<p>My kids never asked about income or assets, and neither was interested in doing FAFSA or Profile. I did ask my son if he wanted to complete FAFSA himself (and I’d help as needed) and he said no. I asked if he wanted to look at FAFSA and Profile before I sent it off, and he wasn’t interested. </p>
<p>Because college cost was a factor, and we don’t qualify for federal aid, my son would tell me the colleges he was interested in and I’d use the NPC to see if it was in our financial range. Both kids knew that we had college funds put aside and that I wasn’t taking out loans. Neither kid wanted loans for themselves, either. </p>
<p>Our kids have never asked and I don’t really see that they have a reason to know our ‘full picture’. What they do know is how much we are willing to pay per year for their college educations (full cost of an in state university). They also know if they want to go above and beyond that, they need merit scholarships.</p>
<p>They don’t know our exact salaries, 401k amounts, etc. Frankly, it has never come up and if they have seen it on the FASFA they have not addressed it with us nor would they have a need to.</p>
<p>We have told them we will have enough from H’s pension to live comfortably and that we have paid off our home they have quit worrying about us now and are happily figuring out their lives instead. Have never revealed much more in the way of details, other than acknowledging it was a BIG stretch to pay the mortgage and college tuitions all at the same time and this is MUCH better for all of us, with both graduated and S with a good job and income and D not needing tuition any more. ;)</p>
<p>Can’t see any reason that more detail and info is the kids’ business at this point and they’ve never inquired. </p>
<p>We’ve had lots of financial spreadsheets open on computers during the college process, so if our kids were interested, they could look. I’m not sure if our older son knows too much, but if he asked, we would tell him. He asked if I would fill out FAFSA, as he was bogged down with schoolwork at the time. Also, my husband teaches school so his salary is posted somewhere publicly, and I work for a not for profit, so my salary would probably be easy to find as well. About 2/3 of the kids at our sons’ high school qualify for free or reduced price lunch. I can’t see them discussing their family finances. But I could be wrong. Our younger son is a freshman and doesn’t seem to be very interested in our finances. We have told him that he needs to make excellent grades and test scores if he wants to go to sleep away college, and for now, that seems to satisfy him. </p>
<p>I just find it odd that family finances are not the business of members of the family. I guess I can see it when the kids are small–they really don’t need to know. But once they get to be young adults, I think they should understand where the money comes from and where it goes. And I’m getting old enough that I’m thinking about what would happen financially if I were to die–and worse, if my wife and I were both to die. I want the kids to understand what to do and what there will be if that happens.</p>
<p>I feel my kids are very grateful for the opportunities that they have had (living in a pleasant upper middle home, having creature comforts, having taken some nice vacations and in the context of CC, having college paid for). I think they have internalized our values in terms of living below one’s means, saving money on small things to be able to afford nicer for big purchases, the “buy once and do it right” mentality, etc. If any, my kids need to open up their purse strings a little bit and enjoy / have fun. </p>
<p>Your point is well taken about “what to do if god forbid we both died tomorrow” but I guess I don’t worry about that right now when I’m 49 and H is 53 and we’re both in excellent health. As they get older, I could see making sure they had access to our financial people if we were to suddenly be incapacitated, but that doesn’t require them to know what’s in the bank or on the 1040 form today. Again, no comment on how anyone else does it - just my own thought process here. </p>
<p>I’m like Hunt in thinking family finances are family business, but I think a lot of this is how you were raised. My parents periodically gave me an overview of the family finances from the time I was quite young. When I was five and they left us with grandparents while they took at trip, my mother warned me that if anything should happen to them there were a couple of relatives who should never ever ever have access to our inheritance and told me who should be in charge. She wanted me to know what to do when I got old enough to take it over. No wonder I’ve always planned for worst case scenarios. : )</p>
<p>Hunt, my kids definitely knew what to do if that happens. They both know the where the information folder for the family trust is, they have the card of the attorney to contact, and they know they will be the sole beneficiaries of whatever we have. They know that we both have signed health directives as part of the trust, and they also know the names of friends of the family that they could go to for further help or information. </p>
<p>It’s not that we don’t discuss finances at all, it’s just that the details, like the amount of Dh’s bonus in a given year, or how much we are putting into various investments, or spending on a vacation, etc. don’t concern them, any more than their salaries and what they spend is our business now that they are adults. </p>
<p>Now that they are grown, our kids have a rough idea of our financial situation, but I think they’d think it kind of rude to ask their dad at this point, “Well, Pop, how much money did you bring home this year?” And we don’t ask them. (Daughter shares 'cause she wants help w/taxes. Married son does not.) Every family is comfortable with different boundaries, and this fits way fits our style. They know that they won’t have to support us in our old age, and that seems to be good enough for them. </p>
<p>If we ever feel the need to share more with one or both in the future, we have that option.</p>
<p>We can prepare for emergencies, prepare for our futures, explain college finances to our kids-- without telling them how much we earn. Until they can digest the numbers, the responsibilities, the decision processes- and manage in our places. At 17, too many simply couldn’t step into our shoes. By all means, have a plan, have records and have responsible adults designated to take over, if needed. But do they actually need to know you earn X? Does that make them somehow mature enough to do something with that info? </p>
<p>I don’t think parents are obligated to share financial info with their children. I don’t think I’d tell a middle schooler, but I’m pretty confident that my D at 17 was able to be discreet and certainly now at 20, she has enough social nous to realize that talking to friends about how much money your parents make is kind of pathetic. </p>
<p>I guess I believe in a happy medium. Money should be neither an obsession nor a taboo. I don’t provide D with an annual report or anything; I just don’t think it’s a big deal that she’s seen our tax return once three years ago or has a general idea of our annual income. She doesn’t know our net worth, details of H’s bonuses etc. She knows she’s provided for should something happen to us; she knows who our lawyer and her guardian are. I don’t feel I’ve given her any stick with which to beat us. I simply can’t see her ransacking our drawers for our SS#s in order to commit loan fraud. At any rate, she’s our sole heir so she’d only be hurting herself:)</p>
<p>I just don’t see why my kids need to know exactly how much I make and exactly how I spend every dollar. As long as we are providing for our kids, then H and I only have to answer to each other for financial issues. My husband and I earn the money and we decide how to spend it - not the whole family. Now that one is in college and one is close, our kids do know how much our monthly bills are. They see how closely I track expenses. They know why we switch cable/satellite companies every 2 years. They know how much their cell phones cost, and their car insurance. I’ve shown them how to work coupons, deals, and rewards programs (including when these can be bad deals). They know the importance of tracking exactly how much is in their checking accounts. They understand how a mortgage works, and what it means that many others are “underwater” while we have built significant equity. They understand that donating to charity is important, and how tax deductions work. They’ve seen the impact taxes have on their paychecks. They know why we were willing to make the sacrifice to pay for private school educations for them and what it meant to our family. They also know how much we are able to contribute towards college, the drawbacks of starting life with significant loans, and the importance of saving for retirement and having adequate medical insurance. They were heavily involved in purchasing their cars, and were well versed in safety/reliability/performance being the important issues. Should anything happen to us, we have a family member who is a CPA appointed as financial executor until the kids are ready to take over. Since that’s spelled out in our will, we don’t have to worry about other family members getting at to our kid’s inheritance. If they cared to, our kids have access to our bank account, retirement account, and other info in the lockbox - but they’ve never cared. </p>
<p>D had no desire to complete her own FAFSA and CSS profile. I didn’t either, but I knew it would be more efficient for me to do it, since I do our taxes. D can have a more gentle introduction to taxes when she starts doing her own - which we will be glad to help her with if she needs assistance. I just don’t think that’s it has been detrimental to their futures that I don’t share my paystub with them.</p>
<p>The conclusion I’m drawing from this discussion is that it is the high income fullpay parents who are guarded about sharing financial data with their kids.</p>
<p>If my responses about not showing my kids my pays stubs are considered to be “guarded”, then put me in the outlier category. We are far from full-pay, both according to our FAFSA EFC and our own estimate of what we can pay for college. </p>
<p>I always knew about what my parents earned when I was in college, and afterwards. I never expected anything from them after I graduated, since I knew that they had sacrificed mightily to educate their children. </p>
<p>For my own kids, I basically have concealed the level of assets and income, although we have had some discussions about what not to do. I think this is useful. IMO, if you and your spouse are properly insured, and if you happen to add double indemnity clauses to your policies (quite cheap), an accident which would claim both spouses lives would leave the kids with quite a lot of money (to their eyes). I’ve always thought that it was important to point out behaviours that made people poor, and one of them is spending your principal rather than just the income from it. Another is falling prey to investment schemes. I’ve always told the kids that if you happen to win a lottery, don’t give money away to people and don’t open a restaurant. Athletes and entertainers, as well as lottery winners, often provide shining examples about how not to manage finances. Self control is important. Spousal control is important, so try to find someone to marry who’s singing from the same hymnal. </p>
<p>They’re now at the age where they won’t have an urge to go buy ten nintendo machines, but its still important for them to have an idea of how little money, say, a million is. (It will provide today’s equivalent of about 25,000 annually in pretax dollars, so its like having someone live with you who makes just above minimum wage and doesn’t cost anything. Helpful, but hardly life changing, and worth half of that when you divide it between two kids.)</p>
<p>As far as knowing what you earn specifically, I think its useful for the kids to have an idea of what people in your neighborhood earn, and what it costs to live in a certain way. To me, few things are as sad as kids who choose a career path out of ignorance of what their earning possibilities are and what it costs to live in a way that suits them. There are plenty of people who have hard lives because they don’t have as many options available to them. There’s not really a good excuse for screwing up the myriad of options that many of our children have. </p>
<p>We gave each of our children a college budget. Both DS and DD knew what they had to work with for both undergrad and grad. We had the Excel sheet with the key data points and costs for DS. He took the large merit and honors program route and has tuition funded for an MBA or JD. DD has little interest in a grad program and will likely have less available. Both knew their options before any colleges were visited or applications were submitted.
We do not give a lot of specific financial info to our children, but they have a general idea of where the major holdings are. </p>
<p>For most teens and young adults, it’s a tough go for them to understand what THEY earn and how to budget it and how to plan. Let alone the whole family scene. </p>
<p>My parents are in their 80’s and I know little about the details of their finances. I do know that they have enough financial resources to cover care. I know where the big fat file is that details their resources, accounts, things that will need to be done when they die. I have a key to their safe deposit box. I’ve done a dry run of going into the box with my dad. But the details–don’t need to know that. I’m sure I could ask, but it just makes me uncomfortable. </p>
<p>As for me and the spouse, it could well be the same deal with our D’s. We’ll have them know where all relevant info is. That doesn’t mean that we have to tell them our income, net worth, and so forth. I want to make sure they’re well established on their own and beyond the age when they could look at our financial picture and think there’s an automatic financial safety net for them. </p>
<p>^^ Just because someone has a different value about something does not mean they are uptight. It may just mean they hold a different value, which may have nothing to do with being uptight. A different value should not automatically be viewed as a negative. </p>
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