S’s first two sample lessons are taking place at the professors’ homes. I had originally thought that lessons would take place in a classroom so that I could just hang out in the hallway, but now that they’re in homes, I wonder what etiquette is? Being overprotective, I feel uncomfortable with this, but I know at some point I have to let go. I’d appreciate any feedback. Thanks so much!
Typically, no, parents do not attend the lesson. The professor will likely offer you a seat in his / her living room for the hour. In my case, I dropped S off at the front door, went to a close by downtown and hung out there for an hour. On returning, they weren’t done yet, but the professors family invited us in and we had a nice conversation for a few minutes. After the lesson, the professor came out and gave us both feedback of his thoughts on how the lesson went.
I have to admit I would feel the same way about dropping my D off at an unknown home for a lesson with an unknown professor. Lol. I’ll be the first to admit that I AM overprotective. My daughter was in 10th grade when we started this process, and, well, she’s a girl. Just feels a little tricky, this process. Probably fine just to drop him off. I’m sure it is done all the time, but I would hope to wait in another room. Obviously you drove there together. It seems reasonable that you would not wait in the car, or have to drive around looking for something else to do. Presumably if he were to continue going there for lessons, you would not go in with him. Even in a school setting we have experienced both approaches. One professor invited me to sit in on the lesson. I indicated that I would be fine waiting in the hall, but he very kindly ‘insisted’ that I join them. (I sat quietly…‘reading’ a book) At another, we greeted the professor together at the start, and I then remained in the hall. We had a quick conversation following the lesson, and were on our way. Good luck with your decision and the lessons! Hope your S makes a good connection!
As a general rule, a parent should not attend lessons for a student considering college. In a normal situation (i.e., lesson at the studio at the conservatory) you’d just make yourself scarce by waiting in the lobby. A private home is trickier. For my own daughter, there was only one non-studio situation, in a hotel suite where the teacher was on tour. I admit I sat anxiously in the gilded lobby wondering if I had made a horrible mistake sending my 17-year-old up alone, especially when she was gone for over 90 minutes. (It was an older, very famous male musician.) Turns out his wife was in the room the whole time and it went well, lots of small talk and lots of playing. I think if I had to do it all over, I might have made a brief appearance at the door and gone back downstairs after saying hello. I did have a couple professors pointedly invite me into the lessons, but always demurred. I don’t think it would have made too much difference if I’d gone in, but these were, again, older male professors who were probably being sensitive to the dynamics of having a minor female child alone in the room with them.
So if a student attends the sample lesson without a parent, what is a safe amount of money to bring? I’m also wondering if it’s the norm not to ask about the fee (say, in an email) prior to the lesson.
A hotel suite?! Oh my, my gut would’ve been wrenched before during and after the lesson.
Not sure if it is common practice or not, but my D did ask about lesson fees in email communication prior to the lesson. One prof. offered this information upfront (without prompting). Sometimes I think they just want to know that you are serious, and that their time will be well spent. One prof., who has seen my D on two occasions, has declined payment both times. Another prof., who quoted us a price prior to the lesson, also declined payment at its conclusion. Not sure how commonplace this is, but it was greatly appreciated!
My wife always asked. Sometimes they invited her in, sometimes they politely indicated she could wait outside. But she liked to watch so she asked.
So far, both profs have told us up front, unsolicited, how much they charge and one even specifying check vs. cash price. So far, it’s been 2-4x the amount of S’s regular lesson price. I don’t know why I still get sticker shocked. Thank you all for your comments.
I sat in on many of S’ lessons. We had to travel out far and often for S’ lessons, gigs, and other engagements. I am a very ghost-like person anyway (really, it is strange), but I made a point to not talk when I was there. It was cool because afterwards, when S and I would talk, I understood the context of that session.
Of the four professors my S met (for a trial lesson) before accepting, one charged a fee for the lesson (specified upfront in email). Since my S was a prospective student, the fee was halved.
And yes (@Busy_Momma), the fee was a sticker shock. I guess, that’s what you command when you’re a professor at one of these elite schools.
Here’s a few comments on safety that worked for us.
1.) Check out the teacher on-line. If he is associated with the school and active in the academic community (with no criminal record)…he’s passed the first test. He has a lot to lose by being reckless so…probs won’t happen.
2.) Accompany your kid to the house. Your kid may not like it, but you can even walk up to the door and say…just wanted to thank you in advance for the lesson…I’m assuming I should be back in an hour. An “engaged” parent is a deterrent. Even if your kid won’t let you go to the door…you could hang in front of the house until he walked in.
3.) Tell your kid that it is not necessary to be a pleaser. He should be polite and respectful…as long as it is deserved.
I always told my D that she had my permission to be disagreeable, questioning, rude or walk out if something seemed wrong. I would always have her back. She has said that she feels like she has never been “messed with” bc she gives off the impression that she would be trouble (not an easy mark).
I’m sure that it will be absolutely fine…but food for thought as your kid enters college…NEVER be a pleaser, favorite, disciple to anyone. Their success is within themselves…not within a teacher. This knowledge can make it easier to walk away from manipulative adults.
About the fee, have your student email the prof in advance and ask what the fee will be. Many will not charge a fee. My daughter paid everything from $0 to $250.
Thanks, @bridgenail. Those are great suggestions. I esp appreciate #2.
We had sample voice lessons with professors this past year at TCU, SMU, IU, CCM, MSU, Juilliard, Curtis, and MSM. For some we met in their studios on campus, others we met at their homes. For some I sat in on the lesson, for others I sat in on half the lesson, and for others I didn’t sit in at all. My experience is that it depended quite a bit on the personalities involved and the circumstances. We paid fees for most of these lessons and some fees were higher than I expected, but it was helpful to identify prospective teachers. I found that my S seemed to like all of the professors he met with on these sample lessons. So, it did not seem to help much to eliminate any schools from consideration.
Yeah, @basso_texas, I have a feeling S is going to like everyone he works with and that the lessons themselves may not help much. I also have a feeling he’s not going to ask the questions that I would like him to ask regardless of the coaching I do (kinda passive aggressive). We have found the campus visits very helpful, however, only in that we were able to rule out the ones in which he clearly could not imagine doing four years. But the bulk of our lessons are yet forthcoming, so we’ll see.
I just stumbled onto this thread and was surprised to read that parents don’t attend! We have now done 4 sample lessons with smaller LACS or regional universities and at all of them I was there (having driven) and the professor invited me to observe. D also recorded each one. Granted, we haven’t been to the fancy schools yet, but I just assumed I’d be invited in at those, too! We have two top conservatories scheduled soon, so I’ll report back. Incidentally out of a total of 7 possible samples we’ve done or will do, 5 of the 7 were no cost, and 2 were paid. In each case, in the intro email D introduced herself as a prospective student, asked for the lesson, and then said “Please let me know if you prefer check, Venmo, or PayPal” as if it was a given there would be a fee. In 5 of the cases the person wrote back “no charge” when confirming.
@khill87 , most of the sample lessons my D participated, parents were welcomed to observe. There are teachers though that prefer being alone with the students. In all our visits and audition weekends only one teacher preferred to be alone with the student at her school studio. She welcomed us and introduced herself and proceeded to interview both parent and student. Afterwards she asked politely to be alone with the student for the sample lesson.
Funny that some of your kids liked all the teachers from their sample lessons, as my kid had a very different experience. He had a very specific idea of the type of voice teacher he needed, and he wanted to feel a personality connection. Of the 6 sample lessons he had, there were two teachers he wanted to study with. On the other hand, he liked pretty much every school, overall.
My kid liked all his sample lessons (I think he’s had about 6 or 7) except one. And that one was a strong dislike because he felt the teacher didn’t like him. NOTE - do not waste time auditioning for schools where your kid has that vibe. LOL. Every other teacher has got along great with him. That teacher has some very poor reviews on rate my professor so I don’t think it was him.
I never went to any of his sample lessons though I was invited in to some. I didn’t want the teacher to put on a show for me and it’s really his decision in that regard. And I regularly sit in on my kids other music lessons, especially when they were younger but even now at times especially with my 14 year old.