I think it’s also ok to ask guests with special dietary needs for suggestions of what type of foods work for them so you don’t feel too stumped.
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We always ask guests if there are any foods they don’t eat (this covers allergies and dislikes). Spouse and I kind of like the challenge of making food that makes our guests happy. I have seen people feel unwelcome (legitimately) at other people’s houses due to unaccommodated food restrictions. It’s not hard for us to accommodate, so we always do so.
For more intimate events, we mostly just make stuff that the most restricted guest can eat. We have a wide recipe repertoire so it’s not difficult to do this. I am lucky that I have a good memory for what our friends do/don’t eat and I don’t even have to ask anymore for most of them. It makes us feel good to make them food that they like.
If it’s a big party, we have a spread that can accommodate pretty much anyone, and try to keep most stuff vegetarian as a default.
I’ve only found it hard or frustrating to accommodate people with orthorexia. No matter what I make, the person struggles to enjoy it. This is not because of me, but because of their fraught relationship with food. I just try my best and don’t take it personally. Navigating food is more painful for that person than it is for me.
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This has been an interesting thread to read. I was vegetarian for 35 years and raised my kids that way. I did, however, encourage them to try anything they were served. I learned in the 70’s to notify my host about my preferred diet and nearly every time took a substantial side dish. I will eat the occasional meat now even though i don’t care for most of it. I am intolerant to chicken and whole eggs. Yes, I can suck it up and eat it if I am willing to be ill the next two days. I feel that it is my responsibility to make sure I have food to eat so I do speak up and I do bring dishes. I cannot understand why this is such a big deal anymore. Keep a few Gluten free and Vegan frozen entrees in the freezer and you are always prepared. Vegetarians happily eat Vegan. The main issue I have always found is everyone wants to try the vegan/vegetarian dishes if they are served to the entire group. Once we had 22 for a holiday Party and unbeknownst to me two vegetarians showed up (their mother invited them and did not tell me). I had frozen veggie pasta in individual servings frozen. Microwaved and all were happy. I know that it is easier for those of us that have developed skills in meat/gluten free cooking. I want to be a gracious host and I want to be a gracious guest.
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My adult children who are vegetarian are so good at navigating this gracefully – either bringing something or even eating before going somewhere so they can nibble at whatever is meat free and enjoy the company. (They were a bit stunned when midwest grandmother proudly served them vegetable soup – beef vegetable soup!) My sister-in-law, on the other hand, who is a very picky eater, but with no overall theme to what she chooses to eat or not, is a total pain to have over! You never know when she will say “There’s nothing I can eat here”.
My kids both dated women for awhile (out of the picture now) who had vegetarian or paleo diets and I did ask what they needed before visiting. Tried to be a good host. I have a friend who has recently become gluten free and since I know that now , I would make something gluten free when I have her over.
But, I don’t plan to keep vegetarian, vegan, or gluten free food routinely in our freezer or pantry in case someone comes by unexpectedly with those dietary needs. We are in an area that can get storms and I don’t want things in my freezer that we don 't plan to eat ourselves. The freezer can get full enough as it is. It is nothing personal.
Son’s wife has no dietary restrictions or allergies so we don’t need to adapt our menus when she is here. And we do all like vegetarian food as well as meat, fish, eggs, etc. so visits are not hard in terms of food. So, I do feel lucky. My sister doesn’t eat fish though(although she will eat shrimp or crabcakes) and younger son hates meatloaf and is not fond of ham, so we work around that when he is visiting.
Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving!
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I have an aunt who has been a major pain about food ever since I was a child! The lack of “theme” definitely makes it harder to manage.
I remember that when I was about 10 years old (my aunt would have been about 25 at that time), she went through a phase where she used to hold a crystal pendant on a chain over her food before she would eat it. If the pendant spun in one direction, it was okay to eat. If the pendant spun in the other direction, no… she had to find something else to eat… 
Nowadays she’s not QUITE so unpredictable, but still, when we go out to eat the rest of the family is rather embarrassed by her long list of questions to the waitstaff, “was the chicken grass-fed? was it raised locally? was canola oil used in the recipe?” etc etc …
Unless nearly every dish you eat has meat, dairy or gluten in it, chances are you have stuff in your house that could suit someone with special needs. Fruit for a fruit salad, any veggies, a green salad with some fruit garnish, quinoa bowls with roasted vegetables. A fruit crisp with oatmeal topping. Think pure, whole food. Riced cauliflower instead of rice.
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We usually have plenty of fruit, vegetables in the house, salad stuff . I was thinking more of the idea of keeping things in the freezer that are vegan , for instance, in case somebody stops by, which I don’t plan to start doing.
I saw a joke somewhere as reply to that question about grass fed chickens. Chickens are not ruminants and typically don’t feed on grass.
Uh. We all struggle. As a teenage vegetarian, I was told by my dad that I would not be allowed to be a vegetarian in Europe while hosted in people’s homes, rather eat what was served. So I choked down the bacon and have not been a strict vegetarian since, though still lean in that direction. I learned while cooking for crowds in the 1970s to always have a vegetarian option. But it has become infinitely more difficult in recent years.
I always remember my very rural aunt expressing shock that I married a strict vegetarian. She said she figured he could pick the hamburger bits out of the casserole we were eating that evening. Fortunately he wasn’t present and I didn’t have to correct that impression.
To those who wonder, cornstarch is a fine thickener in place of flour for the most part.
A single can of vegan refried beans with rice and salsa is enough to make a vegan entree. Better if you have tortillas.
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My son had a girlfriend who was vegetarian/pescatarian. She would eat fish once in a while, could not handle poultry, beef, or pork. It was easy enough to sub vegetable broth in recipes instead of beef or chicken stock, I kept some salmon steaks in the freezer for holidays, etc…
I have always used cornstarch as gravy thickener (mixed into a paste with water), since that is what my mother used. I mentioned to son and DIL (who is GF), since son was pondering whether to have two gravies at their friendsgiving. But it turns out one of their guests has corn allergies.
You just never know these days what people have going on with their diets. It gets interesting .
As a vegan, I also don’t expect anyone to store vegan meals in their freezer. I will say again, if there was a green salad, just lettuce and veggies, then that works for almost every dietary allergy or restriction. I would be fine having a big salad. Dressing on the side in case there is an ingredient that is a problem for anyone—no one actually needs dressing if it doesn’t work. I would think that’s the easiest solution if a host is unsure of restrictions.
My goal in any hosted dinner is for (a) the host not to go out of their way for me, and (b) for my diet not to create any issue. I am happiest when it is just not noticed or discussed at all. When that happens , to me it’s just a distraction from the work that was done by the host to get everyone together.
I am appalled that people would actually say “there’s nothing here for me to eat” even if that’s true because of serious allergies. I would just find a way to keep the host from noticing… don’t want anyone to feel badly.
Though I have had a relative tell me a Thanksgiving dish was vegan, only to find out it was made with chicken stock. That’s not cool either.
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I have a good friend who always ask me what I want to eat when I visit. I don’t have any allergies, but I’ll tell him not to serve salmon or duck. I won’t necessary say anything to a host whom I don’t know too well.
When I have people over (not too often nowadays) I would ask them what they won’t eat. Yes, it would share the menue ahead of time.
If my guests have a lot of restrictions then I would suggest we go out to eat or if they could bring something they like. I don’t do vegetarian or vegan main course.
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Yes to dressing on the side! Almost everyone has salt, pepper, vinegar, and olive oil in their kitchens… easy to whip up a vegan-friendly dressing in a pinch. 
I’d go out of my way to accommodate food allergies and intolerance. A example…
One of husband’s bosses who couldn’t handle diary came over and warned us in advance so I made sure to buy a diary free pie for dessert and used no butter or milk in mashed potatoes.
That said, I wouldn’t go out on a limb to change the entire menu to accommodate food preferences. I’ve had some kids’ vegan
friends over demanding that no animal products would be on the table… sorry pals, tonight, we eat salmon. There’s roasted asparagus and green salad and fruit…
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I’m probably the reverse of many of y’all. After our family being 95% vegetarian for years we now have two carnivores in the mix, one of whom doesn’t like vegetables and pretty much only eats meat and bread and a little bit of fruit. Big change from how we usually eat.
I just try to have a variety of foods. Burger bars work well or taco/burrito bars. My husband is dairy free so we don’t do milk or cheese in foods (cheese is served as a condiment). One of us is vegan, too.
A niece is gluten intolerant. I don’t think she is celiac, but pretty severely affected by gluten. I took a vegan veggie risotto to Thanksgiving last year which worked out well.
I always have something on hand for most people, but having meat in the house is a new one for me. I’ve got a couple of frozen items now, though, some chicken empanadas and burgers.
I like vegetarian food but would probably not want to prepare anything/plan an entree around that for a group if I was told someone coming was a vegetarian . The post by @momo2x2018 was helpful about that. She planned and put lots of effort into a meal for a vegetarian(thinking what was made was ok), only to find out the person was also dairy and gluten free, and therefore did not eat the prepared food.
I like to make the Silver Palate egglant parmesan recipe and would have considered making that if a vegetarian was in the mix, but it also has ricotta, egg, etc. in it so would probably not work for many vegetarians. I view it as vegetarian dish probably because the main ingredient is a vegetable but it certainly does have plenty of other ingredients in it. Thanks for the cautionary tale! It can get complicated.
It’s the vegans who don’t eat any animal products like cheese and eggs. The vegetarians we know eat these things. Just nothing that involves killing an animal to make it into food.
I can make a vegetarian dinner. And even make it gluten free. I would be challenged making a vegan main dish…although we do have some delicious side dishes that are vegan friendly.
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Eggplant parmesan sounds delicious to me!!! 
I do find that eggplant is a food that many picky eaters don’t like, so I can imagine it turning into one of those stories “I worked so hard to accommodate the vegetarian friend, but then they didn’t eat what I cooked…” If I were the host in that case, I’d ask directly if they’d eat eggplant parmesan, both because of the dairy and eggs, and because of the picky eater factor.
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