Do I allow my daughter to go to the home of Ivy alumnus to be interviewed?

Parents Forum
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<p>^^ Agreed, Marian. The risk management training for scout leaders was quite intense, and given that the average age of the scouts is much younger, and the events involved overnight trips, etc this was required. I recall my H telling me that the scouts were allowed to sleep in tents with their own dad, but not with another dad, even if there were several people in the tent. So all the snoring dads piled in one tent and the kids partied in their own tents without a supervisor directly in their tent! Thies doesn’t make great sense, but I understand the reasoning.</p>

<p>I will continue to offer interviews in nearby coffee shops. I would maybe consider my office, but not after the secretary goes home (and these interviews are often after hours.</p>

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<p>"Less concern about a female alum, but the same principle applies. Less concern about a gay interviewer and a male student because there is less inequality in physical strength. But the same principles apply regardless of the gender and sexual orientation of the parties involved. "</p>

<p>Interesting. I see that for some posters the concern is that the interviewer would forcibly sexually assault the student.</p>

<p>To me, the possibility of that happening seems remote. I agree with some others that there’s a greater possibility that a student would be killed or injured while driving or walking to the interview.</p>

<p>Given that the applicant has a scheduled appointment – and it’s logical that the applicant has told others about that appointment – and the applicant and interviewer were put together by the college – an interviewer would have to be very stupid (unlikely for a college grad) to decide to use this occasion to forcibly rape someone. Doing so would be a ticket straight to prison.</p>

<p>I had assumed that the posters expressing concern about home interviews were concerned about alum possibly doing something inappropriate like offering to trade an admission for sex, telling lurid sex tales from college or perhaps drunkenly trying to cop a feel. It might be hard for an inexperienced, timid, naive young person to leave quickly. </p>

<p>Still to me, the odds of something like that happening would be remote, and such inappropriate behavior could just as easily happen in a coffee shop or library room as a private home.</p>

<p>However, if someone has concerns about the above things, one always could have one’s child call the interviewer, explain that that their parents are uncomfortable with the student’s attending an interview in a stranger’s private home, and the student could ask if a phone interview were possible.</p>

<p>In fact, maybe a phone interview would be best even if students are offered interviews in business offices, library rooms or coffee shops. Someone who is hell bent on rape could find a way of forcibly raping someone in any location. For instance, the interviewer could slip a roofie into a drink in a coffee shop, and take the impaired student away to another location and rape them. An interviewer could hold an interview after hours in their business office and no one could be around to hear the victim scream. Someone was raped by a stranger in a college library at a university near me, so I’m sure that a determined alumni rapist could find a way to rape a student in their city’s public library.</p>

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<p>There are “safe haven” training for volunteer soccer coaches and referees as part of the national AYSO. And there are no overnights involved. By the time they get to U19 (under age 19) the coaches often are doing it for youth in general, their kids are either long gone or no longer playing. And yes, even though half the team is over 18, they still are required to do the training. And the jist of the training is to never be alone with one of your charges.</p>

<p>It must be an Ivy or East coast thing where BOTH sides are so trusting. Though I might be willing to interview for my alma mater, and certainly used to interview kids for internships and such, I would never, ever, offer to do so in my home. Just the liability issues if they were to trip on my front walk are enough for me to pick either my office or a public place. </p>

<p>People are saying that if a student isn’t willing to go into a stranger’s home alone how will they make it in college. Is is common for Ivy professors to invite one student to their home?</p>

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<p>sooz, good for you, school, and student.
The big IF, is how much does the school use your interview in the admit process? </p>

<p>DS applied to the usual ivy engineering schools plus well known engineering schools. He got in where the engineering school predominate. (vs H’s engineering is <20%).</p>

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<p>At my LAC we were invited to faculty houses and even to the presidents house, but usually in groups, not alone.</p>

<p>**I missed your line about the unequal strength, Marian. If there is any risk at all, I would guess it would be more in the likelihood of someone being perceived a flirtatious. Really hard to imagine someone is planning to forcefully physically assault someone. JMO</p>

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<p>I too was surprised at the way this thread blew up. I don’t mean any disrespect to anyone here. This is the gist of what I was aiming for but justamom said better than I:</p>

<p>“I think your comfort level may have to do with the fact that you conduct interviews yourself. Put yourself in the position of a parent”</p>

<p>I don’t disrespect the interviewers here; I would only ask for the same respect for parental concern. Concern doesn’t mean that anyone is questioning your character; it means not being comfortable with placing your minor child in that situation. That’s it. No implication intended that the interviewer is not a good person - that’s not fair to judge because <em>you don’t know them</em>.</p>

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<p>My town has NO commercial chains (Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, McDonalds…I have to laugh!!). We have restaurants (but you would not go there for just coffee) and we have one cafe. The cafe closes at 5:30 PM. I would not meet at the high school since most of my interviewees are not from that HS, nor do I want to have to travel a lot to attend the interview myself, on top of the time to conduct the interview and the time I spend on the report, and the phone calls, etc. When all is said and done, I likely spend close to four hours per student on all the steps involved. If I have to add travel per student, which is what we’re talking about in this area, I would be reluctant to volunteer. As far as our library…it is VERY small. Having a discussion would be too noisy and not very private at all. Further, it is only open until 6 PM. Some interviews are in the evening or on Sunday. Our library is not open on Sunday. </p>

<p>Not only do I live in a town of 1700 people, but even our state capital, which is 25 miles away and much larger than my town, doesn’t have a McDonalds or Starbucks, LOL. (they do have cafes though)</p>

<p>I also agree with NSM that the chances of anything happening at a college interview are remote.</p>

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<p>“Is is common for Ivy professors to invite one student to their home?”</p>

<p>I don’t know, however it’s possible. It’s also possible for professors to offer students rides or to be with students on trips to professional conferences…</p>

<p>That the Ivy professor who drunkenly tried to kiss me was in his campus office that was a converted apartment. I remember that when I went there, his bathroom door was open and there were students’ papers stacked in the bathtub.</p>

<p>Many people here are visualizing professors’ offices as being clustered together with lots of others around, but that may not be the case at an Ivy or at any other institution. At the university where I used to work, an administrator was fired after the university learned that the man had been convicted of forcibly raping or having sex with a minor in his office at a previous university.</p>

<p>It also was rumored that the dean of another department was caught by his wife having sex with his secretary in his office.</p>

<p>Maybe those concerned about their kids and alum interviews should tell their daughters to only use male professors’ office hours if accompanied by a strong friend.</p>

<p>Over the past 2 months, I’ve been in male professors’ offices during the day, and neither time was anyone else in any of the nearby offices. If the man had decided to rape me, it would have been very easy. Somehow, that fear didn’t cross my mind…</p>

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<p>I cannot quantify “how much” but I can assure you that the university DOES consider the interview report in their review of the file. They make that very clear and go over many things they hope the report will cover and prefer prompt reports so that these are considered earlier in the review of the student’s file, rather than in later review. They put a lot of time and energy into organizing these interviews, and materials for the interviewers and so on. If an interview supports the other recs and the app, it is another piece of useful information. It also allows personal qualities to be described that are not as evident on an application. They care about these things. They do use these interview reports. They are not the biggest piece or don’t make or break the application but they are ONE piece that helps to consider the applicant.</p>

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<p>I AM a parent. I offered my perspective not just as an interviewer but as a parent. I allowed my D to attend interviews for college wherever they took place. Never thought twice in this context at all. </p>

<p>Perhaps my perspective is skewed by the fact that I live in a rural state where this kind of comfort level within the community is prevalent. While nobody is safe anywhere in the world, it is pretty safe here out in the boonies/mountains of Vermont in small communities, where crime is not frequent. A college interviewer has signed on to do this and this would be an odd opportunity to do something to a student without being caught, if you stop to think about it. </p>

<p>Do you let your kid babysit at a home? Do you allow the kids’ father to drive your daughter home? Again, this would not be given second thought in my community. If you live elsewhere, perhaps such fears seem greater. I have fears about my kids but not for these situations. As I explained, my kids have been in far riskier situations with strangers than a college interview.</p>

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<p>“Maybe those concerned about their kids and alum interviews should tell their daughters to only use male professors’ office hours if accompanied by a strong friend.”</p>

<p>In talking with my daughter about this, she said that her experience with her professors (male and female) is that when they meet with one student alone in their office, the door is always left ajar, never completely closed. To me, that’s just smart of the professor who is protecting themself as well.</p>

<p>I don’t understand why some of you think that parental concern over this issue is so bizarre (my word not anyone elses). I work on a university campus and sexual harrassment training is mandatory. It’s just common sense to me given that training that you protect the interests of everyone involved. That doesn’t mean an implication of criminality; it’s just precaution.</p>

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<p>“I AM a parent. I offered my perspective not just as an interviewer but as a parent. I allowed my D to attend interviews for college wherever they took place. Never thought twice in this context at all.”</p>

<p>No offense but you’re one person. You can say that you’re speaking as a parent but you <em>are</em> an interviewer as well and that may influence your level of comfort imo.</p>

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<p>If the kid were under 14, I might more readily agree with the “minor child” argument, but we parents need to lighten up just a tad with kids who are probably 17 and older. I will grant you that my concerns for S (nearly 6 2 and somewhere around 200 pounds of muscle) are far less than they would be for my D. But mostly I’d be concerned that in their nervousness, they would forget to use a coaster or accidently put their coat on an antique!</p>

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<p>It is not like those of us who are comfortable with these college interviews as parents would allow ANYTHING. How many of you let your daughter go over the house of another student (who is male) when the parents are not home? My kid (prior to college) could not do that. My kid could not attend parties where no adult was supervising. Now, these situations are far greater risk for a teen than a teen attending a college interview.</p>

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<p>“Is is common for Ivy professors to invite one student to their home?”</p>

<p>S was invited by his advisor to come to his home after work (summer) and stayed for dinner (cooked by prof’s wife). Afterward, prof said he had to come back to campus and drove S back to town.</p>

<p>One faculty wife at a LAC was told by the LAC administration when her husband was appointed to purchase sturdy furniture because undergrads would probably produce lots of wear and tear (read "you’re expected to invite undergrads to your home often)</p>

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<p>When your kids do get to college, they will find themselves alone with an adult or another student whom they do not know well at all. It may be in an office or a dorm.</p>

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<p>One of the interviews my younger s had was held at a nearby coffeeshop. No problem, so we’d think. Well, it just so happens we had one of our rare freak ice/snowstorms that morning (unsual in the south), and it started about an hour or so before their scheduled interview time, with no sign of letting up. They (interviewer was a female) spoke via either phone or email (I forget) and decided to go ahead and keep the interview as planned, despite the fact that the weather was supposed to go from bad to worse. I tend to be the worrier in the family (only female in a house full of males–even the dog was male) and would have preferred they either reschedule or do it by phone, but they decided otherwise, and it worked out ok. But to me, the risk in that situation of a potential problem due to bad weather was higher than the risk of a problem in an interviewer’s home (assuming good weather). JMO</p>

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<p>My kids have also been to professors’ homes. One even was at the college president’s home.</p>

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<p>To the OP of this thread, I’m very sorry for your loss. Your innocuous question has really brought forth a very interesting discussion of what constitutes acceptable risk. Most of the people posting on this thread seem to be parents and I think most of us found this site because we are good parents who care about our kids and their lives. There is a very broad span of permissiveness within the realm of good parenting. To suggest that one person’s decision to let their kids go/not go to an interview in some relatively unknown person’s house for an interview constitutes bad parenting is simply way out of bounds.</p>

<p>As I think Pizzagirl has posted, it matters not at all that the interview is for the Ivy League. Creeps are everywhere and from every conference, and the most successful and sinister of them are the ones you’d least expect. They fly way under the radar and would pass whatever vetting process the colleges had for their interviewers. And I suspect it is rarely their MO to have a recorded notice of inviting their victims to their home. If the convicted sex offenders from Yale are interviewing kids then they’re doing it from jail, across a plexiglass window – which come to think of it would probably be both pretty safe and educational for the students. My brother interviews for Yale ( from his home, usually ) and a co-worker interviews for Dartmouth ( from his home, usually) and as far as they know the vetting process consisted of them joining their local alumni club. They both enjoy staying connected to their alma maters and they see the interview as sort of a screening for brilliant kid who looks great on paper but just happens to be a social misfit. They both are pretty open minded about realizing that there’s room for a lot of different personalities at a university and they give some level of approval to most everyone they see.</p>

<p>It doesn’t mean it has never happened, but no one seems to be able to come up with a recorded instance of serious malfeasance occurring during one of these interviews. However, a quick web search will bring up several crimes occurring in Starbucks, libraries and work places – places we all go without a second thought, and for good reason. They are safe – but not perfectly safe. As others have posted, the real risk is the car ride to the interview.</p>

<p>As parents I think it’s our job to look out for our kids and to teach them to always keep their eyes and their minds open. Bad things happen and sexual assault is alarmingly common, but it’s hard to go through life without trusting people a little bit. I suspect these college interviews are a pretty low risk endeavor.</p>

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<p>“How many of you let your daughter go over the house of another student (who is male) when the parents are not home? My kid (prior to college) could not do that.”</p>

<p>Prior to graduating from high school, my kids could not do that nor could they entertain friends in our home unless adults were present.</p>

<p>When I was in high school, my best friend was forcibly raped while she and several friends were over at the home of a male high school acquaintance whose parents were not home. His father was a minister. She was a virgin. </p>

<p>I think that such situations are far more risky than an alumni interview at a private home.</p>