Do I allow my daughter to go to the home of Ivy alumnus to be interviewed?

Parents' Social Lounge
561

<p>My goodness. CC is supposed to be enjoyable. I come here to learn, on a good day to impart a little knowledge, laugh a little, and maybe do a little sparring – but just a little. Sometimes I get irritated or insulted, but mostly it’s fun and so interesting. There is a sudden influx of posters who clearly aren’t having any fun here. Why stay and aggravate yourself, mummom? If this forum were offending me as much as it seems to offend you, I would not stick around. </p>

<p>Life is short. You and I have never tangled, and I am not telling you to leave. Repeat: I am not telling you to leave. But I do wonder why you and a few other new-ish posters stay and subject yourselves to what seems to be a singularly unpleasant experience.</p>

562

<p>If one thinks about it, a prospective student (interviewee) meeting an adult for an inerview is probably more safe now than perhaps a generation ago when we were students and went through this process. Students now have cellphones with cameras, they can call, text, twitter, photograph, use karate moves, what have you, to defend themselves against any possible, albeit unlikely unwanted advance. Young adults (men and women) are, IMO, more assertive, and better versed in how to address these issues, as teaching personal safety has been a regular part of our education/culture for quite some time now. Our kids were taught the “good touch-bad touch” disctinction since elementary school years, and taught to speak up if they were made to feel uncomfortable. In our day, we were less likely to challenge authority. </p>

<p>Pizzagirl,
Is pole dancing considered a hook?</p>

563

<p>Here’s the “amusing” part of my reaction to this thread: In the X number of years that my husband has interviewed for his alma mater (and not because he still wanted to hang onto his college days) not once did a kid seem uncomfortable here. And not once (as pointed out awhile back) did we ever consider that a kid would think about taking something from us or being a serial killer. Interviews are a matter of trust, in safety and in intellectual exchange. </p>

<p>Please don’t let your kid interview if you have angst about this process. I know that I sound very matter of fact: I really have little patience for those who see the bogeyman at ever corner. And before you flame me please note: My dear friend from high school was murdered in the public parking lot of a major “safe” university. And they never found the killer, despite the fact that there were people 10 feet away and the parking office filled with people was right there. I have mourned her absence for years. But I didn’t let this paralyze me or my kids. And yes…the killer is still out there.</p>

564

<p>Sooz
My concern with alumini interviews is that the student believes that the interview process means quite a lot. The school that you perform interviews may deem interviews an important piece of the acceptance puzzle. As I discovered after son’s acceptance, many schools, including the school he attended, use the interview only as a small part in acceptance and supposedly does not factor in a decline. </p>

<p>Your awesome interview with the prospect is commendable to both you and the student. However, does that student understand the weighting of the interview towards acceptance? How will the student feel when he gets a decline after believing he did very well in the face-to-face meeting?</p>

565

<p>“But I do wonder why you and a few other new-ish posters stay and subject yourselves to what seems to be a singularly unpleasant experience.”</p>

<p>Since I’m a new-ish poster and have a differing viewpoint, I’m assuming this was at least in part directed at me. I believe that we are all here for the same reason - to learn from others and try to impart knowledge where we can. It’s not usually an unpleasant experience and this thread didn’t start out that way.</p>

<p>What I wonder is why some of the long-termish posters here feel the need to get nasty and gang up on posters when they simply don’t agree. I mean, one way to make sure everyone agrees with you is to run off anyone who doesn’t, right? Last time I checked we have as much right to be here as the rest of you. </p>

<p>I also have to wonder if the attitudes displayed here by alum interviewers reflect that of the schools they represent.</p>

566

<p>Legendofmax, knows that the successful interview, is all about the shoes. Whatever it takes. But does it take shoes to get accepted to a specific college?</p>

567

<p>

</p>

<p>I would hope so. I look at the folks I know who graduated from an Ivy and most of them seem very self-assured and focused. I would expect that such a person would give short- shift to a lot of the parental concerns behind the dislike of in-home interviews. </p>

<p>My experience is that having tested themselves early in life, they know that kids can handle a lot more than they sometimes are given credit for. My personal favorite is Tommy Lee Jones (Harvard).</p>

568

<p>Re #562: What’s more, these days there is actually some social consensus that it’s wrong for adults to hit on teenagers. Back in the day, not quite as much. My college advisor was famous for importuning attractive and intelligent women in his classes. I could confirm that – we fished in the same pool, so to speak, and I was occasionally in a girl’s room when he would call. And my best friend was once picked up and carried off by a very inebriated, very strong faculty member not so many years removed from an Olympic medal. Luckily, a couple of other people were present, and we were able to reason with him and get him to agree that it would be wrong to have sex with a student without his consent, and that he really ought to put my friend down and go sleep it off. But neither proposition was immediately obvious to him under the spirit of those more freewheeling times. More than one of the fathers in my friendship circle back then might have been capable of coming on to girls (or boys) my age. I don’t even see the merest hint of that now. Apart from abductions by crazed polygamists, the occasional movie starlet, and actual pederasts preying on much younger children, it seems to have vanished from the world.</p>

569

<p>“I look at the folks I know who graduated from an Ivy and most of them seem very self-assured and focused. I would expect that such a person would give short- shift to a lot of the parental concerns behind the dislike of in-home interviews.”</p>

<p>Being self assured and focused are admirable qualities. But so are the ability to get along with people from all walks of life, talking with them and not down at them, and respecting the opinions of others even if they disagree.</p>

570

<p>Fortunately, I’ve learned from other forums that the way people act on the internet is usually much worse than they behave in real life. If you think this place gets nasty, you should check out some of my athletic forums!</p>

571

<p>“I look at the folks I know who graduated from an Ivy and most of them seem very self-assured and focused. I would expect that such a person would give short- shift to a lot of the parental concerns behind the dislike of in-home interviews.”</p>

<p>I graduated from an Ivy, and I happen to disagree with your viewpoint.</p>

<p>I sincerely hope that most of the other alumni from my university – and from the other colleges in its football league – would be more tolerant of diverse views than the hypothetical Ivy graduate you describe.</p>

572

<p>Yes, magmom, you make a good point. Seems that when some posters spoke to, or about the interviewers here, they felt compelled to insult them with terms such as narcissistic, huffy, belonging to a “club” and a few others that I have conveniently forgotten. There seems to be a tendency to respond to the comments of posters with differing views in a derogatory way, and it, understandibly, rubs people the wrong way. Respect is a 2 way street.</p>

<p>What I see here from the interviewers perspective (interviewers who are parents too) are varying opinions on their thoughts about in-home vs coffee shop interviews, but a universal willingness to participate in community service- to give back something to their school and potential future fellow alums. This sees like a pretty admirable attribute/attitude to me.</p>

573

<p>

</p>

<p>But are those the attributes one thinks of from a highly competitve environment of A-types like the Ivies? I don’t. [List</a> of Harvard University people - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“List of Harvard University people - Wikipedia”>List of Harvard University people - Wikipedia) I especially think of Oliver Wendell Holmes’ memorable opinion sactioning eugenics and the forced sterilization of women because Three Generations of Imbeciles Are Enough</p>

<p>JHS–ah, the 60s and early 70s. Weed, whites and wine! You’d gather at some prof’s house and things would get wild!!! There did not seem to be a lot of institutional or legal “off limits” like now. </p>

<p>I still smile at the awareness that some of the CC mom’s were right in line with that Poster that read Girls Say Yes to Boys Who Say No.</p>

574

<p>MagnoliaMom: It’s much easier to respect the opinions of others when there is a base of shared values, and when the others acknowledge that there may be two sides, as well. When, exactly, have you done that? I know I, and others, have repeatedly. In fact, I think everyone on this side of the fence, at one point or another, has said something like, “Of course, if a kid feels uncomfortable, he or she should be accommodated if possible.” And lots of people who interview at their homes have talked about what they do to make kids and their parents feel more comfortable. The fact is, that out in the real world your opinions and concerns get respected and accommodated plenty.</p>

<p>What concession have you made? As far as I can remember, you want nothing less than to end a longstanding custom that most of the people posting here who have actually gone through it, as interviewers and interviewees, affirmatively like, both for its convenience and for its superiority to other options. And why? Because – with hundreds of thousands of such interviews every year – there have been lots of abuses and problems? Um, no. Because you don’t think it’s proper, and you are right, and it’s your prerogative as a parent to make that decision, not only for your own child, but for everyone else’s children, too.</p>

<p>Well, I agree that you don’t think it’s proper, and I’ll endeavor to respect that. But you haven’t come within a mile of explaining to me why you are right in terms I can understand. I will concede your prerogative as a parent to make decisions for a high-school senior, but I will also tell you that your position is profoundly at odds with the mind-set of the institutions we are talking about. They generally take the view that they will deal with students as adults, and the students can deal with their parents however they wish. You may not like that attitude, but it’s a fact, and if you really can’t live with it you will be very unhappy with a child at one of these colleges. And finally, I don’t have a clue why respecting your personal choice requires changing the practice for everyone.</p>

<p>I’m sorry you feel ganged-up-on here. You have been, and I’ve been guilty of that, and I’m still doing it now. But it really ticks me off that you keep whining about how nobody respects your opinion, without giving any indication that you respect any opinions other than your own, and without engaging in anything like actual, reasoned discussion of why you hold an opinion so strongly that others fundamentally don’t understand.</p>

575

<p>“I look at the folks I know who graduated from an Ivy and most of them seem very self-assured and focused. I would expect that such a person would give short- shift to a lot of the parental concerns behind the dislike of in-home interviews.”</p>

<p>I think that most Ivy interviewers would find a way – phone interview or coffee house interview – to allay the parent’s concerns while still giving the student a way of having an interview. That’s a considerate way of handling this kind of situation.</p>

<p>“Your awesome interview with the prospect is commendable to both you and the student. However, does that student understand the weighting of the interview towards acceptance? How will the student feel when he gets a decline after believing he did very well in the face-to-face meeting?”</p>

<p>The same way the rejected student with 2400 SATs or a 4.0 gpa feels. It’s normal for students with stellar accomplishments to be rejected. In fact, most students who are Ivy accepted have some stellar accomplishments. That’s the nature of their admissions.</p>

576

<p>I’m revisiting this thread after a few days away and it has obviously degraded. I was on the “public place” side of the argument.</p>

<p>JHS - </p>

<p>Perhaps I can speak (type) in terms you can understand. Few 17 or 18 year olds want to go to your house and smell your dinner in the air, visit your bathroom, wipe their hands on your towel, or see your favorite beloved shoes next to the door. It is too intimate. Give the kids a break; they are under enough stress. Let them meet you at a familiar, neutral place.</p>

577

<p>Gourmetmom- I disagree. Many 17 or 18 year olds are quite comfortable going to the home of adults. They are there for an hour or so on these interviews. I don’t think they are looking under the bed or going through the medicine cabinets.</p>

578

<p>I used to interview in my house;but my college has told us not to; Other than safety reasons, I think the college does not want potential students to make judgments about the college based on how nice an alumna’s house is, or how it is decorated . I like meeting the interviewees in my office or better at a quiet coffee shop-I don’t have to clean beforehand!</p>

579

<p>MOWC -</p>

<p>What makes you think that they are comfortable?</p>

580

<p>What makes you think they aren’t comfortable?</p>

<p>I’m judging from my experience with this age group and their general level of adaptability. I just don’t think it is that traumatic for a high school senior to go into a house. Many of the kids I knew went to private school and/or boarding school and were quite used to interviews and also used to being in the homes of teachers and coaches.</p>