I created this account to share about the troubles that I was facing at college, specifically socially.
Now, over a month later and 2 weekends at home I am much better. I don’t really have a “group” of friends, but when I see people walking by I know some and I typically make plans during the day (even though it is just to study). College seems to be looking up which I am proud to say, but…
I still eat dinner alone all the time. Yesterday I asked two people if they could eat and both said no. I have asked one friend at least 3 times over the last two weeks if she could eat dinner and she said she already had or had other plans all three times. A lot of the people I know live nearby and eat dinner at home or go out.
I don’t have enough money to go out and I’m never invited to go to dinner with anyone. Usually I get a to go box, but about half of the week I stay in the cafeteria to eat.
I don’t mind eating breakfast alone, but I am used to eating dinner with my family and now I don’t have anyone to eat with.
I just feel bad eating alone whether it be in my room or in the cafe, and the only other people that eat dinner alone are all watching netflix or listening to music while they eat, so I feel like I can’t make conversations.
if anyone has any suggestions as to some alternatives or how to approach people please let me know.
Just bring something to do. You’re doing well by asking people to go with you, but if they can’t come that day, it’s no big deal. Better to go alone than to not eat.
I eat alone all the time. By this point I actually prefer it, because it gives me a degree of control over my schedule that would not be possible if I had plans every day. I bring my phone or a book to entertain myself.
You are not alone in a sense that many freshmen across the nation probably have had the same experience so far in their first month or so. Please do not pity for yourself because it will make you feel worse than what really is. Maybe that two people did have some private issue to discuss (relationship issue or family issue) and wanted to be alone, and your the other friend just had something to attend. Anyway, even if they weren’t, you need to make yourself think this way, so you won’t be discouraged to continue to ask for people to eat with you.
My kid was like you a couple weeks ago (a freshman far away from home) and complained being alone. Later my kid was excited to report that finding few new friends to go out with. Then my kid got moody because the new friends started to avoid my kid for no reason. Just trying to use a real example to let you see that your case is fairly common at your stage of life. Well, my kid got over it and found other activities in school, such as volunteer and clubs to attend now. Eventually, my kid will find enough people to share the same interest.
I bet if you started a conversation with those people watching Netflix etc they’d be more than happy to chat with you. They’re probably just hiding behind their technology because they’re feeling as alone as you are.
Be proactive. Make a “conversation here” sign or “Like to talk over dinner? So do I” and put it on the table. Smile at people if they walk by; someone might want to join you. You might get laughed at a bit. Can’t guarantee you wouldn’t. But eating alone is obviously not much fun.
Do you notice any other people eating alone? There must be some. It would be perfectly fine to go to another person eating alone and say, “mind if I join you?” You do have to be prepared that some might mind and move on, but my guess is that many won’t and would also enjoy the company.
Walk up to people in the dining hall and sit down with them, smile, introduce yourself and ask them about themselves. People like to talk about themselves. It usually works as an icebreaker. Don’t worry if it doesn’t work every time. Go for it, you will be sucessful if you keep trying. Wishing you the best!
^ what Tiger wrote. You don’t even need to make them engage in conversation. (Some don’t like when the new add tries too hard to draw them out. It’s not a date.) Just smile and then see if you have something that makes sense to say.
Resist eating in your room or the cafe, where people scoot in and then out. There’s a human response to someone who’s seen often in a place where many actually sit, congregate. They can start to feel you’re known, a recognition factor. Look around, have a comfy smile.
In fall, showing up where kids watch tv sports is an idea. Doesn’t matter if you’re not interested in the game, you don’t have to fake it. Just being there, being seen in that casual setting, routinely, brings that recognition. After even a short while, they can assume you’re “one of them.” Then it’s easier to join the right, open ones in the dining hall.
I don’t think you need to seek out loners. Later, when your own social confidence is up, you can make sure to invite them to join your group.
I’m a bit wary of the advice being given to go up to people eating alone and talking to them. It’s a very proactive idea, and there’s nothing wrong with it, but try to gauge their potential interest through their body language before you do this. I’m a social eater most of the time, but if I m eating alone, it is by choice. I would be polite, but probably decline if a stranger attempted to converse with me.