A lot of people say that the first month or so of college for freshman is lonely since everyone is still making new friends. However, I actually feel like the first month of fall semester, people were more open to making new friends and joining friend groups. Now I’m in my spring semester of freshman year and I still feel extremely lonely but now with other people already in friend groups. I have people I talk to in classes and greet when I see them but we don’t hang out outside of that circumstance. My roommates have their own little group they do everything with, but I don’t. I try to invite people out but that often just leads to one outing and nothing else. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t even want to go to dinner in the dining hall because I’ll sit alone all the time. My extracurricular groups are not close knit either. Anyone else have this same experience? Or have any tips on what to do in this situation/ how to find a friend group?
My DD is in her second semester of her freshman year, and while she is close to a small number of people, she felt like she wasn’t getting out enough and not feeling particularly content with that limited social circle. She started going to work out regularly, and joined two new clubs. She’s also making an effort to go to more meetings and events in her dorm. It’s not too late!
Sorry you’re feeling lonely. I don’t have any great advice except to let you know you are not alone. My daughter is struggling with the same issue. She also had the same experience that it seemed to get harder and not easier as time went on becasue everyone was looking for their people the first few weeks. It’s hard when everyone has found each other but you haven’t. I’ve read lots of posts here with good ideas and my daughter has tried most of them, but it seems the best advice is patience. Many mention that things start to click second semester and I hope that’s true for you. In the meantime, be as outgoing as you can and use the dining hall as a opportunity to socialize, even if it means sitting down with someone sitting alone or a group of people who you don’t know that well but are familiar. My daughter mentioned that it’s easier to do this at breakfast and lunch when people seem to end up in the caf becasue of their schedule rather than dinner which she feels seems more like a planned “event” with someone’s social circle. Best of luck - I hope it comes together for you.
Sorry you’re feeling this way. My older D felt that way her first semester of freshmen year. Things got better over the course of second semester and she ended the year with two close friends and several acquaintances. One of the acquaintances joined a club my D was in sophomore year and now is one of her best friends. Just keep being friendly and you’ll find your people.
I’m thinking colleges need a club for kids feeling this way. It seems so common.
I agree with other comments that this is a very common feeling among university students. This may be particularly common among quiet, thoughtful, intelligent students. There are others at your school, and nearly every other school, who are feeling the same way.
One thing to try, which others have probably mentioned to you already, is to join a club. If you don’t like the people in the first club, then try a second or third club.
Another thing to try, when you go to dinner watch who is sitting with whom. If you see someone else who sits alone frequently, then next time walk up to them and ask if it is okay to sit there. There are other people in your situation and you are allowed to talk to each other.
A concern is that you are reluctant to eat dinner in the dining hall because you always end up sitting alone. This is tough, unhealthy physically & socially, therefore need to find a way to be engaged while eating. Reading works.
My advice is to keep trying. You are no longer living in the world that your parents wrapped around you. Now you are starting your own adult journey. Keep smiling, keep inviting acquaintances, you won’t click with anyone if you choose to withdraw rather than reach out. It’s hard, it involves taking a lot of risks. Rather than avoid the dining hall, look for other’s sitting alone. They just might be dying to make friends like you are. Ask if you can join them. They might say no, but they also just might say yes. You can do this!
Do keep trying. I met my best friend for the past 40 years because when I was sitting alone she came up and sat down beside me and just started talking. We were totally different but found so many little things we had in common. Just keep looking. Look for others that look lonely. They are there and they could use a friend just like you!
Everyone has given you great advice. I will just add keep an eye out for transfers this semester. There will be new students who will be looking for their group, feeling alone, unsure, and everything will be brand new to them. You can help find a class, greet someone new to the dorm, and be the friend others need.
This is a dated story but bear with me. I remember when I was in the 11th grade I met a great friend because I saw her trying to read a schedule. I went to a small high school and knew this person was new. I went right up to her and said, “can I help you?” It turned out to be the exchange student from Denmark. I helped her read her schedule, invited her to sit at my study hall table and we turned out to be famous friends. Keep an eye out and be open to those little moments where you can extend yourself and meet new people.
I am so sorry you having found your group yet but please don’t give up and keep trying.
You may want to visit your counseling center. Many form groups for kids who are feeling this way.
Consider getting a job on campus.
And personally, I find that being busy, even alone - going to the gym, going to a lecture or event, signing up to volunteer for something, really helps. Not only do you encounter people and have chances for interactions, you also project that you are engaged and purposeful.
But hang in there. It will happen for you!
Here my suggestions.
I also recommend visiting the college counselor.
Try joining a club or service group that meets often.
Find a volunteer opportunity, so that you can help someone else when you are feeling lonely.
Find a church (or whatever religion appeals to you).
When you are going to eat alone, find the other person eating alone and sit with them. There is always another lonely person there.
Go exercise. Find some physical activity you like.
I had the same problem my freshman year. Here are some of the things that helped me:
Get to know/spend more time with the people who live in your hall/building/etc (doesn’t have to be your roommates). If you have a common room, go sit there sometime to do homework, read, or watch TV. You may run into people you can spend time with!
Join a volunteer group (like other people have said).
If you have any way to go off campus (by car, bus, etc), try finding a youth group/church/gym/rec center class/or anything social in the area where you can go to meet new people and get a change of scenery. For me, I ended up finding an amazing church off campus that became my second family and completely made up for having less friends at school.
Lastly, talk to people in your classes! If you click with someone, ask them if they want to grab lunch or coffee as you’re packing up to leave class. It’s an easy way to put yourself out there that’s not too scary.
Be easy on yourself! You’re not the only person there feeling lonely, and things will get better if you keep trying. 
You’ve gotten some GREAT advice here. A few additional thoughts:
- DON’T SIT ALOE more than a couple times a week. It’s fine if you need some quiet time to study, but don’t make a habit of it. Walk up to a table where you recognize one person and ask if you can join. Sure, sometimes this will be awkward. Occasionally, they may say “No, this is a sorority meeting” or something like that. Other times, it will be 100% fine…and you may make friends!
TRUE STORY: One time when I was a freshman, I looked around the dining hall at lunch and saw no one I knew particularly well. I had to sit somewhere, though, and the place was packed! I then recognized one guy from my dorm, Steve. I asked him if I could sit with him. He said “Well, I’m sitting with my Physics class…but if you don’t mind if we talk about the class, sure!”
So I sat with him and his Physics class friends. Several of us hit it off…and wound up eating together more frequently. Over time, additional people joined the group. One of those women from that initial lunch became one of my sophomore year roommates. One of the guys from that initial lunch was one of the groomsmen at my wedding 5 years later, and so was one of his friends. Steve came to the wedding too! Oh yeah…and one of the guys who joined the group second semester of my freshman year (a.k.a. right where you are now) is the guy I married. He’s pretty cool.
Not every lunch is going to work out that well…but you never get to have that lunch if you don’t try to mix it up and meet people!
- DO NOT TELL YOURSELF “EVERYONE ALREADY HAS FRIENDS EXCEPT ME.” It’s almost definitely not true.
I am a college professor, and in my first year seminar, we do a “check in” every Friday where we talk about things that are going well or not-so-well in our lives, academically, socially, and/or emotionally. One student said how she felt like her so-called friends kept ditching her and how it hurt. Someone said “You need new friends! My roommate is always gone to see her boyfriend…come hang out with me!” By the end of that semester, this girl had many new friends. I am so proud of her!
There are lots of people who may SEEM like they “have friends already”…but these friendships are actually insecure attachments, OR they wind up needing a fresh start due to drama in the friendship group, OR they have a romantic break-up and the ex “gets custody” of the lunch table, or any number of other things. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
- VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITIES REALLY ARE THE BOMB FOR MEETING PEOPLE. If you are volunteering for Relay for Life, or any other massive event on campus, it will be very easy to talk with people.
Very common, not just in college, but throughout life, particularly among highly sensitive people (HSPs) who need more meaningful connections. From what you describe, which includes no signs of depression or similar problem, you don’t need a counselor. Trying to be outgoing does not sound like you, so based on what little information you’ve provided, don’t try to be that person.
IME, the key is to do as many have suggested (in various ways), which is to increase your opportunities for chance encounters with those people that you can make a connection with. Try clubs, sports, go to poetry readings, sports games, rallies, etc. The wonderful part about college (which is not as true later in life), is that it is overflowing with such opportunities for chance encounters with “your people”. Take chances and go to events or gatherings that you may not normally consider. You do have to come out of your shell a little (but not uncomfortably so)…but more importantly, put your shell out there in as many places as possible.
I’m in the same situation as you are, but I’ve dealt with the same issue for years. I worked last semester, but I decided to give away my shifts for the spring because I have more difficult classes. I did begin volunteering though with our therapeutic horseback riding program. While I can say I’ve made zero friends, I’ve tried many different tatics from studying in public to sitting with strangers in the cafeteria. I believe being at a small university has hindered me a lot socially because everyone seems to be in their own cliq similar to high school. My roommate won’t even talk to me, but I survive it. I honestly don’t know how, but I do. I suppose being persistent is the best option. I talk to random people at random times about anything because the worst they can do is say something rude. It’s their fault, not mine. I only try to be friendly, but in 2019, people are extremely judgemental, so never be too hard on yourself. Live in freedom rather than the agony of trying to please the hypocrites.
Do the above. My son went to a meet up group that he was interested in. He met one student with the same interest and they started their own students tech organization. This has snowballed and now have weekly meetings which he is very active in. He is very active with other people now. Does he spend some weekend’s alone… Sure… But he has this group and activities for his social freedom.
It’s tougher to meet people in this age of looking at a screen and not really talking face to face. See if there are any Facebook groups on campus. If you connect with someone suggest meeting for lunch.
I also felt the same thing way back when I was a freshman, there’s this feeling that I don’t belong. But I work on it, my friends help me cope up with loneliness and my dreams always tell me to go strive for it. It won’t be easy but I assure that it is worth it. You got to keep trying.
I get what you’re saying. I felt like that too in my first semester. During orientation, everyone was so open and so ready to make friends, but when they did find their group, talking to random people usually weirded them out. I kinda hated that though, like how they saw friendship as a commodity. Like" you don’t need anymore friends because I already have some" type of thinking. There’s always space for friendship. I didn’t get that when I moved to college in america. People treat friendship like its something you own, something you get instantly, instead of a relationship you are trying to develop. That was my mistake too first semester. I thought I would go to college and snap my fingers and have friends, but it doesn’t really work like that. It took time building myself and learning not to see people as opportunity but as people (again another big mistake of mines).
The first real friend I made was made out of concern; not thinking that I needed to make friends with her. I was giving out little erasers cause I had extra, so I knocked on her door and she opened it but it looked like she had been crying. We talked a little bit and she had mentioned something about a hard class. So the next time I saw her I asked how she was doing, and then we started ranting about her teacher and then the rest is history.
So I guess my biggest tip is not to see friendship as commodity or people as opportunities. I think the best thing to do is show concern for others. Just be a genuinely good person and do good whenever you can; it’ll make you a lot happier and it will make people see who you really are. College isn’t just about having friends or going out on weekends, its about personal develop, and that includes struggle. So now that your might be struggling right now, but thats ok. Its ok to struggle academically or socially. Oh there was this one quote I read online that I think really helps. Don’t remember where it was from but it went something like:
“Don’t go out looking for friends, go out trying to be a friend”
Hope that helps and good luck! Don’t be shy asking for help, or giving help!