<p>“It also occurs to me that the essence of good manners is making the other feel comfortable. Since there is such an age and power differential, I would think the onus should be on the adult to make the young person feel comfortable in any way possible.”</p>
<p>Spot on, mummom.</p>
<p>“I think it’s clear that Cornell is taking the safe, corporate position, and that more colleges would do the same if they thought about it much.”</p>
<p>Using this logic, I don’t see why the interviewers here can’t understand why a neutral site is a better idea for everyone involved than a home-interview.</p>
<p>Right - maybe not a big deal in general. Except that the circumstances under which you are meeting make it so. It unnecesarily creates an awkward situation for an interview. I think the school for which he is doing interviews would find it to be a big deal…</p>
<p>Thank you for the correction. I did forget about it. Inappropriate, definitely. I cannot fathom anyone opening his door to strangers in his boxers!
A danger to the student? No. Even if the student had accepted the drink, unless it was laced? That is far more likely to happen at a mixer full of other college students.
A neutral site is preferrable if it is convenient for both and quiet and offers privacy. As some posters have reported,it can be unnerving for the applicant to see fellow students or other people s/he may know listening/staring while the applicant is trying to make a good impression, or to have to fight against background music and the noisy talks.
S1 was interviewed by an alum in his mid 20s in the evening. The alum made it clear that he’d had a long day and did not care to go out again. It did not occur to us to be concerned or peeved that the alum would not put himself out to accommodate S.
But again, I don’t think it is a big deal for an applicant to ask for a change of venue if the applicant finds the home interview either inconvenient or uncomfortable.</p>
<p>Okay, full disclosure, I am a parent, not an interviewer, of a son who is already in college (and no more on the way). He did at least two interviews that I can think of that were non-campus interviews. Both happened to be ivies. One was at the home of the interviewer, the other at his office at the college where he worked (not the ivy). Both interviewers were male. Both times I dropped him off and picked him up from the interview, once because he had an activity immediately after the interview and the other because it was in a city about an hour from here. Both interviews were on a Saturday. It never occurred to me that he was at any risk from his interviewers.</p>
<p>From what I have read here, it seems that the *parents<a href=“and%20I%20can’t%20recall%20any%20student”>/i</a> who are concerned about the risk of a home interview have one of two fears. Either the child will be assaulted physically (anything from rape to “inappropriate touching”) or the child will be subject to a sexual quid pro quo suggestion from the interviewer. Given that multiple people know about the interview and where it is taking place, I cannot fathom an interviewer physically assaulting an interviewee at their home. Is it possible that it could happen? Of course, but it is far more likely that I will be President of the United States. This is the stuff of mystery novels.</p>
<p>What about the quid pro quo suggestion? Why can this not happen in an office or a public restaurant? And while I think that interviews are helpful, are interviewees so naive that they would believe that the interviewer has any real power in the decision of whether they get into college. These are not “casting couch” decisions.</p>
<p>Lastly, if I were an interviewee, I would not want my interview to take place in a public area. I consider that the interview is a private matter and not for public ears. If you had a sensitive medical or legal issue would you ask your doctor or lawyer to meet you at the local Starbucks to discuss it?</p>
<p>As to the risks that the interviewer takes well …</p>
Because, for me, the “safe, corporate position” does not mean the best, most congenial position.</p>
<p>But I really have to laugh, because the overwhelming testimony of actual students who have been to actual in-home interviews is that they liked them, preferred them to public places, and felt more comfortable there. Which is not to say that interviewers shouldn’t be sensitive to the fact that some students may not feel that way, or that some students’ parents may have strong objections, so that it would be nice, if possible, to offer an alternative. If possible and convenient. What I object to is letting a bunch of parents whose values I don’t share tell me what the norm for my behavior should be.</p>
<p>I am certainly willing to accommodate a request of change of venue if it is local! Nobody has ever asked that. I have not sensed any discomfort in coming to my home. I actually think it takes the edge off. The student curls up on my sofa and it is a warm experience and not stodgy. At the cafe, there was formality at a table and lots of noise and others could listen in. I am willing to accommodate requests for sure. I’m not willing to not do interviews at my home in general as I believe it is normal to do so and most are accepting of this circumstance for college interviews. </p>
<p>Again, I agree that the one situation someone brought up of alcohol being offered is very inappropriate but I find that the risk of that happening at a college interview is LESS than the risk of that happening if you let your child have dinner at their friend’s house, or allow your kid to go over to a friends’ house where no adult is present, or…go to college six months later where alcohol is present and they have to learn to say no if that is their stance.</p>
<p>JustAMom…we ARE doing a favor…we are volunteers who are trying to HELP students have an opportunity to present a personal side to admissions. Well, I better get back to writing up this report on the student I just interviewed. Yep, I have put my work for paying clients aside to help this girl whom I don’t know who I spent two hours with and will spend 90 minutes writing up this narrative…to help her. I have nothing to gain. Someone called interviewers narcissists! Oy.</p>
<p>YES, I want the student to feel comfortable by all means. I assure them on the phone that there will be no trick questions and that it is a chance for them to share about themselves and I will pass it onto admissions. I try to come up with mutually agreeable times that work for their schedule. I offer to reschedule if bad driving weather ensues. I would offer to change venue but nobody has ever requested it or acted hesitant in any way. Therefore, I see no need to blanketly arrange all interviews to be in public when that is hard to do in my area as there are few places to do that, let alone ones that are open. It also costs money to do that every time.</p>
<p>I think JHS has hit on the head. As a female who has had to fend off any number of older men when I was a teen, I’m not seeing this as a high risk situation. And I didn’t think then (and don’t think now), that I was in any danger wandering through the Victoria and Albert with an older guy was dangerous either. When he invited me to see his etchings, I declined and we went our separate ways. If a college interview went weird, I would hope the girl would have the sense to say she needed to go. </p>
<p>Personally, I have always gone through life assuming people are good and have good intentions. I have rarely been disappointed. I am not reckless, but I don’t think we do anyone favors by assuming the worst of everyone.</p>
<h1>525 -I really have to laugh too, because several brave young women have voiced their concerns; I say brave, because it’s hard enough for dissenting parents to go against the tide here. For every young person who has posted her opinion, there are probably many reading this who have not.</h1>
<p>The idea that educators know what is better kids than their own parents is an issue I am well acquainted with. Apparently, most interviewers hold these same attitudes.</p>
<p>It occurs to me, by the way, that in most of the posts from interviewers here, as well as my children’s experience (such as I knew about it), the main alternative to an in-home interview was not a public place but an office. As between my home and my office (and how I would be dressed at home vs. in the office), I expect the intimidation / power-differential factor would be much greater in my office. If people want to suggest a “neutral” environment for every interview, that would require a massive change on almost everyone’s part.</p>
<p>Yes, mummom, I, too, have noticed how reticent the students are here – not very. Perhaps there is a Silent Majority out there quivering with fear . . . of expressing their opinions, of being asked to do something they find unusual and maybe risky. Who are otherwise wonderful candidates for admission to institutions that do not reward such traits. But, really, I doubt it. I think perhaps you are a little willfully deaf to just how one-sided the student opinions have been (with, as I said, a couple of articulate exceptions).</p>
<p>So, I posted a bit ago that my 23 year old is about to go into the homes of strangers to tutor their children. Should she not do that as she’ll be with strange adults in their homes? This was all arranged through an agency. Where do some of you draw the line? Should she make these kids meet her in a coffee shop? This government agency pays and sends the tutors into private homes. These families are underprivileged as well.</p>
<p>JHS, in my case, my work office is in my family room. :)</p>
<p>If I meet someone in public here, where there is hardly anywhere to do that given my area, it often means having to buy refreshments to use the table at the establishment. It also involves travel on my end. One reason I have students come to my house is due to convenience. I am a volunteer after all. If I have to add travel time and costs of buying drinks/food to interview them some place else, I might not do this volunteer work. I already have to push aside my real job to do this.</p>
<p>“A kid could do something untoward in some fashion too.”</p>
<p>Actually, I think the risk is higher of the kid doing something to the alumni interviewer or the inteviewer’s home or family especially if the kid is rejected. We see all sorts of angry posts from kids after getting rejections. In fact, I stopped interviewing in my home after an elderly alum interviewer in my area – who interviewed students in her home – told me that a rejected student and his mom had pushed their way in to the interviewer’s home and berated her about the rejection.</p>
<p>Coffee shops are noisy, impersonal and may have evesdroppers whom the student or I know, but I was concerned about an angry, unbalanced rejected student coming after me or my family.</p>
<p>Also think about it: the alum interviewers are vetted more than are the interviewees. If an alum interviewer has for instance been convicted of a sex crime, one can learn about that on one’s state’s sex crime registry. However, in most cases, young people’s criminal records are not public.</p>
<p>As I mentioned before, my D has had several college interviews already this year. From what she says, she did progressively better in each. Regardless of the admissions outcome, I feel they have been hugely beneficial to her as they were her first experiences talking about herself to a stranger. All the interviewers were nice, but I don’t think it was their particular duty to make her feel as comfortable as possible. Part of the process was her learning to deal with her own nerves and handling herself maturely. Interviewers absolutely are doing kids a favor by doing this. Forget the schools and the reports, just having your kid experience an hour-long conversation with a new adult is valuable (and a favor) to them.</p>
<p>I think it can be far more awkward to have an interview in a public coffee shop-- particularly in a suburban area where most alums interview from the local schools. My mom interviewed for an ivy for years at our house-- she had kids at home (although we were in another room in another part of the house), and there was no reason for her to have to hire a babysitter, etc. Plus, in the town that we live in, the local starbucks is the big hangout place for the high schoolers. So if you were to have an interview after school, a decent portion of your school and maybe your friends would be there to witness it. That seems way more awkward to me than coming to someone’s house. </p>
<p>I now interview for the same school, and held an interview at the starbucks by where I work. I felt like my house would be distracting, since I have roommates and there isn;t really another room for them to disappear into. It worked okay, but I don’t think that it was any better than a house, and it was loud and noisy and a bit awkward for us to find each other.</p>
<p>“#525 -I really have to laugh too, because several brave young women have voiced their concerns; I say brave, because it’s hard enough for dissenting parents to go against the tide here. For every young person who has posted her opinion, there are probably many reading this who have not.”</p>
<p>Exactly. I keep saying to myself that I’m not going to say anything else and then I can’t help myself because it’s so frustrating to hear the interviewers here inappropriately and ungraciously bash parents who don’t share their parenting style.</p>
<p>“the alum interviewers are vetted more than are the interviewees”</p>
<p>Several of you keep saying this but there were many earlier posters who interview for their schools who said that no vetting took place at all, they simply responded on an alumni card that they would serve as an interviewer. So you can stop using the vetting for justification.</p>
<p>The alum interviewers are vetted more than are the students. At a minimum, they had the intelligence, mental stability and ethics that allowed them to be an alum of that school. Of course we don’t know what they did since, but at least we know that at one point in their life they had the character and good sense to be accepted to a college that the applicant is applying to.</p>
<p>The alum also are adults, so if they had a criminal record as an adult, one could possibly find that out by searching Internet sites.</p>
<p>Colleges like mine try to interview all U.S. applicants, so even an applicant who may eventually be rejected for having, for instance, been suspended from school after threatening teachers or having been arrested for theft, still could get an alum interview. Young people’s criminal records --in most cases – aren’t public nor are their school disciplinary records.</p>
<p>I too wonder when (if ever) a young person gets the experience of a one on one with an older person where the older person determines the circumstances. I recall job interviews in offices for jobs while in HS.</p>
<p>I would like the interviewers to respond. Isn’t part of the interview process to get a feel for the social maturity level of the college applicant? A face to face job interview for the same female, if she chooses to not go to college, is going to have her judged on that.</p>
<p>Thank you, Wildwood. As an interviewer, we are helping students. I spend a lot of time with them. I listen to them. I share their experiences with the college. I try to recommend strong candidates to help their chances. The last girl I interviewed, I even gave some off the cuff advice to what she could send to her colleges (given stuff she shared with me) since in my real job, I am a college counselor. I gave of my time to help a young person. The idea that as an interviewer that we have some ego tied to this is a mystery to me. I see it as purely a volunteer thing aimed at helping others. i don’t really benefit, except to say that I do enjoy meeting these young people and learning what they are doing and learning about the various high schools they attend and so on. Regardless of admissions, I hope that the experience has been fruitful for the student. </p>
<p>This last girl I interviewed, and I did not know her (she lives 15 miles away but does attend the HS my kids once attended) got a ride to my house after school from her classmate who lives in my “neighborhood” (we don’t exactly have neighborhoods here but let’s say…close by). Then, when the interview was over, since her parents were far away, she called another classmate who lives near me to go over to her house in the meantime. I offered to drive her (walking here is very far from one home to another, plus it was dark and icy), but then the friend came to pick her up. I actually know the friend. When they left, the friend gave me a hug (we are acquaintances, nothing more) and then the girl I interviewed, also gave me a hug. I feel that she was made to feel very comfortable by me in order to choose to do that with someone she had never met before. We had a lovely conversation. I hope I am helping her in this volunteer work…both as an experience she had, but also in the report I am sending to the college. </p>
<p>For me to read about fear of interviewers like myself, and of how we are into this for our own gain, etc. is just amazing to me. I am also grateful to those who offered interviews to my daughters. Thank you to the person who is on this thread who interviewed D1 for the Ivy to which she then attended and loved. She enjoyed her talk with you very much and was bubbling with details when she returned from your home which is 25 miles from us, six years ago. I am grateful for any part you played in her admission. Thank you for inviting her into your home and giving of your time in your busy work life and as a mother who had a child living at home at the time.</p>