<p>I currently have one son attending a UC school studying a pretty difficult major. S2 is a senior in high school and has not really enjoyed school for a very long time. He has applied to a few state schools, but it is very likely that he will live at home and attend community college, and then transfer to a university. I am curious as to how to make his community college experience different from high school. I know that is really his responsibility, but I want to make sure that he completes community college and does indeed transfer. Do I make him get a job? volunteer? internship? I have not required S1 to do this. S2 has considered a gap year but is afraid he would never go back to school. Any suggestions?</p>
<p>I suggest taking a year off.
If postponing something that he isn't engaged in anyway- turns him away permanently, is that really a bad thing?
Suppose he had wanted to get married- and his girl friend was going off to college, and she wanted to wait a year. If it was meant to be, would a year really matter? Wouldn't the interest still be there?</p>
<p>I think school will be the same way. Take some of the pressure off, work, volunteer, travel, take some interest driven classes and then reassess the motivation.</p>
<p>I would agree with applying to colleges, he needs to have the acceptances- but hold on to teacher recs, but he will soon be an adult & if he isn't able to pursue his ideas, with your guidance, but still his idea, not you requiring, or making him- it isn't something you can decide for someone else- but advise sure.</p>
<p>My kids had older one off to good out-of-state private U with significant merit aid while younger one ended up graduating from HS a year early & starting CC. She is now transferring as a 2nd semester sophomore as she got into the ONE and only U she applied to--the U brother attends.</p>
<p>We supported her decision to graduate early from HS & begin CC and also supported her choice to apply to transfer. We would have supported a "gap" year, but that wasn't something she requested and things have evolved better than any of us or her HS thought it would.</p>
<p>I think it best for the student to have the options discussed with the student & let him/her take responsibility for the choice(s) made. It worked for us so far.</p>
<p>We have one in uni and one in CC. The one in CC is a dual-enrollment student as a junior (HS). It's a change for her in that she's seeing students that are paying to be there and also seeing the students drop courses if they can't keep up.</p>
<p>There isn't the residence experience at CCs and many students work which means that there is no social life. She does hang out in the recreation room from time to time playing games with other students there.</p>
<p>A CC might have a hook in a particular program that he might be interested in. CCs often provide technical courses which can be put to use after two years instead of four.</p>
<p>I think that it may be useful to find out what he is interested in doing now and in the future.</p>
<p>I've asked our daughter that many times and I get the usual "I dunno." I suggested the computer forensics AA major and she seems interested in it. She has plenty of time and we're just playing it by ear.</p>
<p>It's also worthwhile having your S explore the different CCs as they are NOT all the same in what they offer. Some have dorms & more of a community feel than others. Unfortunately, the one D attended didn't have that distinction but was the best academically & close to our home with free parking, so that was attractive. It was also very nearly free. They did have quite a few interesting vocational programs & some great art teachers. Many of her instructors also teach at flagship U--the CC courses are just smaller as many of the students also transition & transfer to flagship U.</p>
<p>I have one at University and one at a CC. In our case it is the younger one at University and wavering between pre med, marine science of some sort, or grad school and becoming a professor, or research. All sciences stuff. The older one is at a Junior college.</p>
<p>He was not at all interested in college from the start. Started off at CC because he would not even apply to the 4 year state school. Was doing OK but quit after a year. Did a couple of low paying jobs that he was quite happy in, but realized he could not raise a family on. Went back after a couple of years planning on pursuing a history (which he loves) degree and teaching. Unfortunately was convinced by some teachers from his old HS that he should pursue science instead for a teaching career instead of history (more opportunities). Worked full time and did the science classes. Absolute disaster (which i knew it would be - kid never liked science). Went back to working for 8 months. Now is back in CC pursuing a technology qualification that is designed specifically by and for energy companies. Is much happier in this area and did well this semester. Looks like he will finish the AAS this time. I do not expect him to go any further with academics which I am fine with. This qualification will enable him to get a job he can live comfortably, if not luxuriously, on.</p>
<p>If we had it all to do again we would have encouraged him to look at vocational training much earlier. Looking back I don't know where our heads were. He never enjoyed school and always struggled. Perhaps it is because he is very intelligent that we pushed him towards college despite his struggling in school. Has a very high IQ (which was discovered when he was tested for LDs in high school and the psychologist said my son's IQ was way higher than hers) but just does not enjoy academics. He loves working with his hands and being busy. Even being in school right now is torture for him because he wants to be physically busy and it just drives him crazy, though he likes the classes that relate to the technology he will be working with. </p>
<p>I think there is an assumption that everyone has to have a university degree and we followed that assumption. Looking back we can see that was not the right fit for him. Sometimes I wish there were do overs in this parenting business.</p>
<p>Sounds like your S will be just fine & is now doing what HE wants and will be happy with. If we learn from our experiences (painful tho some of them are), I feel we become wiser, even if there is no "reset" button or "do over" options.</p>
<p>Older two DDs went straight to big state flagship university, one finished HS at 16 and was determined to go away to school, it was not ideal. When D3 graduated from HS at 15 she did a two year stint at CC- for her it really was 'HS with ashtrays" and she made friends to hang out with each quarter, but most of the girls she met had kids and most kids from her HS who went to CC were unmotivated. She was really just treading water.</p>
<p>We got through it by focusing on where she was headed; she wanted private and checked out several and picked her favourite that first fall at CC. She & I worked with their transfer dept to make sure every unit transferred and checked a box to complete a breadth requirement. This helped her stay motivated when those around her were not. She also found some teachers she liked and took more classes with them, took some art classes for fun, anything to keep her interested. </p>
<p>We spent a lot of time together, not like with her sisters at sporting events, but just hanging together. We really missed her when she left!!</p>
<p>When she got to her private uni with merit money she was thrilled. She made new friends and is having a great time away. For her it was the focus on where she was going and the need to earn the scholar $ that helped her stay focused and motivated.</p>
<p>Yea, it was tough for my D to find peers to "hang out" with at CC. When her friends were seniors in HS, she'd go & visit them at least once/week, usually on Fridays. She would also socialize with them on weekends. She tried but did not make many friends in CC (very much a commuter place). She also took some art classes & tended to get to know the folks in those classes more. She is thrilled to be able to attend the private U as a transfer--it is the ONLY U she applied to transfer to & has several of her best friends attending it as well. D & I have also spent a considerable amount of time together & expect we will miss one another as she leaves this January.</p>
<p>Yes, we do. Can I just cut and paste from swimcatsmom's post? Very similar in places, but then very different in others. Younger son is at university, doing very well, declared a major, has a girlfriend, enjoying Boston, etc. Older son reluctantly moved with us from NJ to NC and is attending community college. He is doing well so far and the ultimate medium term goal - like the OP I believe - is to transfer to a university (and get him out of the house!). Meanwhile we are content to let him progress slowly and don't want to overload him with volunteer work, job etc as long as there is progress being made, and there is. Social life has been a challenge when his friends from college live on the other side of town. I have addressed this problem by buying my son a GPS for Christmas.</p>
<p>Like HImom, my DD only applied to one place, made it so easy after the big intense process of older sibs (including one who got into Himom's school ;) )</p>
<p>My DD also stayed in touch with her HS & jr high friends (three different schools!!) who were still in HS. I was thankful her BF was one of the kids in HS not the guys at CC wo were hitting on her, she did not need a 22 year old BF :eek:</p>
<p>I think the viability of this is very personality driven, my middle DD requires lots of interaction, she is the kid who buys into all the school spirit stuff and enjoys it, she would have gone crazy killing time at CC.</p>
<p>D3 is private, introspective, paints, writes, enjoys adults & adult conversation, and is comfortable being by herself. D2 needs a constant stream of friends and activities. That would have been the difference, D2 would not have found enjoyment in those quieter years.</p>
<p>One of the things that has helped D stay focused with the vision of joining her friends as soon as possible rather than continuing to languish at CC where she really didin't feel she had much in common with her classmates. Folks consistently think she's a HS student because she really looks young & there are some HS students who are dually enrolled. She's the 1st student from her CC accepted into her U as a transfer that anyone can remember, so blazing new trails. Her starting at CC was not part of a deliberate master plan but the best option of the ones facing her after she completed junior year of HS. Sometimes we just have to examine the optoins the best we can & encourage our kids to make the choices that work best for them.</p>
<p>Given everything, I can't think how we could really have worked things out much better under the circumstances. D is OK with the path she has chosen and agrees it is better than any other options.</p>
<p>Thanks for all of your input. I know our situation is not unique, but it is not really discussed that often on this forum. </p>
<p>At times, I am not sure S2 is ready to go away to school (if that becomes an option), but I don't want him to have a CC experience that is like "HS with ashtrays" as Somemom put it. He does have a choice of 2 different CC's to attend if that's what he ends up with, and both CC's have great transfer programs into the UC system if I can just keep him focused on that goal.</p>
<p>This is a much different experience than with S1....a totally different kind of stress.</p>
<p>The boon in CC for my D was that she had MUCH more control over her schedule & was able to start her classes later in the day (she always hated early morning classes). She was also able to have NO classes on Fridays, which was good for her too.</p>
<p>Honestly, she & we didn't feel she was ready to leave the state after her junior year of HS, so CC was a good option for her and a lot more nurturing that the large, impersonal flagship U would have been (she had missed the app deadline for flagship U because hadn't planned to leave HS after junior year).</p>
<p>I'd suggest you just keep an open mind and allow your S to make his own choices with your support so HE owns the choice rather than you & your spouse. This was very helpful to us when D had to take a non-traditional path. Her path was especially unusual as I believe she is the only kid from her HS that travelled it. It is nice to see how well things can unfold when we believe in our kids and let them take over the "driver's seat."</p>
<p>Good luck thru this challenging time.</p>
<p>The jury is out...S1 Dean's List student on full-ride at State U. will graduate in May (and have a job, yah!), S2 never really liked sch., made it through with average (B/C) grades, applied to two state u's and got in. We told him CC was fine with us if he wanted to choose a vocational path (which had always seemed his strong suit to us) or he could test the college waters. </p>
<p>He decided to give the state u. a try. Good part-loves the sch, lots of friends, loves the football games, etc. Bad part-enjoyed social life and sleeping in too much, lack of self-discipline (which we had feared) failed some classes, now on academic prob. for Spring. </p>
<p>He is going back to college this week and vows to change his ways. If he doesn't do well, he will be suspended, come home and go to Comm. College.</p>