<p>I agree with JFVollegirl27. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Don’t be so overprotective. What do you think’s gonna happen next year? Give her some independence.</p>
<p>“It still just seems a little weird to have a professional type meeting in such a personal space such as a home. I think that more than anything sets off my sketch-alarm. Maybe other parts of the country are different.”</p>
<p>You’re right. It may be a regional thing. I live in a small city that’s a reasonably safe college town where it seems everyone is just a few degrees away from knowing everyone else. When I lived in the Detroit area and in D.C. I wouldn’t have considered interviewing students at my home. Those area were more dangerous, big and more impersonal than where I live now.</p>
<p>“This is not the same situation. Meeting alone with someone in an academic building full of people in adjacent offices is not the same as meeting alone with someone in that person’s home”</p>
<p>You’ve obviously never read or seen David Mamet’s remarkable play, Oleanna. I saw it a few months ago on Broadway with Bill Pullman and Julia Stiles–it was very provocative.</p>
<p>This thread has been very interesting to me, and even more so, most timely. I recently decided to volunteer as a local interviewer for my alma mater. This was driven in large part by the fact that my daughter was just admitted early decision and I want to become more active as an alum as. I have committed to interviewing 5 prospective applicants this admission year. </p>
<p>I had already considered the issue of where to conduct the interviews. I concluded that it would be easiest for me, for a number of reasons, to have the applicants meet me in my home. I’m a child psychiatrist, male, middle-aged, and married. I’m very aware of the issues around boundaries and potential for misperception of both words and behaviors and the need to manage this as best as possible. </p>
<p>After reading this thread, I have concluded that I still prefer to conduct the interviews in my home. However I will only do so under the following conditions:</p>
<p>My wife will have to be in our home at the time the interviews are conducted, regardless of the sex of the applicant. I will make sure that the prospective applicant is aware of this when we first have contact, and will request that they inform their parent(s) and/or guardians of such. I will ask the applicant if he/she or his/her parents have any objections to meeting with me at my home. If they do, I will try to arrange to meet in a public place close to my home (like a Starbucks). I want to create an environment that fees comfortable and safe for both the applicant and for me.</p>
<p>I realize that volunteering to interview 5 applicants will require at least 15 hours of my time, time that is very valuable to me. However I feel that this is a nice way for me to give back to and to become more involved with my alma mater. </p>
<p>These posts have been really helpful to frame how I will approach the interviews.</p>
<p>ClarkAlum
I am sure your approach will be appreciated</p>
<p>My objection isn’t necessarily that I would think my child would get assaulted. I think it is unprofessional, awkward and unnecessarily intimidating. In cases like these, appearances are everything.
For the record, my daughter had several interviews of which to several she drove herself. They just were not in any private homes. </p>
<p>For those of you who think this is okay - since the college is an Ivy or at least “well-known” - ask yourself this hypothetical question:
If your daughter were up for a big scholarship by a business organization in your nearby city that required an interview and she was called by a business man to come to his private home for an interview - would you allow it? Think about it first?
Be honest here - if he mentioned he graduated from Shippensburg U. would it be okay? How about if he mentioned he graduated from Yale - would that matter?</p>
<p>Parents - most have taught their children for 17 years, not to go into a stranger’s home, especially alone. Why is this an exception if you don’t personally know this person? Did you tell your kids not to accept rides from strangers unless they had a Princeton sticker on his car?
Those who don’t object, are you the same parents who won’t let your 16 year old sell candy bars door to door for the football team - because of the “danger”?</p>
<p>Answering justamomof4:</p>
<p>I am one who does not object to interviewing in a home…and I WOULD definitely let my daughter sell door to door (in a neighborhood in which she and I felt comfortable, and depending on her age). Unfortunately, these days, nearly every school organization does not even ALLOW it. So we end up having to foot the entire bill ourselves. Do you KNOW how many girl scout cookies, boxes of fruit, and trash bags I’ve had to buy? No, I wouldn’t send my 8 year old alone. But my 18 year old (who, by definition isn’t really even “my” 18 year old anymore)… can do whatever she feels comfortable doing. And she DID, at age 16, knock on doors for her political party of choice (but they went in groups of 2, so that’s also a bit different).</p>
<p>As for the job interview - YUP. You betcha she could go. 1.) I couldn’t stop her, she’s an adult. 2.) SHE would decide if she felt comfortable with that or not. If not, she can say no. 3.) Job interviews in homes like this DO happen - think about the very obvious type - where a maid has to enter a stranger’s house to interview. Would she be “on alert”? Undoubtedly. But would she go, if she wanted the job, yes. Who, in this litigious time and country, would offer up their home if they were up to no good? Could I be wrong? Yes. And it would be HORRID. BUT…I could also slip and fall on the ice on the sidewalk and die from head trauma. Odds are very small. I’m not stupid, I check the ice, I wear boots with traction, I walk gingerly, I try to hold on. But I can’t just stay in my house. </p>
<p>And, no…it does not REALLY matter where they attended school. People keep addressing that fact as if it’s THE reason that some of us feel this situation would be “ok”. BUT…the school they attended DOES say something to character, let’s face it. It’s small, but it’s a fact. It’s no different than why some employers are immediately more impressed if you say you attended Harvard than Anystate U. It’s far from a foolproof safety net. But I still contend that it forces the odds toward the positive…and we all have a different cut off point for comfort. We weigh the odds and we make our choice. </p>
<p>Ivy league graduates abuse their spouses just like technical school graduates. But I’m GUESSING you’ll find fewer people on death row that attended an Ivy League school, than didn’t. Just saying. Odds. The very fact that this person has provided their home address to you - IS showing his community involvement and moral character to a point where there is a larger implied trust than one refrigerator repairman who wants to meet you at a diner (imo). He’s not taking her somewhere in his car, you can verify his affiliation with the school, you know his name and address. Do liquor store robbers take off their mask and drop their ID on the countertop before they leave?</p>
<p>By the way…in my city…(and probably many of yours too) - high school teachers are repeatedly in the news for abusing kids IN classrooms and other areas of the school. There IS no absolute safe place. Kids are abducted from their homes.</p>
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<p>I see it totally differently.</p>
<p>Meeting in a coffee shop can be very awkward. Have you seen all the threads where students fret over whether they should offer to buy coffee for the interviewer, whether they should wait outside or at a table, whether they should or should not be drinking or eating something? What if it’s a crowded place, and you are conscious of all the people standing around waiting for your table? What if you realize that everyone around you is listening in, and the student has to start censoring their conversation?</p>
<p>And asking a high school student to meet in someone’s office can be very intimidating, when everyone might be wearing suits and the student will have to deal with secretaries and an interviewer who might be sitting behind a desk. </p>
<p>Applying to college is not the same as applying for a job. Why does it have to be “professional”?</p>
<p>(And meeting at the student’s school is totally unrealistic. Many interviewers have jobs they commute to – popping into their local school during school hours is not feasible.)</p>
<p>When students used to come to my house, we’d sit on comfortable sofas in a quiet living room, be able to have a private conversation without fear of a stranger listening in. The temperature was just right – no drafts every time the door opened. No loud music, no having to talk above crying babies. If a student had a question, I could go to my bookshelf and find resource material about my college to help answer it (or more recently, open my computer). Honestly, I don’t see how anyone can think meeting in a coffee shop is an ideal setting for an interview.</p>
<p>JustaMom - I thought about it and here is my answer: I would have my daughter check out the person first. Since she would only be 17-18, my H or myself would drive her there. Depending how comfortable she felt we may either walk her to the door, or have her let it be known that her parent was going to pick her up there.</p>
<p>It is good to be cautious, but it can’t be such that it paralyzes you from doing everything. Kids need to learn how to take care of themselves, and it doesn’t happen overnight. It is a gradual letting and with guidance from parents.</p>
<p>D1 was not allowed to go to parties (where there were alcohol) until she was senior, even though other kids started much earlier. I let her go knowing there were going to be alcohol. She didn’t drink if she was driving home, and she drove herself most of the time because I didn’t trust other kids driving her. I didn’t want her to go off to college and get hit with “girls gone wild in college.” When she went off to college, we had a lot of discussion about not getting drunk at parties(but have a good time), always go with friends and come back with friends, get your own drink, don’t leave a drink around and drink from it again, avoid being in a room alone with guy(s) if there is no romantic interest (why put yourself in that position). This is all in preparation for when she’ll be going out in a major metropolitan cities someday instead in a nice familiar college town where she knew most people.</p>
<p>What we are discussion here in the last few days about letting our kids go to a stranger’s home for a college interview, is part of the process of letting go and preparing them for when they are on their own. If we just continue to tell them, “never go to a stranger’s home,” like when they were 10 years old, how are they going to learn to judge when/if they should go out with senior managers after work? With those college interviews, the interviewer is 1) not a transient (well known in the community probably), 2) he/she is aware the parents and school know time/place for the interview. Just based on that, it is very unlikely the interviewer would try anything inappropriate, especially if parents are nearby. When we travel overseas for business (especially some third world countries), our company always tell us to call for car service instead of getting a taxi off the street because of traceability, therefore less likely to commit a crime. Again, this is different than have your 10 year old (not 16 year old as mentioned above) knock on doors to sell candy bars, because 10 year old is not as mature and if any harm should come to him you wouldn’t know where it happened.</p>
<p>The final thing I would like to say is my daughter is at a point of her life where she will be interacting with older men at work, men who would have more power over her. She is only a few years older than those high school seniors, but she is not going to have me to tell her “No, I don’t think it’s safe for you to take that business trip with your boss/colleague.” She is going to need have enough maturity, confidence and awareness to help keep herself safe. The only way she is going to get that is by me coaching her when she was younger, and dare to let her go. By asking her to give up opportunities (college/job interviews) because of my perceived danger is telling her that I do not have enough confidence in her to handle difficult situations. We all have inner antenna to detect danger. The antenna becomes more effective when it’s used often. It’s no good when they always get the “danger signal” off their parents’ antennas.</p>
<p>“If your daughter were up for a big scholarship by a business organization in your nearby city that required an interview and she was called by a business man to come to his private home for an interview - would you allow it? Think about it first?”</p>
<p>Because it’s odd for scholarship committees to interview in private homes (I know. I’ve run corporate scholarship committees), I would have my kid call the company to find out if the interview were legit. If it were, I’d let my kid go.</p>
<p>“My objection isn’t necessarily that I would think my child would get assaulted. I think it is unprofessional, awkward and unnecessarily intimidating. In cases like these, appearances are everything.”</p>
<p>I agree with the person who suggested that you check out the many threads about students obsessing over interviews in coffee shops and businesses. </p>
<p>Coffee shops: Loud, they are overheard by other customers, who may include their friends. Awkward: Do they buy a drink? How do they recognize their interviewer? It’s also possible to go to the wrong coffee shop, something that happened to the kid of one CC member-- there were multiple Starbucks on the same street. </p>
<p>Offices: Many young people are intimidated by going to a business office. They don’t know what to wear. They feel uncomfortable sitting in a waiting room where there are much older people around working. There also may be interruptions and other things that delay or truncate the interview. I think one student posted this year that they were interviewed at a doctor’s office, and the interview was very short because the doctor was working.</p>
<p>Most young people are used to visiting people’s homes. They’ve sat in living rooms before. They’ve had to chat with friends’ parents or with older relatives in such settings. I remember that my own Harvard interview was at a female alum’s home, and I remember it as being a pleasant experience.</p>
<p>The school you attended says nothing to character. Having really good SAT scores and a great GPA and being smart has nothing to do with character. Did you miss upthread where I mentioned a former family friend who was a Harvard bschool grad who molested his young daughter?? You cannot be serious. </p>
<p>The absolute level of risk is something that can be debated in good faith, but the assertion that the risk is different if it’s a Harvard interviewer vs Southeast Montana State is ludicrous.</p>
<p>I find the interviewers perspective on these interviews very interesting. I, and I’m sure most of us, have volunteered in organizations involving minors. The vetting and training required to volunteer to work with people under the age of 18 is getting more and more stringent. Yes, even if it’s coaching 17 year old girls. Yet these volunteers don’t look at it as an insult, they don’t think parents of their charges assume they are deviants. Yet I am not aware of one girl scout leader or AYSO coach who would skirt the rules about not being alone with a youth, especially for their own convenience. Then again, those going into these volunteer positions know exactly what’s expected.</p>
<p>It sounds like some of these private colleges are quaintly living in world were an errant interviewer or interviewee could be swept under the rug. Perhaps updating their policies on interviews should be in order, for the safety of the interviewers, the interviewees, and the institutions themselves.</p>
<p>The idea that you are safer with a Harvard interviewer than with an interviewer from Anystate U or that people who attend Harvard or other ivies have stronger character than those who attend public universities is so ridiculous it made me laugh.</p>
<p>I have a question for those parents who have made comments that a 17 or 18 year old should be comfortable in an interview in someone’s home and that not to be means that they are immature or the parents are paranoid…
Do you as parents give your high school senior a curfew during senior year of high school?</p>
<p>I’m wondering if the same “they’re going to be college kids so they should be able to handle themselves” applies to curfews and other parental oversight that many of us would have in place at that age.</p>
<p>I find it bizarre that some find the home interview scenario as being fraught with danger. I think you need to apply some sort of sliding scale to this sort of situation. 1-10 with 10 being life threatening.
Driving to the interview:3.8
Walking up to house (possible icy stoop): 4.1
Interview within home: .02
Flying to college: 2.4
First freshman dorm party: 5.2</p>
<p>And if you consider the situation “awkward”. Remember, it is an interview between a teenager and an adult. By nature it is an awkward
situation no matter where it is held.</p>
<p>I really just don’t understand why people keep on focusing the fact it’s with an Ivy alum, therefore people are saying it’s ok. Most people are saying it could and should be applied to any college interviews - it’s not that dangerous.</p>
<p>Strawman, oldfort.</p>
<p>How so?..Oh wise one.</p>
<p>I honestly cannot believe this conversation has gone on for 18 pages. Now the only question I have, is… Did/Will the OP allow the kid to go to the interview?</p>
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<p>S1 just had an interview with an Ivy alum at a Starbucks. When he got there, there were two alums with the same name! 
One of them was already in the middle of an interview when S1 and his interviewer sat next to them. After finishing her interview, the first alum turned around and joined in with S1’s interviewer for a tag team session! They even joked about how the first interviewee came in all dressed up in front of S1. The two alums admitted to S1 that they had only met each other for the first time less than an hour earlier. There is your distraction, lack of privacy, and awkward moment!</p>
<p>I weep for some of your children.</p>