My DD was asked to withdraw from school for lying. She was at a school sponsored social event when she should have been studying and told the same lie about her whereabouts to multiple adults in her private high school. We thought it was an extremely harsh punishment for a 1st offence but bc she lied, put herself in the situation!
How do we present this to colleges so they can still give her a fair chance especially since she has grown and learnt from her mistake. The school “gave us the option” to withdraw for breaking a school code in leiu of dismissal but I suspect colleges understand that not all withdrawals are voluntary especially happening middle of 11th grade. Her transcript reads “withdrawn” as we left mid semester. She finished out the year with excellent grades at another school and is doing well there.
We were going to narrate the circumstances, show complete remorse and take full responsibility including how she has grown since the incident. Do we report this as a disciplinary action or do we just explain the incident in the additional details section of the application? I dont want to make a bad situation worse than it needs to be but want to be truthful and Id appreciate the guidance if anyone knows. How do colleges react to these types of incidents and what are the important points to consider.
I don’t know whether this was just the last disciplinary straw for the school with your daughter, but it seems to me that failure to comply with a disciplinary policy geared towards high school children (you should be in study hall, not at the lacrosse team’s party) is not relevant for colleges. I don’t think that you need to explain this much. Should you explain discipline for running in the halls in elementary school?
Honestly, I would frame this not as a disciplinary measure (transcript reads withdrawn), but as a situation in which the student felt that the school’s atmosphere was a poor match for her. Everyone lies on occasion, especially when cornered. She is not a military officer, operating under an honor code. It’s not as if she lied about a horrendous crime, or despicable bullying. If it was only what you relate, that she went to a party instead of studying, and then lied when confronted, it seems like something that is relevant only to discipline at a boarding school, certainly not relevant at college. Unless you need a cover letter from the advisor at the school she left, all I’d write in the additional details section is that she left the first school due to their strict study hall attendance policy being a mismatch for her learning style.
I am going to guess that breaking whereabouts rules was not the first disciplinary issue. Or that she was supposed to be in study hall during a school sanctioned event as a punishment.
My gut is to say nothing about it. Schools give you the option to withdraw precisely so it won’t be on your record. If you say anything, it is that she was unhappy at first school, made a change, and is thriving.
Take a look at the prep school board from a few years back - there were a couple of these. One in particular was a girl who had to leave (PEA?) for parietals violations. She ended up very happy at Tabor (so you might find by searching that), and you could PM the parent who posted.
There was also a forum member, hannah, who was a professor CC who worked with kids who had issues like this. Hoping someone might be able to recall her screen name.
If this happened in the middle of 11th grade, colleges may expect recommendation letters from the boarding school. The issue is what would the school put in the LOR. I think it would be worth it to have a discussion with her old school.
I think the student violated the school’s honor code by lying. The punishment may be dismissal.
My daughter transferred junior year. She submitted LORs from her new/old teachers/counselor. She also submitted transcripts from both schools.
Thank you so much for the comments. It’s just as you have all articulated. Boarding school, went to dance and lied about it to adults (on 3 separate contacts) until she was confronted with the evidence at which point she admitted and apologized. this was the 1st and only disciplinary event.
She is getting a LOR from one of the teachers from the old school and the old school will not have any reference to the event other than a “W” on the transcript.
If anyone else has comments about this I’d love to hear and I will continue to search the archives as well as the prep school board to see if I can find related topics.
I agree with others there’s no need to talk about this beyond that the school didn’t work out. It’s great that she has an LoR from one of the teachers there, but I hope said teacher won’t mention anything about the circumstances that led to your D leaving.
With that said, if a college directly asks the question about HS disciplinary situations (some still do), she must answer those truthfully.
The old school told us they were not going to say anything nor reference the incident and I want to believe that to be so. The teacher from the old school will not reference the incident in her LOR. I really appreciate all your comments.
To the question” Please explain if you have been found guilty of academic or disciplinary violation at high school resulting in disciplinary actions including but not limited to probation, dismissal, suspension, involuntary withdrawal from the school”
Do we say yes or no to this question with the brief explanation others have suggested? If you say “yes” then a dialogue opens to provide details. If “no” then you move on and we provide explanation in the additional information section.
You absolutely have to answer this question truthfully on the apps at colleges that ask it, and that means answering yes. I do think a short explainer makes sense, and is also required in some cases.
You are suggesting that the student lie again to cover up the consequences of her lie. What’s more, it would be a transparent lie – colleges know exactly what is going on when an academically successful prep school junior withdraws mid-semester. If you really have a cultural mismatch with a school, you leave at the end of the term. This timing screams “crisis.” Further, at a typical prep school, a student’s sudden disappearance becomes the hot topic for gossip. Lots of other kids may know what happened, and those kids (or their parents) may decide to disclose this to colleges if they feel your daughter is competition.
I regularly see private schools give harsh consequences for relatively minor teenage mistakes. IMHO, this punishment was very harsh. Many colleges will see it that way, too, which is why there isn’t a lot to fear from disclosing and explaining it.
Many highly selective colleges DO ask this on the Common App – it isn’t a default question any more, but colleges can choose to include it as part of their supplement.
@Ba4La1 , you should ask the first school whether your child may truthfully answer “no” to a question that asks if she has been found responsible for a disciplinary violation. They may say that the correct answer is “no” because she withdrew in lieu of a disciplinary process. If so, get that in writing and check “no” with a clear conscience. That said, you still have to grapple with the Common App question about why the student attended multiple high schools. That’s where I’d put her very brief (200-word limit IIRC) explanation of this event.
Wow @Hanna this is excellent advice and food for thought. You certainly have good insights and thanks for that perspective. I certainly don’t want to perpetuate a lie nor do I want to teach her not to take responsibilities for her actions. I also don’t know how to navigate this terrain and dont want to say too much to hurt her chances unnecessarily thus my outreach on This forum. She knows she really messed up and has suffered consequences from the actions and is willing to work hard to make up for her poor choices.
Fortunately when she withdrew mid year she was able to immediately enrol into a school locally where she finished up the semester. she earned grades for 11th grade from the local school So she didn’t miss any semester of learning. The new local school tried their best to match the classes she was taking at old school and she worked hard to catch up with them. Thankfully she did well academically last year and is off to a great senior year and as a mum I just want to give her the best chance of getting into her dream school and am seeking advice on how best to do that knowing that at the end of the day all we can do is our best and the rest is out of our hands.
Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments . I welcome additional input that anyone cares to share as appropriate and given the additional context.