Do you think this would be a good potential essay?

College Essays
1

<p>I'm currently a junior in HS. One of the essay topics on the Common App will likely be "talk about a significant time in your life" or something.</p>

<p>Now I was thinking that I could write about my experience as a volunteer at a hospital. I already wrote an essay about my experiences for my APLAC class (the assignment was similar to the question I mentioned above, like it was part of my autobiography) and my teacher told me it was a very interesting topic.</p>

<p>So without going into detail about the contents of my essay, basically I just described how my experiences there (and I mentioned specific examples, some unforgettable and more I can add) completely affirmed my interests in the medical field.</p>

<p>Now I wrote this essay near the end of my volunteering there. I was injured in my gym class and due to an extended absence, the hospital had to replace my position as a volunteer. I eventually had to have surgery a month ago since my knee problems were really bad. (This would all be added to my college essay.) At first I was OK with it because everyone needs a break. But now I realize how much I miss it and have been fighting extremely hard to get back into hospital volunteering (now there is tons more interest in the program and I have little chances of returning). I search endlessly for job opportunities and even other hospital volunteer programs.</p>

<p>Basically this would all add up to say that my devotion to health, medicine, and helping others is undying. Which is why I'd be great for the [fill in a school's name] nursing program.</p>

<p>What do you think?</p>

2

<p>its a good idea, shows that u have a passion to health/medicine.
however also talk about your personality or how you have changed as a person</p>

3

<p>Thank you. Any other opinions?</p>

4

<p>This is fickle–it needs to be presented extremely delicately in order to not be seen as a sob story.</p>

<p>Be careful in how you write this.</p>

5

<p>Can you elaborate? I don’t know what you mean. My purpose is definitely NOT to draw sympathy…</p>

6

<p>This needs to be portrayed in such a way so that the reader knows, for sure, that you are proud of having discovered–through hardship, ie your injury–that your passion for medicine is both legitimate and sincere.</p>

<p>However, if presented incorrectly, it can seem LIKE a sob story designed to generate sympathy.</p>

7

<p>personally, i think any essay that emphasizes an interest in medicine is a little cliche. However, if done correctly, it can still be effective. Right now i’m just finding it hard to picture a high school student desperately wanting a volunteer position at a hospital. It seems like a mundane topic compared to the thousands of other extracurricular activities other students will be writing about. Don’t think you’ll be the only student writing about volunteering, i can almost bet 5,000 other students will too.</p>