@roethlisburger Yale Basketball player (pending), UVA fraternity (Rolling Stone), Duke Lacrosse and there are many more: look at prep school’s–there are 4 recent cases at Exeter and St Pauls and in each one the male was found not guilty of rape and/or assault. In all cases the girls claimed rape after being spurned by the boy or embarrassed and then retaliating. In two of the cases the males were found guilty of something else-use of email to meet up etc.
@OHMomof2 , my experieince is totally different within my group of friends. I do not know anyone who has been raped. Or maybe they keep quiet about it. Most of my friends now have kids in college and the topic has come up in conversations. It’s worrying for our sons and our daughters especially. I am wondering why the number in your group is so high. Were there any convictions out of their cases? Were they raped while in college? I am curious.
I think some excellent points have been made, and it’s super important for all parents to make their kids aware of their personal safety and consent, before they go to college. My daughter is, IMO, careless about her personal safety on campus, and it freaks me out when she tells me she walks back to her dorm alone at 3 in the morning. But I do have to remind myself that most rapes on campus are not by a stranger lurking in a dark corner.
My D’s experiences (yes, plural) as an undergrad were with guys she knew who didn’t want to take no for an answer, and felt entitled because she had gone out with them. Not saying that caution around strangers isn’t needed as well, but she found the risk was with men she knew and thought were trustworthy. They were not. She also found that the guys who were buddies with the res life staff skated when women complained about them.
Add me to the list of folks knowing at least several people who have been victims of sexual assault/rape. And these are just those strong enough to talk about it.
I was going to say exactly what @petramc said. It may be that my friends discuss it with me because I have had that experience myself.
But to answer your question, for most of us it was both in college and not, but that age. I was 17, friends’ rapes seem to start around early teens and go into their early 20’s. I don’t think any of them pursued it legally nevermind getting a conviction - I didn’t even report mine, I was abroad in Italy at a hotel (that took my passport so I couldn’t leave). I left that city the next day, definitely no time to pursue anything legal.
According to the National Crime Victimization Survey, 6.1 per 1000 18-24 year old student women will be the victim of a rape, attempted rape, sexual assault, or threatened with the above. Assuming the probability is independent each year and constant during college and someone takes 5 years to graduate, that works out to a 3% probability of a completed or attempted rape, sexual assault, or threat of the above during undergrad. https://www.bjs.gov/content/pub/pdf/rsavcaf9513.pdf
At Exeter, we often have discussions that are facilitated by the faculty about the current situation and the school’s response to the sexual assault accusations. Based on these, and also on impromptu discussions, we as a school have pretty much came to the consensus that our case of sexual misconduct was an isolated incident and not a good example of the school. The offending student was expelled, the victim was given appropriate therapy and emotional care, and the whole thing has pretty much gone by. We haven’t had a case of sexual misconduct in the past four years with twelve-hundred students, so I’d say we’re going strong.
Some schools go out of their way not to report attacks. One department chair said he didn’t want to scare women.
Think about campuses. There are dark buildings on a grassy area with shrubs and trees, areas that are poorly lit, paths that go down hills and on to covered walkways.
Campuses are beautiful. One night I paid attention to my route and decided that campuses could be good places for sexual assault.
In stead of taking short cuts, walk in lighted areas with foot traffic. Walk quick!y and monitor the environment. Walk with someone else. Don’t get trapped in parking garages. Learn how to protect yourself. Remember that attacks occur in dorms and rest rooms.
I may kind of get what the OP was getting at. In general, are there a lot of jumping-out-of-an-alley as you walk home at 2 am assaults? Not really. What does happen, frequently, is people who don’t stop when you tell them to, especially if you’ve been drinking. That’s the kind of thing that is less likely to be reported but still likely to be talked about among friends.
I found it interesting that a few schools had a disproportional percentage of assaults. I wonder if these schools are simply doing a better job of encouraging their students to come forward and report the incidents?
Disrespectful of women =/= rapist, but there is a very large population of men in college who are not respectful of women, especially men in social fraternities (in my experience at least). 2 of my best female friends were raped in college. 1 in her dorm room, and the other at a party. And that’s not counting unwanted advances, groping, etc. If I were a girl in college I’d probably have pepper spray on my key chain.
The bottom line is, you have to have means of precaution and self-protections. The rapists will do what they want to do, and you can’t undo it. It’s individual’s jobs to minimize one’s exposure to risks.
Don’t drink anything that ANYONE gives you in a party.
Well, that assumes they have traditional “dates” at all. Fairly uncommon for today’s undergrads. They go to free stuff in campus together, study together, at most go for an ice cream cone. My D would think it was weird to have a guy pay for her. But she still was assaulted. It may make you feel better to give that advice, but it isn’t very useful. These guys weren’t feeling entitled after buying her steak dinners. They were just feeling entitled, period.
There was a CDC study that counted as sexual violence victims/survivors anyone who agreed to have sex after being asked repeatedly or their partner showed he or she was unhappy. Some of the studies are clearly ideological driven to inflate the number of sexual assault victims to be as large as possible.
I have a sister, and I am both baffled and unpleasantly surprised by the guys who took my sister out for dates and think they RIGHTFULLY deserved following things :Massage, cuddling(ughhhh), kiss, coitus etc etc. I cannot understand the people who expect other women to be sexually open to them in FIRST DATE.
I seriously question how their parents raised those boys. I am happy that my sister has not had any assaults so far, and hope it stays that way.