<p>Husband of 25 years wants a divorce. He has hired an attorney. My HS senior is just starting to receive acceptances. This changes our financial picture drastically. What do I do? Does this qualify as a change in circumstances? Can I write a letter to FA office informing them of this development? Husband says he will only pay state tution.</p>
<p>Gosh I'm so sorry for your situation. Really rough timing with a kid about to leave for college. (Not that there is a good time - it just struck me that it would be extra hard but that is probably because I am suffering a little empty nest syndrome)</p>
<p>If your son/daughter is going to be going to a school that requires css/profile it probably will not make much difference as they require the financial information of both parents anyway.</p>
<p>If he/she is going to a school that requires FAFSA only then the financial information the parent with whom he/she will live the most is what is usually asked for. If you have already filed FAFSA then Absolutely contact the schools and tell them of the change in circumstances and ask them if it will change his/her financial aid and what you need to do.</p>
<p>Best of luck.</p>
<p>Thank you swimcatsmom. Do you think I should only notify the colleges she has received acceptances from thus far? I don't want this change in finances to affect her admission status. On the other hand I don't want them to run out of funds.</p>
<p>Difficult call really. I don't honestly know whether it would make any difference to acceptances. If you are really afraid it might then you could leave the unaccepted schools a while. On the other hand if they will not be affordable now unless they make a change to the financial aid then you are probably better off getting that sorted out ASAP. Do you know if the schools say they are need blind or not?</p>
<p>I doubt that it will make any difference if you inform the colleges at this point; the awards are made base on 2007 income, and you don't know yet what sort of support or alimony you will be getting from your soon-to-be-ex. So I doubt that any college will increase its award based on this situation -- all of the private schools expect a non-custodial parent to contribute.</p>
<p>I think you should recognize that since your husband wants out, you have some leverage right now as far as negotiation and setting terms. Is it possible that he is having an affair & wants to divorce you to be with the other woman? If so... now is the time to dig in your heels and insist on the moon. Get yourself a good lawyer and make it clear that you expect your ex to contribute his fair share of your son's actual anticipated college expenses -- or if your ex has a lot of assets, perhaps he could deposit a specified lump sum into a 527 account for your son.</p>
<p>Sorry to be so blunt.... but there is no reason for you to cave in or let your ex walk away from his obligations at this point.</p>
<p>From the college's point of view I doubt there's much change in the financial picture. Incomes haven't changed. Assets haven't changed. The only change will be a second residence. I agree be sure that you make paying for your son's eduacation part of the divorce settlement. My former boss was still fighting her ex for the money 10 years after the divorce.</p>
<p>So sorry this is being thrown at you, when transitioning your son through graduation and to college is plenty of change alone. It is a terrible time, regardless. </p>
<p>I am divorced, and did notice when filling out the FAFSA this year, that they ask separation date/divorce date and want whichever is earlier. After separation, you can start to answer financial questions for the custodial parent alone, though it is mixed as he was part of your household for 2007. If you have filed taxes jointly, the questions would still be based on a joint return. Perhaps if you've filed separately you can, after separation, amend the FAFSA and be given the consideration of a different expected family contribution. Have a conversation with the college financial offices. They've seen it all, and you're not the first to get divorced just as kids are leaving for college. As for profile, that's another level of complexity. </p>
<p>I agree, this is a time to fight for your D and her right to not reduce expectations due to his decision.</p>
<p>It was made abundantly clear to me when I divorced that there is no legal right to a college education. A former spouse is not obligated (legally) to pay anything.</p>
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Husband says he will only pay state tution.
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<p>I'd get that in writing just as soon as possible.</p>
<p>He doesn't get to make the rules. </p>
<p>According to your post history, the OP here lives on Long Island. Repeat after me :NEW YORK DOES NOT HAVE NO FAULT DIVORCE. (Actually, to be more accurate, the only way to get a "no fault" divorce in New York State is for both parties to sign a separation agreement which can be turned into a divorce decree after the passage of a certain amount of time. But unless there is grounds for a divorce, you can't get one unless you AGREE to it. At least that's my understanding.) </p>
<p>Get an attorney IMMEDIATELY. You NEED one. </p>
<p>Again, I am not purporting to give legal advice here. However, my understanding is that while the usual ruling in a NY State divorce is that parents are responsible for in-state tuition, there is NOTHING that prohibits you from getting a better deal. So, if the tuition is important to you and there is no reason why YOU need a dirvorce, smile sweetly, tell your husband you need to talk to an attorney to represent your interests and DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING until you do.</p>
<p>My ex and I paid for part of post-college costs. Ex screamed and yelled, but wanted a divorce and I made it clear without half of ANY college and a substantial contribution for post college professional school--no divorce. </p>
<p>So, go to a lawyer and if $ is the problem, tell your husband to give you the $ because you are NOT agreeing to ANYTHING until you see your OWN attorney. Do NOT see one recommended by your husband or his attorney. </p>
<p>PS: I don't know where Owlice lives, but divorce law varies from state to state. The experience or advice given to anyone who lives in a different state is irrelevant. (I'm not trying to be rude to Owlice, just making sure anyone who reads this thread understands that divorce is a matter of STATE law.)</p>
<p>jonri, you are right; I'd failed to take the differences in divorce laws into consideration. Mea culpa!!</p>
<p>This will make a difference next year, but your financial aid award is based on the information from the 2007 tax year. In addition, as mentioned above, this has divorce has not happened yet...there is no reduction in income or assets at this point. ANY parent (married or not) can say they "only will pay instate"...but the financial aid formula doesn't take what you say into consideration anyway. You do have some leverage in terms of your divorce settlement. Perhaps you can do something in terms of assets dedicated to college expenses.</p>
<p>Agreed that for Profile schools, non-custodial parent info is needed as well.</p>
<p>Apart from the whole financial aid for college situation - look out for yourself also. Get a lawyer. Get a good one. Get one now!</p>
<p>My best friend recently went through an unexpected and very unpleasant divorce. She lives in a communal property state but had no idea. Her husband played really nasty and banked on her lack of knowledge of the system to try and really low ball her on the settlements. Luckily she had friends that pushed, pulled and dragged her into getting a good deal. Plus she had a really good lawyer.</p>
<p>There were times she wanted to just sign and get it over with. (He played really nasty). One time I told her I would break her arm if she signed anything. She told her lawyer I had said that and he said he would break the other one. Make sure you look out for your long term financial security.</p>
<p>A good lawyer can get you a settlement stipulating that H has to pay for college for your cat.</p>
<p>Get yourself one (not the cat, the good lawyer) asap. I have no idea of your financial circumstances, but now would be a really good time to run yourself one of those free credit reports if you don't know your credit score, make sure that every credit card purported to be in your name, or held jointly, is a card that you in fact have authorized; make sure you know the balance of your mortgage, etc. Then go open a safe deposit box in your name, and make your sister or best friend or pastor the second signature on the box. Take every financial document in the house that you can find and park them in the safe deposit box.... stocks, bond, deed to the house, insurance policy....</p>
<p>I hate to sound alarmist but the suburbs of NY are filled with divorced women of college aged kids who are sliding into genteel poverty as they struggle to pay tuition out of their retirement funds, while ex-H gets to start over using the raided "joint assets" he carefully set aside to bankroll his new lifestyle. </p>
<p>Don't be a victim. You've got a couple of weeks grace period before the actual lawyering starts, to learn everything you can about your financial picture. Where is last year's tax return? Where is his W2? Where are the 1099's from 2007 which should have been arriving at the house for the last few weeks?</p>
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I hate to sound alarmist but the suburbs of NY are filled with divorced women of college aged kids who are sliding into genteel poverty as they struggle to pay tuition out of their retirement funds . . .
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<p>I have a good friend that this happened to a few years ago, also w/regard to her kid entering college. She did get herself a good lawyer, and speaking of retirement funds-- she got a good portion of her husband's. Absolutely ensure that you get part of his retirement, too. That'll teach him.</p>
<p>I have a friend who got a divorce, and her ex was asked to pay for his wife's "retraining" for 2 years. He was asked to pay alimony for a period of time, as well as child support. At that time her children were not in college yet. He was self employed and cried that his business was not successful. The judge let him know that if he could not meet his financial obligations with his self employment that he should close shop and take a job as an employee.</p>
<p>Lawyer is first step as other have said. You need to find out your rights etc in your state, not anyone elses. Plus for all other issue related to divorce.</p>
<p>You never say if you work also, but that figures into things. If you end up the custodial parent, they will still count your Husbands income, no matter what. It is a painful reality and if you and your husband were to remarry those incomes would figure in. </p>
<p>In the mean time contact the colleges for the short run, since depending on your situation, you may get a break now.</p>
<p>Good luck.</p>
<p>Blossom gave you excellent advice. I don't know if I'd park every actual document in the safe deposit box, but I'd sure as heck make sure I had copies and I'd sure as shootin' make sure I knew where every penny and dime was. I'd probably take my little digital camera and takes photos of every single item in the house and in every single drawer, but then that's me. And if it was me, since the husband has hired an attorney, I'd get one, too. And again Blossom is correct, a good divorce attorney will fight for you regarding the college expenses. Fortunately or unfortunately everything is fair game in a divorce, I've had friends where the decree and the "list" of who got what and who had to pay what ran to hundreds of pages right down to the potholders. Not cheap to do it that way, but this was an acrimonious situation. I'm so sorry you are going through this. If in fact it is true that you can say "no divorce" in NY then you are positioned well for negotiating...you've got the one thing he wants.</p>
<p>Thank you sooo much for all the helpful info. I bet you all think I disappeared, but I spent the day delving through paperwork, and photocopying everything I could get my hands on. When I got to the camera to photograph everything I discovered he had beat me to the camera! Yes there I found everything we own saved on the digital camera.
Meet with the attorney tomorrow. My husband wants to mediate! Claims if I don't mediate I will be spending tuition money!!!!
One more question. Looking down the road, is it better to go to a school that does not require css? I will make much less than he does. Thanks to all. More later, but I'm running on empty.</p>
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Claims if I don't mediate I will be spending tuition money!!!!
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Hmm - I smell manipulation. And it stinks!</p>
<p>Mediation is fairly common in divorces. It is required in some States. My friend I mentioned before - her husband managed to tick everyone off including the mediators - helped her out no end. You still need a lawyer - don't let him try and make you think otherwise. After all he has made sure he has one. </p>
<p>Really tough to answer the question about whether to look at schools that do not require css. Until you know your financial situation - which could be a while -you do not know what you can afford. And css schools will base aid on both parents. Does your daughter have a FAFSA school on her list that she will be happy with? If he is only willing to pay instate you may find that is the direction you will have to go. Much as I know you love your daughter and want the best for her you need to look after yourself as well as her.</p>
<p>You need a lawyer. Period full stop. That doesn't mean that you guys won't end up mediating..... but until you have retained someone whose sole purpose in life (at least when your clock is ticking) is to protect you and your retirement don't get sidetracked by all the "money saving" tips your H may come up with.</p>
<p>There are so many financial eventualities that a good divorce lawyer will educate you about.... do you know if he stands to inherit a substantial amount from a parent or uncle? Do you know if he's the beneficiary of a trust? What may have seemed like a modest estate 20 years ago when you got married (the relative in question owned a house and a small business) could be millions by now. Does he have stock options from his employer and do you know how and when they vest? Can he borrow from your life insurance policy without telling you???? What is the credit limit on your visa card? Is there a second mortgage on the house that you don't know about?</p>
<p>Again, don't want to be an alarmist; I'm sure he's a great guy or you wouldn't have married him in the first place, but the situations I've seen where the wife gets screwed usually involved her trying to be compliant early in the game. By the time she woke up and realized that he'd walk away with the lion's share of their joint assets (either legally or by diverting them prior to the separation) the kid ended up in community college and the mom ended up with an IRA worth $80K which was supposed to cover a comfortable retirement.</p>