I will say that having all three of my kids diagnosed with mental illness changed my views on life. It’s not a race, and everyone needs a break sometimes. It’s not “lazy” to give yourself the time you need, occasionally. I sometimes wonder if my oldest son’s severe illness could have been averted, or at least lessened, if he hadn’t been so driven in high school.
It’s interesting to note that my kids went to a rigorous boarding school where students were allowed to check themselves into the health center for a “break” if they were tired or needed a mental health day or partial day. The school recognized and acknowledged that need and didn’t penalize students for it. Granted, if that option was abused than steps were taken to help the student figure out a solution e.g. time and sleep management. Also, if a student took that option, they also had to forgo sports participation and had an early check-in to the dorm that night, which makes sense if one is too tired to attend classes. I just think its interesting to point out the school’s stance on the issue when parents are removed from the equation.
@tutumom2001 - Really?! I find that interesting. Generally all appointments for my kids were after school as well with one exception–removing braces. Because of the time involved (and the fact that most people want after school appointments) that one had to be done during school hours.
And these days, I make all my mother’s appointments for after 2 because that’s when I can get off work to take her.
Afternoon appointments have never been a problem for me. Of course, I live in a very populated area, maybe that makes a difference.
Yes. As a student, I frequently took mental health days in high school, especially during the last two years. Frequent meaning about one every three weeks, sometimes two if it was bad. But they were mainly due to outside issues that had prevented me from keeping up with school. My parent didn’t notice, or didn’t care. My teachers did, and eventually I got some help with it. But it was still necessary at some times. I found that just communicating with teachers is the best option. Most are pretty forgiving. That said, I don’t really take mental health days in college - maybe because I’m paying for it now. And yes, I do regret taking most days in high school, but some I don’t. I fully believe I wouldn’t have made it through my last two years without it.
No if a person’s mental health is at risk from their obligations/commitments one needs to adjust them not skip out on them.
"The problem is when there is no time to catch up. I feel, at least for my son, that he’s constantly running on a hamster wheel and eventually, he’s going to fall off. His school also has make up assignments for any missed classes including PE. He also debated for a long while about going to school today, because he said missing classes just doubles up his workload. "
If that is true then something needs to change, something needs to be given up/stopped/curtailed.
It is much easier to mentally deal with one’s obligations if they are things the person has chosen to take on (college, a job, etc.) If your job is stressing you out and affecting your health, you have the option of looking for a job that is better suited for you. If college is too much, you can downsize the course load or take a year off, or even just quit! These options of course have consequences, but the options exist.
High school (and younger) students have significantly limited options. The vast majority of students have no input on their school. They are legally barred from quitting. Comparisons to work or college are not really valid.
Absolutely. A tired, stressed student who makes it clear that he/she is feeling overwhelmed should be able to take a mental health day. All of my kids have taken a day or two…especially during junior and senior years.
Never. And DC usually tried not to miss class for any reason as it just added to the workload.
If there is a regular need for this, does it suggest a review of all commitments might be in order? This is a real life challenge, in college and beyond, and it seems like maybe as parents, we’re not being as helpful as we could be by treating the symptom and not the root cause.
The arrangement mentioned by @doschicos above seems to be getting at that in that it cut out short term “extras” on the day the break was taken and then took a deeper dive into the problem if it was chronic.
@raneck For MOST students it isn’t JUST going to school and the work associated with that causing this need for a ‘mental health’ day – I have had 4 of my 5 apply to college thus far and nobody was overwhelmed by this process. They play sports and have jobs as well. If it was too much, then something optional needs to give – and I am sure it isn’t school.
My son has never asked for a mental health day. He hates missing school for ECs or doctor appointments or physical illness…he has no interest in skipping because he hates getting behind. A few months ago I had a medical emergency while H was out of town on business, so S had to drive me to the emergency room and stay there with me until around 3:30 am on a school night. He wasn’t sick but I made him stay home to sleep and explained the situation to his teachers (ordinarily I leave all teacher communication to him but I worried they might not believe him or might not sympathize if he didn’t explain it to their satisfaction). For him, this year especially, a mental health day would likely result in more stress.
@toomanyteens For my family, 4/4 attended college, and all four needed mental health days to escape from the school. Not school work, actually being in the school itself. Few things are more depressing than being someplace you don’t want to be with no option to leave.
@raneck I guess I don’t understand this – there are many many days ‘off’ from school - like the whole summer and numerous holidays. It isn’t prison and if it is THAT depressing I guess I would have to consider where my children were going to school.
And if you have the option to send them to a private school or move just to get them into a different district, that’s great! Not every family family has those options.
Some context for my point of view: when my mother resigned herself to the fact that we wouldn’t be able to move districts before my oldest sibling started high school, she spent an entire day crying. Yes, the high school was that bad and no, we didn’t have any other options.
It’s hardly a “one size fits all” thing. People differ, schools differ. Some schools have academic environments and structures that are more rigorous than others, more competitive environments, more toxic social scenes.
Oh, don’t go there. There are too many of us who could go right along with you.
True @raneck, there is a lot of unavoidable unpleasantness with HS; classes kids are forced to take, rigid schedule, early start time (7:00 for my S), generally at least 3-4 hours of homework per day, teachers who do a poor job, teen drama, etc. It may be helpful to have the student think of school like a job, but it’s not a very good job! Sure, plenty of jobs in the “real world” can be terrible too, but HS these days is a pressure cooker.
If you or your child need a mental health day, take it. There are some people who don’t need these, but there is no shame in it if you do. The whole macho, suck it up and deal attitude some people have really doesn’t work for everyone, and can even backfire if you force a kid who is overworked to just push through.
Kids today have a lot more more work and structured time than most of us ever did. I was a competitive swimmer (worked out twice a day for a total of 4 hours every day), taking the most rigorous classes my school offered, but I did not have the schedule even an average kid has today. My homework load was way less than anything my kids had to do.
The college admission process is so competitive that people feel they have no choice but to schedule ECs, lessons, sports, art, and study every waking minute. This isn’t healthy, even if you manage to survive it without a crisis. So yeah, go ahead and take a day off if you need it.
Yes, once or twice in a school year. My kids are rarely out sick, maybe twice a year. I let them choose the day. They have been very responsible about it, and do it mostly in “emergencies”, which they determine themselves.
I also tell them it’s okay to skip a few homework assignments every now and then. Homework is such a small part of the grade. They use this pass when it’s busy work usually.
OK, I’ll jump into the fray. My older D occasionally took a day off from school. But she was also pretty diligent about deadlines and not a procrastinator. She would do something productive and school related on the day off (like finish a paper) and only do it rarely, being careful to do it when she knew she wouldn’t miss anything critical at school that day. Contrast that to my younger D. D2 has an anxiety disorder among other issues, and an ongoing problem with school refusal. She always wants to take off a mental health day and avoid dealing with challenges at school. Her therapist works with her to tackle her challenges rather than avoid them. With D#2, I don’t agree to her skipping school. We’ve told her that she can drop one or more classes and take longer to graduate if she needs that to manage her schedule. But for her skipping school is an avoidance behavior that just spirals out of control. So ironically, I agreed to “mental health days” for the kid with no diagnosed mental health issues, but do not agree to “mental health days” for the kid who does have diagnosed mental health problems.