^cannot agree with cpt more. It’s not just about your friend and his education: he is at an institution that houses thousands of other people in a living and learning situation, and the university would be under fire if they allow him to stay and he hurts (or kills) another girl. It is their job to assume the worst and kick your friend out rather than just taking his mentally ill gf’s word and letting him stay.
He needs to take this in stride and move on. The “guilt and pressure” ought to serve as good reminders that you don’t lay your hands on anyone else (female or otherwise) unless you want to deal with the consequences of that. Sounds like a lesson your friend is learning this the hard way, but better late than never.
Your friend was physical with his girl friend to the point that either she or somebody else called the police/security. Clearly someone didn’t think she was safe. So the Dean is saying that he is not someone safe to have on campus. What if he did it again? Then the Dean would be in trouble for not taking action. Clearly he is someone that wasn’t able to just to walk away.
A school can choose to expel a person irregardless of what the police decide, sadly enough. Any reason why the initial charges were dismissed? I can have more sympathy for him, if, for example, his girlfriend fabricated the incident but that doesn’t seem to be the case.
However, I don’t think a person who harms others deserves a second chance. Strangling another human being is not nearly on the same level as, say, drinking underage. This person obviously has some serious emotional problems they need to work on. Yes, it will be hard on them and their life, but it’s for the good of himself and everyone at that school.
You can’t go into the work force, or anywhere really, and start strangling everyone who makes you upset and expect there to be no consequences as long as someone “puts in a good word for you.” (Who’s to say he didn’t threaten or coerce his girlfriend into doing that? Sounds like something my abusive ex would do if he was in a similar situation).
I’m sorry about what you’ve been through. I know his girl friend because I’m close to both of them. Just having a fever and trying to not think about this anymore. After all it’s not up to me to make the decision and I realize I was being subjective.
I just hope some of the people posting here know that it is very common for women to attack men, sometimes very violently. And then when the man fights back, he’s labeled an “abuser.” To the guy who made a big production about how you don’t hit a girl ever, the same message needs to be sent to girls, namely they shouldn’t hit a guy ever.
Earl, my feeling is always that violence is the wrong way to go about things, but IME guys are able to overpower an unarmed girl more often than the other way around. Obviously if the girl is coming at you with a knife, you’re at a disadvantage, but this situation sounds like two unarmed people, the guy obviously stronger than a girl.
And I never think fighting back is the answer either. I wouldn’t tell a girl in an abusive relationship to fight back, I’d tell her to get out. Same thing to a guy being abused. Unless your life is on the line in that moment, you escape ASAP and do not confront your attacker.
@EarlVanDorn - Sure, it is common for women to attack and even physically abuse men. It’s actually theorized that physical abuse against male partners is underreported because men are often embarrassed at being physically abused by women. Sometimes domestic violence cases are really a case of both partners being physically violent with each other. It also ignores all of the women who are physically abused by female partners. I completely agree that the message should not be “men should never hit women” but that “nobody should hit anybody else,” regardless of gender.
Still, though…women are much more likely to be victims of domestic abuse, even with estimated underreporting. And if OP knows the details right, even though this young woman may have hit the young man, he responded by strangling her - that’s…escalating.