Hi all,
My friend was in a fight with her girlfriend last semester and an assault charge was pressed against him. The case was dismissed in court later but the dean of student decide to expel him based on the police report. (He strangled her neck). They are still in relationship and the girl had meeting with the dean, put some good word for him. What’s his chance? Will the result of hearing become final decision or it is still up to the dean? Should he find a lawyer? Did the dean make a fair decision?
So your “friend” is a domestic abuser? I’d be more worried about the mental state of his girlfriend, who seems like she has serious mental issues if she’s defending him. As a girl, I’m glad if someone like that has been expelled, one less psycho that shouldn’t be in general society, much less on college campuses.
They had argument a lot and she did something more than verbally as well which I have seen for a few times. I am not saying he is innocent tho. But he’s definitely not that bad as you described.
Maybe it’s my Southern background here, but I don’t care if she was coming at him armed. You. Do not. Hit. A girl. Period. You walk away. She isn’t justified in doing anything violent, but he is doubly not justified in “strangling her neck”.
If your friend really did this, which it sounds 100% like he did, he deserved his punishment. Hopefully he will seek help for his obvious anger issues.
I agree with you. Men shouldn’t hit a girl no matter what. But he’s my best friend and I don’t want to see him end up expelled. Thanks for your comment and wish you the best.
A school can expell u for any number of reasons that aren’t criminal, including cheating on a test & writing inappropriate messages on social media. Strangling a girl sounds like good cause for expulsion.
The school made the right decision. The girlfriend needs therapy. Your “friend” deserves what he got.
The school can make these sort of decisions. I don’t agree that assault is ALWAYS wrong, but the circumstances of can make the decision. Your friend can appeal through the process in place for that. That the victim is fine with what happened does not make it right. Many terribly abused victims back off on charges and are back with their abuser. The facts of the case are what should make the determination.
@digadamnhole - If that guy is your best friend, then you should WANT him to be expelled. If that kind of behavior is accepted (by the university letting him stay) then that doesn’t give a strong enough message and the next time he might kill that girl or seriously injure her, and then he’d be in prison. And YES, he is that bad as was described. He ‘strangled’ her…fortunately not to death. Who the hell does he think he is?
Make no mistake, it is 100% unacceptable to put your hands on a woman in any fashion that is intended to cause or can cause physical harm. This is not a chauvinistic view, and yes, of course some women could beat the snot out of a male attacker, but for the most part men are much stronger than women and it should be drilled into the brains of all boys and men that they are NEVER to hit, strangle, push, etc. a woman unless in self defense; AND you should do everything in your power to walk away if at all possible. AND, if you are a man in a relationship with a woman where you have to physically defend yourself, it’s time to not be with that woman any more. Who wants any part of that?
You need a higher class of friend.
What he did is messed up, but I don’t think it should cost him his career–especially if the case was dismissed. This is something for the police to decide, not a dean or a school’s kangaroo court.
Still, under current university policy, he’s probably done.
You can get expelled from a school without it going to the police or to the courts, for things less serious than this even.
I appreciate all your comments and I guess the jury wouldn’t be in favor of him either. I know nothing can justify what he did but I still believe he deserve a second chance. He suffered a lot when dealing with the charge and spending a whole day in prison. Will kicking him out of school really change anything? Maybe he will learn this lesson in a tougher way. But it can also destroy him. And I now I know that the dean is empowered to use measurement that differs from the real court. But still, did he really considered the girl’s opinion like he said he would. If so, why the decision is biggest punishment that a college can give to a student. For the record, he didn’t force the girl to do anything.
I just find that a bit ridiculous. If the courts say nothing happened, presuming we have faith in the courts/trust our legal system, then nothing happened and the kid shouldn’t be punished by the school.
Dig, I am not making any judgement on your friend. Without all of the facts on a closer basis, I won’t. However, it is up to a school, and a number of establishments, including jobs, clubs, etc, to come up with their own standards in terms of who they want on their premises. If there is an appeal process, if getting an attorney is an option, getting an opinion as to whether this is worthwhile to fight the decision might be a way to go.
This does not have to destroy your friend. It is a setback. Depending on what happened, he can turn it into a learning experience and address any problems he has n anger management, physical reactions, etc that he has so that it does not truly destroy his life. Being expelled from school, even being convicted of assault can be an early warning that can turn someone around so that worse things do not happen/ Whether this was self defense, loss of temper, lack of physical control, an accident, etc, it is a serious thing that can be addressed, and then he can move on and learn how to deal with what he has done here if he treats it the right way. But the least of the problems here is being expelled from the school.
Many victims protect their abusers, so just because the girl is ready to give him another chance does not mean the school or others should. The facts of the case are what should determine that.
That’s right. Even the university rule the case with different measurement, he might not deserve death penalty level punishment.
IMO, he would be better off moving on elsewhere, and getting counseling, working in community service and letting the college know of how he has handled this transgression. But he should move on. Again, I’m not judging the case, for all I know, it was totally unwarranted and unfair, but you don’t stick around someplace where the general thought is that you are guilty of something like this. IF anything else should happen in that nature, he has a history right off the top where he is right now. He should go elsewhere and start working on keeping his nose and record clean so that this is a one time mistake and not the first step towards more trouble. Expelling him may well be doing him a favor as he seems to want to stick around where he now has a lot of baggage.
Punishment is (or should be) about rehabilitation. This school has no interest in that. They want to rid their campus of someone who is known to commit over-the-top violence. They want to protect the community. That’s entirely reasonable.
I respect your concern. Indeed, it could turn worse in the future if he doesn’t take care of his problem. But when I said it could destroy him, I mean it. As an international student who supported by middle class family also the only child, it could be a devastating news for his parents. And the pressure and guilt on him will be enormous. It shouldn’t be his excuse to get away without paying an price, but should be something to consider. After all, this isn’t supposed to be the nature or intention of education.
But will the university keep something in his record which might cause other university not accepting him as a transfer?
It is possible, yes, that the college has something in his record. He can request his record as it will show to a transferring college and see exactly what is on there. From what I have seen, and I am limited in this regard, disciplinary issues are not always on academic transcripts.
It 's not our concern, yours or your friend’s or his girlfriend’s that prevails here. People make mistakes, People can get physical inappropriately, violent,etc. But when someone shows that s/he truly will act that way, the chances of future such transgressions skyrockets, and a college or other place does not want to deal with those increased odds. I think he’ll be better off elsewhere anyways. Any little problem, in the future, even if it’s not his fault has a greater probability of being viewed as his fault at that college, in that area, etc. Better he go somewhere and get a fresh start even as he works on any issues he may have that led to the episode, and also learn to deal with it if it comes up rather than cowering behind his record which is now part of is life.
I believe in rehabilitation and that it can happen, especially when a person is committed to it. However, I am also very much aware that once someone crosses certain lines, the chances that she’ll cross them again is much higher than someone who has yet to do so.