<p>I have done multiple other volunteer projects, but two months ago I started volunteering for a church affiliated thrift store. The workers there are on average about 80-90 years old, so they can not do much. But I do have a "younger" boss. So far, I have 27 hours and I need right at 100 to be awarded the Presidential Volunteer Service Award, but I honestly do not think I can stay. My boss (who happens to be 56) makes fun of the twang in my voice (I'm from Georgia), she lets her older workers call me a *****, she says I need to stop being "an alpha" (I have a tendency to get the job done and not waste time) and back down. She says I'm "Miss Priss" because I can't go a day without having a set outfit, hair, and makeup. I "know too much," I am too "sheltered" because I don't like to do stupid, childish, immature things, she writes me off as knowing nothing about the world because I was homeschooled for a few years, she uses multiple cuss words every few minutes (as I previously stated, this is a church-affiliated place). I can't stand it at this place. I am constantly being disrespected, but I need the hours. What should I do? :(</p>
<p>If you’re being made to feel uncomfortable, volunteer somewhere else to get your hours.</p>
<p>I live in a VERY small town, so it’s difficult to find work of any kind.</p>
<p>You need to leave. This is a toxic work environment. Go where you are appreciated. Your town may be tiny, but no place is too small to use a pair of intelligent, hard-working and generous hands even if you don’t get the ‘credits’ you need for this particular award. If this is a church-affiliated thrift store, then I assume there is a church somewhere nearby. See what other forms of service would be of use. And remember that volunteer work is not required or even especially necessary to get into a good college. If volunteering just doesn’t work for you, find another way to explore your interests, engage in your community or learn something new outside of the classroom.</p>
<p>laurren, I have experienced this myself, and at your age (and long after) this would have brought me to tears. I would have wondered what I was doing wrong- but now I am a bit older and wiser ( parent) and have seen this situation many times.
Every committee, organization, has a culture and a status quo. A new person always changes this. Some people don’t like change. Some don’t like their position of power threatened. Some are simply jealous. Most good workplaces strive to have a good working environment, and good managers and bosses are able to carry this out. However, people are people…
I know this must be a surprise to you, because people are just not supposed to behave this way in a church environment-but they do. A religious committee is not immune to these things. I have done a lot of volunteer work in many settings and they are not much different…
I have also lived in a small town where everyone knows everyone and it is hard to respond to this without feeling like the whole town will know about it.
This situation is toxic. These are adults and you, a young adult, are still a minor, and much much younger than these people. Shame on them!! They are bullies, plain and simple, and do you know what is at the heart of a bully? Low self esteem and shame. And your manager/boss should not let them treat you like this, nor should she.
They are trying to make themselves feel better by putting you down. Psychologically- they are projecting all their bad feelings onto you.
Why would they do that? You make them look bad. You are young, energetic, mature, intelligent and do their jobs better than they can. They are stuck in this small town. You, on the other hand are going somewhere.
Do not let these people change that or how you feel about yourself. They want to bring you down so they can feel OK about themselves. Your success is a threat to them. Neither can you waste your time being bitter about them. Wish them the best, but leave before they take any more of your time. They will not give you a good recommendation and they are disrespectful to you. You are not a quitter when you refuse to take their abuse.
I am sure there are many many places in your area that would need you and appreciate you. Keep your eye on your bright future and don’t look back at this situation at all.</p>
<p>I sure do hope so.
And thank you very much.
I hate that I can no longer continue to get my award.
I have until tomorrow afternoon to come up with something to tell the manager about my leaving. If I say something she doesn’t like or I am not on good terms, the entire small town will have rumors flying. She is so nice to the elderly women when we’re all together, but if it’s me and her by ourselves, she trash talks every one of them.</p>
<p>Is your award at stake? I think some readers,including me, thought you could get those hours elsewhere. If not, here is where you have to weigh the pros and cons of either decision. Most decisions seem to be like this- not an obvious way but a choice. Let’s say this was a paying job with a nasty boss, but you have bills to pay, so you would have to deal with it- at least for a while. This is likely to happen with anyone- a teacher you don’t like- but you need the grade- or a boss you don’t like but you need the job, or a room mate you have difficulty getting along with. You want this award, and leaving this job may cost you more ( award, small town stuff) than the discomfort of sticking it out.
Yes, a workplace has a culture, and a newcomer has to adjust to the culture. It can be hard when it is different from your values- so how do you keep your values and fit in? I see that your boss trash talks you… and then everyone else. So it is not personal! She’s just that kind of person. You can’t control her speech- but you can also choose to not let it get to you. First believe her behavior is about her- not you.
I know my gut reaction to your post was to see you not get treated poorly ( I am a momma bear!) but then one can see this in another way. Since this is temporary- 60 more hours- could you turn this into a learning experience? Obviously this person is not someone you can ask for a letter of recommendation from, but if this is not the point, and the point is to get the award, then maybe one way to look at this is to not let Ms. Pottymouth stop you from achieving it.
You are not in real danger here, just subjected to verbal garbage. One possibility is to be above it, do a good job, and when she says something mean like “you are so sheltered” laugh and say “maybe, but I’m here to learn”, or if she makes fun of your twang… laugh and say something even twangier. You don’t have to give up the award if you don’t want to - and you could possibly gain some skills for dealing with difficult people. There are even books about this, and workshops for this as it is a common issue. Sometimes one has to leave a difficult situation, but sometimes it is worth finishing the job. Not an easy choice.
So while my first thought was to leave, I also think there could be value in staying and standing your ground. But don’t do this alone - enlist the caring adults in your life to support you through this. So sorry if I confused you now, but I’m not there and can’t see these people and the whole thing. Just looking at the two sides of this issue and wondering if this is a challenge you can learn from.</p>
<p>The graceful way to leave is to simply inform your supervisor that you have other commitments and will therefore no longer be able to continue volunteering after x date. Try to give at least 2 weeks notice as a courtesy. You don’t have to give any other reason than that. It prevents the rumor mill from ginning up, and you can move on.</p>
<p>Pennylane2011; Thank you so much. It is a difficult decision. The entire reason I AM there was for the award and the recommendation for a scholarship based off similar service. It’s just hard.</p>
<p>M’s Mom: This woman DEMANDS explanations. I can’t do it in person, either. Only because she starts this act that words just can not describe. I’m trying to figure out what to write.</p>
<p>Just tell her that you really enjoy the work and were grateful for the opportunity but can no longer continue volunteering because of other commitments. You can say scheduling problems, or you need to spend more time with family, or you need more time for school work, or whatever you want. Just be polite with it.</p>
<p>llauren, this is one incident where life just takes an unexpected turn. You have a few choices from here:</p>
<p>Leave the position: This may make you look bad, lose the award, but gets you out of there and on to something else. It is good to give 2 weeks notice, but that may be less than 60 hours.</p>
<p>Stay and finish: You can still get the award. You may not deal with as much gossip, but your boss sounds like the kind of person who will gossip anyway. So if you do this, it would mainly be for your own goals or integrity. You will deal with their bad mouths but also maybe learn to diffuse it if you don’t let it get to you. Remember, any time you react to them, you give them the power. Do not stoop to their level. Consider it a test. Regardless, you will not get any letter of recommendation from this person.</p>
<p>In either case, behave respectfully. You do not need to provide her with a long explanation if you leave, but you need to speak respectfully ( sounds like you do this anyway</p>
<p>This is your loss, unless you can find another way to get 100 hours and the award/letter/scholarship this summer somewhere else. Unfortunately this happens. It’s not fair, but mean people are out there. In either case, perhaps there is a way to find another experience this summer that will help you with your goals.</p>
<p>Work with your parents and other trusted adults. Also handle this yourself as much as possible ( I have to resist my feelings about situations like this but it is best to let my kids learn to handle these things )It’s important not to gossip or badmouth your current boss to others. (beyond your parents or a trusted advisor).</p>
<p>We have lived in a small town too where everyone talks about everyone’s business. The good part about this is soon someone else will do something that everyone talks about. Today’s gossip gets old fast. If you act with integrity, and don’t let this get to you, you won’t give them much to gossip about for long. </p>
<p>Talk this over with your parents or a trusted adult, keep your head up, and do your best with it.</p>
<p>She does sound like a piece of work, but is it possible that she realizes the only reason you’re there is to qualify for the award and to pad your college application? I can see why an already disagreeable person would take it out on someone who clearly doesn’t want to be there.</p>
<p>May I suggest that you not only resign the position but look for a volunteer job you actually care about? With or without an award it will mean much more to you and the people you’re helping, and ultimately, look better on your applications. My D volunteered with older people at a nursing home because she had no living grandparents and wanted to help. It gave her something for her college apps but more than that, the residents’ caring for HER gave back in ways she did not envision. And they were helped by her work. That all found its way into at least one essay.</p>
<p>Any small town has any number of things you can do-they just might not be listed on a website somewhere. My 12 yo is volunteering at a camp she used to attend. They don’t advertise that they need volunteers-she ASKED. She’ll be helping the little kids with classwork, just as she did during the school year when she walked down the street and asked at the school there if they needed help. They did, she went, the kids, teachers and principal all benefited along with her. It’s not always about you.</p>
<p>I actually really liked it and enjoyed it. It was rather fun, but I couldn’t deal with her. I did ask from the beginning if they needed any volunteers, then I came on board. I just called the library to find out if I could do any volunteer work.</p>
<p>Thanks so much.</p>
<p>And in fact, the boss had no idea about the Presidential Award until I told her, and at first she didn’t want to sign up because her elderly volunteers “dispise Obama” -.-</p>
<p>Wasn’t this founded in 2003? A little before his time…but really, their political views are not a good reason to mistreat anyone.
Sounds like a no-win situation with these people. I hope you can find something else more meaningful to you.
Best wishes…</p>
<p>laurren,</p>
<p>In a formal letter of resignation, you do not need to give any reason for that resignation. “Dear so-and-so, This note is to inform you that I will not be able to continue as a volunteer at Location/Organization after Month Day, Year. Sincerely, laurren” is good enough. If you want to be a bit nicer, use “I regret to inform you…” Don’t feed the monster. If she asks “Why?”, you don’t need to give her any reason. Easier said than done, I know, but it is good practice for the future when you choose to turn down invitations, or don’t want to give the real reason for rejecting an offer, or simply need to hold the line with your own family.</p>
<p>If you do decide to stay, is there any way that you can turn the constant teasing into some kind of running joke? Would the older ladies play along with you? Do any of them show a willingness to “adopt” you as an honorary grand-daughter? Take another look at them. Do they see you as a threat, or as a rare breath of fresh air? What do they have to teach you about being older, but remaining active and interested in the world (or at least this particular organization)? Do any of them have a good eye for the items in the thrift shop that you could use once you are off to college? Perhaps you can enlist their help in finding the perfect tea set/frying pan/party dress/you-name-it. </p>
<p>Wishing you all the best as you sort through this.</p>