<p>And it’s not necessarily even a “value.” You tell your kids what they can digest, when they can digest it. This isn’t some sort of badge, some “I’m open and you’re not.” It’s not as simple as, “well, they asked.” I can think of tons of questions I didn’t answer til the right time came. It’s not important that they know whether your income is 60, 120 or a million. A host of other things related to money and decision-making are more important. </p>
<p>. I want to make sure they’re well established on their own and beyond the age when they could look at our financial picture and think there’s an automatic financial safety net for them.</p>
<p>We absolutely want our kids to think we are their financial safety net and they should come to us first if any problems arise. And they do. Or, at least, they have done so in the past. Of course, that is how it worked in my birth family so it’s my model. Your post makes me reconsider. In my grandparents’ generation and in my parents’ were family members who committed suicide after getting into trouble financially. That has really impacted how the entire family dealt with those who couldn’t get their act together financially for more than 70 years now. OTOH this is easy for me because our kids are not only responsible but seem to be going to be very wealthy compared to husband and me. Right place, right time and so on…</p>
<p>Yeah, I was having trouble figuring out what exactly the “value” was in not telling. Actually, it sounds like the people with a big nest egg are more private about it than those who have to say things like, “No, we can’t buy that toy until I get paid on Friday.” That makes sense.</p>
<p>My kids are pretty clueless about what we have. They have never wanted for anything, but are told “no” more often than their less well off friends because our choices in spending money have less to do with cost and more to do with whether or not the object in question is such a good idea. We are more than comfortable, for example, but the kids were the last people they knew to get smart phones. And that has been the general pattern of their lives. We live in a nice house, but drive our cars into the ground. We don’t wear expensive clothing, but we do take trips to exotic locations. The evidence of our wealth is out there, but I guess we have downplayed it for so long and so well that the kids don’t see it or make a big deal about it. </p>
<p>My husband and I worried about our kids being too materialistic and entitled so we have worked hard to keep it simple. </p>
<p>Okay, so now we are in the process of sharing more of our financial information. We are getting older as are the kids and so it makes sense to let them know what we have and where it is. My husband and I are in good health and expect to live a good long time, but we will be training the kids to handle our assets. Of course, I hope the kids will still believe that they need to get an education and get jobs and be self supporting. </p>
<p>Flossy, this has been my experience as well. We haven’t offered a lot of details about our situation for this reason, and I have found it to be true of people who are truly wealthy and want their kids to stay grounded.</p>
<p>My children are in high school and no, they are not aware of the specifics of our finances. I am sure they can look around and draw their own conclusions, but we do not feel a need to open that subject with them at this point. When they turn 28 that will change due to how we have structured our holdings.</p>
<p>I am concerned with “loose lips”. Teenagers can be very forthcoming with their friends, and I don’t think they need to be discussing family finances. In general my experience has been that discussion of money, especially among teenage girls, can lead to competitiveness and unpleasantness. A few years back one of my D’s friends sat at the lunch table and plugged in our address to her phone and announced to the table how much our home was worth. She then went around the table and did the same for the rest of the girls. You can bet her parents heard from all of us. </p>
<p>I guess I feel our children will know when they have a need to know. That time is probably different for each family.</p>
<p>My daughter was learning about the social security system for a class. So I pulled up my statement online and showed her just how much (ie little) I can expect to get from it. I felt that was an important lesson.</p>
<p>Unless you are going to lock all your financial papers and credit cards up in a safe whenever you aren’t personally handling them, I don’t see how you could keep a kid who wanted to steal from or defraud you from doing so. </p>
<p>My parents were entirely hands-off during the FA process. I was given copies of tax returns, answers to specific questions (‘How much does Mom have in her 401k?’), access to bank accounts/routing numbers, and left to it. My parents have very little idea, I would hazard, of how need-based v. merit-based FA works. I filled out my FA renewal process this year on my own and pay the school via the e-check process. For my parents, this was something that they simply didn’t have time/want to worry about, and they saw it as something I needed to do if I wanted to go to school.</p>
<p>I’m not worried about my kids stealing or defrauding. The information is there if they want to go look at it. I’ve just never felt the need to share it, and they’ve never asked. They know we don’t earn as much as parents of other kids in the Catholic school they attended - no spring break trips to Italy for us! They know we can’t just buy them whatever they want whenever they want it, but they know we will provide them what they need.</p>
<p>With my in-laws, we know they have enough that if we were ever in a severe bind, we could turn to them. We know they have money invested to help with grandchildren’s tuition. We know they have put aside money for inheritances for their kids. Do we know how much they earn? Nope. Don’t care. We didn’t even ask how much was put aside for tuition until we started getting close to college selection - we had done all our college planning without including that amount, figuring it would then be a bonus when it came time to finalize $$ and make a choice. I suppose DH could ask them their salaries, but we really don’t feel like it’s any of our business. Maybe it’s the taciturn Yankee upbringing. Who knows?</p>
<p>I think anyone who looks at it rationally (including the proceeds from life insurance, if you have a parental dual death event) understands that kids don’t think the way that adults do. I can remember when I was in college that the frame of reference through which I thought about summer job salaries was “Wow, that’s enough to make the payment on a Corvette and still have $125 a month left over!”</p>
<p>I had a boss years ago who came from a similar lower middle class background as I did, and he observed "you know, if my relatives knew what my bonus was last year they’d say “why are you still working?”’. I agreed with him, and I think kids need to be schooled in how to look at financial resources because of their childish outlook. Having their own job and supporting themselves is a great educator. But it helps to have a little advance tutorial. My oldest one is heading near 30 and we’ve shared a little more about finances and what to do if something happens, but things are a lot different now than they were 10 years ago in terms of the child’s attitude and frame of reference for how to budget and ration scarce resources. </p>
<p>@flossy -"Yeah, I was having trouble figuring out what exactly the “value” was in not telling. Actually, it sounds like the people with a big nest egg are more private about it than those who have to say things like, “No, we can’t buy that toy until I get paid on Friday.” </p>
<p>I wouldn’t make generalizations like that. My grandmother didn’t have a lot of money and never told me how much her Social Security check was. However I did know that she appreciated the money I sent her on a monthly basis. Some people just don’t like to talk about money. </p>
<p>True. As a rule though, the value for posters here seems to be in not raising entitled kids. No-one is getting rich on social security checks. </p>
<p>I agree with @mathyone and others who have advocated for full disclosure. Hey, they’re gonna find out when I’m gone, so they might as well know when it really matters, which is during college application and decision-making when they’ve had to be a part of the process. Youngest DD made such thoughtful, informed decisions as a result, and those are carrying over into other areas where she has matured nearly overnight. </p>
<p>C’mon, it’s not just the very most financially stable folks who don’t see some point in giving more details than the kid can process. Plus, what’s the point, at some ages? </p>
<p>I’d say we’re comfortable- but there is no one definition of that. Some would look down on our situation and some would look up. We make choices. We don’t do things we can’t justify, that either richer or poorer folks “have to have.” And, we have done a lot that many others didn’t. That’s where “values” come in. </p>
<p>If you think being “open” is great, fine by me. I’m just uncomfortable with this idea it’s only one sort of parents. I hope this won’t be a thread where people argue about what makes “good parenting.” </p>
<p>Mine do their own FAFSA’s . And one of them asked about income in high school. Actually, I think he was planning his future. Answering was not an issue, but I do hate when he asks how old I am. It all sounds old. </p>
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<p>Yes and no. There was no point in our filing a FAFSA, so the kids didn’'t find out much about our finances that way. But, DS was so irrationally cheap about making necessary purchases (e.g., textbooks, clothing, etc.) that I had to sit him down and explain that at our income/asset level, it was counterproductive (and a royal PITA) to have so few sets of clothing that we would have to do emergency laundry in order to have something clean to wear for the next day. It was penny wise pound foolish. He got a little less protective of our money, but he’s still fundamentally a cheapskate. DD does not have this problem 
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<p>my son was a thrifty until he got a g/f.</p>
<p>^^^
Yup, women will straighten that whole “cheapskate” thing out real quick! 
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<p>In The Millionaire Next Door, one of the characteristics noted of millionaire families was that the wife was frugal.</p>
<p>^^^
I think many people with resources do not like to waste money and like value for their dollar. But I have to be honest, I just don’t know all that many “frugal” women. I define 'frugal" as hating to spend money. Most women I know enjoy the money they have, however much that might be.</p>
<p>I’m sure anyone could make judgments on how others spend their money. My choices wouldn’t be yours and vice versa. I just don’t see the benefit to my kids knowing how much money I make. They’re taken care of, that’s all they need to know. When we kick the bucket everything will be lined out for them. In the meantime we tried to raise them without feeling entitled to anything and to teach them money management skills. How that translates to their reality will be evident down the road. But they understand our values of savings, living within their means and giving to others.</p>