<p>^ Is it also the state in which the divorce decree is issued that is important? For instance, if the divorce was done in Illinois, but the father has moved to Florida, and the mother and children have moved to Ohio, does Illinois still rule?</p>
<p>Yes, what matters is the state where the divorce decree is issued, not the current state of parents’ residence.</p>
<p>Seriously, more states need to do this. </p>
<p>I was shocked to meet one dad who wasn’t even expected to pay child support thru high school because his child turned 18 in January!!! Unbelievable. And, the dad had no feelings of guilt for not paying at least thru graduation!</p>
<p>In VA, my BIL is not obligated to provide support for his daughter after she turns 18–in fall of her senior year. He likes “not being committed to having to pay” and says he’ll do what circumstances allow when the time comes. I advocated for paying for a Virginia Prepaid Tuition Plan out of the divorce proceeds, but it was not done. Just a thought.</p>
<p>*BTW, he divorced me years ago after a twenty year marriage. The two children of his second marriage currently (and have for since their preschool days) attend private school for kindergarten and second grade at the cost of over $55K per year. What will colleges think of that??? *</p>
<p>Involving your ex isn’t going to help, it’s only going to make things worse (unless the courts order him to pay).</p>
<p>If the courts won’t order him to pay, then your kids are better off not even attempting schools that use his info. The problem is that schools that use NCPs are going to refrain from any/much help because dad makes a lot of money. </p>
<p>Did your child apply to any financial safety schools that only require your income?</p>
<p>The list vballmom provided is out of date. Connecticut passed a law in 2002 for post majority support for college. </p>
<p>"PA 02-128, which went into effect October 1, 2002, permits judges and family support magistrates to order parents to support their children enrolled in accredited post-secondary schools for up to four full academic years and until they reach age 23. </p>
<p>Courts can do this only if they find it more likely than not that the parents would have provided this support if the family remained intact. The act specifies other circumstances courts must consider and conditions the parents and students must satisfy. </p>
<p>The act states that it does not give children the right to sue their parents for educational support and that its coverage does not include support for graduate or post-graduate studies. It applies to cases where the first child support order is entered on or after October 1, 2002. "</p>
<p>It allows for 1/2 expenses (tuition,fees,R&B, books) of the State Flagship. I think more states have instituted some guidance for post high school but it is very difficult to find an updated list. At the minimum this law forces divorcing parents to address the issue! And boy am I glad I divorced after this law went into effect!</p>
<p>Curmudgeon, when I said that I believed that arrangements like mine and my ex’s were fairly common these days, I was speaking of voluntary arrangements; I realize that a court is very unlikely to require a parent to pay child support, or share in educational expenses, to the age of 24!</p>
<p>I am quite sure that my ex and I weren’t the only divorcing couple that had many issues (primarily financial) that took a very long time to resolve, and a lot of hostility about certain non-financial issues (not necessarily the one that some of you would probably think), but did not ever have an issue with respect to their child’s custody or support. </p>
<p>I do not understand, and will never in my life understand, the mindset of a parent (father or mother doesn’t matter) who doesn’t consider their children’s well-being and education to be of primary importance, or who can afford to make contributions towards (or even pay for) their children’s college education and other needs but refuses to do so. What else is there? Why have children at all if you have that attitude? I just don’t get it.</p>
<p>^Me neither! Tax credit? Another possession to dress up and make them look good? My D has two friends whose parents have said they won’t pay a cent. D was initially not happy when I told her we were not likely to afford Swarthmore, Wellesley, etc. But she has a renewed appreciation seeing what her friends are going through.</p>
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<p>Basically. Or it can be the opposite case. The parent only pays the agreed upon amount in order to claim tax credits that the other spouse needs more. I despise the fact that the non-custodial parent (however) is looked at for money on the CSS. I feel like such parents are non-custodial for a reason, and it’s not always because the parent lost the fight in court.</p>
<p>*Courts can do this only if they find it more likely than not that the parents would have provided this support if the family remained intact. *</p>
<p>True…I heard someone say that if the NCP has a college degree then it’s reasonable to assume that he (or she) would have contributed to the college education if the family remained intact.</p>
<p>*
I do not understand, and will never in my life understand, the mindset of a parent (father or mother doesn’t matter) who doesn’t consider their children’s well-being and education to be of primary importance, or who can afford to make contributions towards (or even pay for) their children’s college education and other needs but refuses to do so.*</p>
<p>In the cases that I’ve seen this happen, the NCP has remarried and possibly has had more children and either doesn’t want to “take” money away from the “new” family or anger the new spouse.</p>
<p>^^ Agreed.</p>
<p>Our NCP, my ex, has a new family and had started this family prior to our divorce being final so I had a huge battle to get anything financial in the agreement because he didn’t want to ruffle the feathers of his new beloved. @@. Heck he didn’t want custody/visitation written in because he didn’t want to be “limited” as to how/when he saw the kids. Lives less than 3 miles away, kids have not spent the night with him in 3 years and barely see him at most 3 hours a week. We’re lucky if he shows up to any of their events.</p>
<p>This is the same guy who has his degree because of his parents fully paying his undergrad and ME (I funded his graduate degree).</p>
<p>Same guy who has not yet submitted the NCP form needed for profile schools so we imagine we’ll just have to use those for posterity if D gets in but not count on them whatsoever for financial reasons. He figures it’s up to my husband and I to handle it all and he and his wife shouldn’t be included the calculations. I’d love to have that happen but as we all know, it won’t. </p>
<p>I’ve learned my lesson for D2 and S3, they won’t be applying to any NCP required schools and fortunately D1 is happy with options that don’t involve him and is looking forward to turning 18 and having more say over whether she has a relationship with him or not. </p>
<p>I understand why it is required and know many divorced couples who plan on sharing in future expenses and truly supporting their kids, I know many married parents who do as well. But we all know married and divorced parents who think their responsibility ends at HS graduation and I feel for those kids, including my own.</p>
<p>Our NCP, my ex, has a new family and had started this family prior to our divorce being final so I had a huge battle to get anything financial in the agreement because he didn’t want to ruffle the feathers of his new beloved.</p>
<p>Sad, very sad…there will be a time when he’ll wonder why his the children from this “first family” will have little to do with him. I have a REAL problem when exes make new families and seem to “forget” about the first family (Don’t these people get any negative flak from their parents/siblings, etc?)</p>
<p>How would/could I explain to my kids that their father has decided to pay $55K (which will go up every year) for their half-siblings (both of whom they’ve never met) to go to private school for kindergarten and second grade, while he will not contribute for their college educations??? Why are those children in private school (of course the three children of our marriage were once in private school when we were still married and it affected his image)?</p>
<p>"How would/could I explain to my kids that their father has decided to pay $55K (which will go up every year) for their half-siblings (both of whom they’ve never met) to go to private school for kindergarten and second grade, while he will not contribute for their college educations??? Why are those children in private school (of course the three children of our marriage were once in private school when we were still married and it affected his image)? "</p>
<p>That’s not for you to explain to them but for HIM to explain. Unfortunately their dad seems like a jerk, just like my ex. You can’t force your ex to give up his info. Who knows why some men feel like their parental duty is over once their kids turn 18. It’s a sad situation but, as moms, we have to deal with it and do the best we can with what we have. Not reporting the NCP financial info was actually a benefit for my S at an in-state school. He got way more financial aid without his dad’s info than he would have with it. </p>
<p>If you want, you can PM me any time. I totally understand your frustration.</p>
<p>Just wondering- looking back at your exes did they exhibit these character flaws while you were married? I mean placing their needs over the needs of their children?</p>
<p>Why are those children in private school (of course the three children of our marriage were once in private school when we were still married and it affected his image)?</p>
<p>What?? He claimed that it affected his “image”? What did he mean by that?</p>
<p>Just wondering- looking back at your exes did they exhibit these character flaws while you were married? I mean placing their needs over the needs of their children?</p>
<p>I imagine that they did, but unfortunately, that kind of behavior is harder to detect BEFORE kids are born. I really think that a lack of bonding really occurs. Sometimes that happens when the man has left most of the child-rearing to the mom. I think a man who tightly bonds to his kids doesn’t do this. JMO</p>
<p>tom1944 - mine certainly did! My family used to kid that I was a single parent who was married. I was totally in charge of raising the kids. The ex just provided the money to run the household but just barely, but he always had money for his toys - a Cessna plane, a motorcycle, beach condos, etc. He showed no affection towards his kids while they were growing up and never supported them emotionally. They still ask me what I saw in him, but at 17, love is blind! lol</p>
<p>I am soooooooo lucky. My kids father is deceased and my current husband, who has absolutely zero obligation to my kids, helps me pay my share of their college tuition.</p>
<p>My heart is breaking for these kids whose own father won’t help them.</p>
<p>^^^^</p>
<p>What a sweetheart! </p>
<p>I have a good friend in a similar situation. She was widowed and her second husband happily contributes to her kids’ college education - even tho he had his own kids to pay for also. Some men just have hearts of gold. :)</p>