience to make lasting friends there.</p>
<p>I haven’t seen any of my college friends in over 15 years. I am still in touch with a couple (my roommates, for instance) through Facebook, and we exchange birthday/holiday greetings, but that’s it. I haven’t lived anywhere near these friends in over 20 years, and back then we didn’t have the technology thst makes staying connected easier.</p>